Jungle Cruise - Jokes

[magicbob]

Backside of water.
Always looking for a hand-out.
Two of his heads for one of yours.
Got the jeep to turn over.
He'll get the point in the end.
Point out some of my favorite plants.

 

[luvmy2sams]

We heard our favorite years ago, but then the CMs stopped saying it for awhile. DD14 was tickled pink when the CM said it again during our Christmas trip. As the tour passes Trader Sam, the CM states, "Boy, Mary Poppins really let herself go." Hilarity!

DS9's favorite is when the CM points out his favorite plants.

 

[ashley0139]

I like the one at the end that goes something like "and I have one last joke about mind reading..." And then silence.

 

[NHDisneyKid]

"watch out for Ginger. She snaps."

Don't forget the, "Yup, she's one tough cookie."

 

[theAnalogKid]

Said as you are leaving the dock..."wave goodbye to the people on the dock because you are never going to see them again (nervous pause)...of course you had probably never seen them before this either."

 

[HallGirl]

One of my favorites with the hippos: When the skipper says they are going to scare the hippos away, they say "shoo" and hold up their shoe.

Another favorite involves a set up with the African veldt and the trapped safari. The first law of the jungle: don't be a zebra. As you leave the trapped safari: "It could be worse, guys. You could be the zebra".

Approaching the dock: "Be sure to gather your belongings. You know, bags, cameras...small children. Anything left on the boat gets thrown screaming to the crocodiles. I don't if you've ever heard a camera scream, but it's terrifying."

 

[casselsshopper]

This jungle cruise has been brought to you by animal crackers, teaching children everywhere that all animals taste the same....delicious!

 

[larryz]

As you approach the hidden temple, the captain refers to the beams over the water as the "Monorail, Mark I."

And they're not allowed to use that one any more -- for obvious reasons.

 

[kirsangel]

"Aww, how nice! Those lions are guarding that sleeping zebra."

and

"That is the line to the restroom" when all the natives are hopping around in a circle.

 

[PiperPizzaz]

Every once in a while you will get one that will add in their own thing. We had a young lady once that was hilarious. She wanted to scare off the hippos and she said they were male hippos and she knew how to get rid of them. So, she started yelling stuff like I love you, do these khakis make me look fat, why haven't you called me, I know it's only been three days but lets get married!

Too funny. DH and I still talk about it.

 

[daveyk]

"As we leave, wave goodbye to the people on the dock....because you're never going to see them again..."

Now there's another story I like to tell:
I went on a cruise one evening, and it was the last boat of the night. There were probably 5 of us on the boat, and as we get to the temple the skipper gets a worried look and says "I've never seen *this* before, I'm scared..." and ducks down. He turns to the guy on the right side of the boat - who hadn't been on before - and says "you take the wheel" and the guy looks totally surprised....

Then, as we ride around toward the hippo pool, he sees the tail of the aircraft and says "that can only mean one thing: hippos! A hippo can jump out of a tree and take out an airplane...so we have a way to get rid of them..." and starts flipping the boat lights on and off while saying "hippos, please, get out the trees...."

It was hysterical, and my kids are still talking about it.

 

[Plaid Princess]

When passing the Rhino chasing the hunting party scene:

The guy on the bottom of the tree is my friend Juan. If that Rhino gets him, it'll be a hole-in-Juan.

 

[GaBelle]

I don't know why I thought this was hilarious, but...
Upon entering the temple/tunnel, the skipper started singing creepily Its A Small World!

 

[JKMJ441724]

I don't know why I thought this was hilarious, but...
Upon entering the temple/tunnel, the skipper started singing creepily Its A Small World!

I've had a skipper start singing that creepy song from Willa Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

ONE TIME - I've had a skipper say the temple was for the Goddess Shirley - that's right, it's Shirley's Temple.

 

[momto3pirates]

I love this thread. Jungle Cruise is my favorite ride.
Last year we had a female skipper. As we got to the hippo section, she said "it's OK, I'll scare them off with my guns".. She help up her arms, flashing her "guns" and said "Go away"! We still laugh about it.

 

[loriandmatt]

I've had a skipper start singing that creepy song from Willa Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

we have been on JC more times than i can count and have only had this experience once. it was fantastic. when he started singing it my son (who was 7 or 8 at the time and a HUGE original Wonka fan thanks to me) gasped and smiled at each other. truely a valued memory.

 

[World Showcaser]

This jungle cruise has been brought to you by animal crackers, teaching children everywhere that all animals taste the same....delicious!

I hadn't heard this one before. Hilarious!

I don't know why I thought this was hilarious, but...
Upon entering the temple/tunnel, the skipper started singing creepily Its A Small World!

This happened to us too and was really funny.

 

[buzz2400]

the elephants are taking a bath but it is alright because they have their trunks on.

I love this ride. No matter how many times I go on it, I still laugh at the same old corny jokes. And sometimes you get lucky and hear a new one.

 

[lugnut33]

I've had a skipper start singing that creepy song from Willa Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

ONE TIME - I've had a skipper say the temple was for the Goddess Shirley - that's right, it's Shirley's Temple.

I was the only one in the boat laughing hysterically when this happened. My kids thought I was batty.

Or upon entering the temple they'll mention how dentists love this canal because of all the roots. Get it, a root canal.

I use this one all the time in real life: "Everyone get out!! Oh wait, that was rude of me. Everyone, Puhhhhlease get out!!".

 

[karenklo]

I like the one at the end that goes something like "and I have one last joke about mind reading..." And then silence.

That is the one my husband loves! The first time he heard it, he burst out laughing right away. The rest of boat was about 10 seconds behind!