Just Need to Get it out......

[Pomlover2586]

DF and I will be getting married in June. I'm excited about getting married but nervous for the future. After we get married DF and I will have to buy our own health insurance etc [obviously along with rent and everything else being an adult entails] Right now we live with my mother so we are not paying all of that.

This is what scares me most; i'm worried we'll both end up having to get 2nd jobs and never see each other and still barely afford to make ends meet. I know this is somthing most young couples go through, especially when your like us and haven't started careers yet and are still in low paying jobs.

I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance that everything will be ok.....I don't even have these bills yet and already i'm stressing over them......

 

[FreshTressa]

Why the rush to get married then?

Just curious.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

It may be a bit of a challenge to live within your means once you are out on your own. Low paying jobs can do that to a person! But make every effort to do that, live within your means. You may have to forego some of the things you want "right now" until you have the purchase power to obtain them.

Stay away from credit cards and other short term, high interest debt. If you want something, and can't afford it at the time, save for it.

Plan your meals to meet a budget.

You will find yourselves growing closer together as you find ways to enjoy yourselves without spending a dime.

Take care now and enjoy your lives together!

 

[SandraVB79]

OP, IMO it's not the number of hours you spend together, but what you do with that time. Quality over quantity! And what doesn't kill you, will make you stronger


But, as someone else also mentioned, why the hurry to get married? Why not staying in the situation you're in now, and work on those carreers first?

 

[Camicar]

It's time to get real -- as in, sit down and make up a realistic budget and see if you can actually afford to live on your own. When I worked in a pastoral counseling situation, it always amazed me how many couples got married without a realistic notion of the costs of living or having had serious discussions about financial spending, financial priorities, and ways to hammer out financial differences.

Call up likely apartment complexes and find out what the rent is, average utilities, etc. Also find out what health insurance will cost. Figure in your other expenses, such as car payments, car insurance, clothing, food, etc. And be realistic about those expenses. Then compare it with your after tax income. What is the result?

What are both of your spending patterns? Is one of you a saver and one a big spender? This is a critical question when you don't have a lot of money. Will one or both of you come to resent having to have a second job and no leisure time? What if for some reason only one of you has a second job -- will the 2nd job worker end up with huge resentments? If you both have second jobs, who is going to take care of household maintenance issues (such as staying home to wait for the plumber, doing the grocery shopping, buying the Xmas presents?)

I will say that I disagree with the pp that the amount of time you spend together is unimportant. If you are not going to see/be with your SO, then why bother to get married? I can tell you from having seen this with other people, that if you don't spend time with each other, you are just ships passing in the night and it's much more likely for one of those ships to start making port at another dock, kwim? If you don't have time to make an emotional/social connection with your SO, one or both of you will start making that connection with someone you DO see/spend time with (such as a coworker).

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I have to echo the other posters....you need to set a budget together NOW.

I am a little confused on the "buy your own health ins."?

Generally you get that through your employer. Do both of you have jobs?

I hear that Starbucks offers health insurance. Anyway that is what Suze Orman recommends for people that need it. Not sure of the details about it.

Congratulations!

 

[MELSMICE]

I hear that Starbucks offers health insurance. Anyway that is what Suze Orman recommends for people that need it. Not sure of the details about it.

I have 2 cousins that work for Starbucks & they've said it's an incredible company to work for. All kinds of benefits & other perks (pun intended!!!)

I agree, work out a budget now. You're not getting married until June so you can probably save quite a bit before then.

 

[I'mNoPrince]

Why leave where your at if it's working. As long as MOM doesn't mind . Just because your married doesn't mean you have to go.

 

[lovemygoofy]

Like the others, I agree with starting a budget now. One thing I didn't see mentioned is be willing to settle for less or should I say don't think you need to have everything all at once.

For the first 6 months, we didn't have any furniture other than the bedroom suite I brought with me. We shared one car for a year. I would get up at 0430 and drive my husband to work and then come home and get ready for work and after work drive across town and pick him up on the way home.

We did not have cable for I don't know how long and honestly we didn't miss it. We had the radio and we talked alot and rented alot of movies from the library(free!) or played board games. I had a really cheap set of pots and pans and cheap dishes to eat off of and eating out was a treat of about twice a month.

I think that you need realistic expectations that things are not going to be perfect and fabulous because you are married and living on your own. I think that's when it gets to be hard. If you do get 2nd jobs, you are still married to the love of your life and will at some point get out of the hard part and it becomes easier. Sometimes though, I miss the old days, it just seems easier than it does now.

 

[Pomlover2586]

Thanks for all the comments! DF and I have been together for 6 years and we're ready to get married. I don't want to sit here and justify why we're getting married because there is always somone who's gonna post that we're too young. We are currently living with my mom because we're trying to save a bit and finish paying off some bills but we want to move out on our own. Living with my mom is a temperary situation........she can be difficult at times. Both of our works offer health however the plans are not worth what they charge. We wouldn't be able to stay with Kaiser [health care in Ca and some other states] if we switched to our work insurances and as far as my work goes the monthly premium is MORE then it is to pay for it independently through kaiser [not sure about DF's work]

 

[Passions71203]

Congrats on the upcoming wedding!! DH and I are young (I will not tell how young or we might get flamed! lol And we have 2 small kids ) and what really helped us was a budget! Good luck with everything

 

[Passions71203]

OP, IMO it's not the number of hours you spend together, but what you do with that time. Quality over quantity! And what doesn't kill you, will make you stronger

Agree with that!

 

[englishteacha]

Sit down, make up a budget, and stick to it. Start living by it NOW. Put away what you would pay for rent and insurance and utilities and save it as an emergency fund. DH and I married young at 22. It was a tough first year or so. DH was still in college and starting his own business and I was a first year teacher. We ate a lot of pasta, watched a lot of rented/borrowed movies, and occasionally went to a matinee movie at the theater for $3.50 each. Our health insurance comes right out of my check so I never see it. Car insurance is taken that way, too. It was a very frugal year...well, even 2 years, really. Now we're in year 6 and things are much more comfortable. We've even gone on vacations! So it's doable, if you don't spend more than you make! Again, don't spend more than you make!!

 

[mickeyboat]

DH and I had nothing when we got married, not even a couch! I have pictures of when his parents came to visit us in our first apartment of them laying on the floor watching a movie with their heads propped up on my flip chair.

Some friends had some pictures out the other day from back then, and I laughed when I saw our tv's rabbit ears sticking out of a liquor bottle.

Our idea of a date was people watching at the mall and dinner at the food court.

We ate Ramen noodles, boxed macaroni and cheese and chicken drumsticks more times than I can remember. DH doctored up Ramen noodles one time with Season Salt - they were even more awful that way if you can believe it.

Those were some great times! We look back fondly at them.

If spending will be a real problem for you, you need to make a concerted effort to take it easy, and stick to a budget.

Also, please reconsider your employers' health plans - I seriously doubt you will find anything more reasonable out there. Perhaps there is more than one plan to choose from, and you can get a plan with a higher deductible. Check into that.

 

[Disneychix]

Just think, you'll never make as little as you do now. (unless something unforseeable happens) If you can survive starting out you'll be fine. I've been paying a mortgage and bills for years and recently had a baby. DH and I both have good jobs. Almost every month I freak out about how we're going to pay for soemthing and DH reminds me that we've been doing fine all along and why am I freaking.

 

[mylightshines]

You really need to sit down and make a budget and decide what you really can afford. My DS and his girlfriend had the great idea they were going to get an apartment. Well, both are in school full-time and only work 20 hrs a week. They said we only need $1500 a month total. They said oh, we'll never go out to eat or anything, we'll stay home. While that's a great plan, that's not really much fun when you're young and not very realistic.

Of course, I listed all their rent expenses (utilities), car payments, car insurance, gas. Of course, it came to closer to $3,000. I explained to err on the side of higher. That way, if an expense is less than you budgeted, than you have a little extra money. If you budget low and it costs more than you expect (and you don't have any extra money), you're really screwed.

After looking at the budget, they decided to wait until my DS finishes school and gets a full-time job.

So, I would suggest call apartments and find out what rent costs, utilities (gas, power, water, cable, phone). You'll need renters insurance. Health insurance. Add in your budget medical co-pays. Car payment. Car insurance. Gas. Oil changes. Lunch money. Put in your budget eating out money/movie money. Put every little thing that you spend NOW in your budget. Like I said, plan for the worst case scenarior and decide if you really can afford to get married now and move out on your own.

Are you saving any money now? How much do you have left over every month now? Is there enough left over to pay rent, etc?

If you have credit cards, hold off on getting married until the cards are paid off. You'll have the next 50 (or more) years together. Waiting a year will be the best thing you ever did.