If you don't work, what do you tell people you do?

[beaucoup]

I guess I am lucky. Most people know I quit my job last year due to chronic illness. We don't have kids only dogs so if anyone asks I can tell them I am a stay at home dog mom hehe

Similar story here. Quit about 5 yrs ago after 20 yrs of stressful career. Had a nice part time job after that that paid well and I enjoyed, but economy dried that up. No kids and no bills. DH is gone a lot for work so I get to do everything anyway. He's fine with things how they are. I'm happier. He's happier that I'm happier.

I have plenty to fill my days leaving his time off as time we can spend together having fun rather than doing housework and errands. We lived that life for over 20 yrs and we like it better this way.

 

[beaucoup]

Yeah, right.

Or maybe they LOVE working and can't imagine anyone not wanting to.

Possibly, but I'm telling you, the few people still asking me are very jealous. You can tell in her bitter attitude & wording of the question.

I wasn't speaking for everyone. I was sharing my experience about the people asking ME.

I can tell you she's NOT happy in her job.

 

[sparks19]

I see how the job sounds super easy.

I mean I sit with DD3 and do crafts for a good part of the day. These crafts are geared towards learning things like how to mix colors to make new colors, the weather, how to take care of our teeth, food groups etc etc. I'm responsible for teaching her these things since she doesn't go to daycare full time (she goes to preschool one day a week).

Then I've got to get her out of the house. when the weather is nice we go to the park or do something outdoors. when the weather is bad we go to the childrens museum or a play place.

I'm a terrible housekeeper. I'm just BAD at it but I do try. so after that I TRY to tidy the house (usually a miserable failure lol luckily hubby understands this about me haha) and then I have to run all our errands too

of course this is only days when DD is in a good mood. So I can see how it would appear that I do nothing or I just get to have fun all day long and while I do have fun it is hard work. Coming up with new crafts and fun things to do and new things to teach her and new WAYS to teach her and keep her eating healthy foods etc etc etc etc. the list goes on.

THEN you have her "bad days" when she's in a bad mood or she's sick

But yes I can see how people who don't do it would think that it's just all fun and games. it's a HUGE responsibility and it's tiring lol. do people who work at home also jsut sit at home and eat bon bons all day? or is it just SAHM's?

I don't really care what you do as long as you aren't neglecting your kids or abusing your kids. I am no better than the working mom... but I most certainly am no LESS.

 

[SaraJayne]

Yeah, right.

Or maybe they LOVE working and can't imagine anyone not wanting to.

*sigh* I know I said I wasn't going to get into the Mommy Wars, but I had to comment on Robin's post.

Whether you realize it or not, Robin, in the above post you're saying women that stay at home don't work. Intentional or not, that implication is still very prevalent in some people.

I think we could all share horror stories about reactions when they hear you are a SAHP. I will always remember my warmest memory when I shared I was a SAHM with DH's colleagues wife (who I was meeting for the first time).

She asked what I did and I told her I was a SAHM to a toddler and pre-schooler (at that time) and she sighed and said "You are so blessed to be able to stay home with your kids. Cherish it and don't ever regret not having a paying job. It's a JOB and don't let anyone else ever tell you different."

I pull that meeting out of the depths of my mind when I'm having a "poor me" day.

 

[sparks19]

LOL Sarajayne I have a similar story.

My husbands boss takes his son to the same preschool we take our daughter to (although his son goes full time and DD only goes once a week so we don't run into each other often)

and he asked what I was up to that day adn I said "Well it's my day "off" so I think I'm gonna go home and sit on my butt until it's time to get down to the business of cleaning" lol

and he said "hey... don't let anyone tell you that's not a job. You work just as hard as we do...Sometimes you have the harder job"

I just laughed and said "Well that's true... but it sure is nice to have a day off sometimes LOL"

I wasn't a big fan of my hubby's boss before... but after that I think I'm liking him quite a bit more

 

[elizke]

I agree with those who say we all deserve respect for doing what works best for our own families, or doing what we have to do! I have great admiration for both working moms and SAHM's.

DH works so much that our family would probably never work if I worked too. There are benefits and negatives to both situations. We have far less arguing over who will pick up or take the kids, or stay home when they're sick, or make dinner, or clean up, and DH has been able to get much higher up than he would have if he ever had to worry about where the kids are. But there ARE major financial negatives, and frankly I get less respect, at home and out.

I don't think it's a rude question to ask at all. In fact when I worked I felt people were rude for not asking, as if only my husband were the important one.

The only problem is, now that I am a SAHM, although I consider the question polite, I do feel inferior or unjustified with my answer, especially now that my kids are 12 and 14. Most people don't make "What do you do all day then?" a second question, but sometimes I see it on their faces. I do a lot of school volunteering, I take lots of other people's kids to school, I take care of every single thing there is to do with house, home, and family, and I am here when the kids get home and when they come and go all afternoon I know where they are. I take them to their swimming and basketball and piano, and I'm there for every meet or game or recital or after school activity pick-up. I don't say that as if it's something astounding, I'm just saying what I do. But I can't say all that without sounding defensive or holier than thou, and somehow SAHM does not convey what I do.

I really see staying home as a valuable societal contribution, (among others!) but the feelings of inferiority do always pop up when I get the question, as well-intended as it is.

So I am reading the answers with great interest.

 

[mefordis]

I personally would not be bothered by this because to me, it isn't really a choice. When I worked for those 8 months while my daughter sat in daycare, my heart just ached all day! I wanted to be the one who took care of her! I wanted to feed her, rock her, give her naps, talk to her, etc. I don't view it personally, for me, as a choice. I felt sitting in my office that it was all so meaningless (the job). My work suffered a LOT. I created a plan for quitting work as soon as I went back to work when she was 8 weeks old, and didn't look back. Luckily my husband was 100% supportive and he has been successful enough in his career to make up the loss of income. I thank God every day for being able to stay home with my kids.

HOWEVER, I realize I am lucky and not many people get to do this, and many don't even WANT to do it and I don't judge them at all!

I think if you are 100% confident in your decision to do whatever it is you do, comments from others mean little to nothing!

I'm finding the only people who seem to keep bringing up the fact that I'm not working outside the home any longer are the women who hate their jobs or are having a very difficult time making ends meet. Basically, jealous women.

I no longer owe them an answer since they know what it is already.

 

[keagansmom]

I've started to tell people that I've retired. When we moved 4 hears ago for my husbands job-- my job didn't move with me. No real need for me to work now. So I consider my self retired.