I need advice from anonymous internet posters...

[oxfordcircus]

My wife is having some difficulty with a male coworker. I wonder if I'm over-reacting. First, he kissed her on the cheek, not as a greeting, but just laid a wet one on her cheek. He routinely bear hugs her and picks her up, despite her protests. He's made a number of comments to her such as "I don't understand why anyone would be attracted to little girls...I could could have a whole lot more fun with you." Most recently, he sneaked up behind her and inserted his tongue into her ear. My wife has done nothing to encourage or condone the behavior. She's told him his behavior is unwelcome and makes her uncomfortable. He persists. He is married and he knows she is married.

My wife has now filed two formal complaints with her supervisor, after each physical contact. So, here's my question: am I wrong to think that this guy is about a mile "over the line" of what's appropriate in any setting? what action would you expect the employer to take? This guy has twice been reassigned within the company because of coworker complaints regarding sexually inappropriate behavior.

 

[JunieJay]

A mile over the line? Try a continent over the line. Geesh.

I hope your wife is documenting all of this. She needs to see a lawyer and pronto. I don't consider myself particularly offended by male/female banter, but what that guy is doing is so far over the line its beyond offensive. Its also against the law. Good luck!

 

[Tazicket]

That's horrid. I agree with JunieJay. Make sure DW documents EVERYTHING!

 

[TiggerPiglet]

Why hasn't the company fired him? I'm surprised they would keep someone on who has a history of sexual misconduct.
I'm really sorry your wife is going through this. I hope her company wises up and fires him.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Document, document, document...everytime he does something make sure she has it on paper with the company.

I guess you can hire a lawyer and get some advice. That way your wife knows the proper things to do to protect herself legally.

 

[NMAmy]

A mile over the line? Try a continent over the line. Geesh.

Umm...absolutely over the line.

This guy needs to be fired. I can't believe they keep reassigning him. As JJ stated, your wife needs to document everything and get a lawyer. Her supervisor absolutely needs to get rid of this guy.

I'm so sorry your wife is going through this.

 

[Michie]

has your wife tried a swift kick to the groin sorry, that is probably not the best advice, but i cannot imagine putting up with that.

 

[Maleficent13]

has your wife tried a swift quick to the groin sorry, that is probably not the best advice, but i cannot imagine putting up with that.

At this point, I'd be thinking physical retaliation, at least a very strong, decisive push away from me.

Your whole post made me nauseated. What a creep (only DIS friendly word I could manage).

 

[tkd lisa]

Way out of line! This guy needs to be prosecuted. And if your wife's boss doesn't take it up the chain, he can be prosecuted! I'd say HRO is her next step.

 

[Chuck S]

I agree with the documentation. While in almost all offices the first incident would have been considered way over the top, it could (depending on circumstances and the individuals in that office) have been considered along the lines of office play, once your wife let him know she felt it was inappropriate it should have stopped then and there. Any additional incidents are WAY over the line.

 

[lesroi]

As a former HR Manager for a very large company, I would definitely consult an attorney if your wife's Supervisor has done nothing. Has she spoken to HR? Corporate Counsel?
If not, go those channels first. HR needs to know so they can attempt to mitigate the situation. If nothing happens IMMEDIATELY, then seek your own Counsel. Does the Company have a written anti-harassment policy?

If that had been happening at my office, I would have terminated this man's employment. Sorry, but we have a ZERO tolerance for sexual harassment. The fact that he has repeatedly done this and been reassigned because of it is just an invitation for your wife to sue the Company. Sounds like they either don't have an HR department or the one they do have is very lax in their duties.

Best of luck to your wife. That type of behavior is totally unacceptable!

Tracy

 

[oxfordcircus]

has your wife tried a swift quick to the groin sorry, that is probably not the best advice, but i cannot imagine putting up with that.

I happen to agree with your advice. It's hard for me not to wish physical harm on the guy. He's a weasel, though, and any physical altercation would certainly result in a criminal record for me or my wife. Not the right move at this time. But I do like the way you think!

 

[Michie]

I happen to agree with your advice. It's hard for me not to wish physical harm on the guy. He's a weasel, though, and any physical altercation would certainly result in a criminal record for me or my wife. Not the right move at this time. But I do like the way you think!

i think, no, take that back, i know that if i coudnt handle this situation on my own, my dh would have already had a talk with the guy out in the parking lot.

to your wife

 

[lovemygoofy]

Might not be the lady like thing to do but I would use the smallest ugliest words I could to tell him to leave me the he** alone. I would absoultely make sure I told him not to talk to me, touch me or come near me. If there was to be any communication due to work, do it in email or have someone accompany your wife to that man's office. It is a bit juvenile but until someone takes real action, your wife needs to keep documenting and proving that this toad is harassing her. Good luck and my first thought was a high heel to the right area would put a stop to it.

 

[NMAmy]

At this point, I'd be thinking physical retaliation, at least a very strong, decisive push away from me.

Your whole post made me nauseated. What a creep (only DIS friendly word I could manage).

Actually my first thought was that if someone snuck up behind me and put their tongue in my ear, they'd end up with a very pointy elbow to their chest. Without me even having time to think.

 

[merrily]

I think I'd get a restraining order. I'd be afraid the behavior would escalate and her employer does not seem to be doing enough to keep her safe.

A call to the local sexual assault support agency in your area may also be in order. They can help her with some advice and support.

I hope everything works out okay.

 

[stinkerbelle's mom]

OMG how horrible! You wife not only needs to document what is going on with this guy, but also the reactions/responses from the company. I can't believe they haven't responded to the complaints. Man are they gonna be sorry! Call a lawyer now! No one should ever have to feel uncomfortable like that at work! Also be careful that the company doesn't try to complain about your wife's work falling below par or some crazy thing. They might try to retaliate against her for being a whistleblower. Good luck!

 

[threeboysmom]

Actually my first thought was that if someone snuck up behind me and put their tongue in my ear, they'd end up with a very pointy elbow to their chest. Without me even having time to think.

EXACTLY! My elbow would be flying backwards as an automatic reflex if anyone tried doing that to me - I wouldn't even be aware of myself doing it until WHAM! it hit him.

This is awful! I can't believe your wife has to endure this at work. Hopefully, this man will get fired and fired fast. I agree, seek a lawyer's counsel now.

 

[ducklite]

The next time (hopefully there won't be one) she needs to stand up and YELL at him "STOP BOTHERING ME, DO NOT EVER "INSERT ACTION HERE" AGAIN" and basically make a scene so all the co-workers are made aware of what a slimeball he is and what he has done, then stomp immediately to HR and let them know that either he is gone NOW or she's on her way to an attorney's office--even if it means they suspend him with pay.

Frankly if it were me I would have filed the complaint after the first inappropriate comment or touch.

Make sure she is documenting like crazy, and speak to a lawyer.

And if it were me, the first time he laid a wet one on my face I would have kicked the snot out of him. Yuck.

Anne

 

[KevinM]

Is this a joke? Someone sticks his tongue in your wife's ear and you haven't done anything yet?

My only concern would be that the company has good dental coverage, because Loverboy would be bringing his teeth to the dentist in a paper bag.

Seriously, you gotta have a "talk" with this guy. Preferably in a dark alley.