Im really thinking about jumping.....advice please!

[Colleen27]

I've been home for 14 years now and it has certainly been a roller coaster at times. When I left the workforce, DH and I had comparable salaries but he was much more invested in/dedicated to his career than I was. It wasn't a difficult decision at the time - my salary was consumed by the costs of working, and I don't just mean temporary things like daycare... What really did us in was the realization that we'd have to spend 100-150K more to be in a neighborhood and school district we were comfortable with, and/or $10-12K per year in private school tuition. Or we could move to the country and have a nice house in a friendly neighborhood with good schools, but we'd be too far from the city for me to commute and in an area with no real jobs in my field (IT support). I do a little freelancing and crafting for pocket cash, which goes straight into the "fun" budget, but I haven't earned a steady paycheck in a long time.

We live pretty simply in the day-to-day and we avoid debt in all forms. We have shared a car at times, we bought a fixer-upper for cash when the market tanked, I cook from scratch and grow vegetables and can and freeze produce in the summer/fall for winter use. We don't go out to eat much but we don't miss it because there aren't many good options in our little town. We do a lot of free/cheap things as a family - we live in a waterfront community with a public beach, lovely boardwalk, and great parks & bike paths, we get our state park pass each year for daytrips, and we spend a lot of time at the library. But we do still travel. With no mortgage and low living expenses we're able to spend a fairly ridiculous percentage of our income on vacationing and I like to make the most of it. And I can't imagine doing it any other way - my husband has been able to do things professionally that he couldn't if we were sharing the household and childcare duties more evenly, and I don't have the pressures of working all day only to come home to cook and chauffeur kids around in the evenings.

 

[runwad]

I went PT from FT after having our 3rd. I was going to quit cause daycare for 3 under 5 was just going to consume too much of my pay. My employer offered me a PT position 3 days a week at my same hourly rate and I got to keep all my benefits.

I still had daycare for the kids but was able to share the week with a nurse that worked 2 days a week so I paid part time care. It was a little lean when they were all in daycare in the summers but it didn't last long. We never vacationed till the youngest was 5 and I had to save a few years tax refunds to do that.

I always considered saving our family money my other part time job. I coupon look for good deals, all the usual stuff people mention on here.

Now that the kids are teenagers its getting expensive again but they all are doing little odd jobs to help pay for some of their expenses so it's not too bad. Plus it's good for them to work and help out and not just have everything handed to them.

I always wanted to provide my kids the life my mother provided me. I've sorta done that by working part time. I'm not the type to stay home full time so part time works great for me! Our house would be too chaotic and unorganized if I wasn't here managing things. And I love to cook and have snacks and for them when they come home from school

And for some reason my boss thinks I should want to go full time now that that kids are older. Heck no! Now I'm thinking about retiring, who wants to work full time. Our needs are simple, we've kept our wants in check no way do I want to get back on that horse.

Could I have more things, sure! But we've been very blessed with the life we've been able to lead with our family. I wouldn't do anything any differently.

 

[dawnball]

Ok so really need help, advice, guidance....from any of you that are either at stay at home moms/dads or anyone who went from full time to part time. How did you decide to do it, did you plan ahead, did you just do it and work it out later? How do you still vaca and afford it. Was it worth it? Basically give me your story. Contemplating a life change.....thanks in advance

Here are some views from the other side of the fence.

I started staying at home near the end of my pregnancy, almost 10 years ago. I worked part time off and on, mostly off. My husband had to adjust to being both the daily breadwinner and the backup plan - I worked in technology, and those skills get stale amazingly quickly.

When our daughter was six, my husband said he needed to go to grad school, so that he could feel comfortable being solely responsible for supporting the household. Paying for grad school, plus private elementary, less income while he was in school - plus he was always working or in school, I had family drama - it all took a toll on our marriage. We nearly divorced and I had few marketable skills at that point.

Last year, I started getting sick. Thousands of dollars of medical bills, and disability was a looming possibility. I looked at my social security quarters, and in 2014, I would stop being eligible for social security disability.

I went out and got a job. I work part time, so I'm home after school every day. I love my job, my employer loves me. It's worked out -really- well, including giving me a bigger network of people who cheerfully help out when I'm having a bad day or week. I feel more secure, even though my income is a remarkably small fraction of the household income.

 

[GC&S]

I went from 40 to 20 hours shortly after my dd was born. My mom was also sick at the time and I just couldnt take care of her and a newborn and work 40 hours. Over the years I went back and forth from 20 to 40 to 30, etc. I am now again at 20. I love it and yes, it was a adjustment financially but I really wanted to be home when my dd got home from school, to be able to volunteer at her school, etc. I love my job and knew I would not be happy being a SAHM. So it works for us. I often have the opportunity to work additional hours so that helps too. The biggest part of paycheck goes to healthcare which sucks but we have to have it. My DH owns a small company and healthcare through his business is just too expensive.

I looked at the small savings - using less gas, not having to buy as many clothes for work, saving on lunches (even though I take my lunch now and never buy - our hospital cafeteria is so expensive).

Do you know what I miss about working full time? The socialization with my coworkers. At 20 hours I rarely have time to take breaks and mingle with my coworkers. I don't go out to lunch and I don't get to go out after work.

But I love my schedule and maybe someday I will go back full time but for now working part time works for us.

 

[forloveofdisney]

I spent about 10 years working my way up to managing a department in our county. After our third was born it became increasingly more difficult to get things done, and get them done well, both at home and at work. Due to the nature of my job (24-7 emergency public safety communications) there was always something going on or something that needed handled. My kids were the ones who were getting slighted. So we ran the numbers and made a budget. I was able to stay in my profession but get away from the extra responsibility and work a few days each week. My husband picked up a few overtime shifts each month and since he works a rotating shift, it was not hard to work out babysitting with my new flexible schedule.

It's been about 11 years since then and my baby is now in middle school. I still work part-time. I take my kids to school each morning, go to work (4 days a week), and then pick them up after school. I am still doing important work and still feel like I have a career but after 2:30 it is all about family. Our kids are VERY busy, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Working part-time has struck the right balance for us. It was tight at first, like when you're just starting out. But as time goes by it steadily gets better. You really do have to run the numbers and have a budget (including the fun stuff). Also consider what working part-time means. For me, it means no benefits at all, ever. But, by me being so reliable at home it allows my husband to climb the ladder (literally sometimes - he's a firefighter, haha!) and bring home good bacon, and benefits for all of us.

Going part-time was the absolute best thing I ever did for my family. Good luck with your decision.

 

[pfp258]

I have been a SAHM for the past twenty years. My youngest is a senior in high school. My husband and I knew before we got married that we wanted to have a family and have me stay at home. I just couldn't imagine leaving my babies for someone else to care for. Times were lean the first few years but we made do. We stopped at two children because we realized we couldn't afford to provide for more. I am lucky that my husband fully supported and wanted me to be at home and I wanted that too!

 

[BCmomma]

I've been a SAHM since our oldest was born in August 2008. For me it was an easy and hard decision. Easy because I hated my job and I wasn't being paid nearly what I was worth, which meant if I went back to work I'd be working just to pay for daycare.
But it was also a hard decision, financially, because we live in a very HIGH cost of living area. But we make it work.

We take one vacation a year (and sometimes a long weekend here and there). I clip coupons, do online surveys, pick up extra cash selling outgrown baby toys/clothes/household items, etc. My husband makes a decent living,pretty much the median income for around here. However, we have a low mortgage because we sold our townhouse and bought a house with my mom (who sold her condo) and she lives in our basement suite; this makes sense for our family for an abundance of reasons.

I love being home with my kids, being there for all the day to day triumphs and falls, and wouldn't have it any other way.

 

[sweetdana]

I'd switch to part time if given the option in a minute.

2 kids and 2 full time (both 50-60 hours) a week is tough. To be clear I don't regret my decision, most of my friends are sahm and have no/min coll funds saved. Little to no emergency funds, certainly don't vk 3-4 times a yr, and have debt. ...so I am not I wish I had, or anything we could live on dh income, but at the cost if all fun money and security if the dh lost his job, and I love going to dw 4 times a yr. and we realize we will be retiring much early than a lot of peeps and truly enjoy each other once kids are grown.

***** all that said if given an option of part time at my job, I'd be 1st in line to volunteer.

*** jobs even part time give you SS, give you a lot less worries ($$), and they keep you from having the excitement of your day being 39 cents green beans, and barring a great 1 person's income gives you more vacations/ extras.

 

[Pembo]

I was a SAHM when my kids were young - yes we struggled but it was worth it. Now with teens I work part time. My kids remember all the time we had together and all the struggle was worth every minute. Kids grow up SO fast, the time is very fleeting. If you looked at our situation on paper, you would think we couldn't make it, but somehow we did.

Good luck OP with your decision.

 

[BenbowInn]

Being a stay at home mom was the best decision I've ever made.

Look at it this way...my DS is 5. If I had been working full time that would be 40 hours a week x 50 weeks per year (assuming 2 weeks vacation) = 2,000 hours per year away from him x 5 years = 10,000 hours, divided by 24 hours in a day which equals 416 days of his life I would have missed out on.

Assuming he sleeps an average of 10 hours per night, that would be 760 days he spent sleeping. So 760 days (sleep) + 416 days (daycare) = 1,176 days of his life accounted for without me. at age 5 he's been alive for 1,825 days, only 649 would have been spent with me, meaning I would have missed out on 2/3 of his life so far. Obviously sleeping is not optional, but daycare is so my career had to be put on hold.

It was a tough decision for me until I realized how much time it really amounted to away from him. Basically the question for me was "is any amount of money worth missing out on that large part of his young life for?"

It hasn't always been easy, DH has a great job now but at first it was rough, but I have those 416 extra days I can never get back. I wouldn't trade those extra 416 days of building train tracks, fighting dragons, walks to the park, tantrums and snuggles on the couch for any amount of money..especially now that he's getting to the age where he wants more time with friends and less time with mommy. I would much rather take the chance of regretting not having enough in savings than regretting not spending enough of these precious years with my child. Money comes and goes, time just goes.

 

[disneycrazi]

Everyone has given such good real life experiences here. I really value every response because they are real. Our situation is this...if I can hold out another 30 months we will have no debt even our mortgage will be paid off 100%! That's our only debt right now, no car notes, no CC. My 3 older kids are all on their own and so its just DS9, my DH and me. DS loves his school and we work schedules so either myself, DH or my older daughter picks him up so we have no daycare expense.
DS however does not want to go to junior high, he wants to be homeschooled which I am inclined to allow since he is not involved much at school. He is very much a homebody and gets his outside school interaction at Tae Kwon Do. Junior High is tough and if I last the 30 months the timing would be that the mortgage is paid right as he is done with school the summer before junior high. My reasons for wanting to leave my current job are because of the stress. I'm a retail store director and sadly get paid very well and so its hard to walk away, but the pressures and stress are making me sick. The pros and cons are even so I'm at odds........

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I went from full time to part time several months after DS18 was born. I've worked part time ever since. I was fortunate that my parents were able to take care of DS if I worked part time (they were unable to have him full time so he was in daycare). Just dropping the daycare expense almost made up for the decrease in income. Plus, I didn't have to worry about the little guy since I knew he was getting the best care from grandma and grandpa. Now that my boys are teens, I still work 6.25 hours a day, 4 days a week. I like that I can be home with them after school and get to various activities.

 

[vdoucet78]

I'm not a parent yet, so you may take this with a grain of salt! But we are TTC and our plan is for me to mostly stay home. I'm a nurse and fortunately my hospital will allow me to work as little as two 12-hour shifts a month prn but can still pick up extra shifts when needed too. This gives us a little more money in our budget and 2 days a month is easily scheduled around DH's crazy schedule and I get to use my skills and spend time with my coworkers who are good friends a couple times a month. I have a long commute, so not working much saves me over $200/mo in gas, lower car insurance, not having to pay for childcare, and we can save money by cooking most meals at home and shopping sales because I will have more time to do it. Right now we cook about once a week and eat leftovers or eat out the other nights. We both currently work over 40 hrs a week (I've regularly worked over 70 hrs/week this summer) and DH travels every week for work. Also, schools in our area are really crappy, and anyone who possibly can pays for private school. So our plan is to homeschool as many people here now do, bc after all the other expenses plus private school, my paycheck would be gone. As for vacations, we plan to buy DVC on resale and pay in full so all we have to pay for are maintenance fees, APs and food/travel costs since room rates are the highest cost of our vacations. We have a separate savings account for vacation and put a set amount in every paycheck. We are debt-free except our mortgage and we are trying to pay it off early by applying extra money to principle on a regular basis. There are alot of hidden expenses in working full time, esp when you have to pay childcare as well. Hope this was somewhat helpful and that you get to do what your heart desires!

 

[disneycrazi]

I'm not a parent yet, so you may take this with a grain of salt! But we are TTC and our plan is for me to mostly stay home. I'm a nurse and fortunately my hospital will allow me to work as little as two 12-hour shifts a month prn but can still pick up extra shifts when needed too. This gives us a little more money in our budget and 2 days a month is easily scheduled around DH's crazy schedule and I get to use my skills and spend time with my coworkers who are good friends a couple times a month. I have a long commute, so not working much saves me over $200/mo in gas, lower car insurance, not having to pay for childcare, and we can save money by cooking most meals at home and shopping sales because I will have more time to do it. Right now we cook about once a week and eat leftovers or eat out the other nights. We both currently work over 40 hrs a week (I've regularly worked over 70 hrs/week this summer) and DH travels every week for work. Also, schools in our area are really crappy, and anyone who possibly can pays for private school. So our plan is to homeschool as many people here now do, bc after all the other expenses plus private school, my paycheck would be gone. As for vacations, we plan to buy DVC on resale and pay in full so all we have to pay for are maintenance fees, APs and food/travel costs since room rates are the highest cost of our vacations. We have a separate savings account for vacation and put a set amount in every paycheck. We are debt-free except our mortgage and we are trying to pay it off early by applying extra money to principle on a regular basis. There are alot of hidden expenses in working full time, esp when you have to pay childcare as well. Hope this was somewhat helpful and that you get to do what your heart desires!

No grain of salt here, I deeply admire your foresight and plan. Love the homeschool and vaca thoughts, guys are way ahead of the game! Thanks so much for your insight!

 

[mrsabbott]

I worked full time and then some before I had kids! Went to 3rd shifts, part time after DD1 was born. I got paid more per hour, but I only worked 3 nights a week. I also babysat during the day 2-3 days a week. We didn't exactly budget or plan for it, we just made it work.

Stayed on that schedule after DD2 was born. Hubs joined the military and I continued working part time until we PCS'd. No family to help watch the kids and childcare was expensive. Of course, we weren't making much at first, but our biggest expenses (lodging/utilities and healthcare) were taken care of and we just made it work! With his promotions and extra money from deployment, I paid off a lot of debt and we were able to take our first real vacation to Disney!! DD3 was born during this time. I did volunteer work as well and continued to volunteer until DS was born..

Anyhoo, we PCS'd to where we currently are and bought a house. I got a job that was VERY part time at our church.. only making about $200 a month! Hubs was medically retired and started his own business and I worked out there as well but with no pay. Money got very tight and I ended up getting a part time night job again for awhile. Didn't get to sleep but every other day and it's harder to do now that I'm in my 30's!! LOL! Eventually got a full time job where I'm at now.. I work from 6-2pm. Hubs gets the kids off to school and I pick them up in the afternoons!

Now, a lot of our debt is from the failed business and when we get it paid off then we will have more disposable income for extra's like vacations and stuff. Hubs isn't working and is in school now. When he finished school and gets a job we will definitely be in good shape financially and I might consider going back to part time just for extra money for vacations and whatnot. We'll see!

We never exactly planned for it, we just did what we had to do and budgeted accordingly.. trying to live within our means!

 

[ceecee]

I worked FT and quit. I went to PT first for 2 half days when DD was a year, then to 2 full days when she started pre-school. We kept our older cars and spent less but it was so worth it and the time flys by so enjoy every minute you can.