Information on Autism for angry line-waiters

[SueM in MN]

Where people have posted about cards being useful are with the people who are trying to be helpful during something they can't really help with - like during a meltdown. You are busy and can't really explain, but sometimes people want to help and don't know what would be helpful. I have heard of cards used in that kind of situation - more to tell them what not to do.

 

[LockShockBarrel]

Not to be a Debbie Downer...but I just wanted to chime in with this.

Even if you hand out a card saying "My child has Disease A or Syndrome B" and even if this card explains what those are, I urge you to remember that not everyone will react positively. For instance I can just see someone skimming the card, not really taking any of it in and saying "Oh so he's a retard?" or something like "This card doesn't prove anything, you're just trying to cut in line". It's unfortunate, but sometimes no matter how much you want to educate someone, they're just not going to listen. I'm not saying everyone you run into would be like this, but luck favors the prepared, and I'd rather you go into it having it in the back of your head that someone might get snippy about it. One could also argue that you shouldn't have to give anyone any sort of explanation about you or your children's issues, if you have a GAC or a wheelchair, people should assume that you need it rather than how it usually goes with people saying "you're cheating the system".

Just thought I'd throw my pennies in.

 

[JohnnySharp2]

At the end of the day you just as parents have to deal with these situations if and when they arise. Sometimes being in the 'zone' or trying just to block out any possible reaction from others does help.

Our son does not look disabled, and I think in our case that is part of the problem *not sure if that is the correct word* but I would like to think in most cases people would understand. Cards, which we have printed off, or t-shirts can to a degree help, at the end of the day the way others react is always going to be unpredictable.

 

[DisKim]

Reading all of this makes my stomach hurt. No matter how many times I say that I don't care what people think, I can't help but care. This is my son they are staring at and he is so good and so amazing and it isn't fair when he gets that treatment. As others have said, my son appears perfectly normal until he starts behaving oddly or has a meltdown. I can remember going to WDW before he was born and seeing people with the GAC and thinking "there but for the grace of God go I" and "it is so nice that Disney accomodates people with disabilities." I was perfectly happy to wait on those lines. Now, I'm in the position that I need that GAC (I've tried to do without it only to learn the hard way that it is a necessity for my son in some situations). The fact is that people often just lack empathy.

 

[jerseymom9]

I have a sister with Downs, so I grew up with the stares and the comments.....Now, with saying that, Autism with my son is a faceless disability. My son looks "normal". When people ask questions, or try to talk to him in any social setting, they just think he's a snotty kid ignoring them. At that point, when I try to redirect him to answer the person, I know a light bulb goes off, and they realize something is wrong.

That's not what happened in Disney 3 years ago, and it was almost a fist fight in line as we used our GAC. Truthfully, I wish I NEVER had to use anything like the GAC, but it's what makes Disney MAGICAL for my son, because he can't be around all those people, noises, and it's not possible in the slightest to wait in a line for a long period of time.

But people are ignorant. They always will be, even with explanation. I have a wonderful shirt I wear quite often.....It says Autism Awareness.....Questions are welcome, Parenting advice is NOT.

I don't think that shirt will work in Disney for this issue, but I will walk with my head high and use whatever type of GAC I can, not to piss anyone off, but to make my son's trip to Disney the most enjoyable it can be!

Thanks for all your words of advice!

 

[bookwormde]

You can always take the Aspie way and take any stare or remarks as a lack of knowledge and a request to be better informed on Autism genetics. For those that are really interested a 10 or 15 minute dissertation is helpful to them and for those who prefer ignorance, they will in the future avoid actions that trigger such a "school session" at all costs, so hopefully they will not repeat the rude behavior.
For those who are not aware this if fun and "sport" for an Aspie.
bookwormde

 

[Mistyhon]

My daughter is 14 and has Aspergers but she is on the lower end of the Aspie scale. She also has sever Anxiety and sensory issues and OCD . I always use the GAC because she can not handle the noise and waiting in line for long periods . People stare at us and occasionally make comments because she looks normal and unless she having an issue acts very normal. We are going to be going to the PArks in a Cpl weeks and so we will again access the GAC for her . I am a little worried about the crowds this is first time we have gone in peak season . I feel thats it's no one business and comments I try to ignore or my hubby sets them strait quick. If she hears the comment she gets upset and will melt down very quick.

ME DH and DS Avery 16 DD Alyssa 14 and DD Ayden 12(almost 13).

 

[lilwhiterabbit]

On a positive note, I took my son, who is ten and has Autism/ADHD to WDW last summer and we didn't get any sour looks or negativity for using the GAC. Partly, this may be because we don't get it out until we need it so people may not notice it.

My son looks completely 'normal' as well, and is high-functioning, but we wouldn't have been able to do Disney without a GAC. The longest wait he can generally tolerate is 15 minutes, before he becomes difficult to control. The only issue we had was at Voyage of the Little Mermaid, where the CM refused to let us wait in a quiet area, instead of the packed pre-show room. He got very, very close to having a meltdown. I didn't realize there was a bench outside the exit to the theater where we could have waited, otherwise I would have argued with the CM or asked for her superior. I'll be prepared next time!

 

[JohnnySharp2]

On a positive note, I took my son, who is ten and has Autism/ADHD to WDW last summer and we didn't get any sour looks or negativity for using the GAC. Partly, this may be because we don't get it out until we need it so people may not notice it.

My son looks completely 'normal' as well, and is high-functioning, but we wouldn't have been able to do Disney without a GAC. The longest wait he can generally tolerate is 15 minutes, before he becomes difficult to control. The only issue we had was at Voyage of the Little Mermaid, where the CM refused to let us wait in a quiet area, instead of the packed pre-show room. He got very, very close to having a meltdown. I didn't realize there was a bench outside the exit to the theater where we could have waited, otherwise I would have argued with the CM or asked for her superior. I'll be prepared next time!

There are some rides we would never get on without the GAC, Soarin' is a good example as the wait times are often very long. Joshua will wait for up to 10 minutes or so, maybe slightly longer without being too concerned, it's standing outside in the heat that can complicate things.
If we can we queue like everyone else, but it's knowing when to and when not to.

 

[ratlenhum]

It's NOBODY'S business why you have a GAC. I keep mine in my fanny pack and only pull it out once I get to the CM at the attraction. No one needs to know it is for your child with autism. You could have rheumatoid arthritis, your husband could have a heart condition, one of you could have just had surgery or some other medical condition. No one knows why you have it unless you tell them. If someone asks me why we have it I usually say "my family medical history is none of your business thank you. Have a nice day." and turn away from them.

 

[JohnnySharp2]

It's NOBODY'S business why you have a GAC. I keep mine in my fanny pack and only pull it out once I get to the CM at the attraction. No one needs to know it is for your child with autism. You could have rheumatoid arthritis, your husband could have a heart condition, one of you could have just had surgery or some other medical condition. No one knows why you have it unless you tell them. If someone asks me why we have it I usually say "my family medical history is none of your business thank you. Have a nice day." and turn away from them.

Cannot really argue with that.

 

[ratlenhum]

What I'm trying to say is that some people you might see 'staring' are like me - learning, but knowing not to invade on someone's vacation. So, please don't get mad at me!

there are few different types of stares. Being stared at a lot has helped me figure that out. There is the "oh you poor thing" sympathy stare, the "what's that kids problem?" curiosity stare, the "*** is that kid's problem" how dare you take a kid like that out in public stare, the "I wonder if he has autism" stare (which many times we end up getting smiled at, then approached by the person who is a parent of a ASD kid, a teacher/therapist etc.), then there is the sad stare. I've seen and I've done it. Whenever I pick another kid out of a crowd, and these days I can spot a ASD kid of any functioning level inside of about 10 seconds!!, if the child is higher functioning than mine, my stare is half amazement half "I wish my son was doing that well."

So sometimes the stares that don't come with the horrible facial expressions are just other parents who see something of their child in yours.

The staring is not always a negative thing but it always makes us uncomfortable.

We were in a store once with our son. My son at 2 years old really didn't look anything like me or my husband. He was a really good combo and seriously looked like my side because of his features (we're all dark hair/eye & med skin) but had my husband's coloring (very fair/blonde/blue eyes). So my son, unless you've seen us as children, and know what our familes look like, didn't look like us. This woman was staring at my son, then back and forth at my husband and I for about 5 minutes. I finally made eye contact and raised my eyebrows at her to say "YEAH, WHAT????" She came over and said "Your son is absolutely gorgeous, he's yours right?" Yes, he's ours. "Is he adopted??"

We cracked up wondering if she was asking because A) he's just too cute to be ours (which is what I think every day) or B) because he didn't look like either of us. I thought that took nerve.

 

[2luvmickey]

Boy, can I relate to this thread.

One of my older brothers is mentally handicapped, but a real sweetheart and charmer. I have a darling nephew with Down Syndrome, and my DS 18 was recently diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome (on the mild side, that's why it took so long).

All my life I have seen and heard people make hurtful comments. Once I took my brother to my community pool and some ladies complained about his "tics" to the management. I shot back with "he's handicapped, what's your excuse - ignorance?"

It is NO ONE'S business on why people have GAC cards, service animals or wheelchairs. Personally, I love to see people of all walks of life enjoying the magic of WDW, it makes my day!! After all, we are all in this "race" together - the human race.

 

[ilovepooh]

DS had a feeding tube along with many delays. I made a sign on an iron-on and put it on our diaper bag that we use everywhere we go. If people are staring at us then I turn around with the diaper bag over my shoulder so they can clearly see the sign on the bag.

I get really tired of the ugly faces people make at him! Rather than confront them I let them read the diaper bag sign. I will say that some people do ask questions and I don't mind explaining, but please don't make ugly faces at my child! If you want to know....ASK!

 

[livndisney]

I think staring is rude. It doesn't matter to me the reason. It is just rude. We are often stared at and comments have been made. I used to try and educate-now I just try and stun them long enough to get away.

We are in the park to enjoy time as a family. We are not a side show or someone's science experiment.

I agree with it is no one's business why someone has a GAC. Smile and let them enjoy the park.

 

[ratlenhum]

One time we were out with my niece who was probably 11 at the time. My son was doing his verbal stims and a little finger flicking and a lady and her kid were staring at him. I wanted to say something but bit my tongue. Gotta love my niece and the way kids will say anything. She said very loud and a bit rudely I will admit "You know, you should see a doctor about that problem" and the lady said "what problem?" My niece said "I think your eyeballs are stuck."

 

[jerseymom9]

One time we were out with my niece who was probably 11 at the time. My son was doing his verbal stims and a little finger flicking and a lady and her kid were staring at him. I wanted to say something but bit my tongue. Gotta love my niece and the way kids will say anything. She said very loud and a bit rudely I will admit "You know, you should see a doctor about that problem" and the lady said "what problem?" My niece said "I think your eyeballs are stuck."

Your niece is a smart girl!!

 

[cm8]

One time we were out with my niece who was probably 11 at the time. My son was doing his verbal stims and a little finger flicking and a lady and her kid were staring at him. I wanted to say something but bit my tongue. Gotta love my niece and the way kids will say anything. She said very loud and a bit rudely I will admit "You know, you should see a doctor about that problem" and the lady said "what problem?" My niece said "I think your eyeballs are stuck."

, You tell her girl!!

 

[PatMcDuck]

The staring comments made me smile a little. Like I said before, I have DS, with Downs/Autism combo, and also DD who has had serious health conditions of her own. (Underlying Rheum condition, treated by steroids, which caused havoc with her bones and cartiledge in knees/hips).

DD has missed most of high school, and recently FINALLY returned to school for the end of senior year. She has scars all over her body from surgeries, many on her knees and thighs. (4 double surgeries in 3 years). So, she came home upset that TEACHERS were staring at her leg scars. She said "Mom, I can handle the kids doing it, but teachers should know better!" I said you are right. And the teachers all know her, or know OF her, because she has been so ill over the last 4 years. So we discussed options...... I think this is important, to help kids think of solutions to these social problems. We came up with this.... When a teacher would stare, Bridget would act startled and jumpy, and say, "what, what, is there something on my leg?! Is it a BUG?!!" while rubbing or swatting at her legs. Many teachers would respond with, "what are you talking about?" and DD would say, "WELL, you were staring at my legs like something was wrong!" DD LOVES this, and used it several times....... of course, most of our kids could not do this, but it made DD feel a little empowered ........

 

[poohnpigletCA]

We use a GAC at Disneyland for our dd. She also has a lovely Aunt who sews her non-itchy lined princess costumes that she can wear in the park. One time we were confronted by an angry Dad who shouted at us that he wished he would have put his dd in a costume so that he would not have to wait in line either.

The other rude/odd comment that we commonly get when we explain her ASD is "but she is so cute." What exactly does that mean.