Maybe we can be a bit gentler

[Mickey's Minion]

I agree with the OP. Would love to see a little hand holding and Kumbaya singing around here!

Here ya go
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vo9AH4vG2wA

 

[SandrA9810]

I can admit I'm one of those lightening rods around here. Do I like it? Not really, but I deal with it. I've never been very good with choosing words or making them come out the way I want them to. And some people just don't understand my sarcastic humor.
It happens on the net, it happens in real life too, and I try to stop myself from getting defensive. Sometimes when I make a topic, I just want to justify my own opinion, not really if it's wrong or right. Even though 90% of the time, most people think it's wrong. Here and there people still bring up things that I've said before and try to incorporate it in something else I'm talking about.
At least on the net I can choose to ignore people's comments. In real life it's a little harder to ignore some one standing in front of you.

 

[Luvchefmic]

Here ya go
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vo9AH4vG2wA

now who can't like this ?

 

[MELSMICE]

It's a discussion board. People may have differing opinions and wish to express them. If everyone just agreed all the time it wouldn't really be a discussion would it.
Plus you have to remember tone doesn't come across in written word. If someone is already defensive about something than it's very easy to misinterpret a post as being mean and argumentative even if that's not the way it was intended.

That's how I feel.

I don't come here to just read "fluff" threads. I like a thread that will give differing opinions about things. I have learned a lot from controversial threads.

I will sometimes see myself in a thread & realize that I need to change something about myself, the way I approach something or how I do something.

I have posted threads that did not get the reaction I thought it would & at times it has made me step back & realize that I should rethink the situation & maybe not be so uptight about it. Other times I've posted something & have gotten support that I didn't think I would get.

I enjoy the threads with some substance & discussion.

 

[cm8]

I lurk a lot on the Dis, but do not have many here although I have been a member about 3 years and lurked for a couple of years before signing up.

Now, the reason I don't post too often is that the general tone seems to have gotten harsh over the last couple of years. This is supposed to be a friendly place and yet, often people seem to be unnecessarily flamed.

Only yesterday someone came on and posted about a tragedy and caught a lot of flak about her choice to post and whether or not the sad event actually happened.

Other times members come here asking for opinions or help and are told they are rude, selfish, etc. I would think if you disagreed with a poster, it is possible to state that and explain why without the hurtful comments. There certainly are better ways to state an opinion without being harsh. It is also possible to let them know their approach was wrong and suggest a better way.

Based on what I've been reading here, I truly expect to be flamed for my comments, but keep hoping that the Dis will someday return to the nice, reliable, helpful and supportive place it once was.

Wow, this was well written, and thanks for standing up and not being afraid to speak your mind.

 

[mousebymarriage]

OP I do agree that things seem to be a bit nastier lately. In fact there was another thread just recently about this very same topic and a couple of people turned it into a personal attack on the OP of that thread, it was sad. As a PP said earlier you learn who the "troublemakers" are after a while because they seem to only post when they have a rude or nasty comment and it becomes easier to just ignore them. The people here on the Dis are a great group for the most part but, sometimes we have to take the bad with the good.

 

[drag n' fly]

It used to be a LOT worse....jus sayin

 

[MoniqueU]

Things are no worse now then they ever were before. It has always been nasty on certain hot button topics and some you wouldn't think would be as well.

I do find it interesting that it was ok for debate and attacks for the last administration but shortly after the last election 3 of my boards found the same enviornment just on another side was too much to deal with. All those boards with owners that seemed to lean the same way. I guess no one could stand the fire in the kitchen once they got a new cook.

 

[usnuzuloose]

There is alot of angry flaming toward people. When I read some I look at some of the threads that were started by these folks and I see that they have posted about drama from their own family. I guess they forgot what they posted themselves. You can tell someone something with so much love and not be judgemental. A calm answer turns away wrath. I would not post anything of my feelings in detail due to it would not be flaming it would be rocks. I only posted something about life. No details though. Hopefully it will get better. Jo

 

[MamaJessie]

I go on another board that is PC to the max so I do like the fact that you can disagree on the DIS. That being said I am a sensitive Nelly and feel like some people here are just looking to ruffle feathers on purpose. And I pity the poor fool who innocently asks a mug question.

 

[Rainwater]

I lurk a lot on the Dis, but do not have many here although I have been a member about 3 years and lurked for a couple of years before signing up.

Now, the reason I don't post too often is that the general tone seems to have gotten harsh over the last couple of years. This is supposed to be a friendly place and yet, often people seem to be unnecessarily flamed.

Only yesterday someone came on and posted about a tragedy and caught a lot of flak about her choice to post and whether or not the sad event actually happened.

Other times members come here asking for opinions or help and are told they are rude, selfish, etc. I would think if you disagreed with a poster, it is possible to state that and explain why without the hurtful comments. There certainly are better ways to state an opinion without being harsh. It is also possible to let them know their approach was wrong and suggest a better way.

Based on what I've been reading here, I truly expect to be flamed for my comments, but keep hoping that the Dis will someday return to the nice, reliable, helpful and supportive place it once was.

Honestly, if you can't take the heat, you shouldn't post. Everyone on here has an opinion, and 50% of the time you won't agree with it.

 

[mickaholic4077]

It's the anonymity. People feel like they can say anything because there are no "faces" on the people they insult under the guise of "I'm only trying to help him/her".

I agree with the OP. Would love to see a little hand holding and Kumbaya singing around here!

Someone's singing,Lord,Kumbaya!!!!

 

[MIGrandma]

Honestly, if you can't take the heat, you shouldn't post. Everyone on here has an opinion, and 50% of the time you won't agree with it.

Of course everyone has their own opinion, and the right to speak it. But when they're rude and nasty about it, that's a bit much. Like being told you're "ignorant" for simply having a different opinion about something than someone else. I don't think so. There can be a difference of opinion, but expressing it politely goes a much longer way than the opposite.

 

[SaraJayne]

Of course everyone has their own opinion, and the right to speak it. But when they're rude and nasty about it, that's a bit much. Like being told you're "ignorant" for simply having a different opinion about something than someone else. I don't think so. There can be a difference of opinion, but expressing it politely goes a much longer way than the opposite.

IMO, some people give other posters too much power over their feelings.

I stopped "giving my power away" to people online a couple years ago.

To paraphrase Eleanor Roosevelt, no one can make you feel bad without your consent.

I am the one that decides how I'm going to feel, not people on a message board.

 

[bicker]

This is good advice (from Mrs. Roosevelt, but also as you've paraphrased it ).

 

[Ms Lion Queen]

Of course everyone has their own opinion, and the right to speak it. But when they're rude and nasty about it, that's a bit much. Like being told you're "ignorant" for simply having a different opinion about something than someone else. I don't think so. There can be a difference of opinion, but expressing it politely goes a much longer way than the opposite.

It's true that the Dis is a better place than many other boards which is why I have lurked quite a bit over the years and there are many compassionate and helpful Disers on this board.

Like you, I think discussion of ideas, debates, and differences of opinion are great, but I just wish some of it were a bit kinder. As I read through some of the posts, my heart sometimes just hurts for an OP because of some of the comments.

 

[disney_mommy]

Of course everyone has their own opinion, and the right to speak it. But when they're rude and nasty about it, that's a bit much. Like being told you're "ignorant" for simply having a different opinion about something than someone else. I don't think so. There can be a difference of opinion, but expressing it politely goes a much longer way than the opposite.

I think this argument sums up the whole issue. It's okay to disagree with me, but be polite about it and we'll get along great.

 

[joviroxx]

I stopped "giving my power away" to people online a couple years ago.

To paraphrase Eleanor Roosevelt, no one can make you feel bad without your consent.

I am the one that decides how I'm going to feel, not people on a message board.

Its all in how you look at things. My husband can tell me, hey, you look awful in that outfit and Id be, oh, ok, let me change or just tell him he's too bad. My sister's DH says the same thing, same tone to her, and she breaks out crying that he was mean and it hurt her feelings.

Tone, meaning, "kindness and politeness" are all relative in a messageboard. I personally, prefer the direct approach. What is offensive to one might not be offensive to another. Something can't be mean or aggressive unless I decide to see it that way, otherwise, its just words.

 

[FoxberryJam]

Honestly, if you can't take the heat, you shouldn't post. Everyone on here has an opinion, and 50% of the time you won't agree with it.

I'm just curious, what exactly is "the heat"? A respectful difference of opinion? Or mean-spirited, demeaning, rudeness??

 

[Lucky4me]

I've been here forever and disagree.
Personal attacks are not allowed here and are dealt with swiftly.
Differences of opinions are a fact of life and no one should feel bad if someone doesn't agree with their point of view.
And I say that with the kindest intention.