Is this "bullying"?

[Kimmers127]

Where are you located? Maybe someone here has connections to a location you could use...

 

[ols386]

OMG! She lets her son volunteer to perform a service and she twisted it into bullying and convinced the school to agree with her. People amaze me and not in a good way.

Yes, that's the thing that gets me. He wasn't forced to do anything. It was strictly a volunteer situation.

 

[spacemountainmom]

Boy did mommy not do her son any favors!!! She really has no clue what can of crap she opened. While they may not "bully" him, his days will not be fun. Think social siberia.

Spacemoutainmom - I don't even think quitting the team will help him. The kids will still know who it was and they can make his high school life miserable.

Stichfan - I will have to reread the OP, but I don't think it was the kid that had the issue, it was mommy that had the issue. Still either way, it doesn't help him at all. And if he was the one whinning, then that will make it even worse on him

I agree. I work at a high school, I know what those kids are like!

OP - Get the word out. If this board is any indication, there will be far more support for the tradition and hardly any for the super sensitive mommy.

 

[Jennasis]

That kid's social life is OVER...and possibly his days of playing football after he becomes an outcast.

Idiot mom.

 

[goofy4tink]

Ridiculous!!! Society is getting completely out of hand. At our school...when kids become seniors, underclassman draw names...then, that underclassman gets little gifts for 'their' senior..they write little notes, etc. I can only imagine how that would be viewed. Every kid that does this really looks forward to their time as the senior, being 'gifted'!!!

Perhaps the senior parents can find an alternative place to hold this event??? Possibly in someone's home or in a church?? They could ask for student volunteers..they can say it's 'community service'..it kind of is!!!
I mean, seriously??? Handing out food, cleaning up after and singing a class song doesn't come close to either bullying or hazing!!! Especially when it's voluntary. Man, that mom should have just had her child come up with a reason he couldn't be there, to take part, and gone on with life. That poor boy..his life is going to be miserable, and his mom is going to spend the next four years chasing down the school board!!

 

[Abbie]

What really baffles me is how much time and energy has been spent fighting this. This is by no means a gala event. Paper tablecloths and plates, a real old-fashioned spaghetti dinner. Both my children participated when they were freshman and they appear for the most part to be emotionally unscathed. I’m kinda at a loss as to me this is such a non-issue but I guess it is a huge deal to that family.

When I went with my older son, the freshmen were behind the buffet trays and scooped the dinner for the guests. They had gloves but no aprons. The fight song is a little goofy but really what song isn’t.

I’m not close enough to the coach to know if they considered the local Masonic hall or if they would charge a fee to use it, but that could be a good idea. This was always a low-cost event. All the food was donated, the players served and cleaned-up and the school allowed use of the cafeteria. In talking with the other parents, the coach is just burnt out from dealing with all this.

My sweet 15 yr old niece hung herself a few months back due to bullying. SHE was bullied. This situation makes a mockery of real bullying issues.

Oldest DD is a varsity coach at the local high school and we have been horrified at the issues some parents take to the board...and have often seen the same buckling under you have seen. I guess the powers-that-be will always bend to the loudest voice. It is disheartening to say the least and leaves me shaking my head.

I wonder if you could retool the event by eliminating the freshmen and prevailing upon parents and/or siblings to serve/clean up? We've certainly been to our share of athletic banquets in the school cafeteria over the years and occasionally handled all the details...it's really not much in the way of clean up! Big barrels, kids and parents all cooperate to chuck everything and sweep up. Hope you can figure out a new plan!

 

[itsheresomewhere]

So that's what bullying is. This explains so much. Yet when I complained about a child hitting and poking my child with a pencil- that's not bullying. I hate that common sense has left the building.

 

[ICF]

I'm guessing after this, the kid will likely find out what "real" bullying is.....

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I personally think it is BS. They can not make everybody be like everybody else and that is what they are not able to comprehend to see. Public officials have become so weak and intimidated that at the drop of a hat they will change something if one person complains out of fear of being sued. I would rather have my tax money spent on defending something worthwhile then on giving everybody a trophy and saying we are all equal. We are not equal in our abilities or the things we can do. So sick of the dumbing down in America just to accommodate people that do not try, are not able to do something, or just to try and please everybody.

I 110% agree with you! We keep pandering to the lowest common denominator. Instead of teaching our children to strive to be better and to celebrate their peers when they are successful we are minimizing their achievements. It annoys me to no end.

OP- I think the Mom is a nutter. There was nothing bullying about that behavior at all. It was a tradition. Nobody was forced to participate. Her child would have his time to be the senior too. If I was her son I would quit the team now. I can't imagine the other kids forgetting that it was his Mom that ruined a fun night for them.

 

[RhondaL]

Isn't it ironic that the nutter mom complained to the board about bullying, when SHE bullied to get her way!

 

[DISvirgin1]

My sweet 15 yr old niece hung herself a few months back due to bullying. SHE was bullied. This situation makes a mockery of real bullying issues.

Oldest DD is a varsity coach at the local high school and we have been horrified at the issues some parents take to the board...and have often seen the same buckling under you have seen. I guess the powers-that-be will always bend to the loudest voice. It is disheartening to say the least and leaves me shaking my head.

I wonder if you could retool the event by eliminating the freshmen and prevailing upon parents and/or siblings to serve/clean up? We've certainly been to our share of athletic banquets in the school cafeteria over the years and occasionally handled all the details...it's really not much in the way of clean up! Big barrels, kids and parents all cooperate to chuck everything and sweep up. Hope you can figure out a new plan!

I am so very sorry for your loss.
While I agree that this mom should have let it go, I would hope this won't lead to greater bullying for this kid. Two wrongs and all...

 

[Fire14]

I mean good freaken grief, it's called team bonding. I remember being a "slave" for our latin class roman banquet. I was underclassman or first year latin I'm sure and I had to wait on my "master" I know I had my turn at being the "master" later in my HS career and I despise my "toga".

 

[spacemountainmom]

I was telling my dd17 who will be a senior this year about this thread. She was absolutely shocked by the mother's actions.

We then discussed the National Honor Society Cookout that her school has every spring. The juniors purchase all the food, set everything up, help with the cooking and clean up. The seniors get to come and just enjoy themselves. I guess I'd better call the school board and complain. I actually had to spend my money to purchase food and poor dd had to help. I think we both were harmed beyond repair.

 

[shinysparklybubbles]

If she thought that was bullying, just wait until the school year starts and the football team learns that their 20+ year tradition had to be stopped because of her kid.

Seriously. His life is going be hell.

 

[Swank]

Hazing...are you kidding me? I think you need to reevulate the definition of hazing.

Other teams, even professional teams have ways of "welcoming" the rookies, ever see the rookie pitchers on baseball teams, they carry get to carry stuff in a Hello Kitty backpack covered with feathers or some such manner. It builds character and it welcomes you into a brotherhood with your teammates.

And yes I have cleaned up events when I first started at a company when I was an accountant by title. We would have training sessions for out town employees at our corporate office. There were many times I was asked to help our admin asst set/clean up these conference rooms. We would laugh and say this fell under "job duties as assigned"

I certainly don't need to reevaluate my definition of hazing I define it as;

"any activity expected of someone joining a group (or to maintain full status in a group) that humiliates, degrades or risks emotional and/or physical harm, regardless of the person's willingness to participate."

http://www.stophazing.org/definition.html

admittedly the situation by the OP was very mild and I would not have pursued it if my kid was involved, but I could understand how the BOE might not want it going on. I think with a slight change in how they went about it they could avoid the controversy.

For the record, Hazing doesn't build character or Sportsmanship it builds sheep who are willing to go along with the herd.

I for one will always be a black sheep, and my character doesn't depend on following anybody, it depends on respect for myself and showing respect for others.

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

I agree with most of the PP's about it being ridiclous... Underclassmen do similar things at similar high school functions throughout America!! Don't most high schools still have the Juniors throw the Senior Prom? The JUniors do the decorating and planning and the Seniors get to enjoy it? It is not hazing---it is a Rite of Passage. The lady is ruining the tradition for everyone---ugh... I hope her son joins a fraternity....

 

[Swank]

I think they understand its not part of football. The OP said it isn't mandatory, so any freshman participating have chosen to of their own free will.

It doesn't have to be Mandatory to be Hazing, if they don't participate, then they are labeled an outsider, a troublemaker. They shouldn't have to make the choice at all.

 

[kwelch10377]

Though I think this tradition may not be considered bullying, I would consider it Hazing. Of course it mild and not very damaging to the freshman but why do the freshman have to be singled out. I'm sure if the tradition was changed that ALL football players except the Seniors (who are being honored by the event) performed and served the food it would be allowed by the board.

Hazing is against the law in many states and I can not blame the board for requiring changes to this "Tradition". What if the tradition included the freshman wearing frilly aprons?, would that be acceptable? I know it did not but the board needs to be careful where they draw the line or they whole school district will pay when the lawyers get involved.

Another questions, say you stated a new job in a corporation, and your boss told you you had to serve the executives their lunch and then clean up after them for the first week, how would you react. You might say that, serving food and cleaning up is not a part of my job and I am not going to do it. Well the the serving of food and cleaning up after the seniors is not part of playing football either.

just my two cents.

I certainly don't need to reevaluate my definition of hazing I define it as;

"any activity expected of someone joining a group (or to maintain full status in a group) that humiliates, degrades or risks emotional and/or physical harm, regardless of the person's willingness to participate."

http://www.stophazing.org/definition.html

admittedly the situation by the OP was very mild and I would not have pursued it if my kid was involved, but I could understand how the BOE might not want it going on. I think with a slight change in how they went about it they could avoid the controversy.

For the record, Hazing doesn't build character or Sportsmanship it builds sheep who are willing to go along with the herd.

I for one will always be a black sheep, and my character doesn't depend on following anybody, it depends on respect for myself and showing respect for others.

Well based on the fact that you think serving food and cleaning up is degrading, we haze our CEO, Presidents and VPs at the company I work at. It has become a tradition that every year on Founder's Day they serve lunch to all the employees and they clean up. I'm glad they all make so much money so they can afford the therapy for all the emotional distress we have caused them.

 

[Swank]

Well based on the fact that you think serving food and cleaning up is degrading, we haze our CEO, Presidents and VPs at the company I work at. It has become a tradition that every year on Founder's Day they serve lunch to all the employees and they clean up. I'm glad they all make so much money so they can afford the therapy for all the emotional distress we have caused them.

I guess you just don't understand. Your CEO and Presidents, have the power... so it would not be considered hazing, and in my opinion would be considered noble.

 

[pat fan]

"any activity expected of someone joining a group (or to maintain full status in a group) that humiliates, degrades or risks emotional and/or physical harm, regardless of the person's willingness to participate."

By your own definition it is not hazing.
humiliates bussing tables and serving food is not humiliating
degrades bussing tables and serving food is not degrading
risks emotional and/or physical harm bussing tables and serving food is not a "risky" venture. You'd have to work hard to get physically harmed doing it, and there is no emotional risk to a little manual labor.

Even including singing the song, unless the song lyrics state something offensive, those definitions don't apply to singing either!

How is it hazing?