Maybe we can be a bit gentler

[Ms Lion Queen]

I lurk a lot on the Dis, but do not have many here although I have been a member about 3 years and lurked for a couple of years before signing up.

Now, the reason I don't post too often is that the general tone seems to have gotten harsh over the last couple of years. This is supposed to be a friendly place and yet, often people seem to be unnecessarily flamed.

Only yesterday someone came on and posted about a tragedy and caught a lot of flak about her choice to post and whether or not the sad event actually happened.

Other times members come here asking for opinions or help and are told they are rude, selfish, etc. I would think if you disagreed with a poster, it is possible to state that and explain why without the hurtful comments. There certainly are better ways to state an opinion without being harsh. It is also possible to let them know their approach was wrong and suggest a better way.

Based on what I've been reading here, I truly expect to be flamed for my comments, but keep hoping that the Dis will someday return to the nice, reliable, helpful and supportive place it once was.

 

[NeverlandClub23]

I think it's because all of the pent up aggression people have from politics and religion being banned .

I think it comes and goes in waves around here. I've learned to stay away from threads that are the same old thing, different horse (although that's kind of hypocritical of me as these kinds of threads usually turn into that exact thing!) but it is pretty interesting to be reading a (what I assume to be harmless) thread and then I read a response and think "What?! Where did that even come from?". I just chalk it up to some people are more tactful than others or some people are having a bad day/life. But I also think some people are a little too sensitive when they get worked up just because someone doesn't agree with them.

 

[Dax]

I lurk a lot on the Dis, but do not have many here although I have been a member about 3 years and lurked for a couple of years before signing up.

Now, the reason I don't post too often is that the general tone seems to have gotten harsh over the last couple of years. This is supposed to be a friendly place and yet, often people seem to be unnecessarily flamed.

Only yesterday someone came on and posted about a tragedy and caught a lot of flak about her choice to post and whether or not the sad event actually happened.

Other times members come here asking for opinions or help and are told they are rude, selfish, etc. I would think if you disagreed with a poster, it is possible to state that and explain why without the hurtful comments. There certainly are better ways to state an opinion without being harsh. It is also possible to let them know their approach was wrong and suggest a better way.

Based on what I've been reading here, I truly expect to be flamed for my comments, but keep hoping that the Dis will someday return to the nice, reliable, helpful and supportive place it once was.

I was always told if you dont have anything nice to say....

If I cannot be nice in the thread, I choose to not post a reply, best to just keep my opinions to myself...cause you all know what they say about opinions...

 

[harleyquinn]

I also think it has a bit to do with expectations. I frequent a lot of different message boards and the DIS is pretty much the nicest board overall (except probably TGM).

Now, I stick to family type boards, so most places I go have about the same tone, but DH goes on a lot of interest-based boards (comic books, video games) and the tone there is VASTLY different. I really think a lot of the "meaner" posters have some of those sort of sites in their background. It's just a different environment.

And I agree that some people just feel the need to be argumentative and there's no outlet for that on here anymore, so it turns up in the strangest places.

 

[Robinrs]

This really is not new, it's been going on for ages. I remember something really horrendous when my son was 6 and he's 17 now!

It goes in waves. Like I always say, MISERY loves company. Some people like to anonymously taunt and attack people. These are the same people who would never do this to my face but have some reason to do this under the anonymity of a Disney board.

I promised myself I wouldn't deal with this today but here I am. The reason I've been here so long is because there are SO MANY GOOD people on the DIS . In every community there are the good and the not so good. I've been around for a LONG time (here and on the earth ) and I've learned to deal with all of them, and to NOT take it personally.

They are to be pitied, not resented. And NEVER acknowledged.

Like I tell my kid, if they don't pay your mortgage or your rent, they don't matter.

 

[Darsa]

No flames from me; I happen to agree with you that it's really sad how some people seem to take pleasure/comfort/happiness out of belittling or insulting others, just because they happen to disagree.

My husband has always been the type of person where "if your opinion is different than mine, then you're stupid." is his motto. He's changed a LOT since he met me (which is a good thing LOL) and even comments on what a jerk he used to be sometimes.

 

[punkin]

I think it's because all of the pent up aggression people have from politics and religion being banned .

I think it comes and goes in waves around here. I've learned to stay away from threads that are the same old thing, different horse (although that's kind of hypocritical of me as these kinds of threads usually turn into that exact thing!) but it is pretty interesting to be reading a (what I assume to be harmless) thread and then I read a response and think "What?! Where did that even come from?". I just chalk it up to some people are more tactful than others or some people are having a bad day/life. But I also think some people are a little too sensitive when they get worked up just because someone doesn't agree with them.

I know you were joking, but when we had those threads, I think the snarkiness was confined mostly to them leaving a lot of the more normal threads pretty calm. Now it seems that people are just looking for threads where they can be nasty. It creates an unwelcome environment.

I know I seem to be posting a lot less...and reading a lot less too. The DIS has looked like middle school with no one in charge for quite some time now and it does not seem to be getting any better.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I think it's because all of the pent up aggression people have from politics and religion being banned ...

That's a good point. Maybe the bigger emotions were segregated in those threads before.

I also think people are grumpier due to the economic situation,

and that posters are more likely to say whatever they might be thinking than if they were answering face-to-face and had to actually watch someone's reaction.

 

[~disneydiva~]

I wonder if the people making these snarky comments are really that snarky in with the people in their everyday life. Are they just being snarky because they can "hide behind a keyboard?"


haha...i love the word snarky.

 

[kwelch10377]

I wonder if the people making these snarky comments are really that snarky in with the people in their everyday life. Are they just being snarky because they can "hide behind a keyboard?"


haha...i love the word snarky.

Snarky is a favorite of mine too.

I have always wondered that too. My guess is most people are not. There are some posters that you can tell speak the same online as the do in reallife.

 

[Ms Lion Queen]

I just seem to think that anyone coming to this board with a problem is asking for help in some way. Even if the poster is completely wrong in a situation, it is just so much nicer to point out why you think they are wrong and maybe suggest a better way to do something and give them a little support than to just be unkind.

Sometimes, people in the middle of problems, can't see a solution clearly because of all their mixed up feelings and some people may have no other place to turn so a message board can be a source of help from people with other insight and experience.

 

[Jennasis]

It's the anonymity. People feel like they can say anything because there are no "faces" on the people they insult under the guise of "I'm only trying to help him/her".

I agree with the OP. Would love to see a little hand holding and Kumbaya singing around here!

 

[Silent1CB]

I've assumed it was economy related too. More unemployed. Longer than ever before. Getting angry. Spending more time on the DIS. It just rubs off.

 

[design_mom]

I think a lot of it has to do with anonymity. Some people think there's no need for manners if they'll never meet these people in real life. (I've noticed some people have the same ideas about manners when they'll "never see these people again" in real life, too.)

I also think things go both ways. I have definitely seen things instances like you describe, where someone comes on for help or to vent about a certain situation and people take the chance to cut them down or be snarky.

On the other hand, I've seen people post about a situation asking for help with a problem or different perspectives, and then get really nasty with people who don't validate their own opinion. Some of those people were perfectly pleasant in their responses and the OP jumps down their throat because they didn't say "Of course you are right, OP. Poor you."

It would be nice if everyone would think about the people behind the computers before they hit send. However, I think there are a few bad apples, but over all, I think the DIS is still a pretty pleasant place to be.

 

[phorsenuf]

It's a discussion board. People may have differing opinions and wish to express them. If everyone just agreed all the time it wouldn't really be a discussion would it.
Plus you have to remember tone doesn't come across in written word. If someone is already defensive about something than it's very easy to misinterpret a post as being mean and argumentative even if that's not the way it was intended.

 

[Philagoofy]

I agree with OP. I wonder why some people have to keep making their point over & over as if they have to change other people's minds, their way is right - the other person is wrong. They may be right and it's fine to state the facts as you find them or your point of view in a civil manner but then let it go.

Also, as in yesterday's post, why does the op have to prove anything by posting a timeline, facts, newspaper stories? If someone doesn't believe a post, they can go to the next thread, different website, different hobby or source of amusement.

 

[NY Disney fan]

I agree with the OP. Would love to see a little hand holding and Kumbaya singing around here!

Me too. Its important to see yourself in other people so you can empathize with them. I cringe when someone jumps on an OP for something silly like:

OP: I think my husband is having an affair
Rude poster: Well, you should have been there for him!

 

[kwelch10377]

I just seem to think that anyone coming to this board with a problem is asking for help in some way. Even if the poster is completely wrong in a situation, it is just so much nicer to point out why you think they are wrong and maybe suggest a better way to do something and give them a little support than to just be unkind.

Sometimes, people in the middle of problems, can't see a solution clearly because of all their mixed up feelings and some people may have no other place to turn so a message board can be a source of help from people with other insight and experience.

I does help sometimes to come to a message board and ask for advice. Some people truly don't have anyone to talk to or sometimes you just are looking for advice from someone outside the situation. The problem with that is it can be hard to convey the details of what is going on through a post on a message board.

I find that on this board there are people that just don't have empathy for some situations and think what they are suggesting is so easy to do and can't understand why it wouldn't be.

 

[MerMom60_94]

It's the anonymity. People feel like they can say anything because there are no "faces" on the people they insult under the guise of "I'm only trying to help him/her".

I agree with the OP. Would love to see a little hand holding and Kumbaya singing around here!

OK Jennasis, how's this:

If you hear the song I sing, you will understand
You hold the key to love and fear all in your trembling hand
Just one key unlocks them both
It's there at your command
Come on people, smile on your brother
Everybody get together try to love one another right now......

Come on!! Everybody join me in the chorus!!!!

Yeah, I view the Dis throughout the day. I only log on and post, though, on the days I have thick skin. You never know when an innocuous comment will get pounced on. I come here to be in a happy place, yet there are so many unhappy people who beat one another up. A couple of times I may have posted comments that didn't translate well and if I came across as snarky it was unintentional. Sometimes I am at work and read things quickly and may read them wrong and respond according to what I thought I read because I am reading in a hurry between tasks. There are a lot of good people, though, so I try to avoid the threads I can see heading down the wrong path and stick with the threads that keep a friendlier tone.

 

[Jennasis]

OK Jennasis, how's this:

If you hear the song I sing, you will understand
You hold the key to love and fear all in your trembling hand
Just one key unlocks them both
It's there at your command
Come on people, smile on your brother
Everybody get together try to love one another right now......

Come on!! Everybody join me in the chorus!!!!

Yeah, I view the Dis throughout the day. I only log on and post, though, on the days I have thick skin. You never know when an innocuous comment will get pounced on. I come here to be in a happy place, yet there are so many unhappy people who beat one another up. A couple of times I may have posted comments that didn't translate well and if I came across as snarky it was unintentional. Sometimes I am at work and read things quickly and may read them wrong and respond according to what I thought I read because I am reading in a hurry between tasks. There are a lot of good people, though, so I try to avoid the threads I can see heading down the wrong path and stick with the threads that keep a friendlier tone.