Invited to Family Destination Wedding, to go or not to go?

[daisyduck123]

My thoughts?

My family of 4 (me, DH, DD18, & DS14) would sit down & take a vote. Majority rules.

I know our family vacation would win out over my brother's destination wedding. Sorry, but our family doesn't treat 2nd weddings as THAT special anyway.

(And actually, no one in our immediate family has ever had a 2nd wedding. We are all (my parents, my siblings, DH's parents, DH's siblings) still married to our original spouses.

 

[littleteapot]

I might not if it was local. But I have a strong dislike for other people (even a brother) telling me where I should vacation & how I should spend my money.


Now if he's offering to pay for everyone, that might be a different story.

This!

I wouldn't trade our first family WDW vacation in three years for a trip to Mexico. Maybe if you went all the time, but I just couldn't do that to my kids.

My DH's brother got married (for the third time) in Vegas.....we didn't go and he got over it.

 

[Pigeon]

People often choose destination weddings because they are cheaper for the couple. They know that only a handful of people are going to travel to exotic wherever v. having all your family and friends in your hometown. In addition, the resorts will sometimes give the wedding couple deals on things in exchange for having so many guests book rooms, etc.

So, if you are trying to offload some of the cost of the wedding onto the guests, it is unreasonable to fault the guests for declining that particular "honor."

 

[MamaLema]

We have been invited to a few destination weddings over the years...and never went. It's too hard to scrape together 5 plane tickets. People have to understand that.

 

[MrsDuck]

So don't go...? I mean, you have a vacation planned and don't want to go to Mexico. Send a nice card and gift along with your apologies and well-wishes and call it a day.

ETA: I had a destination wedding at WDW close to Christmas (12.22). We didn't expect people to come but gave them plenty of notice as to the location and the date. It was up to them after that. No hard feelings for any family members who didn't attend.

 

[JLTraveling]

I know you are kidding about the 9th, but at what point do people start thinking marriages are a joke?

I don't know if I could take a wedding seriously where the bride or groom is getting married for the 3rd or 4th or 5th time. At what point are the guests sitting there privately snickering because they have heard these "love each other forever" vows from the same person before.

Of course, I am not talking about widowed people.

Wow, that's pretty painful. I'm twice divorced. The first, we were very young (19 and 21), and he realized two years in that he was gay. The second, he didn't bother to disclose until we had been married a year that he was bipolar and refused all treatment for it. He left in the middle of the night a few weeks after my mom died because, "You don't have time for me anymore." (I was taking care of my completely devastated and chronically ill father, and expected him to be a big boy and cook for himself/entertain himself occasionally).

So if I manage to find someone to share my life with, I should expect that the wedding guests would be laughing behind my back because it's my third wedding? I'm glad my friends and family aren't that judgmental.

That said, OP, I think you should do what's right for your family. I would never "expect" anyone to cancel their vacation because I chose a destination wedding.

 

[Social Worker Sue]

Wow, that's pretty painful. I'm twice divorced. The first, we were very young (19 and 21), and he realized two years in that he was gay. The second, he didn't bother to disclose until we had been married a year that he was bipolar and refused all treatment for it. He left in the middle of the night a few weeks after my mom died because, "You don't have time for me anymore." (I was taking care of my completely devastated and chronically ill father, and expected him to be a big boy and cook for himself/entertain himself occasionally).

So if I manage to find someone to share my life with, I should expect that the wedding guests would be laughing behind my back because it's my third wedding?

Maybe not laughing, but I bet they will have their fingers crossed that you got to know your third husband a bit before promising to spend the rest of your life with him

When do you honestly think guests will start to not take weddings seriously? 2nd marriage? 3rd marriage? 7th marriage? Because, in my opinion, it would be strange to watch someone promise to love their spouse until death do they part over and over again.

 

[DebbieB]

That goes back to a recent thread about second or more marriages being significant. They are significant to the couple but at some point the guests are tired of putting out for weddings for the same person. My brother was planning to get married for the third time and was concerned our second cousins would be upset if he didn't invite them because it's a small venue. I said, I doubt it. They broke up before the wedding.

 

[Social Worker Sue]

That goes back to a recent thread about second or more marriages being significant. They are significant to the couple but at some point the guests are tired of putting out for weddings for the same person.

Exactly

 

[aprilgail2]

Maybe not laughing, but I bet they will have their fingers crossed that you got to know your third husband a bit before promising to spend the rest of your life with him

When do you honestly think guests will start to not take weddings seriously? 2nd marriage? 3rd marriage? 7th marriage? Because, in my opinion, it would be strange to watch someone promise to love their spouse until death do they part over and over again.