Lost Luggage, Sick Kid, Let the Magic Begin - NYE Cruise on the Magic Trip Report

[Johnna_Story]

For my parents 50th anniversary they took my entire family (32 of us) on a 10-day mexico cruise on Princess.

My dad would never pay more than $20 for a pair of shoes, but paid for over 30 people to cruise!!!

It was the time of our lives, getting to see your family around the ship is great!

I'm looking for a family to adopt me - I'm quite nice, fun to be around, and love cruising. Sounds like I'll fit in just perfectly with your family. I still have a mom, but I'm sure she has no parental rights since I'm thirtysomething!!

 

[supercalidisgirl]

My dad sponsored 5 of us for our last cruise. I'll post a TR soon for the Easter Magic 1/6-1/13. Check it out!

 

[ldeninge]

Brent goes on to say, “And I met one set of grandparents that paid for all 42 family members on the cruise.”

O...M...G....he said the SAME thing on our cruise a week after yours. Could it be that it isn't true? Or are there really many sets of very wealthy grandparents taking their entire families on cruises? Someone shed some light...otherwise, I'm going to have to break up with Brent.

I think it's probably a scripted line, as Christiaan said it on our cruise, too (# of family members was different). However, there are probably multiple families that do that each cruise - it's a safe statement to make. I'll bet they also want to 'plant the idea' in as many people's heads as possible.

Our trip wouldn't have happened (this year, anyway) had not my in-laws paid for everyone's trip (in honor of their 40th anniversary). There were 12 of us. It was a great family time. Ironically, my father-in-law HAD chatted with Christiaan that day and then it was mentioned that night - with OUR number of family members - so we were convinced he was talking about US!

 

[callisa]

"I'm looking for a family to adopt me - I'm quite nice, fun to be around, and love cruising. Sounds like I'll fit in just perfectly with your family. I still have a mom, but I'm sure she has no parental rights since I'm thirtysomething!! "


Hmmm... quite nice and fun to be around? You've got a couple of my family members beat!!

No, really, I love all my sibs....

 

[SnowWhite2]

Brent said the same line on our April 06 cruise. Not sure about the number of people (42) but the same statement.

I think it is a well placed subtle advertisement.

 

[tksbaskets]

Hey - where were all the NYE cruisers on the DIS board BEFORE the cruise...we had a pathetic roll call going with...like...three posts. Now you all show up? The cruise was awesome, wasn't it? Do you have pictures of the Mickey-Mom Smack down? Might help in my below answer....

No doubt. I even started two different threads long, long, ago and was kind of bummed about the low DIS thread turn out. Of course, I was comparing it to our 10-day 2004 Christmas cruise where we chatted for over a year and had a huge contingency on board. This was a great cruise...took over 600 pictures. No pictures of the smack-down though. I may have your picture as I was snapping like a mad woman in the atrium on NYE.

Hung out at the adult pool most of the time unless we were coming to or from the ice cream!

 

[suzynuprin]

And I present my last and final installment answering your most pressing questions:

How in the world did you remember every detail?

Easy, I brought my secretary with me to take notes. O.K., no notes and Dave totally threw out my Navigators. (Oh, you were saving those?) Here's key things I missed:

• Our toilet overflowed within 2 hours of being in our room. The Yellow Jumpsuit guys were our friends.
  
• Our shower only had two temperatures - super hot and scalding hot.
  
• The Character Breakfast, also known as the Assembly Line of Characters. "Pen out, sign autograph, snap picture, eat bacon, repeat." See, I even have proof we were there, but I have absolutely no clue what day we were actually doing it.

"Stop pinching my butt Dale...my wife made me wear the lanyard" - Dave

Will you write my trip report?

Of course, but that means I have to be there with you in person. Figure if every cruise has Gramps paying for 42 people, what's 43? It's just a rounding error...

Can you write your cruise off on your taxes?

Yes, of course, provided it's related to your given profession. And with that note, I am please to provide you not one, but two recipes from Palo's that you can make at home. (and trying searching for the Grilled Portobello Mushroom one online...is doesn't exist. I know, I had to friggin retype of "damn" thing) I've even provided make-ahead tips for those that don't want to slave in the kitchen (see...that work write-off thing....)

Grilled Portobello Mushrooms and Polenta
Yield 6 Servings

Polenta

2 cups milk
¾ cup finely ground cornmeal
2 tablespoons mascarpone cheese
2 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese
1 tablespoon finely chopped, mixed, fresh herbs (such as rosemary, thyme, and marjoram)
Salt, to taste
Freshly ground black pepper, to taste

1. Heat milk to a simmer in a pan.
2. Gradually whisk in the cornmeal, and cook over medium heat, stirring, until liquid is absorbed and the consistency is quite thick, about 15 to 20 minutes.
3. Turn off the heat and add the mascarpone, Parmesan cheese, and chopped herbs.
4. Add salt and pepper to taste. Cover and keep in a warm place.

Su’s Make-ahead tip: Polenta can be made ahead up to 48 hours in advance and stored in the refrigerator. Gently rewarm over the stove just prior to serving or place in a Crock-Pot on low for 2-4 hours to reheat.

Shallot Sauce

3 portobello mushrooms, stems only (caps will be grilled)
2 cups water
1 cup white wine
2 cups shallots, peeled and finely chopped
1 teaspoon finely chopped garlic
2 tablespoons butter or olive oil
1 cup balsamic vinegar (1 tablespoon used in sauce, remaining reduced for Grilled Mushroom Caps)
1 tablespoon cornstarch, mixed with 2 tablespoons water
2 cups heavy cream
Salt, and freshly ground black pepper, to taste
Parmesan cheese, shaved (for garnish)

1. Wash the mushrooms and take off the stems. Set caps aside for grilling.
2. Bring the water to boiling with ½ cup of the white wine in a small saucepan. Add mushroom stems, reduce heat, and simmer for about 10 minutes.
3. In a separate small saucepan, over medium heat, cook the shallots and garlic in butter until soft in consistency.
4. Strain the liquid from the mushrooms and add to the shallot mixture.
5. Add the rest of the wine and 1 tablespoon of the balsamic vinegar.
6. Add the cornstarch mixture. Cook about 5 minutes. Stir in the cream.
7. Add salt and pepper to taste. Keep the sauce warmed on the side.

Su’s Make-ahead Tip: Sauce can be made up to 48 hours in advance and stored in the refrigerator. To reheat, bring to simmer on a stove top, or microwave on high approximately 2 minutes or until hot.

Grilled Mushroom Caps

1. Cut Portobello mushrooms caps in half and season with salt and pepper. Brush with olive oil and grill on both sides over medium-high heat until tender.
2. While mushrooms are grilling, cook remaining balsamic vinegar in a small saucepan for about 5 minutes, until it thickens enough to coat the back of a spoon.

Su’s Make-ahead Tip: Mushroom Caps can be made up to 24 hours in advance and stored in the refrigerator. To reheat, rewarm in 300 degree oven for approximately 15-20 minutes or until heated through. Mushrooms will be darker if made ahead of serving.

To serve:

1. Place a scoop of Polenta in the center of each plate.
2. Place a mushroom cap on top. (Mushroom caps can be thickly sliced instead of being served whole.)
3. Ladle Shallot Sauce over the Grilled Mushrooms and Polenta, then garnish with freshly shaved Parmesan cheese and a drizzle of the balsamic vinegar reduction.


Chocolate Souffle
Yield 6 servings

3 tablespoons butter, plus more for greasing the souffle cups
6 tablespoons sugar, plus more for dusting the souffle cups
1 cup milk
3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
3 tablespoons Dutch-processed cocoa
2 ounces (2/3 cup) semisweet or bittersweet chocolate, melted
4 eggs, separated

Vanilla Sauce (see recipe below)

1. Preheat over to 350ºF. Set a full kettle of water on to boil.

2. Butter six 4-oz. souffle cups and coat with sugar; set aside.

3. Bring milk to boil in small saucepan. Meanwhile, melt butter in medium saucepan over medium heat. Add the flour and cocoa to the butter and beat with a whisk until it has a smooth, paste-like consistency. Reduce heat and cook for one minute.

4. Slowly add hot milk, whisking until smooth, then blend in melted chocolate. Let cool for five minutes, then stir in egg yolks.

5. Beat egg whites in separate bowl until frothy. Slowly add sugar, 1 tablespoon at a time until glossy peaks form. Stir a heaping spoonful of egg whites into the chocolate, then fold in the remaining whites just until combined.

6. Pour the batter into prepared cups. Place cups in large baking dish and add enough boiling water to reach halfway up the sides of the soufflé cups.

7. Bake for 20 minutes. Serve immediately with warm vanilla sauce.

Su’s Make Ahead Tip – Souffle batter can be prepared up to 24 hours in advance through step four. Refrigerate until ready to use. Prior to proceeding to step five, rewarm batter to 80-90 degrees (microwave on low for approximately 1 minute) before folding in egg whites.

Vanilla Sauce

1. Bring 1 1/4 cups heavy cream and 1/4 vanilla bean (split lengthwise) to a low boil in saucepan over medium heat.
2. Combine 3 TB sugar and 2 small egg yolks.

3. Add 2 spoonfuls of boiling cream to egg mixture and stir well, then pour back into the remaining cream and continue to cook over low heat, stirring constantly for 3 to 4 minutes.

Su’s Make Ahead Tip – Vanilla Sauce can be prepared up to 48 hours in advance and refrigerated. Gently rewarm over low heat prior to serving.

What happens if you spend all of your waking hours thinking of Disney and the DIS Board?

First of all, you need some serious help. Just look what you morph into, a cartoon character if you spend too much time on this board or at disneycruise.com:

Before The Disney Cruise and DIS....

After...arrrgh...what happened?

Does life exist outside of Disney?
No.

Does chaos follow your family everywhere?
Yes...and just because I had one last trip report (kind of) up my sleeve, here's Dave and I's annual year in review for your reading enjoyment. Not a Disney TR, but humorous none the less...and now you know that truly, life isn't nearly as fun outside of the DCL.

December 05/January 06: We hosted Dave’s family in Michigan between Christmas and New Year’s while Dave’s brother Mike used our house in Chicago. What are the odds that our shower in Chicago and our shower in Michigan would simultaneously stop working? We literally had plumbers in both homes at the same time trying to fix the same problem – just 75 miles apart. In the last hurrah of the year, Su and Michelle Charles decided to take the girls to breakfast at the Walnut Room. After waiting in line…outside…for 45 minutes, we finally made in the doors of the hallowed halls of the State Street Marshall Fields to be greeted by the local news channels. “How does it feel to have Marshall Fields CANCEL breakfast on New Year’s Eve? Does it bother you that they never let anyone know?” All we could say was, “Tis the season….”

February: Every February we enjoy the bliss of having happy, sunshine days and no more black clouds over our lives. Of course, this would be the shortest month of the year, but truthfully nothing too exciting to report for February (don’t worry – keep reading, we make up for it later).

March: Delaney is given the “Student of the Month” award at Blaine. She was “caught” cleaning up after some other kids, and generally being quite helpful. Max enters his terrible two’s – as we jokingly say, “If he was the first, he’d be an only child. Dave “advises” Su that he’ll be doing a boy’s ski trip for a long weekend. Oh yeah, and maybe tie in a work trip either before or after the ski trip…or both. Yep – Dave left Su with three kids for NINE days. When you read years from now that Su has taken a month-long girls trip out of the country, you won’t question it and you definitely won’t feel sorry for Dave.

April: Dave, Su and Jack all celebrate birthdays this month. In fact, at dinner our dear friend Emily turned to Su and asked, “Are you celebrating a big one?” Thanks Emily…and the answer of course is “Not yet.” And Dave did manage to remember Su’s birthday with minimal prodding. We spent Easter in Michigan. With Su’s parents watching the kids, Dave and Su snuck out of the house to go purchase goodies for the kids Easter baskets. What happened next is simply a tragedy – on the way to the store, Dave swerves in an effort to miss (which is debatable) a bunny but thankfully not the Easter Bunny… We now have a lucky charm in the tire of our Cooper.

May: Christopher and Emily joined us in Michigan for a weekend away. As many of you may remember, we sold our Union Pier home last year and moved three miles to Three Oaks. Suddenly, after putting the kids to bed and enjoying a glass of wine in the living room, the electricity went out. While all of our neighbors had generators, we being the Chicago-folk ran around the house to find…a battery operated boombox to plug in our IPod. Who needs light if you have good tunes? Christopher and Dave decided to drive around the neighborhood to see how far the outage was and see our neighbors sitting outside on the back of the pickups waiting out the outage. Dave wanted to stop but realized the neighbors wouldn’t appreciate the city folks pulling up in a Mini-Cooper convertible. This leads to Dave’s “brilliant” thought, “Hey, maybe we should get a country car, you know our neighbor’s won’t take us seriously driving around the Cooper”. Good idea, Dave. We have decided we are ‘Citybillys’. Sometimes you can’t take the City out of us as much as we try to fit into the country.

June: Our friends Mike and Helen Cameron (who’s Uncommon restaurant will go unnamed…) used our Michigan home. The pool looked so inviting that who needs swimsuits when you’re on 15 acres, right? Too bad, we failed to advise them when the pool cleaners were coming, We got a note the following week from the pool company to remind our guests the days of service, and to maybe wear their bathing suits. Delaney has her first lemonade stand, selling lemonade and water to thirsty Cub fans and hiring Max and Jack to “just act cute”. After negotiating a good corner to set up her stand (you don’t want to mess with the regular’s and their corners), Delaney makes $60. After paying Dave and Su their parental commission, Delaney has just enough money to buy a snickers bar. Dave has discovered how to pay for college.

July: We took the kids to see Su’s family in beautiful Seattle, where the sun does not set this time of year until 11:00 p.m. We took the kids to the fireworks, which were held behind a small, 2-story office building. When the alarm system in the office building sounded, we just assumed some juvenile delinquents were trying to break into the building. What we didn’t realize was that one of the fireworks started a brush fire on the back-side of the building. When the flames turned the corner and headed to us, we did as all Seattle-ites do…just take a couple of steps back and continue watching the fireworks. When the flames were finally bigger than the kids, we thought maybe we should head back to the car…and continue to watch the fireworks. Delaney and Jack stay in Seattle with the grandparents while Dave and Su bring Max back home to begin potty training. First time in 7 years we haven’t bought diapers - we now have enough money to buy that Country Car – Dave’s thinking Pickup Truck – Su’s thinking not.

August: Delaney celebrated her seventh birthday. Upon return from a birthday manicure and pedicure (they start young, don’t they) Su and Delaney see a host of police cars and officers in front of our house. Dave rushes Su and Delaney inside while Dave talks with the officers. Apparently, while Su and Delaney were gone, Dave noticed a “strange man” peeking his head in our neighbor’s backyard. So, Dave being the good citizen calls the police. While Dave’s on the phone, the would-be-robber jumps the neighbors fence and takes off with the Trek bike (leaving behind his Huffy…apparently he was trading up). The cops catch him at the corner and thanks to Dave, the neighborhood crime rate has gone down for the month of August. The neighbors all congregate on our front porch to “relive Dave’s heroic actions” when we notice another “strange man” coming out of our gangway. With maybe 15 people on our front porch, the “strange man” was somewhat polite and said “Excuse me” as he tried to dodge the myriad of children. When someone yelled out, “Hey!” the “strange man” took off down the street with Dave and Eric Anderson in pursuit. Since the cops had only made it to the end of the block, they cut him off at the corner and clearly the robber had “been there, done that” as he quickly lay on the ground spread eagle. Turns out while Dave had taken the cops through our garage to show them where the first robber was, the second robber slipped into our garage and broke into our car. Since the second robber was on probation, Dave had to testify in court as the DA was trying to put him away for 8 years. All for stealing a first aid kit out of our car, that we never knew we had. Oh yeah, Jack and Delaney both had their tonsils and adenoids out.

September: Max ran away from home – it’s true. While in Michigan, Max took his blanket, and headed down the driveway and around the corner. Thankfully a neighbor brought him back home – but the lesson learned, “That kid is a sneaky one!” Need a way to insure your spouse never flies again? Simply use their briefcase and then don’t empty it out before your spouse uses it again. As Su was making her way to Florida, she used the “joint” roller-briefcase. Just as she was going through security, Su decides to put her wallet in the front pocket. Funny – it didn’t fit, what’s in there? Su reaches her hand in the front pocket and pulls out a bag of unmarked pills, a giant glue stick, shoelaces, chapstick and the clincher…a giant BOX CUTTER. Yes, pretty much everything was in the briefcase except the Koran and detailed instructions. Thanks Dave! Oh yeah, remember that country car? Not a Pickup but a Jeep which is as country as we could handle at this point.

October/November: October was probably the longest month of 2006, so long that we’re not sure where October ended and November started. After 18 months of hot docs and kicking back at the Mayo Clinic, Su missed the home cooking of the hospital food and heads to UCH for a little surgery, anesthesia and R&R. Dave makes Su’s hospital room his personal Yahoo! South office location – even managed to get a WiFi connection in the room. Unfortunately that meant Dave sucked all the energy out of the operating rooms just to stay online. After a couple of days, Su was discharged to go back home where Grandma Lee was waiting to play nurse maid. Five days at home, and Su was ready…to go back to the hospital. Since Dave decided that California was much warmer this time of year, Su recruited Emily to spend far too long in the ER while a room was being found. After another four days, Su was discharged and we sent Grandma Lee back home to Seattle since we had our nanny Bridget to care for the kids. After a couple of days at home, Su noticed that Bridget wasn’t looking too good. “Umm...are you okay Bridget? Do you need me to take you to the doctor?” Su loaded up Bridget and Max, bypassed the doctor and went straight to the ER. After getting Bridget admitted, Su brought Max home and contacted Bridget’s husband Seth to go straight to the hospital. An hour later, Su gets a phone call from Seth, “Su, our car broke down.” “Hmm..okay Seth. Take a cab to our house and use our car.” Turns out Bridget’s heart was racing and she was admitted to the cardiac floor. “Mom? I know you’ve only been home for two days, but do you think you might want to fly back to Chicago? The grandkids miss you.” After giving Bridget some much needed rest, we finally sent Grandma Lee packing. And then suddenly it’s Thanksgiving. We hosted Dave’s family in Michigan for our annual Turkey cook-off. And this year? We like to think it was a tie. Su got a phone call late in the evening from Bridget. “Su – Seth and I were driving to the store and then we stopped at the stop sign and got rear ended…by a CTA BUS!” The car was totaled and now Bridget wasn’t feeling too good. “Bridget – get off the phone with me and go to the hospital.” So back to the hospital Bridget went and spent a couple of days getting the best chicken broth and IV fluid diet known to man.

December: We hosted the annual Lakeview Pantry Toy Drive. The weather conditions in Chicago on the day of the party, were nothing short of “tropical” – okay, it was the first big snow storm of the year. But we had 250 people turn out and collected 600+ toys for the kids. As always, we head to IHOP for a greasy breakfast at 2:00 a.m. with the Haites and Su’s brother Jeff. We decided to leave Jeff’s illegally parked car while we’re having breakfast and pick it up on the way back.. One problem, on return at 3:00 a.m. the car is GONE! Welcome to Chicago Jeff, we have tow trucks here…and unfortunately, vandalized of his tip money. Here’s to hoping that Jeff comes back next year! The following weekend, we hosted our annual “Breakfast with Santa”. Since all parties that start in our house eventually end up Murphy’s Bleachers, this was no exception. With 150 people at the party, the best quote of the day was from Beth Murphy who described the party as, “It’s like a Cubs game…just smaller people.” The rest of December will encompass Christmas with family followed by a family vacation on the Disney Cruise with the kids.


That's all she wrote folks. Unless I can come up with another subject to write about...is it too early to start writing about our next DCL cruise?

Many thanks to all of you for sticking with me on this TR and all of your kind comments (okay...almost all of you).

GO BEARS!

 

[suzynuprin]

This was a great cruise...took over 600 pictures.

Hung out at the adult pool most of the time unless we were coming to or from the ice cream!

600 Pictures? Are you Asian? I think I took maybe 7 pictures, one for each day of the cruise.

There's an adult pool on the boat? Where?

 

[tksbaskets]

600 Pictures? Are you Asian? I think I took maybe 7 pictures, one for each day of the cruise.

There's an adult pool on the boat? Where?

My heritage will forever remain a secret. I'll look through my archives and see if I can send you a few pictures of your family for your scrapbook. Oh, I have all the navigators if you need copies DH knows better than to mess with the pile-o-stuff for the scrapbook.

 

[ldeninge]

Su,
I can't go on without another installment waiting!

thanks so much for sharing your hilarious stories!

best wishes,
Lauri

 

[suzynuprin]

Su,
I can't go on without another installment waiting!

thanks so much for sharing your hilarious stories!

best wishes,
Lauri

...and thank you for mentioning me in your TR. A DIS referral, how cool is that? BTW, umm...how do you do that whole fork balancing act. Is it right up with tying a cherry stem into a knot with your tongue?

 

[ldeninge]

...and thank you for mentioning me in your TR. A DIS referral, how cool is that? BTW, umm...how do you do that whole fork balancing act. Is it right up with tying a cherry stem into a knot with your tongue?

Hope you don't mind that I put yours in there (without asking you first - oops - figured you'd take it as a compliment!)

Mo (our server) did the fork thing - I don't know how he learned it! It certainly wasn't something I could do! He and Claudio had so many amazing dinner tricks!!

 

[suzynuprin]

Hope you don't mind that I put yours in there (without asking you first - oops - figured you'd take it as a compliment!)

Mo (our server) did the fork thing - I don't know how he learned it! It certainly wasn't something I could do! He and Claudio had so many amazing dinner tricks!!

Hey, no one asks me first in my household for anything so you're in good company...plus I do think it's a nice compliment. Besides, it helps me try to get my page views up there with Grumpydude's....

Turning this bad boy computer off...gotta get to bed so I can skirt the travel curse tomorrow on my way to Hershey, PA...do you think the whole town smells like chocolate?

 

[grumpydude]

Turning this bad boy computer off...gotta get to bed so I can skirt the travel curse tomorrow on my way to Hershey, PA...do you think the whole town smells like chocolate?

It does...we go there all of the time. It is a great day trip for us. However, after about twenty minutes, your nose gets used to it and you don't smell it as much.

 

[2angelsinheaven]

Great report Su, thank you for sharing.

 

[kevinsmom]

Hands down, the best trip report of all time..... when r u taking another trip (disney or not)?? i want to read another TR!!!

 

[mom_of_2_princesses]

Great Report!!! I can't wait to go back now.

 

[supercalidisgirl]

You guys seem cool, so I'm going to experiment. This might just take off, considering we're all self-admitted freak mouse worshippers. So here's the idea:

When one is bored at work, one can generate strange ideas to keep busy. My latest: to start a thread devoted entirely to Disney haiku. Please see DCL Trip Reports, "Thread Devoted entirely to Disney Haiku" to express yourself in poetry. (do not reply to this post)

I'll start:

Empty bank account
Mouse takes freely all I have
Enjoy nice island

 

[Nala80]

I would absolutely, 100% do the NYE sailing again. Us cold weather folk like to travel to warm places in the winter, makes the Windy City a bit more "Bear"able. While the boat was at capacity, I never felt it was too crowded, although I don't have a non-capacity ship to compare it too (all of our cruises have been over a holiday). As soon as DCL will take my money, we are planning on going on the 12/27/08 Magic sailing. Come join us...we don't bite, and then I can write your trip report too.

Oh good, another suzynuprin TR to look forward to. Gotta seriously consider going with you, after all, I could get a free TR without having to write one myself! I get a laziness attack while on vacation and then wonder why I can't remember what I did during any trip.

DCL is always ready to take your money...they have a bunch of mine already.

 

[suzynuprin]

You guys seem cool, so I'm going to experiment. This might just take off, considering we're all self-admitted freak mouse worshippers. So here's the idea:

When one is bored at work, one can generate strange ideas to keep busy. My latest: to start a thread devoted entirely to Disney haiku. Please see DCL Trip Reports, "Thread Devoted entirely to Disney Haiku" to express yourself in poetry. (do not reply to this post)

I'll start:

Empty bank account
Mouse takes freely all I have
Enjoy nice island

Looks like I'm going to have to consult my dictionary for the actual meaning of haiku...I hardly paid attention in English class.

Hands down, the best trip report of all time..... when r u taking another trip (disney or not)?? i want to read another TR!!!

Shh....don't tell Grumpydude you think my TR is the best...because he might get, well, a little Grumpy because he's really does rock.

I took a trip today - I was bored tonight, so here's in a day in the life of Su:

A Day in the Life….

Morning came too early for me – after all, nothing says “Welcome Back to Reality” better than being jolted awake out of a lovely dream of my boyfriend Brent to the buzz, buzz, buzz of my morning hangover…oh sorry, wrong type of buzz. I meant the alarm clock. Time to make the donuts…or get a place where they make the chocolate sauce for the donuts.

I am by nature a creature of habit – I order the same food at the same restaurants, I wear mostly one color (that would be black), I do roughly the same work each day, but mix up the cities a little just for spice (that would a little recipe work talk there). So today is my day to go to the land of ever-flowing chocolate, the birth mother of the Chocolate Kiss (which by the way is 100 years old this year) and be like Charlie at Willa Wonka’s Chocolate Factory, dispelling my magical wisdom to the Chocolatiers of the World. And my flight is in terminal two – not my usual terminal one that I know like the back of my hand, terminal two. This will be an interesting day.

I rev up the car, make record time to the airport (because everyone is apparently still dreaming of life on the boat…me, I have to go to work so I can pay for that perpetual dream of life on the boat). I manage to walk 10 miles from the parking lot to Terminal Two, which I’m fairly certain is not in Chicago but actually in Iowa…Terminal One – Chicago, Terminal Two – definitely not Chicago, and I have the blisters to prove it.

“Welcome to Flight 7575, non-stop service to Harrisburg. If you are carrying anything larger than a manila folder, you will need to check your bag as the overhead compartment smaller than your average shoebox. I mean, really passengers, don’t believe me, check out your carriage ride this morning.” Holy Crap – we are flying in the equivalent of the Red Bull can with wings attached. They can actually paint ‘United’ on the side of this tin can? Isn’t there a minimum height rule like the rides at Disney?

I sit down in my seat – which was like “Economy Negative” not “Economy Plus.” I’m fairly certain they actually took five inches away from the standard seats. I haven’t seen my knees up close like this in a long time. And my seat mate? Tall, distinct business man looking dapper in the suit and tie. I pull out my computer to do a little work and over my shoulder, I notice that my seat mate pulls out some reading materials – Us Weekly. “Dude – just want to let you know you might have to revoke your man card. At least pretend and hide it in your Wall Street Journal. You do have one of those too, don’t you? You know, suit, tie, cuff links, WSJ, and you’re dressed. Us Weekly? Do you also order the petit filet mignon well done?”

After a relatively easy flight, I arrive in the land of all things chocolate. Cocoa Road, Chocolate Road, street lamps that look like Hershey’s Kisses and the city smells like someone put a giant chocolate air freshener over it. Oh, and how convenient – the good folks at Hershey’s left a trail of Reese’s for me to follow from the airport to my meeting. They must think I’m E.T. Of course, I was a much taller individual prior to Red Bull flight, now I am the size of E.T. How did they know?

We start the meeting, “Cherri,” “Jimmy,” “Johnny,” and me, Su. What wrong with this picture – is this Romper Room? Am I Big Bird? No, no, that’s right, I’m E.T. Let’s start with the first, most important question to the Hershey’s folks, “When your stomach is upset, do you get Hershey squirts?” Just wondering….

I head back to the airport with my arch nemesis, Johnny – of Romper Room fame – to check in for our return flight to Chicago. Hey Johnny, what’s your seat number? “Umm…6B – what about you?” Crap…6C…hurry computer, change the seat, change the seat! “Oh, wow, you’re in 6C – we’re sitting next to each other.” Geez, you’re so brilliant…they actually gave you a VP title? But I have a Plan B, rumor has it it’s a light flight which means there’s a least one other seat…on the other side of the plane…for me to get caught up on People magazine…and maybe that Us Weekly I stole out the seat pocket on my morning flight.

After passing through security and heading to my gate (frankly, with the tin can plane, I suppose I should be grateful that they even give us a gate – surprised they don’t actually just give us a quick shove out the side door and up to the plane), I hear the announcement that is clearly going to put a kink in my Plan B. “Hi folks, looks like this is a pretty light flight. Because of this, we need to balance out the plane and if you are not currently sitting in Economy Plus, please see me at the podium so we can reissue you your ticket.” Excuse me? Balancing the plane? Grr…I really am going to have to end my day listening to Johnny talk about what he talks about best…himself.

I find my aisle seat (across the aisle from Johnny) and next to another dapper looking business man in a nice suit and tie. “Excuse me sir, I think you are sitting on my seat belt.” “No, no, I’m fairly certain this is MY seat belt.” “But you see, I’m missing half of my seat belt, and I don’t really feel like grabbing your butt to find out if you have the other half.” “I’m a 1K traveler, this is my seat belt.” “Mother Fuddrucker (we had lunch there today), holy son of a witch, just move you’re a** and give me my seat belt, otherwise I’m going to have to forcefully remove it from you’re a** and last I heard, seat belt wedgies leave a mark.” “Well, I’ll be – look at that, I was SITTING on your seat belt.”

It’s time to unwind and grab my reading materials for the flight home - cooking magazines to evaluate, Good Housekeeping because I want to find out if Marcia Cross is actually a transvestite, People and Us Weekly to keep me hip and up to date with all thing Brangelina. My seat mate looks over at me and says, “If I get a little jittery, it’s because I don’t like to fly.” Don’t like to fly – how does someone become a 1K flyer and not like to fly? “I find that talking helps me. What are you reading there?” Apparently nothing, because now I have to make sure my seat mate can get through the take off and landing and not puke on me.

After I have finally bored my seat mate to sleep (it works with my husband too), I go back to my reading materials. I see some movement next to me and just like Max who wakes up too early from his nap, “Hi – how much longer until we land?” Too long…like another hour…an hour from hell. I’m between Johnny-Arch-Nemesis and What’s-His-Name-I’m-A-1K-But-I-Don’t-Like-To-Fly Guy. “Would you like a magazine to read?”

“Well, I don’t really cook, we get People magazine at home, would you mind if I look at your Us Weekly?” “Sir – you do realize you will lose your man card. If you take this magazine from me, you will lose your man card. The passenger I stole this from lost his man card this morning. He’s now a woman.” And with those words of warning, my seat mate took my Us Weekly and flipped it open to the center spread to stare at the lovely ladies in their lovely gowns. True story, seriously, true story.

After the flight landed like we were trying to land on the back of a Naval Ship we quickly make it to our gate – that would be the penalty box since no gate is available. And seat mate to my left says, “Hey – look we’re in the penalty gate. More time to spend with your annoying neighbor.” You know you’re annoying and yet you don’t let up? He really truly said this. And my seat mate to the right, “Hey Su, did you know that my son has a 102 fever? What should I do? You have three kids, tight?” “I just learned it’s best to quarantine your kid. Don’t let him out of the house, vacuum seal his room, wear rubber gloves and a mask when you’re with him. Highly contagious – are you sure he doesn’t have Bears Fever?” I am fairly certain this is what hell might be like. Small plane, cramped quarters, Annoying Man on left, Self-Centered Egotistical Maniac on Right. I just want to read my stolen Us Weekly.

And with that…I got into my car and went home.

I have to get a life...Go Bears!