I was at the marathon! Should I be upset?

[Bearybear]

After 9/11, I tried to call my mom who lived in a suburb of NYC. I couldn't get through all day, and I didn't talk to her until she called me the next day to tell me about a childhood friend who had died.

While you can't change how you feel, nothing will be achieved by being angry at your children. I'm glad you are ok, and have been praying for all the injured and families of the dead.

 

[Becky2005]

I never call to check on people in situations like this. The authorities there don't need me clogging up their phone lines or bandwidth checking on my friends and relatives. The relatives will call me when they can. I'd let this one slide and be thankful I'm safe.

This is pretty much what we are taught although it can be dreadful waiting...the no news is good news theory. I know I do eventually make calls though to leave messages if I can but right after, I think most people were still trying to figure out what was going on. I know I didn't even hear about it until much later after it happened and then it was a bit chaotic.

I know even my DH doesn't check on me too often unless it gets to be several HOURS late....then he might call and see what is up but it has to be a substantial timeframe.

 

[jenny105]

"Maybe I should be just thankful that I am home and safe?" Yeah, you should. Don't make this about you. I can't believe someone would even post this. It's funny what gets deleted around here and what doesn't.

 

[theworldneedscolor]

I am a little offended with all the "teenagers are self-centered, selfish, immature, etc." comments.

I am sixteen years old, and was in class when I heard the news. My aunt was running, and her son and husband were at the finish line. My heart stopped when my teacher told us about the bombing. It was one of the scariest moments of my life. I couldn't decide if I wanted to cry or throw up. I immediately contacted my mom to try and get info. Thankfully, my aunt crossed the finish line 10 mins earlier, so they were safe.

Point is, not all teenagers are too self-centered to be scared/worried about their families.

OP, I totally think it is okay for you to feel that way. You should talk to your daughter so she knows what to do if there is ever another emergency.

 

[kbeverina]

So I was at the Boston Marathon yesterday. my school was part of the massage team that was massaging. we were very close to the finish line, but were in the basement of a building. we all made it out safely but it was very tense to say the least.

We had no Internet or cellphone service for hours. Once I had service guess how many people had tried to contact me to check on me? Two! A co-worker ans my boyfriend. ThatS it. Not one call or text my from kids. I am so disappointed.

Maybe I should be just thankful that I am home and safe. there are so many emotions running through me right now, but I am just disappointed that my own family and especially my 16 year old daughter wouldn't even just check on me.

Ok, vent over. I think I need to plan a trip to Disney now!

You're raising them, aren't you? Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, make sure you're modeling the behavior you want them to have.

 

[disykat]

I was taught to do what the above poster did, contact the person's emergency contact. If OP's boyfriend was the emergency contact, then that is who was probably getting phone calls.

OP, you've been through a trauma and you can feel any way you want to. Just remember you are loved and don't assume people weren't worrying about you!

I've only been in the situation once, but it's very traumatic for those at home when they don't know whether their loved ones were victims in a highly publicized event.

 

[Mrs.Malone]

I am a little offended with all the "teenagers are self-centered, selfish, immature, etc." comments.

I am sixteen years old, and was in class when I heard the news. My aunt was running, and her son and husband were at the finish line. My heart stopped when my teacher told us about the bombing. It was one of the scariest moments of my life. I couldn't decide if I wanted to cry or throw up. I immediately contacted my mom to try and get info. Thankfully, my aunt crossed the finish line 10 mins earlier, so they were safe.

Point is, not all teenagers are too self-centered to be scared/worried about their families.

OP, I totally think it is okay for you to feel that way. You should talk to your daughter so she knows what to do if there is ever another emergency.

I agree with you about teens. However, I strongly disagree that teaching "what to do in an emergency" should involve teaching people to call into a disaster area. I've been in a few disaster situations and I have never once heard a plea from authorities for relatives to start immediately calling to check on their loved ones who might be in the situation (the exception being if the loved one is elderly/disabled). The complete opposite is what people need to be taught!
Don't call into a disaster situation.

Every family should have a designated out-of-area contact to call in these types of situations. Then all family members can call out to that contact and find out about each other's whereabouts. DH and I use FIL who lives in another state as our contact and yes we used that plan successfully after an earthquake.

 

[robinb]

I can understand why you are upset that your family didn't even try to contact you when they knew you were near the finish line and the explosions. I can imagine that it feels like they didn't really care if you were among the injured. Thank goodness you were not! I don't know if I could just "let it go and move on" if I believed my HS aged DD did not even attempt to contact me or verify that I was safe under those circumstances. I would have to air my feelings on the matter or it would eat at me from the inside out and no amount of Disney pixie dust would make me feel better or heal my relationship with my DD.

I think this is a good lesson for the rest of us to have an emergency contact plan in place for our family. {{hugs}} I hope that this turns out to be a big misunderstanding and someone contacted her to let her know you were OK.

 

[beaucoup]

My friend was right there. She doesn't want anything to do with crowds right now.

She just wants to be home, safe & sound. She was stuck there last night. All she wanted last night was to get home!!

How did you get out?

Are you sure DisneyWorld is the right place to go?

 

[disney2014plan]

When there was a series of bombings in London a few years ago, my friend who lived and worked in London was on her way to see me. I knew that she wouldn't have been on the bus that was blown up, but she was potentially on the Tube (Underground railway).

I was totally unable to get hold of my friends mobile (cellphone) either by call or sms as the telecoms network was shut down. As people have said, talk to your daughter and see what happened.

And yes, there are many that are worse off than you, but I understand that it must have been horrific for you, and the "what if...?" thoughts are hard to deal with.

I hope you find the way through this.

 

[okeydokey]

Are you close to your daughter? It does seem strange that she didn't care to contact you, if that was indeed the case. Hopefully by now, you have spoken to her.

 

[happily single]

Talk about being cold and unfeeling. Why shouldn't it be about her? Because she wasn't maimed or killed? She was there. She has every right to be hurt, upset, scared...until you've been in a situation like that you have no idea. So only those who were most directly affected get to feel anything?

I was in NYC on 9/11. No I didn't lose anyone personally, no I wasn't hit by falling debris. But I was in the WTC after the first plane hit. I was in the street when the second plane hit. And I was in my office building 2 blocks away when the towers fell. So do I not have a right to be upset? I sure as hell would have been upset if no one in my family bothered to try to find out if I was okay. I think OP has every right to be upset. It's what she does with that that will make the difference. Sit down and have a talk with your daughter and let her know you are feeling slighted. But don't hold a grudge, which I'm sure you won't. We talk about our kids being self-centered, insensitive, lack of empathy for things going on in the world, spoiled, etc. This is exactly one of those "come to Jesus" moments where they should be called out on their behavior (or lack thereof) if they didn't bother to try to reach out. Just because they're teens doesn't excuse their lack of empathy toward their parents.

And if her daughter was aware of what was going on and didn't try to reach out, shame on her. And if she did, then this whole conversation is for nothing. to the OP. It's scary to think no one would care if something happened to you.

Thank you!

And yes, my daughter was well away of what was happening. She is at a friends this week bt I will be talking with her when she returns. When I told her I was upsets she didn't try to check on me she replied "my bad". That statement drives me nuts. She was NOT raised to act like that.

But, thank you for your support. For the record I do feel terrible for everyone involved.

 

[happily single]

How did you get out?

Are you sure DisneyWorld is the right place to go? [/QUOTE]

I honestly am not sure how we got out. We were hearing that we may have to stay the night, but traffic was moving and we got out. Once on our bus I noticed the T was still running. We got on the bus about 5pm

 

[Buckalew11]

I'm wondering, OP, is this feeling something you have felt kinda often? Like you are being taken for granted and maybe not valued right now by others? It really seems to me like this may be something you have felt in the past too. I think it is common, btw. As a hairdresser, I often have moms sit in my chair and relate feeling like your OP. Anyway, I hope you are feeling better and yeah, the phrase "my bad" isn't nice to hear.

 

[Mrs.Malone]

"My bad" was certainly not the nicest thing for a daughter to say to a mother who's just been through a traumatic experience! Sorry OP.

 

[Mkrop]

My teenager would have gotten an earful if he gave me "my bad" about something like that

 

[LisaR]

Thank you!

And yes, my daughter was well away of what was happening. She is at a friends this week bt I will be talking with her when she returns. When I told her I was upsets she didn't try to check on me she replied "my bad". That statement drives me nuts. She was NOT raised to act like that.

But, thank you for your support. For the record I do feel terrible for everyone involved.

Sounds like your DD needs an attitude adjustment.

OP'er, you went through a traumatic experience. They say these types of things tend to bring people closer together so I'm sure it was a shock to you when your daughter acted as though she didn't care. You have every right to feel how you feel. Like most people, I assume you have the capacity to feel anger and hurt toward your daughter while still being able to feel compassion for the victims and their family. I don't know why that is so hard for some to imagine.

 

[mrsklamc]

Just curious, OP, is this where you usually are, or were you there to do massages when you wouldn't be usually? Maybe your DD forgot your schedule had changed.

 

[MIGrandma]

I would probably feel the same way, though I would realize that saying it out loud would make me appear horribly insensitive.

It's like I tell my kid, just because your're thinking something it doesn't have to come out of your mouth.

I was thinking the same thing when I read the original post.

If it were me, I would more than likely feel somewhat hurt that my children didn't call or text to find out if I was okay, but I would be keeping that to myself in light of what happened. People were seriously injured, lost limbs, died. My hurt feelings would be nothing compared to what those people, and their loved ones, were going through. I would keep quiet about my feelings and get over it.

 

[Robinrs]

I am a little offended with all the "teenagers are self-centered, selfish, immature, etc." comments.

I am sixteen years old, and was in class when I heard the news. My aunt was running, and her son and husband were at the finish line. My heart stopped when my teacher told us about the bombing. It was one of the scariest moments of my life. I couldn't decide if I wanted to cry or throw up. I immediately contacted my mom to try and get info. Thankfully, my aunt crossed the finish line 10 mins earlier, so they were safe.

Point is, not all teenagers are too self-centered to be scared/worried about their families.

OP, I totally think it is okay for you to feel that way. You should talk to your daughter so she knows what to do if there is ever another emergency.

Agreed, the teenagers in my life are very thoughtful.

Unfortunately we ALL fall into "stereotypes" because of the ones people NOTICE.