Laundromats and othe people's children

[Laura66]

No she made excuses for their behavior. She may have kept trying but ultimately if none of that works, you leave. You do not subject other people to your kid's bad behavior and when you go back you prepare better for the outing...make sure they are well rested, well fed, with plenty of surprises in a bag, not just abook, for several kids

ETA...that seems to be the advice given on the how to discipline in the park thread...if your kid is acting up, you leave, even if it means one parent or the whole family needs to take that time out...well the same applies for the laundromat, the restaurant, the movies and grocery/Target type store.

I know right! Did some people not read the posts!

I would always say to my DH or friends when I was following thru with consequences for my children's misbehavior - well now I'm screwed as well! LoL. Why? Because it was no fun listening to them cry or carry on in their rooms or have to leave the mall, restaurant, yep park! Wherever! But when they don't listen that's what you as a parent do! It's not fun!

And if you and others would actually read the posts on this thread you would see that none of us claimed to have perfect children! But we do have a problem with (what I call) lazy parents not parenting their children! The attitude of - oh well, I don't care if they're bothering others and misbehaving!

 

[Mkrop]

It can't always mean leaving the park and it most certainly cannot mean always leaving anywhere else.

She explained why she couldn't leave the laundromat. If you only have a certain amount of time to do something, you have to do it then. Not everyone has the luxury of coming back at a later time.

What she did say is that she removed the kids from the place and put them in the car where she could watch them and they could play.

Giving a reason for behavior is not always the same thing as making an excuse.

Yes it can...there is always that option...just excuses not to. I left MANY places and was inconvienced...it is called parenting.

 

[Hannathy]

It can't always mean leaving the park and it most certainly cannot mean always leaving anywhere else.

She explained why she couldn't leave the laundromat. If you only have a certain amount of time to do something, you have to do it then. Not everyone has the luxury of coming back at a later time.

What she did say is that she removed the kids from the place and put them in the car where she could watch them and they could play.

Giving a reason for behavior is not always the same thing as making an excuse.

Yes it can! Give me one place you CAN'T leave? An airplane in the air is about the only place I can think of. (ok a moving train)

Isn't always easy, practical or inexpensive but where can't you leave ?

 

[Laura66]

It can't always mean leaving the park and it most certainly cannot mean always leaving anywhere else.

She explained why she couldn't leave the laundromat. If you only have a certain amount of time to do something, you have to do it then. Not everyone has the luxury of coming back at a later time.

What she did say is that she removed the kids from the place and put them in the car where she could watch them and they could play.

Giving a reason for behavior is not always the same thing as making an excuse.

Okay - let's forget her attitude and say she couldn't have left the laundry. She could have apologized or made the child apologize. She could ave stopped what she was doing to correct or redirect the child. Taken the child outside to talk to him. Brought more toys or things for the child to do.

She did not mention she did any of those things! Again - it was her attitude and the attitude of other posters. She could not be bothered to parent her children and did not care in the least that they were bothering others around them.

 

[Mkrop]

Yes it can! Give me one place you CAN'T leave? An airplane in the air is about the only place I can think of. (ok a moving train)

Isn't always easy, practical or inexpensive but where can't you leave ?

We almost and were fully prepared to leave Sea World in San Diego when DS11 at the time was having a full down meltdown. We were 2 hours from our hotel in DL. We lucked out that SW was empty that day, we were able to find a quiet spot, get some ice cream, and calm him down. But there were discussions of leaving if things did not turn around.

It always cracks me up when people say they cant...DS11 when he was little suffered from hypotonia (low muscle tone in his trunk) and sensory processing disorder. He was hard to get around bc he did not walk when he should have and his sensitivity was to noises. He was a mess for the first 3 years of his life and we left MANY places bc he could not handle it. It was a crap shoot as to whether things were going to go as planned. I worked PT, DH was traveling a lot, and I had my older son. I could not shop normally with him in a shopping cart bc if his feet dangled, he would scream (this is actually what led to the proper DX, when the dr heard that). I would have to shop with him in his stroller with a basket on my arm. I would have to do smaller trips or wait for DH to be finally home and do massive shopping and/or go late at night.

So when people say oh I cant leave...baloney...you do what you have to do...my DS had a medical reason for his meltdowns...but it was NEVER an excuse to bother others in a public place...EVER!

 

[wvjules]

So keeping one's children from running around a business, laundromat or not, is perfect parenting? Please!

 

[NHdisneylover]

OK, I must have missed somewhere that the OP lived with her parents and a whole other bunch of people.

I thought OP was a lawyer? In my mind, all lawyers are wealthy people living in their own house with their own W/D, lol!

She started a thread about being a trendsetter because she lives in a multi generational home; I think it was started the same day as this. In that one she explains she moved in with her parents when her kids were little and she needed childcare, then stayed because the schools were good and now stays to help take care of her parents. She also said her adult daughter now lives there--and she has many threads that talk about her sisters (two I assume, it is usually plural) living in the same house and annoying her. It all sounds very stressful to me.

 

[Sultana]

Fourth option: send the laundry out for someone else to do

(okay, that would not solve the issue f clothes washed where others wash theirs but would most homes have a way to hookup a second washer and drier set if OP did buy her own? PLus, there is a space issue. I would imagine the OP, her grown daughter, her sisters (2, I think) and her parents must be squeezed in pretty tight if they are all really in a single family home--even a large one would feel full with 6 adults in it.

She started a thread about being a trendsetter because she lives in a multi generational home; I think it was started the same day as this. In that one she explains she moved in with her parents when her kids were little and she needed childcare, then stayed because the schools were good and now stays to help take care of her parents. She also said her adult daughter now lives there--and she has many threads that talk about her sisters (two I assume, it is usually plural) living in the same house and annoying her. It all sounds very stressful to me.

Must have missed that thread.
I get a headache reading all that. Can't imagine what it must be to live there. Well, apparantly, not a comfortable, relaxing place to live if you can't even do your laundry at your "own" home.

 

[Tozzie]

I rarely agree with the op but why is her lifestyle and living arrangements being picked apart. No one has a right to inflict their children on someone else.


To the poster who said that is what insurance is for, i have no idea where that logic comes from insurance does protect the buisness but it isnt meant to protect them from people ho think their children can and should be allowed to do what they want and then someone should foot the bill.


I will say the laundromat that i used before I had my own W/D had a policy if children ran around and bothered others the adult with them was told once that it was not permitted if the behavioor continued they were told they had to leave wet clothes, clothes still in the washer didnt matter they could come back without the children to pick the clothes up. policy as clearly postedd and enforced.

I wish more businesses were like that playgrounds aare for playing not laundrromats, target or other businesses.

 

[Hannathy]

I rarely agree with the op but why is her lifestyle and living arrangements being picked apart. No one has a right to inflict their children on someone else.


To the poster who said that is what insurance is for, i have no idea where that logic comes from insurance does protect the buisness but it isnt meant to protect them from people ho think their children can and should be allowed to do what they want and then someone should foot the bill.


I will say the laundromat that i used before I had my own W/D had a policy if children ran around and bothered others the adult with them was told once that it was not permitted if the behavioor continued they were told they had to leave wet clothes, clothes still in the washer didnt matter they could come back without the children to pick the clothes up. policy as clearly postedd and enforced.

I wish more businesses were like that playgrounds aare for playing not laundrromats, target or other businesses.

I agree !

It goes along with restaurants having to post no children or that children disturbing others will be asked to leave. Very sad that this generation of parents are so self absorbed that they can't think of others or know how to parent their children and to think of others when they are disturbing them and leave before they are asked or made to.

 

[luvsJack]

Oh then both ended up getting their butt popped and put in the car to play (had it backed up and the hatch up)

I would love to see someone who can successfully corral an 2 and 4 year old and get something accomplished out of their house and with minimal toys

No she made excuses for their behavior. She may have kept trying but ultimately if none of that works, you leave. You do not subject other people to your kid's bad behavior and when you go back you prepare better for the outing...make sure they are well rested, well fed, with plenty of surprises in a bag, not just abook, for several kids

ETA...that seems to be the advice given on the how to discipline in the park thread...if your kid is acting up, you leave, even if it means one parent or the whole family needs to take that time out...well the same applies for the laundromat, the restaurant, the movies and grocery/Target type store.

So popping them and putting them in the car is making excuses?

And you are accusing others of not reading something correctly? really?

 

[luvsJack]

Yes it can...there is always that option...just excuses not to. I left MANY places and was inconvienced...it is called parenting.

Yes it can! Give me one place you CAN'T leave? An airplane in the air is about the only place I can think of. (ok a moving train)

Isn't always easy, practical or inexpensive but where can't you leave ?

Well, if you live 25-30 miles from the grocery store, work all day every day except Saturday and that is the one day you can get groceries--you can't leave and just let the family go hungry for a week.

If your child is sick and you have to get the meds filled and you are at the pharmacy and have to drop jr. off at day care and be at work in 45 minutes, you can't always just leave and come back later.

Physically you CAN leave, but the point is that if you do not have the time or opportunity to go back, then you simply don't have a lot of choices.

Just because YOU have not run across one of those times, does not mean that your experience holds true for everyone.

And you do realize that there are many ways to parent, your way is by far not the only way.

Okay - let's forget her attitude and say she couldn't have left the laundry. She could have apologized or made the child apologize. She could ave stopped what she was doing to correct or redirect the child. Taken the child outside to talk to him. Brought more toys or things for the child to do.

She did not mention she did any of those things! Again - it was her attitude and the attitude of other posters. She could not be bothered to parent her children and did not care in the least that they were bothering others around them.

Read her post that I quoted above. She did take the children outside. And there were no other customers in the place to apologize to.

 

[Hannathy]

Well, if you live 25-30 miles from the grocery store, work all day every day except Saturday and that is the one day you can get groceries--you can't leave and just let the family go hungry for a week.

If your child is sick and you have to get the meds filled and you are at the pharmacy and have to drop jr. off at day care and be at work in 45 minutes, you can't always just leave and come back later.

Physically you CAN leave, but the point is that if you do not have the time or opportunity to go back, then you simply don't have a lot of choices.

Just because YOU have not run across one of those times, does not mean that your experience holds true for everyone.

Nope none of those are absolutes, still boils down to the convenience of the parent. There are ways around all of them.

 

[luvsJack]

Nope none of those are absolutes, still boils down to the convenience of the parent. There are ways around all of them.

Of course you can.

It would not matter what scenario I give, you are going to say the same thing.

Sometimes the convenience of the parent has to trump all for the good of the family as a whole and when the mom has 2 hours with which to wash clothes and cannot fit it in anywhere else, oh well, can't leave.


Besides: SHE DID TAKE THEM OUT OF THE LAUNDROMAT.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I rarely agree with the op but why is her lifestyle and living arrangements being picked apart. No one has a right to inflict their children on someone else.


To the poster who said that is what insurance is for, i have no idea where that logic comes from insurance does protect the buisness but it isnt meant to protect them from people ho think their children can and should be allowed to do what they want and then someone should foot the bill.


I will say the laundromat that i used before I had my own W/D had a policy if children ran around and bothered others the adult with them was told once that it was not permitted if the behavioor continued they were told they had to leave wet clothes, clothes still in the washer didnt matter they could come back without the children to pick the clothes up. policy as clearly postedd and enforced.

I wish more businesses were like that playgrounds aare for playing not laundrromats, target or other businesses.

I think it evolved because someone mentioned she could buy her own washer and drier, and then I mentioned that was probably not an option due to her living arrangements, and so it went

Personally, I did say in the first post I made on this thread that the OP had a right to put her basket there to stop the behaviour and that was probably the best way to handle it and I might do the same if it was annoying me--and I totally agree that it is not acceptable to allow an 8 year old to run around in a laundromat.

 

[Mkrop]

Well, if you live 25-30 miles from the grocery store, work all day every day except Saturday and that is the one day you can get groceries--you can't leave and just let the family go hungry for a week.

If your child is sick and you have to get the meds filled and you are at the pharmacy and have to drop jr. off at day care and be at work in 45 minutes, you can't always just leave and come back later.

Physically you CAN leave, but the point is that if you do not have the time or opportunity to go back, then you simply don't have a lot of choices.

Just because YOU have not run across one of those times, does not mean that your experience holds true for everyone. And you do realize that there are many ways to parent, your way is by far not the only way.



Read her post that I quoted above. She did take the children outside. And there were no other customers in the place to apologize to.

Did you read my post...I had situations where leaving was a hardship...I left.

There are many ways to parent...but no one should subject their children in public to misbehaved children...so use your methods but get the kids to behave.

I would also never leave my children unattended in a car so I dont think her solution was the right one either...I have been on threads about that as well, it only takes a moment for something bad to happen

 

[luvsJack]

Did you read my post...I had situations where leaving was a hardship...I left.

There are many ways to parent...but no one should subject their children in public to misbehaved children...so use your methods but get the kids to behave.

I would also never leave my children unattended in a car so I dont think her solution was the right one either...I have been on threads about that as well, it only takes a moment for something bad to happen

But, of course you don't think she did the right thing.

They were not unattended, she backed the car up to the door or the window or something.


Leaving the grocery store or wherever was something that was suggested many moons ago by a child expert or two. It was something that was suggested for temper tantrums. And I don't totally disagree with the method. I just know that loading a kid up and taking them home when there is nothing to cook because I was buying groceries and later I have to go to work, isn't the wonderful solution that it can be thought to be.

I took ydgd with us out to eat one Sunday. We were waiting for our food and she kept picking up things on the table and throwing them to dd. I picked her up and walked out the front door without saying a word--she kept saying "but my hamburger!" I got to the car and then said, if you want to go back in, you have to behave. It worked and she did fine the rest of the meal. Now, a quick "do you want to go to the car" is all that it takes.

So you see, I am not saying that the method you push so hard is wrong, I am just saying it isn't always feasible.

 

[Mkrop]

But, of course you don't think she did the right thing.

They were not unattended, she backed the car up to the door or the window or something. Being inside a laundromat while they are in the car, I would never do that. Would I pump gas, yes I am right there, would I use the ATM, yes bc I am right there, mere steps away...how close can you be to your kids inside a laundermat


Leaving the grocery store or wherever was something that was suggested many moons ago by a child expert or two. It was something that was suggested for temper tantrums. And I don't totally disagree with the method. I just know that loading a kid up and taking them home when there is nothing to cook because I was buying groceries and later I have to go to work, isn't the wonderful solution that it can be thought to be.

I took ydgd with us out to eat one Sunday. We were waiting for our food and she kept picking up things on the table and throwing them to dd. I picked her up and walked out the front door without saying a word--she kept saying "but my hamburger!" I got to the car and then said, if you want to go back in, you have to behave. It worked and she did fine the rest of the meal. Now, a quick "do you want to go to the car" is all that it takes.

So you see, I am not saying that the method you push so hard is wrong, I am just saying it isn't always feasible.

If she is not in the car with them or by the side of the car they are unattended. ETA the farthest I would be from kids in a car is pumping gas or the ATM that is right there. How close can you be to your kids when you are inside a laundermat.. Sorry I am having trouble posting for some reason hence the ETA

It is a solution, to leave, one that someone can come up with a gazillion excuses why it wont work. You do what you did with your DGD and you take them out temporarily and get them settled down then try again. You buy enough for the one meal and you try the next day. Like I said I learned to shop w/out a cart bc DS could only tolerate small trips. I went everyday if I had to, even after working all day, with only one parent around, and two kids in tow. Although sometimes bringing DS#1 was actually quite helpful, he could carry something even if it was just a loaf of bread, or he could try to push the stroller for me, so I could carry more.

Same with your pharmacy scenario, you take the kid out to the car unti the Rx is filled. You come back in 15 mins, hopefully kiddo is better behaved, if not then you are in and out. You dont allow the child/ren to run around the pharmacy when they are not behaving just bc you need the meds tongiht. You MINIMIZE the annoyance of your children to the best of your ability.

 

[KennesawNemo]

Wow, simply wow.

 

[luvsJack]

If she is not in the car with them or by the side of the car they are unattended. ETA the farthest I would be from kids in a car is pumping gas or the ATM that is right there. How close can you be to your kids when you are inside a laundermat.. Sorry I am having trouble posting for some reason hence the ETA

It is a solution, to leave, one that someone can come up with a gazillion excuses why it wont work. You do what you did with your DGD and you take them out temporarily and get them settled down then try again. You buy enough for the one meal and you try the next day. Like I said I learned to shop w/out a cart bc DS could only tolerate small trips. I went everyday if I had to, even after working all day, with only one parent around, and two kids in tow. Although sometimes bringing DS#1 was actually quite helpful, he could carry something even if it was just a loaf of bread, or he could try to push the stroller for me, so I could carry more.

Same with your pharmacy scenario, you take the kid out to the car unti the Rx is filled. You come back in 15 mins, hopefully kiddo is better behaved, if not then you are in and out. You dont allow the child/ren to run around the pharmacy when they are not behaving just bc you need the meds tongiht. You MINIMIZE the annoyance of your children to the best of your ability.

I never meant that you don't do anything. Yes, you do something. You minimize the annoyance and she did what she felt she could do at the time. But you cannot always just leave.

What worked for you is great, for you. But you cannot say that everyone can do it. Personally, there is no possible way I could have ever gone to the grocery store everyday. I cannot be but in one place at a time and I am assuming that is the case for most people.

What I did with dgd worked great. When ds takes them out to eat by himself, he can't take the youngest out the door and leave the oldest. And it doesn't work as well if you pack both of them up and out. He has used that technique when someone is with him to stay at the table with the oldest. When he has them both alone, he has to do something different.

Not every parent can use the same techniques. Doesn't make anyone wrong, just different. You have to use what works for you, I have to use what works for me.