Moms of boys - please help! (Updated post #144)

[CrankyDad]

This will be blunt. But after two kids I can tell you this

Gender means #$&&&$@ over being healthy.. pray for a healthy child. Boy or girl won’t matter.

Jeez you want a girl and she is a Tom boy?. You going to not love her? Come on OP. For real?.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

This will be blunt. But after two kids I can tell you this

Gender means #$&&&$@ over being healthy.. pray for a healthy child. Boy or girl won’t matter.

Jeez you want a girl and she is a Tom boy?. You going to not love her? Come on OP. For real?.

Go easy. A mother having her first baby is looking for support from other moms who've had similar feelings when they were pregnant, and if you can't tell from the stories, a lot of women can relate. Trying to shame her for those feelings really isn't helpful.

 

[cruiser21]

This will be blunt. But after two kids I can tell you this

Gender means #$&&&$@ over being healthy.. pray for a healthy child. Boy or girl won’t matter.

Jeez you want a girl and she is a Tom boy?. You going to not love her? Come on OP. For real?.

It took me 7 years to get pregnant with my first. I ended up getting pregnant again right after the first. All I wanted was healthy babies. I got two perfectly healthy boys. Not once did I care about the gender.

Go easy. A mother having her first baby is looking for support from other moms who've had similar feelings when they were pregnant, and if you can't tell from the stories, a lot of women can relate. Trying to shame her for those feelings really isn't helpful.

I'm sorry, but if your going to be disappointed in the sex of your child don't have kids. I've never met anybody that didn't wish for anything, but a healthy child. Sorry can't relate at all.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

It took me 7 years to get pregnant with my first. I ended up getting pregnant again right after the first. All I wanted was healthy babies. I got two perfectly healthy boys. Not once did I care about the gender.

I'm sorry, but if your going to be disappointed in the sex of your child don't have kids. I've never met anybody that didn't wish for anything, but a healthy child. Sorry can't relate at all.

Yours is not the only experience - or opinion.

 

[jevs]

It took me 7 years to get pregnant with my first. I ended up getting pregnant again right after the first. All I wanted was healthy babies. I got two perfectly healthy boys. Not once did I care about the gender.

I'm sorry, but if your going to be disappointed in the sex of your child don't have kids. I've never met anybody that didn't wish for anything, but a healthy child. Sorry can't relate at all.

My kids are all IVF. I lost two in between my firstborn and twins. Even though I couldn’t have cared less if I gave birth to a giraffe I can still understand gender disappointment.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

My kids are all IVF. I lost two in between my firstborn and twins. Even though I couldn’t have cared less if I gave birth to a giraffe I can still understand gender disappointment.

Yes. And from most, if not all of the stories, it was an *initial* disappointment of an *idea*: a hope, a dream, a thought. I don't recall seeing anyone in this thread say that they continued to be disappointed for very long after the baby was born.

 

[NJlauren]

Congratulations! And as for the joys of boys, well, I have loved raising my kid up to 21 and in college! I think that boys and their moms have a very special bond, just like girls and their dads do. My son and I are very close, not "momma's boy" close lol, but we spend as much together time doing our common interest things, as he does with his dad. The one thing that does sort of tug at my heart is knowing that when he gets married, I won't get to do all the bride related stuff, like a mom with a daughter, but I've told him that I will be the very best mother inlaw on earth, so maybe his future bride will allow me to go when she tries on wedding dresses if I promise to sit quietly and only say how gorgeous she looks in everything she tries on

Just wanted to say I took my mil with me to shop for dresses. I went 4 times she only came once but my mom only come once too. But I knew it would make her happy and feel included. I hope you get the same experience!

And when I ended up picking out my dress I was with my aunt my dads sister....

 

[bdcp]

We have two boys, both grown now (31 and 33). With the first, we wanted a boy, but we really wanted a healthy baby. He's healthy but has a moderate hearing loss which fortunately hasn't impacted him very much-he's the brainiac (math whiz and now an enginer), like my dad (PhD chemist). I didn't know for sure until he was born that he was a boy, but I just felt almost my entire pregnancy that he was a boy. With our second, I was actually fine with having a boy and just knew I would, which was confirmed at 24 weeks via ultrasound. We decided two kids were enough, but looking back, I wish we'd had one more even though it probably would have been another boy. Once you have two of one sex, the odds are actually higher the third will be the same. It's not always entirely random-genetic and environmental influences also determine gender. We're very close with our boys and even though the youngest is married, he still asks us for advice on certain things. I love my boys, but the relationship is different with girls. I do have to say, my boys were very, very easy to raise and never gave us any problems beyond normal day to day stuff-chores, arguing with each other.

Advice- don't ever tell your boys that you wanted girls instead. That's not fair to them.

ETA- for every mom of girls you're envious of, there are plenty who are envious of you having a healthy baby of either gender.

 

[NCDisneyMom]

I can relate to what you are saying. When I got pregnant with my first, I just "knew" it would be a girl. I was quite shocked when I was told he was a boy. I won't lie and say I didn't feel an initial amount of disappointment. It didn't last long, especially when we had a small health scare (which turned out to be fine, thank goodness!). But I do understand what you are feeling.

That baby boy is now 17, and while I also understand that you are concerned that he will have a better relationship with his Dad, that is not always the case. Let me preface this that I am only talking about OUR family situation. I am NOT implying that this happens in any other family. But here, in THIS house, my son does not get along with his Dad too much. I think Dad had some expectations about sports, etc, that he just hasn't met. He is into computers, and gaming, which Dad just doesn't get. They get along ok, and Dad is certainly not a bad person, but they don't "hang out". If my son needs something, wants to go somewhere, etc., he comes to me. He also talks to me about things that I know he won't talk to his Dad about.

So keep your head up. Even if you weren't expecting a boy, I promise that they truly are a blessing, and there's nothing like my 6'2" son coming up and enveloping me in a big hug.

 

[soccerdad72]

As most folks have said - this isn't that unusual of a feeling to have and yes, it will pass.

My wife really wanted a girl and when we found out our second child was going to be a second boy, she openly admitted that she was a little bummed out. Needless to say, the feeling passed quickly - once you're holding your new baby, all of this will be a distant memory.

 

[cinnaminny]

I think your feelings are perfectly normal. Don't forget you have a lot of hormones on top of everything else rushing around magnifying everything.

My first two boys, I honestly had no expectations of gender. They were 13 months apart and looked like twins after a year because the second was so big. I was divorced and then remarried when they were in early elementary school. I never thought I would have another baby But then I got pregnant. I thought it would be easier on my boys if I had a girl so i wished for a girl. Sadly I lost that one in my mid trimester. After that loss, I didn’t care what I had next...just healthy and then I had my last boy. He was so precious to me. I was a stay at home mom with this one and he was a total mamas boy.

 

[Minnesota!]

Mom of 2 boys here. I never really envisioned what gender my child was going to be, no visions each way of “doing girl things” or “doing boy things”, so I did not experience your feelings.

However, I knew going into becoming pregnant that I wanted my kids to all be the same gender (for the easy factor of it – reusing clothes, toys, etc.. yes, I was hoping to be a little lazier), so I think if my second had been a girl, I might have experienced some of your feelings of disappointment and nervousness.

I will say, having boys is AWESOME. They love their momma like nothing else…especially my youngest. Given the choice of going to play baseball with dad or hanging with me at home to read or fold laundry or whatever…he is by my side.

Yes, they are loud, dirty, can be destructive since they are so clumsy, and they stink to high heaven sometimes…there is nothing like that bond with mother and son. When they handed me my first when I was in the hospital, I just looked at him, right in the eyes, and said “there you are!!”. I just FELT that this was what I was supposed to be – his mom. I felt, at that moment, that I had all the answers.

It is a very loud, dusty, at times frustrating road when you walk down it with boys…but I am very, very grateful I was entrusted to their care.

Your feelings are valid, but I would be willing to bet that you will bond with him quickly and then you will feel like the way it is is the way it was always meant to be..

Also, I have discovered a love/passion for things that I surely would not have had I had a stereotypical girl – hot rods, baseball, football, monster trucks, wrasslin’, etc. They opened my eyes to things I never thought I could find any enjoyment in. Now I am that female screaming at the TV right along with the males.

 

[cruiser21]

Yours is not the only experience - or opinion.

Really did I say it was. I'm not sure your point. Pretty much every post on this board is an opinion. I gave mine.... never said anybody had to agree with it.

 

[Marchand63]

3 boys, we are very very close. They are close to DF in ways but close to me, very much so.

Now all my boys have had daughters!! It is great I get the best of girls and when the drama starts - home they go

There is no guarantee who will be the closer parent each child is such a blessing & an individual.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Really did I say it was. I'm not sure your point. Pretty much every post on this board is an opinion. I gave mine.... never said anybody had to agree with it.

You're the only one who said something this obnoxious:

I'm sorry, but if your going to be disappointed in the sex of your child don't have kids. I've never met anybody that didn't wish for anything, but a healthy child. Sorry can't relate at all.

Keep in mind there is a real person (OP) behind the keyboard who asked for HELP.

 

[22Tink]

First, congratulations on your pregnancy!

We have 3 girls and 1 boy. I love all of my children but my relationship with my son is so special, even more so now that he's grown. It's hard to describe and I don't know if it's a 'mother/son' thing but it's definitely different than my relationship with my girls.

OP, your feelings are certainly valid, it's hard when you imagine one thing but life gives you something different. I was apprehensive having a boy after 2 girls but he's amazing and we did just fine. Once you lay your eyes on that gorgeous boy it won't matter. You have so many wonderful times ahead of you!

 

[mjkacmom]

It took me 7 years to get pregnant with my first. I ended up getting pregnant again right after the first. All I wanted was healthy babies. I got two perfectly healthy boys. Not once did I care about the gender.

I'm sorry, but if your going to be disappointed in the sex of your child don't have kids. I've never met anybody that didn't wish for anything, but a healthy child. Sorry can't relate at all.

I think the majority of parents have a preference, in addition to wanting a healthy child. I know plenty of women with three or four of the same sex, who admit to have wanted a different gender. That doesn’t mean they live with disappointment, let’s face it, once that baby is born you wouldn’t want any other.

 

[jenm2878]

It took us two years to have my first, so we honestly just wanted a healthy baby. We got a beautiful baby boy. With my second and knowingly last child, I wanted a girl just so we could have one of each. I'm an older mom so I found out at 11 weeks that I was having another little boy. I was disappointed, and it took a bit of time to get over. Once he was born and I met him, all I could think was "of course it's you." Both of my boys are sweet, loving, sensitive kids. They are a wonderful mix of wild bruisers and gentle sweethearts, and both of them love fiercely. I firmly believe that people get the kids they need, and I think once you meet your son all your worries (about gender at least) will disappear.

 

[Wendy31]

This will be blunt. But after two kids I can tell you this

Gender means #$&&&$@ over being healthy.. pray for a healthy child. Boy or girl won’t matter.

Jeez you want a girl and she is a Tom boy?. You going to not love her? Come on OP. For real?.

I'm sorry, but if your going to be disappointed in the sex of your child don't have kids. I've never met anybody that didn't wish for anything, but a healthy child. Sorry can't relate at all.

Bless your hearts. Of course we all pray for a healthy baby & realize that's the most important thing.

It's sometimes easy to forget that there is a real person with real feelings on the other side of the keyboard, isn't it? And we sometimes say things online that we would never say in real life, face-to-face, with someone else.

I'm sure you didn't mean to come across as unkind and as judgmental as these comments make you out to be.

 

[Minnesota!]

This will be blunt. But after two kids I can tell you this

Gender means #$&&&$@ over being healthy.. pray for a healthy child. Boy or girl won’t matter.

Jeez you want a girl and she is a Tom boy?. You going to not love her? Come on OP. For real?.

It took me 7 years to get pregnant with my first. I ended up getting pregnant again right after the first. All I wanted was healthy babies. I got two perfectly healthy boys. Not once did I care about the gender.

I'm sorry, but if your going to be disappointed in the sex of your child don't have kids. I've never met anybody that didn't wish for anything, but a healthy child. Sorry can't relate at all.

Wow.