Mean Teen Girls Vent Update page 9

Discussion in 'Community Board' started by JoiseyMom, Aug 6, 2009.

  1. JoiseyMom

    JoiseyMom <font color=orange>Have you had your SPANX today??

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    It never ceases to amaze me how cruel kids can be. DD13 first 2 weeks of camp this year was great!! Then a girl who went to the camp last summer for part of it, and who DD has known all her life showed up. She asked if she could hang with DD and her small group of freinds. DD of course being nice said yes.

    First this girl told DD that she should wear shorter shorts (DD wears normal size shorts, I don't buy her things where her butt is hanging out), more tank tops and she should wear bikinis! She also told her she should straighten her hair. :confused3 Now my DD is a beautiful young women, nicely proportioned with gorgeous long wavy hair. She dresses very appropriately for a 13 year old girl. In style, but not slutty or too grow up. Now this other girl is pretty, but chubby. She is also one of the rudest children I know. I am always shocked at the way she talks to her parents, and how they let her get away with it.

    DD came home yesterday complaining about her and she said some really nasty things to DD. She told DD that kids won't be her freind at school once they find out DD is her cousin :scared1:!! Yes, this mean girl is my DN. Now, DD has a very small circle of good freinds. DD is not the jappy, makeup, designer type of kid. She loves wearing mix match socks, and she does what she wants, even if the other kids want to do something else. She is very independent and bright.

    Now, the only clue I have about DN freinds is that her sister told me at DN Bat Mitzvah that her sister has no freinds, and no one likes her, and she isn't sure why the handful of girls that showed up to her party came :confused3.

    Now anytime I have discussed her behavior with my brother, he says my daughter is a nasty mean witch! :rolleyes1 There is no talking to my sil, since she thinks her children walk on water and can do no wrong. Anytime I have said, well DN did this, she was in total denial...:confused3.

    We had a family party for my DS a few weeks ago, and DN started in on DD, so DD just ignored her, and DN went crying to her mother. Her mother went SCREAMING at my DD. DD just turned away from her and swam away. Sil told her she was rude yada yada yada. I also walked away from SIL, since I didn't want to make a scene at my son's party. But my sil was outta line, but that is what she ususally does.

    Thankfully school isn't too bad, since I have always requested they never be in teh same classes. Hopefully 8th grade will be the same!!

    Camp I can't control. DN has been to like every camp in the area, Sil changes them every few summers...I have no idea why. DD has been in the same place for 8 summers. And there is only one group of their age category, so nothting I can do there.

    DD is usually good and walks away, but I feel so bad for her summer being ruined! Next year she is debating between working/camp and teen travel program. With the working/camp session she will not have to worry if DN is there, since DN doesn't go all 8 weeks she would never get into that program. But I want DD to be in the program she wants to be.

    Sigh...thanks for letting me vent. It is very frustrating seeing your child unhappy, especially knowing that it is a family memeber doing it, and nothing that can be done. I knew it was gonna be trouble when they moved to my town 8 years ago!
     
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  3. Pikester

    Pikester DIS Veteran

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    Vent away and :hug: for you and your daughter.

    Bullies stink and it's so much worse when it's a relative.
     
  4. MushyMushy

    MushyMushy <font color=blue>Marseeya Here!<br><font color=blu

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    Wow, that's especially hard since the troublemaker is a relative! Is there any way to try to avoid them more? I know if my sister's kids acted that way, I'd probably stay away from them for a few years until the kids grew up some.

    It sounds like your daughter has a pretty good handle on things. Relative or not, I wouldn't hesitate to talk to the guidance counselor about this.

    My 13 year old has been dealing with mean kids most of her life. She's so sensitive and immature for her age -- makes a great target for them. :mad: She is starting to toughen up a bit, but I hate that she can't be her sweet, sensitive self and still get through middle school unscathed.
     
  5. DisneyBamaFan

    DisneyBamaFan Alabama - 2009 National Champions

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    Teach your children to be self-confident and these attacks will have less impact...
     
  6. JoiseyMom

    JoiseyMom <font color=orange>Have you had your SPANX today??

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    Well, we don't see them much to begin with, even though they live a mile away. My SIL and I are not friends. They invite us to maybe one bbq a summer and then if they are home they have a Chanukah party. Over the past 5 years we have avoided the Chanukah party...we are either away on vacation or something. One year DH and I were away, and our adult DS took them, and told me about an issue with a freind of my SIL. I almost went ballistic!! This had to do with my younger DS, but my son said mom..I took care of it. :confused3 So we avoid them as much as possible. Went to DN Bat Mitzvah this year (oh my gosh...worst party ever...except for the bar tender...she rocked LOL). A bbq a few weeks ago, my DS's party, and I have brought DN home from camp 2x from late day trips. So not much move avoiding. When DN calls, DD is pretty good about being off the phone.

    DD says sometimes DN can be nice, and DD feels sorry for her, but then she always turns on DD, so she can't trust her. Last year for DD birthday I took her and her to bff's out for lunch. DN kept asking if she was having a party, and we said no.

    So...other then moving away... not much more to avoid! There is just so much anti-social we can be LOL!!
     
  7. JoiseyMom

    JoiseyMom <font color=orange>Have you had your SPANX today??

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    I gather you have never been bullied. If it would only work that way. It hurts, and no matter how much self confidence and how much you tell yourself it is them not you, when you are a child... it hurts really bad.
     
  8. kellyg403

    kellyg403 <font color=green>She changes friends like she cha

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    You know, I never realized how mean teen girls are at this age until my dd went through it. I guess when I was in school I was used to the cattiness but as a mother I was totally unprepared for it. Having a relative as the problem would certainly cause great headache. And the parents....:eek: I had a mother call my house when dd was in 7th grade and proceed to tell her that she was not allowed to talk to another boy in the class because now her dd was 'dating' him. She didn't realize the can of worms she opened, when I can home from work and heard the story I didn't even wait to hear the 'adult' version. I called the woman back and told her in no uncertain terms my dd has a mother, an adult mother...if she had an issue and felt she needed to get involved she better never, and I mean NEVER, call my 13 year old dd to voice her opinion. The boy in question and my dd have been friends since kindegarten and we have lived three houses from each other since they were 2.

    I don't even know how to solve this problem of yours. I understand where you are coming from though. Short of keeping them apart ALL the time which is impossible to do, the drama will never end. Sounds like SIL is a real peach and it will always be your kid. I would just teach my dd to just distance myself at school and at parties as much as possible. The least interaction the better. That way, no drama can get started.

    Kelly
     
  9. JoiseyMom

    JoiseyMom <font color=orange>Have you had your SPANX today??

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    Hugs for your DD, this is what I have with my DD and my youngest DS. They are sweet and kind and sensitive and get tortured!! It is sad that kids can be so mean and cruel. :confused3
     
  10. MosMom

    MosMom <font color=deeppink>Damn you, you wretched clown!

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    What is "jappy"?
     
  11. DisneyBamaFan

    DisneyBamaFan Alabama - 2009 National Champions

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    Agreed - I said it would lessen the impact, not eliminate it. My older son is very confident, and bullies don't even waste their time on him anymore. He just ignores them, and they stop. It still bothers him, but not as much as it bothers my younger son, who struggles with confidence.

    That said, girls seem to be much worse as their bullying tactics are psychological instead of physical. I do not have any girls...
     
  12. snykymom

    snykymom Still tagless after all these years

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    Your DD seems to be growing into a lovely, confident young woman - kudos for you!

    The only thing I would suggest to you is to show your DD that you will stand up for her. If your SIL ever says a word to your DD again, you must protect her. Go to SIL and say, very softly, "You will NOT speak to my daughter like that again. Ever. Do I make myself clear?" If she continues, have her and her family escorted from the property. Keep your cool, do not appear angry, just cold and collected. Do not respond to your SIL's allegations of rudeness, etc. "If she appears to me to be rude, I will deal with it. You will NOT speak to her like that again. Ever. Do I make myself clear?" Repeat as necessary. Don't be afraid of "making a scene"; your SIL already made one. But your daughter must know that you will protect her from the bullies you can deal with - and your SIL is certainly one.
     
  13. dismom2

    dismom2 <font color=blue>It bothers me to inhale my exhale

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    It is hard to deal with people like that....:hug:
    I agree that you should be very assertive with your SIL.
     
  14. KAMLEM

    KAMLEM DIS Veteran<br><font color=blue>Likes her little p

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    That's my question, too. I thought it was a typo but then I couldn't figure out what the correct word could be.
     
  15. sbell111

    sbell111 <font color=blue>I don't care if people walk slowl

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    I was going to ask the same thing. :confused3

    Perhaps its a typo, but I can't figure out for what.
     
  16. DisneyBamaFan

    DisneyBamaFan Alabama - 2009 National Champions

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    From link...
     
  17. jrmasm

    jrmasm <font color=blue>Last time I checked, it was still

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    Its a slur and says more about the person that uses it than the person they are referring to.
     
  18. Mickey's Minion

    Mickey's Minion DIS Veteran

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    Never mind - already covered. It is a slur and I agree, tells more about the person that throws it into a conversation.

    OP - It sounds like both you and your SIL are convinced your daughters are being tormented by the other, as each of them are complaining to their moms about the other one.

    As parents, we know that our children are not perfect and the truth often lies somewhere in between.

    From your point of view, it does sound like your daughter has a good handle on the situation. But if it continues, I would take DD and DN out for lunch and try to get to the bottom of it.
     
  19. torinsmom

    torinsmom <font color=red>I have someone coming to scoop<br>

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    I'm sorry your DN is being such a teenage witch!:sad2:

    You DD is handling it just right. She should just ignore her and walk away. I bet she is doing this when others are around to get attention, and a reaction would make her escalate. Maybe your DD and DN need to have a one-on-one conversation. Sometimes getting a bully alone and talking to them helps. If that doesn't work, your DD will just have to keep avoiding, ignoring and walking away. People that count will appreciate her not getting involved in the name calling and all that. People that join in with your DN would not be people she would want to be friends with anyway.

    Marsha
     
  20. DisneyBamaFan

    DisneyBamaFan Alabama - 2009 National Champions

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    Actually, in many places it is just an adjective used by many with no knowledge of its original meaning (the part associated with Jews). I would not assume that a person who uses this word is using it as a racial slur. Most use it to mean diva or spoiled brat...
     
  21. frndshpcptn

    frndshpcptn <font color=blue>Disney's Ultimate Fan, and our ve

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    tell your DD to hang in there...I was one of the VERY few non-jappy ones in my town and got treated badly for it for most of junior high and high school.

    I didn't wear the trendy clothes, carry the right hangbag, wear the right shoe, have the right haircut, wear the best make-up, etc. The other girls from my Hebrew school class had all the "right" stuff and looked down on anyone who didn't have it all.

    I care less now (I' in my 30's), but it was hard then. I felt like an outcast and had trouble fitting in b/c I wasn't ever sure of who I was, since I couldn't fit in with the crowd I was supposed to fit in with.

    The Moms of those kids were no better - in fact they encourgaed the behavior and looked down (really obviously) on anyone who wasn't exactly like them (think Barabra Streisand nails, hair and clothes - the right cars - the most expensive bat mitzvahs - $$$$$).

    It's worse that's it family, but please do your DD a favor and stick up on her behalf. I didn't have anyone really do that for me and it really really hurt my self esteem for a long time. Make sure she really is ok - I "ignored" it too - but inside I was torn up that I was so harshly judged by people for such materialistic reasons.

    (and I'm not from Long Island - I grew up in North Jersey)
     

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