Letting kids ages 8-12 check in and out of kids club

[Gina]

I gave my kids this lecture on our first cruise..

"Guys, this is EVERYBODYS vacation, mom and dad want to have fun, we want YOU to have fun. We aren't going to give strict rules and limits so you can make friends, hang out and have a good time. HOWEVER, if I hear you're misbehaving, if you don't do what you're supposed to do or go where you're not supposed to be you will be with me EVERY SECOND for the rest of the cruise. It's simple and your choice."

They towed the line and behaved well the entire cruise ( they're good kids and I knew they would ) We all had a great trip.

Also, having your kids at the DIS meets early on helps! I told my son at the very first one, and remind him each time: "Do you see all these nice people? They all know what you look like now... and they're my friends. If I hear one report of you running down a hall, or being disrespectful, or acting like a fool in any way, you will be tethered to me like you were 3 years old." >insert Focker watching-you gesture here< It works like a charm.

 

[NewfieMom]

Newfie -

Yeah, the pedophiles do come in all flavors. It is just that on a cruise, you are "captive" and they know who you are. In WDW, you can buy a one day pass, go in and make a quick exit without a trace. I just don't believe that pulling a child into your cabin - one where you can be easily found and identified - is the threat.

Here comes my Child Protection hat again - statistically, the majority of child abusers are know to their victims. It is just that we hear about the incidents involving strangers in the media more. The other point is that if these people were worried about consequences, they wouldn't do it in the first place - regardless of the circumstances. Often the increased danger of getting caught is part of the draw, and they are also experts in manipulating the children so that they hopefully will not tell following the incident. My point is that because you are confined to a ship, with generally (perceived) a higher income bracket of people, it does not mean that your kids are safe. This stuff can happen anywhere - you need to streetproof them wherever they are, and regardless of how much freedom they have. If you ask most kids what a "stranger" is, and what would they do if someone told them they had to come with them because their parents were in an accident, the answers can be pretty scarey - despite all the warnings you may have given them.

In saying all that, not that I wouldn't worry about something happening to our boys if we give them sign out privileges, my worry is more about what the eldest DS will do, than what would be done to him! The younger guy tends to be more responsible and level headed than the older guy - he's our pot stirrer, I guess, and the one I'll still need to be keeping track of at 21! We too use the parents talk to each other warning - it generally goes along the lines of "We'll rat any of you out in a heart beat!", and the threat of losing the privileges. On our last Disny vacation, we made sure to point out the castmembers badges if they needed help, and as back up, point out mom's with kids as a second alternative - with the belief they would be the safest of adults to approach if you needed, and more likely to help you out. Thankfully we've never had to use either of these, but like I said in my earlier post, all you can do is teach them to be safe and responsible the best way you know how. Unfortunately the world is not as safe for kids, even in Magical places.

Okay, soap box put away again.

 

[dizzi]

My Dd will NOT be allowed to check herself out she will be 11 years old onthe cruise.
My Ds willbe able to check hisself out he willbe almost 15.

 

[Disney_Bound2007]

Newfie -

Yeah, the pedophiles do come in all flavors. It is just that on a cruise, you are "captive" and they know who you are. In WDW, you can buy a one day pass, go in and make a quick exit without a trace. I just don't believe that pulling a child into your cabin - one where you can be easily found and identified - is the threat.

Yes you are "captive" but it does not mean it couldn't happen! So why take the chance???

 

[GONETODISNEY]

Yes you are "captive" but it does not mean it couldn't happen! So why take the chance???

Exactly! You know, a pedophile gives very little thought to the fact that they
may get caught. Once the molestation occurs, the child is forever damaged --whether the pedophile is caught or not. Being careful and watchful with our children is priority number 1!

 

[dizzi]

i think i would be more worried about soemone getting hurt or someone getting lost or someone falling over board or soemone thinking they are big enough but then geting scared after the fact.

I would not worry to much about sexual preditors, but there again the operative words are "NOT TOO MUCH"

You just never know, about anything with kids, or adults for that matter, always always better to be safe than and sorry

And to regret what you did not what you didnt do!

 

[dizzi]

Even if they have the opportunity to get out themsleves, my Dd at age 11, will not know the difference, if i tell her she cannot leave without permission, then she would be clueless.

 

[MaryKatesMom]

I didn't know they would have sign-in sign-out privileges and I'll probably let my 11 and 9 year old have them with restrictions. This can be used as a teaching moment - no elevators, paging us, going directly from one destination to another, using the a two way radio, stay together, etc.

When I went to college I was surprised by the number of clueless sheltered kids who never learned how to manage responsibility. Never held a job, never gotten a driver's license, etc. (My roommate was a disaster; she left college because it wasn't easy anymore: confused3) Maybe it made their parents feel better to have complete control but I don't think they did their kids any favors. My philosophy is I'm raising my kids to be adults - not big kids.

I think it will depend on each child and you know their strengths and weaknesses. My older one is much easier to distract so I would be monitoring how long it takes to go from one place to another while the younger one food intake needs to be watched. Different kids, different problems.

 

[birkner]

I didn't know they would have sign-in sign-out privileges and I'll probably let my 11 and 9 year old have them with restrictions. This can be used as a teaching moment - no elevators, paging us, going directly from one destination to another, using the a two way radio, stay together, etc.

When I went to college I was surprised by the number of clueless sheltered kids who never learned how to manage responsibility. Never held a job, never gotten a driver's license, etc. (My roommate was a disaster; she left college because it wasn't easy anymore: confused3) Maybe it made their parents feel better to have complete control but I don't think they did their kids any favors. My philosophy is I'm raising my kids to be adults - not big kids.

I think it will depend on each child and you know their strengths and weaknesses. My older one is much easier to distract so I would be monitoring how long it takes to go from one place to another while the younger one food intake needs to be watched. Different kids, different problems.

Your post just resonated with me as I have a 21 year old DD who will be graduating from University in May. I have been absolutely astounded with the behavior of some of the girls in her sorority who have had overprotective parents. I just returned Sunday from a Theta Mom's weekend and witnessed some of the behavior both with their Moms and without their Moms. Some of these girls have their parents so bamboozled with stories of their behavior that they do not realize their DD's are headed for serious trouble. I have watched this pattern occur with all of my children during University years.

Just because you DD may be pulling down straight A's does not mean she could not be indulging in binging, purging, excessive alcohol use or drugs. Two of my DD's roommates are home for three weeks, one suffering from the effects of anorexia, the other tried for the second time in four years to commit suicide over a broken relationship. I have met both of their Mom's as my husband has met their Dads. Both of the parents maintained to both of us separately that this was a "phase" all college kids go through and the issues were not "real" problems. How can you respond to those kind of statements with other than incredulity?

Somehow, both girls have maintained 4.0 averages. Both of their parents are in denial that there is anything wrong with their DD's and it took University intervention to get the girls sent home. I am not sure if either girl is going to be able to graduate this May.

The key is know you children, but do allow them a little leeway to learn from their mistakes. I am not talking about putting them in danger but allow them a bit of freedom to learn from their mistakes.

Just my thoughts....

 

[TeamTinkerbell]

Last cruise we let our 11 yo and her bf check themselves out. They had to go up to room and leave a message on dry erase board where they were planning on going and what time. (Mostly I would catch them in the movies)
If DD was by herself prob would not have let her. We will be cruiseing next October and I will most likely give her sign out priv she just needs to call me on walkie talkie so I know where she is going.

Okay, I can't go any further until I know, was this on a Disney cruise?

 

[mom_of_2_princesses]

Okay, I can't go any further until I know, was this on a Disney cruise?

Why would it make a difference? Nevermind you thought Boyfriend. It is Best friend. No mother that is taking her time on these boards is allowing a Boyfriend at 11. I hope!

Your post just resonated with me as I have a 21 year old DD who will be graduating from University in May. I have been absolutely astounded with the behavior of some of the girls in her sorority who have had overprotective parents. I just returned Sunday from a Theta Mom's weekend and witnessed some of the behavior both with their Moms and without their Moms. Some of these girls have their parents so bamboozled with stories of their behavior that they do not realize their DD's are headed for serious trouble. I have watched this pattern occur with all of my children during University years.

Just because you DD may be pulling down straight A's does not mean she could not be indulging in binging, purging, excessive alcohol use or drugs. Two of my DD's roommates are home for three weeks, one suffering from the effects of anorexia, the other tried for the second time in four years to commit suicide over a broken relationship. I have met both of their Mom's as my husband has met their Dads. Both of the parents maintained to both of us separately that this was a "phase" all college kids go through and the issues were not "real" problems. How can you respond to those kind of statements with other than incredulity?

Somehow, both girls have maintained 4.0 averages. Both of their parents are in denial that there is anything wrong with their DD's and it took University intervention to get the girls sent home. I am not sure if either girl is going to be able to graduate this May.

The key is know you children, but do allow them a little leeway to learn from their mistakes. I am not talking about putting them in danger but allow them a bit of freedom to learn from their mistakes.

Just my thoughts....

I have to agree with you 100%. I have had similar situations with my DD's friends who are 10 and they act like I am giving them the world because they can go out front and play without me watching their every move.(wow! they have never does this before) Lo and behold, they will act up in two seconds if I don't watch them. I just say give a little and get a little. There is no way to protect a child from everything and you just have to use your best judgment. That is one of my biggest complaints right now with kids. We have tons of book smarts but no common sense going on.