I think I need to let my sitter go..

[sdoll]

I have had an awesome(so I thoght) babyistter for the last 5 months. She is always flexible and my kids love her. But she did something today that has me completly freaked out to the point that I don't think I can continue using her.
Today she came and said I have a present for you. I looked and she had a zip lock bag with some pills in it. I said "what is that" She said it was some sort of drug (i can't remember the name) that she thought would help my DS3 sleep at night. ( My DS is at the point where he needs a nap but if he takes one he is up super late so we tend to skip a nap so that he goes to sleep ok and he doesn't keep his big brother up. TOTALLY NORMAL BEHAVIOR! There have been a few times that he falls asleep during the day is not ready for bed and bed time. Which can be annoying but understandable.

I responded that 1) I would never use a drug to get my 3 year old to sleep and that I would like her to take it home with her. I told her that we are not big meds people. Unless we need it. But we are the sort of people that flush old meds down the toilet and would never keep them for a later ailment.

I am so freaked out by this. Are you kidding me? It just makes me question what she would feel comfortable giving my kids in my absence.

I called my husband at work today to tell him what happened. He is going to talk to her when he gets home to try and figure out what would make her think that was ok and see if he can get a read on just what the heck is going through her brain. I am leaning toward there is no 2nd chance in these kind of situations. I need to know I can trust her. He is usually not so quick to jump the gun so we have agreed he would talk to her and then we would discuss it tonight. But What the heck was she thinking?

 

[Bren's Mom]

Was it melatonin? Melatonin isn't a 'drug'.

That just seems really strange. I'd be more upset if she gave it to your ds without asking, that would be a deal breaker.

 

[ktlm]

If that were my babysitter, she would be gone no matter how much I liked her. I just would not be able to trust the judgment of someone who thought it was okay to drug a 3 year old to sleep. I would no longer feel comfortable leaving her with my child.

 

[Ericandjenng]

If that were my babysitter, she would be gone no matter how much I liked her. I just would not be able to trust the judgment of someone who thought it was okay to drug a 3 year old to sleep. I would no longer feel comfortable leaving her with my child.

I have to agree with this! We pulled DS out of a daycare at age 2 with no notice because of an injury. Actually it was the lack of notice of the injury and the resulting runaround when we asked what happened. I knew that I would never be comfortable and constantly worry what could happen while he was there. In your case, I would be worried that she would give him something while you weren't there since you refused her offer.

 

[Riles_and_Gabe]

I agree with the others. I wouldn't feel comfortable with her any longer. You need to be able to trust the people that are with your children.

 

[Nicolepa]

Was it melatonin? Melatonin isn't a 'drug'.

Uh, when it's manufactured in a lab it is a drug. It may be legal to buy over the counter, but it's still a drug.

 

[1queen]

This is a tough one. It is strange she wanted to give your child pills, but at least she did check with you. Maybe it's kind of common in her family. You need to make it very clear it is not ok in yours. It is hard to find good, dependable childcare. If you and your husband gets any weird vibe from her, or you can't get over it, then let her go or you will be miserable.

 

[mjkacmom]

Just say no thank you. It's probably melatonin, and I know many who have given this to their own kids. Maybe someone told her about it, and she wanted to see if you wanted to try it. Maybe someone told her about it, and convinced her it was a good thing for kids. Now, if she gave it to him, that would be a problem.

 

[ShootingStarMom2]

How old is the sitter? I'd let her go. I know it's hard to find a good sitter but I'd be worried about what she hasn't told you or won't tell you about in the future.

 

[MSSANDRA]

I 'm not sure I could continue to try to use her but I would talk to her. Ask her what she had and what made her think that you might want something to help him sleep better. Had she heard you complain about the sleep situation? Are you guys communicating on what kind of day he is having without a nap??


As far as the nap goes, DGS is at that point where a nap makes it harder to fall asleep but with out one he is a BEAR by dinner time. We also learned his being
TOO tired can make staying asleep harder too. WE are still working through it and right now are trying every other day naps.

Just a thought too, but if a sitter has your child all day, you sometimes have to consider her in your planning your child's day. While no nap may be better for your family bedtime, it may make your child's and sitters day really difficult.

I would too be worried about her ideas...let us know the outcome tonight.

 

[Mouse_Geek]

I think you should read this.......


http://http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-michael-j-breus/melatonin-sleep_b_820426.html

 

[brockash]

Was it melatonin? Melatonin isn't a 'drug'.

That just seems really strange. I'd be more upset if she gave it to your ds without asking, that would be a deal breaker.

I would be as well, however the fact that she did this, makes me think that there's a good chance she may have already given it the child, because apparently she sees no problem with it.

I'm not one that likes to make a big deal out of things, but in this circumstance, if it is some type of drug, ummm yeah, she's gotta go NOW.

It's her judgment that obviously can not be trusted, and since she's in charge of children that's not okay.

 

[bumbershoot]

Uh, when it's manufactured in a lab it is a drug. It may be legal to buy over the counter, but it's still a drug.

Well, everything's a drug. Heck, bananas have potassium which can help with leg cramps. Drug.



OP, why are you worried about what she might do? Here is what she has done. Noticed what she considers to be a problem, thought about it, and CAME TO YOU. She didn't act on her own, she didn't just use whatever they are. She came to you and talked.

She might not have the same instincts or philosophies as you (I do have a problem with flushing drugs down the toilet...those go into the water supply so we ALL end up taking them), but all she did was talk to you and bring an idea to you.

 

[kirstenb1]

I wouldn't fire her. She was honest with you, about an idea she had. FWIW, I've read many references to giving melatonin to kids, which may well be what the tablets were.

 

[princessmom29]

I am with others here who say there is no need to fire her. Did you ask what was in the bag?? If it was melatonin it is marketed as a supplement, not a drug. No perscription is necessary, and many equate it with taking a vitamin. Would you be this freaked out if she offered you vitamins for your child? She may have honestly been trying to help here. I personally don't think taking supplments like melatonin is a good idea, and would have said thanks but no thanks, but I wouldn't have flipped out about it. I would at least find out what was in the bag before totally rejecting someone you thought was so wonderful before this one incident. If it was some sorto f perscription med then I would have a problem, an herbal supplement not so much.

 

[ancestry]

I too would clarify what was in the bag. If it was an over the counter pill such as melatonin or another vitamin/herbal supplement I would talk to her about your family's preference at not taking such things but would let it go. I have had my doctor tell me to give melatonin to my kids although I never did. Most people perceive melatonin to be quite harmless. If it is melatonin or another over the counter pill I think you are overacting a bit.

 

[PHXscuba]

Ultimately it's a trust issue. If she was responding to a problem you and she were both dealing with your son sleepwise, then she is probably making an honest effort. If you think she is attempting to get you to "manage" his sleep so he is better behaved while she's there ... then that signals a problem.

Do you trust her to not give him anything (vitamins, supplements, caffeine, too much sugar, etc.) without checking with you first? If yes, then you trust her and this is a difference of opinion. If no, then she should go.

PHXscuba

 

[kelma]

I agree with those who say to find out what the pills were first. If it was melatonin or some other herbal remedy then I wouldn't fire her. Many people just consider them supplements like vitamins. If you trust her on other issues, then I would trust that she wouldn't give anything to your child now that she knows how you feel about it.

As a side note, please don't flush your leftover drugs down the toilet - it can get into ground water and be detrimental to the environment and us. The best thing to do is mix something unpalatable like kitty litter with the drugs and throw them in the trash. PSA over

 

[lucigo]

On our planet I know more kids who are on melatonin than those who aren't. My son has been taking it since he was around 3. The days he takes it he goes to bed at 9pm. The days he doesn't take it he goes to bed at midnight. We love melatonin.

I wouldn't fire her...

 

[sdoll]

My husband beat me home today and had a conversation with our babysitter. Which is probably better as he stays calm and thinks slower than I do which is a good thing in times like these. He asked what it was and yes it was melatonin. He explained to her that we would not be comfortable with him taking something like that as we aren't informed on the product and while we take meds when needed we don't feel that it is needed for our son. I trust my husbands judgement and he felt her reaction and thought process was legit. She thought she was helping. I plan on talking to her Friday and explain my feelings about this. I might have been quick to react but I still don't feel 100% comfortable but want to give her a chance as I really did trust her and my kids love her. I guess only time will tell if I get back to 100% comfortable.
Thank you to who ever mentioned that maybe my sitter needed my son to take a nap. I know that normally he has a quite time with her while my oldest is at preschool. They usually watch a show and he frequently falls asleep. We have agreed that 45 mins is enough and if he does fall asleep we let him sleep for a while. She usually has to wake him to pick up our other son. But you are right I need to do what is easier for her not me. Thanks for thinking of the other side of the nap and how it effects her.

I will keep you posted. I never dreamed being a parent would be so much fun. But I also never dreamed it would be so hard and scary to know what is right for my family.