If only it could happen.........
Subject: I want a Divorce !!!
THOUGHT YOU ALL WOULD LOVE THIS ! ! ! ! I CERTAINLY DID !
THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY WELL PUT AND I CAN HARDLY
BELIEVE IT'S BY A YOUNG PERSON, A STUDENT!!! WHATEVER
HE RUNS FOR, I'LL VOTE FOR HIM.
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives,
socialists,Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole
of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a
divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of
future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course.
Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on
what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile
and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.
Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass
each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure
our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it
should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly
divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate
tastes.
We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You
are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns
and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the
military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are,
however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move
all three of them).
We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations,
pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved
homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep
the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll
keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.
You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain
the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the
peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under
assault, we'll help provide them security.
We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome to
Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the
U.N.. but we will no longer be paying the bill.
We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars.
You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.
You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing
doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a
right.
We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem.
I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach
the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.
We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give
trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll
keep our history, our name and our flag.
Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other
like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree,
just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you
ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.
Sincerely,
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American
P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda with you.
The responses on this thread (save for yours) have been very civil. If someone found it funny, they said so. If not, they said so.
if only...
