Make older teens clean bedroom or not?

[powellrj]

Their rooms their mess. DS had a housemate last year whose parents use to drive up every weekend to see if he had kept his room clean. If it didn't pass inspection, he lost his car for the week. He was in his 20's. There is no way I would ever do that.

 

[LittleMissMagic]

My suggestion is if it's in his room, close the door and let it be. If his things are cluttering the shared spaces in the house, he should pick it up.

 

[aprilgail2]

My suggestion is if it's in his room, close the door and let it be. If his things are cluttering the shared spaces in the house, he should pick it up.

I agree- I don't care what my daughter does in her room as long as she doesn't leave food in there and brings out and puts her plate in the dishwasher when she is done. I would never give a checklist to her for her own room- anything outside her room she picks up but as long as whats in her room stays behin a closed door its fine. She recently had her entire room redone and new adult furniture put in and she is keeping it pretty neat now on her own.

 

[violetrose]

Their rooms, their mess. No food in the rooms and they do their own laundry, that started at age 13 or so.

 

[carrie1626]

My only requirement was that they kept a path to the window clear so I could open or close it for the weather.

That's about it for me too.

Luckily, neither DD or DS were too slobbish.
They both knew none of their laundry got done unless it made it down the laundry chute..

 

[Pea-n-Me]

DH and I like a clean house, too.

Teen bedrooms aren't perfect, but presentable. Things put in their places, etc. They get messy sometimes, but not too difficult to clean up. (I go on strike until they do! Need a ride? Not till your room's clean! ) Kids are generally good natured about it, but DS15 has messy tendencies, so he's the one I have to prod the most. DD15 is pretty good about it on her own, but once in a while needs reminding.

I don't mind food in the rooms if they don't make a mess and they bring down boxes and plates, etc.

In our house, if our teens' doors were shut all the time, it would be incredibly dark in our upstairs hallway during the daytime, since the sun shines in through their rooms. I would hate that. It's also not unusual for friends to go up to their rooms. I really enjoy a clean and orderly home, so out of control is not an option.

 

[kkmcan]

I don't make my kids keep a super clean room but I do get on them to clean up and clear off the floor once every couple of weeks or so and we do a clean out/decluttering of stuff about twice a year.

They can bring snacks and drinks to their rooms but no meals and all trash is to be removed after having that snack.

No wet towels on floor or they lose their afterschool time with their friends. One thing I can't stand is wet towels being left on floor!

That's it! My sister was a total slob as a teen and did outgrow it and now has a very tidy home. I was a bit of a perfectionist so my room was always clean and I loved moving the furniture around and redecorating.

My kids will outgrow their messiness. Its not a big deal to me and I don't want to fight battles over their rooms. I save the battling for grades and behavior and such.

 

[momto3gr8boys]

As the wife of a man whose parents didn't make him clean his room, I beg you, make them do SOMETHING to their rooms on a regular basis. DH is terrible about picking up after himself. He would rather do a big cleanup 2 or 3 times a year than pick up after himself daily.

We've discussed that his cleaning methodology won't fly when our daughter is a teenager and he needs to set a better example when she gets here. In the meantime, any junk he leaves lying around winds up in his office (lovingly chucked in there by me). He's in his 30's, doesn't clean his room/office, so I shut the door.

I was waiting for a response like this, and my comments here will probably get me in trouble. but I am surprised at how many people on here don't care about the mess in their kids' rooms and take a shut the door, if I don't see it, I don't care attitude. Similarly, in real life, when we have people over, they always say things like "what did you do to get the boys to clean up" or "how long did it take to get those rooms like that today" and they are always shocked when we say they keep them that way all the time.

So, my question is, if you don't guide your kids in keeping their personal space neat and clean now, and teach them to respect and take responsibility for what is in it, do you think this is something they will magically develop at some point in life or is it a maturity thing, etc.?

 

[MinnieLovesMickey12]

My DS12 is pretty neat and keeps his room pretty tidy, except for the occasional clothes outside the hamper in the floor next to the hamper. But my DD13 is what I would call a slob. (Not to her face) She lives with crap piled all over her room. She has wall to wall clothes on her floor to where you can't even walk across her floor without stepping on clothes. I usually let her live in it for weeks at a time but I get sick of it and make her clean it up at least once a month. Now that she stays at her dad's house more than she stays at my house and most of her clothes are over there now I cleaned out her room and it has stayed pretty straight for the most part.

My oldest DS28 never had to clean his own room growing up. I cleaned his room for him pretty regularly and he has grown up to not clean up after himself and he lives like a slob too. So obviously cleaning up after your kids for them does nothing to foster neatness in them.

I thought by keeping the room clean for him he would prefer living in a clean environment but the opposite happened. It made him lazy and have no self discipline when it comes to cleaning. He lives with my elderly father and his room over there is disgusting. He has dirty dishes, cups and cans, fast food containers every where. I would be ashamed and embarrassed if anybody I know saw how he lives in that room.

So these 2 younger kids are made to clean their own rooms now. I use to give them an allowance for it but since I spend quite a bit of money on them for other things likes ITunes and skating and video games, they no longer get money given to them for cleaning the rooms.

My kids are not allowed to have company over if the rooms are not clean.

The kids are not allowed any food or drinks in their room at my house. They can at their dad's house but not at mine. Never have and never will until they are about 18 or so.

 

[StephMK]

Dd19 has too much stuff so it's a mess and we keep the door closed. I'm trying to move her scrap stuff downstairs. This summer I am asking her to get it under control. She will be in a sorority dorm room with 5 other girls next year!

DD13 is a packrat and we just went through her room. It can be a little messy but I need to get the vacuum in there. She has asthma so I hate for it to get too bad.

DS10 is probably the neatest because he has less stuff. There are a few tubs of legos under his bed. His dresser top get messy but that's about it. We moved most of his clothes to closet shelves since they didn't fit well in the dresser.

It helps that each kid has their own hamper. Most "toys" they have left are in the basement. All their books are on cases in basement or upper hall corner.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

So, my question is, if you don't guide your kids in keeping their personal space neat and clean now, and teach them to respect and take responsibility for what is in it, do you think this is something they will magically develop at some point in life or is it a maturity thing, etc.?

I don't know the answer to that. (My DH and my brother were both encouraged to keep their rooms relatively clean - not perfect - and both of them are the same - relatively neat, not perfect - as adults.)

But for myself, I think it's important, if I'm asking my kids to be organized with their schoolwork and other aspects of their lives (which I definitely am), that I teach that to them. And part of my teaching that comes from teaching them how to organize a big aspect of their lives - their rooms. That's just how my brain operates. I couldn't work in a mess, and I've chosen for my kids to have them not work in a mess, either, hoping it will help keep their minds clear so they can concentrate on other things. I've spent a lot of time and effort giving them the things (like a working desk and school material storage in their rooms, where they do their school work) and teaching them the habits they need to be organized. I like them to appreciate those things and actually use them.

That's what works for us in our home. How it works for others, I couldn't care much less! But just answering how it is for me and how I've worked it with my kids. For me it is a battle I choose. But admittedly, I'm fortunate there aren't a lot of other battles, really. I know there are for others so I won't judge if someone else chooses to let this one go. Other kids' bedrooms are no concern of mine whatsoever.

 

[DisneyMomx7]

Uh oh - I guess I'm the mean mother here.

I make them make their beds every morning, laundry in the hamper, nothing on the floor and they need to put their clean clothes away the same day I give them to them.

I still have to remind them to pick up things.

Somedays it does feel like a constant battle but I keep thinking if I don't MAKE them clean up only one of the last three ever would. I'd worry what their houses would like when they are grown if they don't get into a cleaning routine while they are young.

Luckily one dd is a neat freak - so that just leaves two to go!

 

[NHdisneylover]

As the wife of a man whose parents didn't make him clean his room, I beg you, make them do SOMETHING to their rooms on a regular basis. DH is terrible about picking up after himself. He would rather do a big cleanup 2 or 3 times a year than pick up after himself daily.

We've discussed that his cleaning methodology won't fly when our daughter is a teenager and he needs to set a better example when she gets here. In the meantime, any junk he leaves lying around winds up in his office (lovingly chucked in there by me). He's in his 30's, doesn't clean his room/office, so I shut the door.

I am one who said that other than no food (or wet towels had that ever been an issue), I don't care what my kids do with their rooms. That is how I grew up and I am a clean person.

I guess I figure that my kids are learning the skills and mind set to clean up after themselves because they DO have to do so in shared spaces. Coats and backpacks have to be hung in the entry, and shoes placed neatly under the bench. If they have a snack or meal or work on a project in the living/dining room they clean up after themselves. Etc. They also help out around the house with various cleaning and laundry tasks. So, in spite of almost never HAVING to clean their rooms, if they turn out to be totally slobs as adults it will not be because they were never taught how to clean or take care of things or never taught to be considerate of how their mess affects others.

 

[Southernmiss]

So, my question is, if you don't guide your kids in keeping their personal space neat and clean now, and teach them to respect and take responsibility for what is in it, do you think this is something they will magically develop at some point in life or is it a maturity thing, etc.?

It's not that I haven't guided them in how to clean their rooms and keep it neat, they know how and can put it in order when told to do so. It's that on a day to day basis they are busy and I am not going to (and don't have time to) nag them to do it everyday or every week.

They have the skill, they just don't use it every day--like riding a bike. Just because I haven't ridden a bike in a year or 2 doesn't mean that I couldn't.

I hope that as adults they will take pride in their space and keep things neat, but right now that's not something I choose to worry about. If they want to be messy adults, they can or if they want to be neat adults, they know how.

Oldest DS has moved on to college. His room at home is always neat because he picks it up before he leaves, but it doesn't feel like it did when he was here full time. It's just a room now, always the same, always tidy and unlived in. It will be comforting to me this summer when he'll be home and his room will be a mess because he's living in his room and busy living his life, working and enjoying himself.

((Love the Harry Potter clock with the spoons that move when everyone is home. Just brings peace to me and a sigh of relief. ))

 

[MamaLema]

I haven't read the other responses, but yes, I make my kids clean their rooms.

 

[NHdisneylover]

So, my question is, if you don't guide your kids in keeping their personal space neat and clean now, and teach them to respect and take responsibility for what is in it, do you think this is something they will magically develop at some point in life or is it a maturity thing, etc.?

I guess we all have a different take on what we hope will work to develop this in our kids long term.

I, personally, feel like that if I insist on things being kept clean all the time, they never learn what happens if they don't take care of something. I let them learn that through natural consequences--if they end up with a torn shirt or wrinkled clothes because they wadded them up in the corner--I do not rush out to buy a new shirt or grab the iron. I'll show them how to sew the tear and tell them that next time they may want to be more careful with the shirt (and then buy a new one whenever I would have otherwise, not before)--and they can choose to go to school looking like disheveled, or grab the iron themselves.

Add that to having insisted on consideration for others since long before their memories kicked in, and that includes cleaning up after themselves in any shared space (including hotel rooms or cruise ship cabins, where there is NO personal space) and i think they will be alright.

 

[Colleen27]

So, my question is, if you don't guide your kids in keeping their personal space neat and clean now, and teach them to respect and take responsibility for what is in it, do you think this is something they will magically develop at some point in life or is it a maturity thing, etc.?

I think it is a maturity thing. At some point, we all start to consider the "face" our space presents to others. I've never made my kids clean their rooms beyond keeping the floor picked up enough for me to change bedding/put away folded laundry and for the door to close freely. But both of my older two (11 & 15) have reached a point where they clean up without being told if they anticipate having friends over, and the oldest keeps certain parts of his space neat because he doesn't like having to hunt for the things he needs. I think that as adults most people realize those same things - they want clean dishes when they're ready to cook/eat so they wash them, they don't want an embarrassing mess lingering when guests show up so they tidy up at least the public spaces of their homes, etc. So I don't worry about imposing my own schedules, requirements, or consequences because I trust that social concerns and logical consequences will teach the lesson effectively enough.

 

[robinb]

No food is allowed in her room and if she wants me to do her laundry, it needs to be in her laundry basket. I'm not picking up clothes from off the floor.

 

[erincon23]

I found out a while ago that this was a losing battle,so I stopped fighting it. DS20 found out when he went away to college that he didn't like living in a mess, so he's gotten much better (except for the clothes, he doesn't like to bother putting them away). He's very neat about his "friend space" - the basement - keeps that picked up.

DS17 is a major collector. I sometimes worry about him being a hoarder. But with this kid, I REALLY have to pick my battles (and I think a lot of this has to do with tiptoeing around the emotional issues he had when he was younger, which is another story). I'm hoping he comes to the same realization that his older brother did.

No food or drinks (except for water) allowed in the bedrooms. I make them clean their bathroom on a regular basis, but other than that, I employ their cleaning assistance for the rest of the house.

And now I feel better about my stance on this issue, reading these responses.

 

[Scrappy_Tink]

My youngest son stopped being so messy when he woke up to a mouse going through the sunflower seeds sitting on his nightstand. We live near a huge field and the field mice get to be quite a problem.