Long and Tedious Tale of Unexpected Grandparenthood

[skylynx]

So just when you think you've got that Disney Cruise thing all figured out...you find out your cruise with DH and 3 young adults has become us, 3 young adults, and a baby.

Booked a 4-night Bahamian graduation cruise on the Dream for DS18 in June. Since my stepdaughter (23) in the UK missed several cruises that we took aforementioned DS and DD21 on over the last 6 years, we decided to fly her over from London for the cruise and get the “kids” their own stateroom. We were able to get them the obstructed view porthole room at the very front of the Dream that’s a weird shape but a good value. Booked RonJon’s in Cocoa Beach for the night before the cruise and the Treehouses at Saratoga Springs for 3 nights after so we can do WDW post-cruise. Boy, is this going to be fun.

Now, I am the family travel witch, so planning adventures and getting reservations right is very important to me. I felt we had great pre- and post-cruise plans that would let the kids have their own space, provide an appreciable buffer zone between our two staterooms, and enable the first trip to Palo for the graduate. I was feeling smug.

Then, we find out on Facebook, that DSD has “exciting news.” We think…a wedding! Huzzah! We didn’t even think she was getting along with the boyfriend! Turns out exciting news is that DSD is pregnant and due in December. She does not want this to mean she cannot go on the trip. The baby will be 5 months old by the time of the cruise, so no problem there. DSD broke up with the father of baby a couple months ago. He is diagnosed bi-polar but refuses treatment, and does interesting things like show up at the ultrasound appointment and f-bomb DSD in the waiting room. For a litany of reasons I won’t go into, no one at the moment is encouraging them to try and reconcile.

Although we shudder at the full gravity of what it is going to be like for her to be a 23 year old single mother still living at home with a job but not a career, we want to be as positive and supportive as possible and warmly welcome the new member of our family. OK, so enough background detail.

Immediately after digesting the news (and a cocktail) I call DCL to ask about noting the additional person on the reservation. I think this will be no big deal. Turns out it is a very big deal. The room the kids were originally booked in only holds 3 people, so they can no longer stay there. I look at the next least expensive available option on that cruise, and it is an inside stateroom about the size of a walk-in closet with no split bathroom. I could not even picture where a Pack and Play could fit into this room with the 4 of them that left any floor space at all. It cost an extra $500 or so to add the baby to the reservation, and the upgrade to a Deck 2 porthole room was another $600. I converted the Ron Jon reservation to a two bedroom suite. More $$ We will have to rent a minivan instead of a full size car to get around to/from airport/port/WDW to fit all the people/luggage/car seat. More $$. I am trying not to be curmudgeonly about all the additional costs this poor innocent baby is racking up. But wait, it gets better. DSD is understandably ambivalent about her ability to travel alone that distance with an infant, so wants her dad to fly over and escort her across the pond and back. That’s 3 grand in addition to what her ticket is going to cost. No. No. No.

Suddenly, all the things I blissfully didn’t have to worry about on Disney Cruises like car seats and pack and plays and Flounder’s Reef (or whatever the equivalent is on Dream) and dirty diapers are something we have to plan for. I feel bad my DS and DD are going to have to share such close quarters with smelly diapers and the possibility of regularly interrupted sleep. We may end up having them back in our stateroom, which isn’t the end of the world but one of the reasons we booked separate staterooms is that the kids are night owls and DH and I are zonked out by 11pm. Oh well. That’s what family members do for each other. I don’t want my DSD to feel like a pariah, but also don’t want the other kids to have this first “adult” vacation together turn into a live-in nursery nightmare.

So…I find myself being the one to ask really lame questions.
1. How bad is it having dirty diapers in your stateroom? Can you ask the steward if there’s a way to get the garbage pail emptied more frequently or do it yourself? I don’t want to add to the steward’s workload unreasonably.
2. I’m thinking we better get trip insurance for this epic journey, but I am absolutely paranoid whatever reason we might be denied boarding would end up being an insurance policy exclusion. I know DCL’s insurance is more expensive, but are you any more likely to NOT have your claim declined going through them?
3. Those of you that have left your infants with Disney’s paid child-care…did you feel entirely comfortable? Would still really like to take all the kids to Palo (and don’t want to leave the baby’s mum behind). DH and I also plan to “babysit” at least one evening so DD and DSD can go to the clubs, but would like to know if the Disney baby care is as good as their care of the older children.

I know someone is going to suggest we just cancel the cruise and use the money to just do a longer stay at WDW. I just can’t bring myself to disappoint any of the kids as this is probably the last time for a long time we are going to cruise as a family (at least with us footing the bill). And it’s the first time DSD will have EVER been on a cruise. We’ve been looking forward to this graduation celebration trip since DD’s graduation trip 3 years ago (that was the last time the kids cruised with us.)

In spite of all the moaning about the expense and the additional hassle, there are things I’m looking forward to, like family photos with the characters, helping DSD enjoy as much of the cruise as she can by taking the baby, dressing the baby in Disney baby clothes (our baby is a girl!), and watching DH operate as a grandfather (and me, too, as a step-grandmother!)

Well, thanks for letting me vent. Any advice or answers to my whiny questions about diapers are most welcome. It's been a long time since I had to deal with that!

 

[lorenni]

You can request a diaper genie and a pack and play for the stateroom, as well as a bottle warmer, though we have not had reason to use the bottle warmer as my son was older when we cruised.

I think the disrupted sleep is a serious issue, as not many 5 month olds are sleeping thru the night. I would plan on the two other adult kids being in your stateroom and DSD and the baby in the second room.

As a first time mom, do you think she'll be comfortable leaving her baby with strangers in the nursery? Will the baby be in group day care at home? Factors to consider when planning on using the nursery.

Good luck and best wishes for a healthy pregnancy.

 

[lbgraves]

Well, one thing I noted is that they have one of the bigger rooms, though it officially sleeps 3. You could book the baby into your stateroom, then have their host add a PNP to their room. The host will provide a diaper genie which helps to contain the smell of the diapers. As far as the Palo dinner goes and if your DSD gets to enjoy it, that is something that she needs to get use to as a single mother with an infant. That baby is going to be her priority.

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

Wow! Congrats on the new grandbaby.
I would either put your younger 2 in your cabin or better yet get them their own.
It is amazing how 1 more person changes everything but hopefully everyone can be flexible enough to adjust & still have a great time.

I don't know that I'd want to put a 5 month old in the nursery for vacation. jmho. It's funny how while pregnant I thought so many day care centers were nice but once my son was a few months old, those same places seemed awful. My point is it's hard to predict now how she'll feel later. Go with the flow.

 

[sayhello]

I agree with lbgraves. If you haven't changed your reservation yet, see if you can add the baby to *your* cabin! Once you're checked in, nobody really cares who sleeps where, and the room you booked for the "kids" would have the most room for a pack-n-play. That way, the only additional expense would be adding the baby as a third on your reservation, which shouldn't be *that* much.

Sayhello

 

[PrincessShmoo]

I agree with lbgraves. If you haven't changed your reservation yet, see if you can add the baby to *your* cabin! Once you're checked in, nobody really cares who sleeps where, and the room you booked for the "kids" would have the most room for a pack-n-play. That way, the only additional expense would be adding the baby as a third on your reservation, which shouldn't be *that* much.

Sayhello

As long as there is room in that room/lifeboat for an additional person.

 

[neg58]

You say she's going to be a single mother still living at home but then say she wants her father to fly to England and escort her? I got confused with that.

I'd say no to the escort. Mothers fly with babies all the time. She can do it.

Nancy

 

[gigi1313]

Have you considered looking into changing the three kids and the baby into two inside staterooms, maybe adjoining? That way DSD can get an assist w/the baby but the other two can get some sleep... or, I echo the idea to book the baby (or one of the older kids) into your room and figure out sleeping arrangements on a nightly basis...

 

[mmouse37]

If your other kids are night owls like you say, I can't imagine how that is going to work with a young mom and a baby and them all in the same cabin....I could just see the baby waking up when the other 2 come in each night and nobody getting much sleep.

I would strongly suggest biting the bullet and geting the mom and new baby their own inside cabin (or least expensive cabin at the time...sometimes the O/V are less money).

MJ

 

[lbgraves]

Regarding the extra request to escort her and the baby back and forth for the cruise, no way!!! Again, this is part of the consequences. I know you wanted the entire family to cruise, but maybe this isn't the best time for her to cruise.

 

[lorenni]

And I would absolutely get trip insurance - especially with a baby in the mix. Flying with a 5 month old is a piece of cake (especially if she chooses to breast feed). Flying with a sick 5 month old is another story or not even an option.

I'm kind of chuckling at the thought of "grampa" being any real help whatsoever flying with my DS at 5 months old.

 

[travelgirl06]

We just returned from cruising with a 2-year-old and found Small World Nursery to be quite nice. Honestly, for a 2-year-old who is in daycare at home it was nowhere near as exciting as the clubs, but she always seemed to have a good time, and we got a much needed break . This being said we have had DD in full-time daycare since she was 2 months old, so we are comfortable leaving her in situations like this (some parents are not...). Some of the nursery staff did mention that for many babies it is their first time being watched away from their parents, so the staff is used to it and its probably hardest on the parents who haven't been away from their kids before.

I didn't remember you could get a diaper genie - good to know for next time! We usually take the stinky diapers out to a trash can that should be emptied shortly (I.e. nearby public bathroom, covered trash in hall, etc.) but a diaper genie is a much better idea for everyone.

Also, pack and plays take up a lot of space in the cabin, just something to be aware of. This trip DD was in a bed, but we sailed on NCL with her at 16 months and the pack and play took up a lot of the floor space. You could obviously collapse it during the day, but we kept it up for nap time - and with a 5 month old there will likely be several naptimes a day.

I agree with others about seeing if you can put baby in your room or looking at the price difference between 2 insides and the outside rooms you have booked, a little extra space goes a long way when there are baby things involved.

I was pleasantly surprised by all the "little" things Disney does to make parents lives easier. Around the parks there were changing tables everywhere, never hidden in the handicapped stall, but always easy to find, doors that open automatically (trying to pull a door open while pushing a stroller through it still drives me bonkers), kids meals that actually have healthy options, and cast members who are just awesome with the little ones. I think DCL is a great choice for a first cruise with your grand baby.

 

[MissDaisyofTexas]

We've had our DD in the nursery on two cruises, the workers there are wonderful. However, we only had her in there for around 2 hours a day. I think your DSD needs to understand that there are potentially adult activities she will want to partake in that won't be possible with the baby at night unless she books nursery time (or unless you agree to babysit, which is a conversation you should have upfront).

For example...we would put our DD in the nursery for 2 hours during dinner. But then we couldn't attend the adult-only comedy show at night, because we didn't want to put her back in the nursery after she was just in there for dinner.

There are a limited number of nursery hours she can book, but she can add more once on board.

Good luck!

 

[RHSTigerMom]

My opinion is not going to be popular, but scrap the whole trip, or just you and DH go. Kids are no longer "kids" at 23 and 21 and should contribute. Depending on the maturity level of the 18 yr old, he may still be considered a "kid". It's ludicrous to think 3 adults would want to stay in a stateroom with an infant. If DSD has a job, but not a career, can she really afford to take time off to go on vacation? Priorities.

 

[bumbershoot]

He is diagnosed bi-polar but refuses treatment, and does interesting things like show up at the ultrasound appointment and f-bomb DSD in the waiting room.

She needs to make sure her doctor or midwife's office knows that he is NOT allowed to be there. Not sure exactly how it works in the UK but she needs to find out if the police can be called, etc etc. That's not a safe situation at all.

I remember reading, while pregnant, that the time of a woman's life when she is MOST in danger of being killed by a partner is when she is pregnant. Your stepdaughter needs to protect herself.

My opinion is not going to be popular, but scrap the whole trip, or just you and DH go. Kids are no longer "kids" at 23 and 21 and should contribute. Depending on the maturity level of the 18 yr old, he may still be considered a "kid". It's ludicrous to think 3 adults would want to stay in a stateroom with an infant. If DSD has a job, but not a career, can she really afford to take time off to go on vacation? Priorities.

And I completely agree with this. Financial parental kindness is entirely optional once you're out on your own. My mom opted to help me financially, but if I'd gotten pregnant as a single person? That money would be gone. I'm old enough to do the deed that gets ya pregnant but not old enough to figure out how NOT to get pregnant? I'm old enough to take care of the baby and myself or to find someone who will take on that job for me. (this never became an issue as I KNEW she was serious) I thought my mom was nice; y'all are nicer.


And as the oldest sister of a total of 5, I cannot imagine inflicting my child on my younger sibs! They would have revolted! My dad tried to put my two brothers (6'4" and late 20s) into a hotel room with me, my then 6 year old, and dad and stepmom, and that was NOT OK. The brothers were too scared to say anything, but I went and got my OWN room for me and DS. Packing us in was not going to happen. And my son was 6 YEARS old, not 5 months.

Then, we find out on Facebook, that DSD has “exciting news.”

She's making it really hard for me to like her. That's how she tells her *family*?

 

[sandiedvc]

Don't forget the baby will have to have a passport to travel internationally. That will be an additional expense.

If the father is to be in the baby's life will he allow the child to travel?

 

[GeneMachine]

Turns out exciting news is that DSD is pregnant and due in December.

Congratulations on the new grandchild! Wonderful news!

She does not want this to mean she cannot go on the trip.

Well, yes, of course not. But babies have a way of up-ending even the best laid plans, especially when they are unexpected themselves. I would buy trip insurance for sure, because DSD may decide in the end that perhaps this is not the right time for her to go on her inaugural cruise with you. New babies, especially for a first time mom, and especially for a single mom, are just a whirlwind of change and she is going to do a lot of adjusting.

I think you are lovely for making all these accommodations for her; it is clear she is loved and so will this baby be. But I agree with the other posters who suggested that three adults and one baby might not be the best roommates. Definitely get them their own rooms. I also think it's asking way too much for you to fly her father out as an escort. Um, why doesn't he pay for himself? Or she can pay for her own escort? I don't understand why that burden is on you. Again, I think you are really nice for including your DSD, but that is a request that is really presumptuous. OMG, I could never ask my parents for something like that!

Good luck and have fun no matter what you decide.

 

[slzer0]

Have you considered looking into changing the three kids and the baby into two inside staterooms, maybe adjoining? That way DSD can get an assist w/the baby but the other two can get some sleep... or, I echo the idea to book the baby (or one of the older kids) into your room and figure out sleeping arrangements on a nightly basis...

This. Adjoining rooms, definitely. Everybody wins!

 

[lesabrowning]

Well, I will skip any opinions about how DSD got into the situation or if you should or should not take the trip... Obviously there is a lot more to the story than you can explain here : )

What I can speak to is travel and kiddos. I have seven, traveled with them all. Had the first one at 20 and his daddy bolted before he was born. I managed to work and stay in college and take care of my son. Let's have some hope that DSD can step up and do the same. I promise, she really can make that flight alone. Infants are ridiculously easy to fly with! I also had seven really good sleepers, all mine slept well by five months and she can likely get away with the baby in bed with her if she breast feeds. (No, I am not a co-sleeper, but in hotels we sometimes did) On the ship they will set up and take down the PNP each day and they will empty the diaper genie, smell should not be an issue. If she uses a sling or front carrier it will much easier and really pretty easy. Our youngest is just turning a year and did her first WDW trip at two months in a sling, super easy.

Seriously, it is everything else that is complicated, the travel does not have to be. Feel free to PM or email me for baby travel tips, I swear we have it down to a science. Good luck and congratulations!

 

[lilpooh108]

(1) 5 month-olds are relatively easier to fly with than say, a 9 month old. They don't walk or crawl yet so there's not much moving around. They mostly eat and sleep. Your SD should fly without an escort. My DD's first flight was 8 hours to Hawaii, she was 4 months, and we lived.

(2) If you don't want to add an extra room (and who would? $$$), then add the baby to your stateroom so that your kids get to keep their corner OV. That room will be AMAZING for a pack and play with the extra space.

I honestly don't see the problem of them all sleeping together. 5 month olds don't sleep through the night, but the kids are night owls any way right? So everyone should take turns napping if sleep is an issue.

SD should go to bed early with the baby. Your kids can get ready for bed in your stateroom to avoid noise, and only go to their stateroom to sleep. That way no one wakes up mom or the baby.

It's only 4 nights. Life goes on, and your resources are not unlimited. Since this is a "free" trip for all of them, they really should just (excuse the phrase) *suck it up.*

(3) Diapers don't smell bad if you take the poopy ones out right away (we usually find our steward and ask him where we should put it for minimum smelliness), and only leave pee diapers in the diaper genie. Since you already have an oversized OV, the pack N play will fit just fine.

(4) It is much cheaper to rent 2 standards than 1 minivan. If you *have* to have a minivan, check on the travel boards for that Travelocity minivan code that's floating around. 5 month olds will need a carrier, so she might look into either renting from the agency or just getting one checked through (it's free to check).

(5) Ask your SD to call her airline and request a bulkhead seat NOT BY A BATHROOM (the light & door slamming noise wakes up the babies) so that she can request a baby cot for the flight over. There are usually only a few seats which are at the bulkhead, but not near the bathroom. On British Airways there's usually only 7 seats that fit this description so she needs to find this seat early.