If you're paying your child's college tuition, how much say do you have?

[Ceila]

Also, I think it's perfectly reasonable to put limits on what you're able /willing to pay. We've been telling our kids for years that we can afford to pay four years at a state school -- that gives them a wide variety of options. More than that is beyond our ability to pay. And we'll be on the semester plan: We'll pay for semester 1, and when we see good grades and a progression towards graduation, then we'll write checks for semester 2.

While I agree with giving my children guidance through the decision making process regarding their majors, my husband and I would not cut off funding if they chose a major we didn't agree with. However, I do agree with you that there can be limits, which may be different for each family. For us, keeping grades up and completing within four years (unless there are extenuating circumstances) will be required, but we will not limit their choice of major.

I also hope that people who believe it is their right to stop paying for college based on their child's choice of major communicate that stipulation to their children before they decide which school to attend. As I said, I personally don't agree with dictating my child's major, but I think it would be awful for a child to get halfway through and then, when they are about to declare their major, find out that their college fund is dependent on their parents' approval of their choice.

 

[disney1990]

We are paying for our son's education and do not expect that we have any say in his major.
In the end we want our son to pursue his dreams and are trying to support him finding his own path in life.

Absolutely agreed. These are my children's dreams, not mine.

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

I'd say that this is where life long communication comes in. My kids know that there are practicalities in life like paying for a roof over your head, and food in your belly. They also know that if they want to have a family they have to be able to care for that family. That will include my one daughter.

Following dreams is just as possible in your free time, frankly. And vital to life. We all need dreams. We don't all need 4 year studies in them.

 

[Mimi1965]

As for the OP's friend's DD-I really think its a shame that there are such ridiculous majors as "women's studies"-what the heck does one DO with that?

 

[Sparx]

My parents do not pay for my education. I am a scholarship student. My parents did help me a lot in choosing my major, though. I was "that student" who changed their major three times in the first semester but I finally found something I'm very happy with. College is such a massive change from high school and I've taken classes that I had no idea existed, let alone there was a major built around them. I definitely think that parents who have been to college can offer guidance in selecting a major that maybe the child wasn't aware of before. Its like how a ton of kids graduate high school and want to be teachers (because thats what they know) and then they get to college and a lot of them change their majors as they discover other professions and only the ones with the real passion for education stay in the teaching path.

 

[Sparx]

As for the OP's friend's DD-I really think its a shame that there are such ridiculous majors as "women's studies"-what the heck does one DO with that?

I think its a shame that just because you don't understand a degree or the possibilities that it includes you consider it to be ridiculous.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I would cut off funds if my child wasn't passing his or her courses. I would not force him or her into a major.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

As for the OP's friend's DD-I really think its a shame that there are such ridiculous majors as "women's studies"-what the heck does one DO with that?

Go on to get a degree in law or politics that focuses on women's issues.

Become a lobbyist for women's issues.

Become a college professor teaching Women's Studies.

I'm sure there's more.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

As for the OP's friend's DD-I really think its a shame that there are such ridiculous majors as "women's studies"-what the heck does one DO with that?

Have a friend that is a professor at a major university teaching coursework involved with this degree. While some of the topics are a bit extreme
for my tastes, the subject matter as a whole extends to many possibilities.

She is on facebook and has many studens that are friends with her a d what is fascinating to me is to read their posts about their plans for the future.

We take things for granted in the US, but there are many countries
are very different in their treatment of women. The study of women's issues encompass a range of topics. And these students will go on to work to help
women, primarily in 3rd world countries, achieve humanity and equality. I don't agree with all the topics---but I have been enlightened to some troubling situations throughout the world that it didn't even occur to me would still
be happening in this day and age.

Not all degrees are about finding a 9 to 5 job in a cubicle post-bac.

Some degrees help people be the change they wish to see in the world.

 

[TLuvsD]

I haven't read the whole thread...our D is in high school. We will provide funds as long as there is reasonable progress toward a degree. Reasonable progress means good grades, appropriate classes, etc. We won't pick her major--that's her job. And college does not last forever on my dime.

 

[Keli]

I would feel the right to impose whatever restrictions I wanted as terms of receiving those funds from me.
In reality I wouldn't cut off the funding very easily but I would cut it off for a major I considered frivolous just as I refused to pay for many things my child requested over the years that I considered not worth the money.
It's not that I care if she has that major but if I don't think the resulting degree is worth the thousands of dollars that it will cost me then I'm not going to pay for it.
But I would not, in any way, try to hinder her from locating other funding and pay for that schooling herself.

 

[dzorn]

I would feel the right to impose whatever restrictions I wanted as terms of receiving those funds from me.
In reality I wouldn't cut off the funding very easily but I would cut it off for a major I considered frivolous just as I refused to pay for many things my child requested over the years that I considered not worth the money.
It's not that I care if she has that major but if I don't think the resulting degree is worth the thousands of dollars that it will cost me then I'm not going to pay for it.
But I would not, in any way, try to hinder her from locating other funding and pay for that schooling herself.

I would expect some input. If someone is spending my money then I need to know it is not wasted.

Denise in MI

 

[MrsPete]

I disagree (sort of). Yes, I would push toward something profitable, but I would not necessarily pull funding if DD decided on something I felt would not be profitable. If she decides to major in "tattoo artist" (I know there's no such thing-just hyperbole to make a point) there is no need for college, but a "gender studies" major (which tends to get bashed a lot) will teach her how to think, how to analyze and how to write. I think that's all I want out of college for her. Of course I would prefer medical school, but she will do whatever she decides and I will support her.

I agree that college should enhance a student's ability to think, analyze, and write, and that any degree should do those things . . . but that's not ALL I expect from a degree.

I also hope that people who believe it is their right to stop paying for college based on their child's choice of major communicate that stipulation to their children before they decide which school to attend. As I said, I personally don't agree with dictating my child's major, but I think it would be awful for a child to get halfway through and then, when they are about to declare their major, find out that their college fund is dependent on their parents' approval of their choice.

It should never reach the point that you'd say, "Become an orthodontist even though you hate teeth, or I'll cut you off financially!" Instead, it's the parents' job to help the child find something that he likes, something he's good at, AND something that'll be profitable. That's far from impossible.

Absolutely agreed. These are my children's dreams, not mine.

Thing is, kids don't necessarily know how to get from dreams to reality. That's where guidance comes in.

No matter what the student's career-related dream may be, I'd be willing to bet he ALSO expects to be able to buy a nice house, travel, support a family. I want to be sure that my daughters are able to have a career that they'll enjoy AND be able to do the things they want in their personal lives. And that requires money.

I'd say that this is where life long communication comes in. My kids know that there are practicalities in life like paying for a roof over your head, and food in your belly. They also know that if they want to have a family they have to be able to care for that family. That will include my one daughter.

Following dreams is just as possible in your free time, frankly. And vital to life. We all need dreams. We don't all need 4 year studies in them.

Makes sense to me. For example, my youngest LOVES art and wants to be a comic book artist. I'll say it more frankly to you than I would to her: She doesn't really have talent. I know numerous kids at school who have way more talent than she does, and even they may not have what it takes to really make money with that talent. My daughter will not be an artist. I doubt she'd be admitted into art school.

So it's kinder for me to emphasize other things she can do:
- Pursue art as a hobby rather than an occupation
- Go into business and work with art from that angle, not as a creator, but as a seller
- Teach art, which doesn't require the same ability level as being a creator
- Focus on a different form of art in which she might show more talent and which is more sell-able; perhaps photography rather than comic books
- Or she can focus on one of her other interests; for example, she loves and is exceptionally good with languages. I could see her as a translator or interpreter. She's also a whiz with food; I could see her in culinary school, perhaps with pastries and cakes.

Does anyone really think it'd be kinder to allow her to go through high school thinking that she can support herself as an artist?

My parents do not pay for my education. I am a scholarship student. My parents did help me a lot in choosing my major, though. I was "that student" who changed their major three times in the first semester but I finally found something I'm very happy with. College is such a massive change from high school and I've taken classes that I had no idea existed, let alone there was a major built around them. I definitely think that parents who have been to college can offer guidance in selecting a major that maybe the child wasn't aware of before. Its like how a ton of kids graduate high school and want to be teachers (because thats what they know) and then they get to college and a lot of them change their majors as they discover other professions and only the ones with the real passion for education stay in the teaching path.

Yep, students aren't always familiar with all the choices that're out there for them. That's where parental guidance comes into play. I said earlier that my older daughter said she wanted to be a doctor or a nurse; I encouraged her to take a vocational class in high school (which she turned out to LOVE), and in that class she learned about all sorts of professions within the medical field. Now she's able to make a more informed decision.

 

[AC7179]

I don't dictate my daughter's major. I do try to have discussions about what she can do with her major when she graduates and to try to think in terms of pursuing a major that actually might have a job at the end of it versus pursuing a major that seems "fun".

I do know someone where I work whose child was in an engineering major. The student changed her major to history, the parents got pissed, pulled her out of the 4 year college because they weren't "paying that price for a useless history degree" and made her come home and go to community college.

I kinda understand their reasoning, as a college education is really an investment. We have told my daughter we will pay for her college, but she must take advantage of all community college dual-credit offered in her high school. SHe probably wouldn't have done that without us telling her that if she did not, she would go to a community college for the first year, at least. She'll graduate with 30 hours, which is about a year, and hopefully she can graduate in three or three and a half years, saving us some money.

We've also dictated, to a point, where she will be going to school. She wanted to attend Texas A&M. While I would LOVE to send her to that great school, it does not have a nursing school at this time. Her options would be to go to TAMU for two years, then transfer, or get a 4 year degree in anything, then do a RN to BSN degree. To her, either sound GREAT. To me, it's not the best use of our (limited) funds set aside for her education. She applied to TAMU as an elementary education major, in case she changes her mind during the year, but she will also apply to Texas Tech and Texas State, both of which have nursing schools in their university programs.

I get what people are saying about not controlling your children, and I don't want to control her, but I also don't think she understands money yet. 20k or 80k, all she knows is it's more than she has ever seen.

 

[punkin]

All I can say is I am glad that DD's college does not require her to declare a major until second semester of sophomore year.

 

[Mary•Poppins]

You could graduate with a computer science degree or an engineering degree, but if you don't have drive, ethics, determination and a good work ethic, you could still find yourself unemployed.

I think this says it all. If you have the drive in your field, you will make it.

We will talk to our sons and encourage them to go into a field that is their strength ... each of them are so different. But we would only stop helping them if their grades were not good. Even if they were working hard and still getting bad grades, a talk would need to be made with the fact that college may not be the direction they should go.

 

[Tbasko]

Will he still be doing the ROTC scholarship? My oldest is only 11, but has expressed interest in serving in the military after college. I know it's a long way off and she'll change her mind a thousand times, but I have no idea how that works and am curious.

No he gave up his ROTC scholarship. ROTC scholarships are geared towards the Engineering and Sciences usually. Business degrees are not one of the selected majors. So as a Parent, I didn't help him choose his major, but the Navy did.

 

[Tbasko]

My friend was on a ROTC scholarship so I can tell you a little bit of what I know from his experiences. While in college, he got up and went to PT at 5:00am every weekday. His school including room and board was completely paid for. In return he had to serve 4 years active duty and 4 years reserve duty in the Army. When he entered, he was an officer, so automatically higher ranked (or maybe it's a different ranking) than an enlisted person. After the 4 years, he wanted to go to law school and requested a delay in duty to attend, but it was denied. Instead he was deployed to Iraq twice. Now out of the Army, he works for some private company doing something (I'm not sure what) contracted by the US Govt. in Iraq.

Not all ROTC scholarships pay for room and board. My son's scholarship was for Tuition, books and fees. He was also given a stipend every month of 250.00. We had to pay for his room and board. When he gave it up, he had to work for a while to save money for tuition because he would have to pay out of state tuition.

 

[ugadog99]

there will be no squashing of dreams in this house.

This is exactly how I feel. I changed my major from theatre/history to Early Childhood Education. It is the single biggest mistake of my life. I felt pressure to drop the theatre because of my parents not being happy about it. (I'm 46 and regret it every day.) Now, my younger daughter is expressing interest in theatre education, and there is NO WAY I'll discourage her!

 

[Hannathy]

a lot. If I'm paying I'm not paying unless you have a solid plan in place, have an idea where you are headed and what you will do with it. It is nice to say you have to love what you are doing but you also have to pay the mortgage.
I am appalled at the kids who leave for school and have no idea what they want to do, not even an area. By the time you head off to college you should know I like Science or I like communication, teaching etc. You may not have it pinned down to a complete specific thing but you have an idea. How did you take classes in High School? We have been talking about careers since my kids were toddlers.
My kids know and have known for years and years that I won't pay for Law School, can they still be lawyers if they want-sure but on their dime not mine. And guess what if they really want that they will find a way because if just my not paying for it is enough for them to give up on their dream then it really wasn't their dream.