I've never had to reply NO to a wedding invite before....

[maslex]

We received a wedding invitation for my DH's 2nd cousin. We saw him over the summer at a picnic and met his future wife there. (I know this will be his 2nd marriage and not sure if this is her first or what) Other than that, we haven't seen said cousin in many, many years.

BUT....we are leaving on that particular day to go on our cruise so we will be sending in our response as "not attending" (obviously)

Here's my question....do we still send a gift of some sort? I mean they've been living together for quite some time now so I'm assuming they don't "need" anything to start a household with, plus this isn't someone who we keep in regular contact with. It's not that we don't WANT to send a gift but I'm not sure what the "right" thing to do is. And if it's "right" to send a gift, what do you give in this kind of situation? Or do we just send a card?

What's your opinion?

 

[wvjules]

What gift would you give if you did attend the wedding? That's what I would send or I would send a card with a check.

 

[puffkin]

When we got married there were a few distant relatives that couldn't come. Some sent a small monetary gift, others sent a card, and others sent nothing at all. We had a few close family that couldn't make it. They sent a gift as though they were attending.

I think in your situation, a nice card would be just fine. If you want, a small monetary gift would also be fine too. I don't think anyone would expect you to send anything more than that.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would probably send nothing since you don't really know them. In order for me to actually send you a gift you have to be in my immediate family anyway. I think it is odd to expect gifts from distant relatives that you don't see (unless they are attending the event), but that is JMO.

Who are second cousin's anyway? The children of your cousin?

 

[maslex]

Ok...I think I might have gotten this one wrong. The cousin's mother is DH's mother's aunt. Make sense?

So I know they're related somehow.....LOL And it's not that we don't know them. It's just that we haven't seen them in a long time.

 

[Disney Doll]

It depends on how nice you want to be.

You can certainly just send a "congratulations/best wishes on your wedding" card.

You can send a gift. If you don't want to do money, how about something that they wouldn't necessarily buy for themselves but that they might like to have.

I got a couple of those gifts when I got married. One was a tabletop gas grill. Not something I use daily, but when we are going tail gating or something like that, it's been nice to have. Came with grill tools too. I actually have given that gift a few times as a "I'm not coming but here's a gift" thing, and have always gotten raves. It will cost you probably $50 total.

Another gift I like to give is Christmas ornaments. Of course, if the people don't celebrate Christmas, this wouldn't work. A freind who couldn't attend my wedding sent me a box of nice ornaments...not the box of 12 ornaments for $5.99 from Target but ornaments that looked like they had been purchased at a Christmas shop or something...nicer ornaments. I still think of her every time I put those on the tree.

You can't go wrong with a tablecloth. If they are Irish, get them a tablecloth with shamrocks on it. Think about the peopel and what you know of them, their likes and dislikes and you might come up with something.


Another idea is a gift basket. Pick a theme and go with it.

Spaghetti dinner- good jar sauce, gourmet pasta, a red checked tablecloth or napkins, a bottle of Chianti, a couple of cheap wine glasses and a colander to put it all in.

Coffee- 2 nice mugs, gourmet coffee, some cookies to go with the coffee, choclate dipped coffee stirrers, maybe a cute cream/sugar set.

Holiday Theme-pick a holiday and get them stuff to decorate

If they own a home, send them a shrud they could plant in their yard.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Ok...I think I might have gotten this one wrong. The cousin's mother is DH's mother's aunt. Make sense?

So I know they're related somehow.....LOL And it's not that we don't know them. It's just that we haven't seen them in a long time.

OK, reposting because I was confused. If you want to send a card/money go for it. It is all up to you.

 

[crashbb]

Ok...I think I might have gotten this one wrong. The cousin's mother is DH's mother's aunt. Make sense?

So I know they're related somehow.....LOL And it's not that we don't know them. It's just that we haven't seen them in a long time.

They are cousins once removed (not that it really matters).

I'm closer to some of my "once removed" cousins than I am to some of my "not removed" cousins, so the relationship isn't critical.

If I wasn't close I'd probably send a card and a cheque/giftcard.

 

[ead79]

Traditional etiquette dictates that you send a wedding gift to any wedding you're invited to, whether or not you can attend.

Personally, I would just send the same type of gift you would have given them if you were attending the wedding. If you'd rather save on shipping fees (which is certainly understandable!), then you could always send a gift card.

 

[Bren's Mom]

Traditional etiquette dictates that you send a wedding gift to any wedding you're invited to, whether or not you can attend.

This is true. However, this rule was created before the age of greedy couples who invite dozens and dozens of people to their wedding whom they have no relationship with, haven't seen in 10 years, etc. Traditionally, weddings were small affairs with immediate family and close friends present.

So, imo, if this was a sincere invite and you felt they truly wanted you at their wedding and you truly wanted to celebrate with them, I'd send a gift. If you have no relationship with them and figure you got an invite just because you're technically family...send a nice card and don't worry about it.

 

[DisneyFairytale]

We received a wedding invitation for my DH's 2nd cousin. We saw him over the summer at a picnic and met his future wife there. (I know this will be his 2nd marriage and not sure if this is her first or what) Other than that, we haven't seen said cousin in many, many years.

BUT....we are leaving on that particular day to go on our cruise so we will be sending in our response as "not attending" (obviously)

Here's my question....do we still send a gift of some sort? I mean they've been living together for quite some time now so I'm assuming they don't "need" anything to start a household with, plus this isn't someone who we keep in regular contact with. It's not that we don't WANT to send a gift but I'm not sure what the "right" thing to do is. And if it's "right" to send a gift, what do you give in this kind of situation? Or do we just send a card?

What's your opinion?

A cruise!! nice! hmmm out of courtesy, I think I would still send them a gift, or drop it off because you guys head off but I would also make sure they know why you are not attending just so they don't get offended.
Trips like that can't be re-scheduled unfortunately and (especially)if you haven't seen him in years, I can't see you guys not going being a big issue, but yes, I would still give them a gift.

 

[agnes!]

Traditional etiquette dictates that you send a wedding gift to any wedding you're invited to, whether or not you can attend.

Personally, I would just send the same type of gift you would have given them if you were attending the wedding. If you'd rather save on shipping fees (which is certainly understandable!), then you could always send a gift card.

Really?

This is true. However, this rule was created before the age of greedy couples who invite dozens and dozens of people to their wedding whom they have no relationship with, haven't seen in 10 years, etc.

Indeed . Kinda sad though, that greed trumps what a wedding is supposed to be.

Traditionally, weddings were small affairs with immediate family and close friends present.

So, imo, if this was a sincere invite and you felt they truly wanted you at their wedding and you truly wanted to celebrate with them, I'd send a gift. If you have no relationship with them and figure you got an invite just because you're technically family...send a nice card and don't worry about it.

agnes!

 

[sdemore]

So, imo, if this was a sincere invite and you felt they truly wanted you at their wedding and you truly wanted to celebrate with them, I'd send a gift. If you have no relationship with them and figure you got an invite just because you're technically family...send a nice card and don't worry about it.

This is what I have done it the past. Sometimes I have sent a gift and there were times when I didn't.

 

[pigletgirl]

I always have sent a gift/check with a card even if I wasn't attending the wedding. I would do a check if I knew them more personally, otherwise I would get them something more inexpensive from their registry.

 

[jamstew]

I send a gift whenever I'm invited to a family wedding. If I don't know them well, it will be something small form their registry or a gift card.

Your second cousins are the children of your parents' first cousins. This person is your DH's first cousin once removed.

 

[erincon23]

When my brother got married (for the third time), we were not able to attend -- we were at Disney! They got married very quickly -- she was pregnant, so the judge granted a divorce (had been in the works for over a year and a half, big long convoluted story that still hasn't ended, six years later), and they got married two days later. (We weren't able to attend his second wedding either -- they went on a cruise and got married on an island, and didn't really invite anyone, not that we would have been able to go anyway). Of course, we sent a gift. We have had other weddings for people not so close to us that we haven't been able to attend -- my decision to gift or not gift has generally been based on how well we know them. If you have good feelings toward this couple, would be interested in getting to know them better, or think that there might be hard feelings in the family if you don't send a gift, then you should. But you are not in any way required to send a gift to a couple when you can't attend their wedding.

Erin

 

[KAMLEM]

In order for me to actually send you a gift you have to be in my immediate family anyway.

So you would not send a gift to a close friend? I have friends who I am closer to than some of my family. I can't imagine not sending them a gift if I could not attend their wedding.

 

[shortbun]

When you get an invitation, you send a gift. It's simply etiquette, old school. May I suggest some fresh spices and a couple of jazzy kitchen items?

 

[Cornhusk]

Just send your regrets and a gift, it's not as if you are hissy-fitting about something the bride did, you are going on a cruse. She will understand