Men: Help me understand how to better communicate with DH

[NCRedding]

So, after being out of town Friday through today, I have a box from the mail on my desk at home. After getting DH's attention (because he often tells me he thinks I am talking with the cat instead of him), the conversation goes something like this:

Me: (I notice the address is the office): So, did this box come to the house or the office?

DH: It was between the storm door and the front door (We have this setup at the office and the house).

Me: Was it at the office or the house?

DH: It came by mail.

Me: Did.it.come.to.the.house???

DH: What address is on it?

Guys, what did I do wrong? I asked simple straightforward questions with no extra details. Why could he not answer my question? I even asked him why he couldn't answer my question, but he just looked at me as though I had confused him.

The only reason I care is I want to thank our mailman for bringing it to the house since it was addressed to the office. Now, however, I am really confused with why I can't get an answer to what I think is a fairly straightforward question?

 

[diputs]

If you know the address on the package says the office, why are you asking him the question?

I am guessing that there are other things going on in the relationship and the conversation has nothing to do with the package.

FYI, I am a guy that does not understand these sort of quizes.

 

[Cinerbelle]

I'm sorry, I don't understand either. If the address is the office...

ETA: Sorry, you were asking "men" and I butted in.

 

[NCRedding]

I wanted to know whether the very nice mailman had delivered it to our house, so I could thank him in the morning at our office, or in the alternative, whether to thank my husband for bringing the package home.

I fail to see why my motivation for the question affects whether or not I get an answer. What am I missing here?

 

[Jestocost]

I fail to see why my motivation for the question affects whether or not I get an answer. What am I missing here?

Sometimes questions aren't asked to get an answer; they are asked to make a point. I have no way of telling if that's an issue here, but if you really want to understand how to communicate with DH you might want to try to appreciate the difference.

 

[Cinerbelle]

I wanted to know whether the very nice mailman had delivered it to our house, so I could thank him in the morning at our office, or in the alternative, whether to thank my husband for bringing the package home.

I fail to see why my motivation for the question affects whether or not I get an answer. What am I missing here?

Maybe I am missing something... if the address on the package is the office my mailman wouldn't bring it to the house.

 

[NCRedding]

Sometimes questions aren't asked to get an answer; they are asked to make a point. I have no way of telling if that's an issue here, but if you really want to understand how to communicate with DH you might want to try to appreciate the difference.

I'm serious here. I am not trying to lambast or put down men or my husband. I am sincerely curious as to why I didn't get an answer. What point would I have been trying to make by asking this particular question?

 

[diputs]

I think there might be some confusion.

Is the office address and the house address the same? Or is it the same mailman?

I would guess that most people have different mailmen for their offices and their homes.

 

[NCRedding]

Maybe I am missing something... if the address on the package is the office my mailman wouldn't bring it to the house.

The same mailman for the house and the office. We at the office have a friendly relationship with Will the mailman--he brought us bread last week. We talk about our reunions, our family, the fact that he just graduated from college. I just wanted to know if he had delivered the package to the house.

 

[Northstar]

I'm serious here. I am not trying to lambast or put down men or my husband. I am sincerely curious as to why I didn't get an answer. What point would I have been trying to make by asking this particular question?

Well, if you and your DH were me and my DH, you would have been trying in some way to suggest that the package should have stayed in the office, where it was obviously delivered because the address said "office." and DH messed up by bringing it to the house.

My DH always thinks I'm out to get him when I ask a question that doesn't make sense to him. I have to backtrack and explain my actual thought process.

 

[diputs]

. After getting DH's attention (because he often tells me he thinks I am talking with the cat instead of him), the conversation goes something like this:

I think the above is what some people are grasping onto.

 

[crispychicky]

OK, I'm not a guy, but if you asked me that same question, my first thoughts would be....why doesn't she just look at the label herself? Why is she bothering me with this? Without knowing WHY you asked the question, it feels like a powerplay, wasting my time with something you can figure out yourself.

Maybe if you had asked it this way: ' Do you remember if this pkg was delivered to the house or the office? If it came to the house, I'd like to be sure to thank the mailman.' Telling your husband why you need him to tell you a seemingly obvious piece of info would help. Men are not idiots. They should be able to process 2 thoughts at once


You must have some mailman! I've never heard of anyone delivering packages to an address other than what's on the package's label. I would have thought they could get in trouble for that.

 

[Disney Doll]

Frankly I agree that men are not idiots which is why I don't understand why the OP's DH couldn't have answered her question either.

"Did the box come to the house or the office?" doesn't really seem to be a really hard question to answer.

I'm not sure why an explanation of why the OP wanted to know would be necessary. When my DH asks me a simple question with a one word answer, I just answer.

 

[Debbie Jean]

I wanted to know whether the very nice mailman had delivered it to our house, so I could thank him in the morning at our office, or in the alternative, whether to thank my husband for bringing the package home.

I fail to see why my motivation for the question affects whether or not I get an answer. What am I missing here?

I teach interpersonal communication and in looking at the transcript of the conversation you have supplied would note the following:

Your initial question was poorly worded since clearly if the box is now on your desk where you both can see it, then it "came to the house". The conversation that follows is predictably confusing.

Avoiding the problem and having your real question answered is as easy as supplying the information you have given above...
"I wanted to know whether the very nice mailman had delivered it to our house, so I could thank him in the morning at our office, or in the alternative, whether to thank my husband for bringing the package home."

In this case, your motivation is important because it clarifies exactly what information your are asking.

 

[diputs]

"Did the box come to the house or the office?" doesn't really seem to be a really hard question to answer.

Does this dress make me look fat? is also a very easy question to answer, but no man in his right mind is going to answer the question without trying to figure out what the woman is really trying to figure out.

It's not that the question is hard, but we are trained from a young age to try to figure out what the question is behind the question, so that we do not get in trouble for saying the wrong thing.

 

[bumbershoot]

Maybe I am missing something... if the address on the package is the office my mailman wouldn't bring it to the house.

The package is now at the HOUSE.

The address is the office.

Someone got it to the house. The OP wants to know who brought it to the house.

Seriously EASY question to answer. Hubby's just making problems for himself, no matter what motivation he might think the OP has...

 

[hambirg]

So, after being out of town Friday through today, I have a box from the mail on my desk at home. After getting DH's attention (because he often tells me he thinks I am talking with the cat instead of him), the conversation goes something like this:

Me: (I notice the address is the office): So, did this box come to the house or the office?

DH: It was between the storm door and the front door (We have this setup at the office and the house).

Me: Was it at the office or the house?

DH: It came by mail.

Me: Did.it.come.to.the.house???

DH: What address is on it?

Guys, what did I do wrong? I asked simple straightforward questions with no extra details. Why could he not answer my question? I even asked him why he couldn't answer my question, but he just looked at me as though I had confused him.

The only reason I care is I want to thank our mailman for bringing it to the house since it was addressed to the office. Now, however, I am really confused with why I can't get an answer to what I think is a fairly straightforward question?

I'll be honest. . . I didn't read any of the other posts.

I feel your pain. . .BUT men are simply not detailed oriented. He probably doesn't remember where it was delivered. . .and doesn't actually understand the relevance.

I swear they are all from friggin Mars! But it's just how they think.

 

[escape]

Sorry, OP, but I'm getting a chuckle out of this (I can see my DH answering the same way as your DH).

I agree with Disney Doll and Bumbershoot - It's a simple question! Almost like a YES or NO. OFFICE or HOUSE?

However, like Debbie Jean suggests.... your DH might be *confused* as to why you asked if the address says office. I'd probably have to explain myself to my DH before I'd get an answer.

 

[superme80]

I would have had to ask DH the question about who do I thank. That would get me the answer I desired.

 

[AndyLL]

"Did you bring the package home from the office or did the postman deliever it here at home?"

That's the question you needed to ask.

If it was delievered to the office and he brought it home it was a dumb question you asked because it was addressed to the office.

If it was delievered to the home it still might have seemed like a dumb question because it is likely he didn't look at the address of where it was addressed. ( why would he? )

Since I would have assumed the postman would have delieved it to where it was addressed (it's illegal for them not to) I would have wondered what game you were playing since you could've just looked at the address if you wanted to know where it was delievered too.

Andy