Letting Go...

[ashjohnson80]

Have you ever had to let go of people in your life who just aren't good for you? Why is it still hard when you know that these people don't care about your happiness, trust your judgment, or will stand by you and the decisions you've made for your own life? I know I'm going to be so much better off with these "friends" out of my life, but after 15 years of having them there, it just makes me feel sad and sick. I need to be able to just let go...

 

[ericamanda01]

It's tough I know. After too many unhappy years I finally had enough and had to let my best friend go. Even though she belittled me, made me feel low, was CONSTANTLY negative and so many other things, I still had a hard time letting go. I finally had to just stop talking to her, not take her calls and ignored her emails. Some people might thing that is the cowards way out, but no matter how many times I tried to talk to her she would end up turning it around on me. It's been 2 years and I can honestly say it was the best decision for me. I have friends now that I don't feel I have to edit what I say for worry that I will upset them. They accept me for who I am, and I am finally happy. Life's too short to waste your time with people that make you miserable.

 

[Disney Doll]

Letting go....never easy, often necessary....

 

[Keli]

I never had to make a real decision to let a friendship go. At least I can't think of one that ended like that. Mostly I think I gradually have less contact with folks when those contacts tend to be negative until we just don't hang out or talk anymore. I think it would be difficult to just cut it all off at once.

 

[NatashaDisneyCM]

I had to make a complete run of the house of my friends! I dropped everyone! It has been very, very hard for me. It had been a way of life for 30 years! but they were just bad for me!! I have made new friends, I go to school full time, and am getting a higher education, and I joined a gym... I have an awesome part time job and we are all going to disney in May!
This is all new to me! Even the men I dated..I had to leave it all behind.

 

[mumom95]

I started a thread kind of like this a month or so ago and got some really good advice. My thread was more about letting go of the anger, so that I could let someone back into my life (it was a family member, and where I don't care so much that I cut them out of my life, it was really hard on my dh).

It isn't easy. But just know that sometimes it is for the best. Some people are just toxic. And you may have for years looked past the poison and tried to show them love, but once you realize they are starting to poison you, it's time to let go.

It won't be easy, but don't feel guilty. It isn't your fault. Just keep reminding yourself of that, and hopefully it will help a bit.

 

[C.Ann]

Have you ever had to let go of people in your life who just aren't good for you? Why is it still hard when you know that these people don't care about your happiness, trust your judgment, or will stand by you and the decisions you've made for your own life? I know I'm going to be so much better off with these "friends" out of my life, but after 15 years of having them there, it just makes me feel sad and sick. I need to be able to just let go...

Yes - I have - and have never felt any regrets about doing so.. When I could actually feel how much better off I was without these people in my life, there was no reason for it to be "hard"..

There have been a couple of people that I've given second (and even third)chances - hoping that they were capable of maintaining an "equal" relationship with me - not one where they had to be in control at all times - but it didn't work out.. In those cases, it appears to be a personality trait - one they aren't willing to change or compromise on - and I'm much, much happier not having to deal with them anymore..

I think that once you realize that your happiness is more important than friends who aren't really friends, it won't be so difficult for you..

Maybe you just need a little more time..

 

[mom2boys]

It's not easy. It will be an adjustment. We cut some toxic people out of our lives a few years ago. It was really difficult at first - almost as if they had died because they were just gone. It has been the best thing for our whole family.

You have that adorable little Eyeore to focus on. He doesn't need you upset by people who aren't good for you.

 

[ashjohnson80]

I think I've just had so many changes in my life in the past year- a divorce, massive weight loss, finding the love of my life, and I never realized how much negativity I surrounded myself with for nearly all of my life until recently. I think it's shocking to realize that the people you always thought would be there for you actually weren't there for YOU at all.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

You can look at it differently. Instead of "letting go", I prefer to look at it as accepting my reality.

Acceptance of what is your reality now is a empowering position and more positive. Yes, it comes with some pain but it is a work thru it pain, if you know what I mean.

"Letting go" is something that you can't do all at once. Well maybe some people can but that is rare. It becomes negative thinking in your brain and then you beat yourself up because you think you should be able to be "over it" already.

So just say no to letting go and say hello to the "new me".

 

[ashjohnson80]

You can look at it differently. Instead of "letting go", I prefer to look at it as accepting my reality.

Acceptance of what is your reality now is a empowering position and more positive. Yes, it comes with some pain but it is a work thru it pain, if you know what I mean.

"Letting go" is something that you can't do all at once. Well maybe some people can but that is rare. It becomes negative thinking in your brain and then you beat yourself up because you think you should be able to be "over it" already.

So just say no to letting go and say hello to the "new me".

I think you're right. Instead of thinking of it as losing something, it's just the next chapter.

 

[shortbun]

Yeah, I'm letting go of a family member right now. Always negative, mean and outwardly dislikes me and anyone else she deems stupid. Why would I stay connected? Why am I tempted to try to repair a relationship I didn't break? It's a bizarre world!!!

 

[Kteacher]

Letting go....never easy, often necessary....

Totally agree with this. I recently let go of an extremely negative person in my life. I've known her for a long time, and thought I could help her look at life in a more positive light. I finally realized that not only was I not going to be able to change her, but her negativity was physically and emotionally draining.

 

[Promomx2]

I've "lost" all of my extended family for really stupid reasons on their part. The last was this past Jan. when my really close cousin informed me that she and her daughter could not come to my daughter's wedding because my daughter didn't ask her grandson to be in the wedding. What gets me is that she is very active in her church and has on numerous occasions put my family down because we don't belong to a church. I may not go to church every sunday but I believe and talk to god daily. I just don't understand how she can be so cruel but then think she is sooo holy.

 

[Robinrs]

I consider myself the ultimate "escape artist"... I get away from people who make my life miserable in a heartbeat. Life is too short.

I've changed my address, my state, my job, my life to get away from people. They're fine as long as I can deal with them, but when I can't, they're still wondering where I am!

 

[kellyg403]

It is hard letting go of people, especially ones you really do care about. I have a sister that no matter what, we just can't get a long. Nothing I do will ever be good enough. Nothing. I tried for a long time, really long time. I tried to always envision her as a small child I would babysit. How cute and sweet she was then. Over time, I realized she was always the same, I just lost tolerance for her selfish, self absorbent ways. We rarely speak. I see her at my mom's when she visits. I try to keep in touch with my neice and nephew. But other than that, just about nothing in common. It still hurts me to think we can't find a common ground. And its been going on this way for 15 years. We have reached an understanding, blood by birth but enemies through nature. We have agreed to disagree!

Kelly

 

[Gabes_mommy]

I had a very close girl friend. I considered her one of my "best friends". She moved away a few years ago but we kept in touch on the phone, email and Facebook and she still visits a few times a year.

Well in the fall I realized we hadn't spoken in a while so I emailed her - no response. I emailed her again - still no response and then I noticed that she blocked me on Facebook.

I wracked my brain wondering what I could possibly have done, but I couldn't think of anything. I have always been a great friend - sending her and her DD care packages and I never said anything bad about her to anyone - I never would have.

I think the hardest part of the whole thing was/is the not knowing. We had a friendship that spanned over years and then it just ended and I have no idea why.

It has been really hard to let go of - I still think of her all the time and miss her. I hate that I'll never know what happened.

Letting go is tough.

 

[FINFAN]

Yep....family member. Call it self-preservation, I had to remove myself from the toxicity that was so negative. Thing is, I KNOW it is the right decision as there is no guilt, no doubt, no what if's about whether or not it is whats best. Unfortunate yes, do I wish the same choice on anyone ? No. Hang in there and trust your gut.