I need a hug!

[KiKi Mouse]

I smell a rat.
There are men (and women) out there that troll the internet looking for nice girls to take advantage of.
Does this guy have a real job or does he just run businesses? Did you know what his finances were like when he moved in? Is he paying half the rent/mortgage and half the bills? Does he have a sob story (struggling business) and can't pay his share? Do you have any joint finances? If so severe them.

If this man truly loved you he would not be on dating sites on the internet. He may be a player or a con artist lining up his next "nice girl" to move in with.
DH and I met on a dating site and both of us deleted our profiles when we knew were the relationship was going.


Here's some advice for the future:
If you get serious to the point of moving in with a guy then everything financially should be on the table. 100% open and honest and discuss who is going to pay for what.

Get a cohabitation agreement. It's just like a pre-nup. I had one when DH moved in with me. I was divorced and could not go through another one financially. DH understood 100% and had no problem with it. It went in the filing cabinet never to be seen again.

 

[happygirl]

Hey Happily Single - how did things go? I hope you are feeling better today no matter what you decided to do.

I was wondering as well how things went.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

You are being used by this guy. Now it is your choice to do that however since you have children in the home, I think you should rethink your decision to allow him to continue living with you.

I am sure he is keeping his options open because he is not in a position to follow thru with a committment with you.

 

[happily single]

First of all THANK YOU for all your support. I should clarify a few things before the update.

First, I was fine with him having the dating account. I can't explain why, but keeping the account was fine. he explained to me previously he only accesses when he gets notified he had a message. I probably should have requested he delete it, but I trusted him.

Second, when we met he had a sucessful car dealership. Things went bad with the partners so he opened his own lot. Unfortunately the partners were also his roommates. Since he was spending so mch time at my house it he asked if he could move in. He had often jokingly referred to moving in, which I also rebuffed. I do regret allowing him to move in soo soon. If it weren't for the business issues I would not have allowed him to move in.

Third, we do not have any joint bills.

Fourth, he is the non-violent, non-confrontional type. That is the one of the best things about him, when we "fight" there is no yelling, etc. It's the quietest, quickest fights, with him also apologizing first.

OK, THE UPDATE: We didn't get to talk last night. He was due home at 8:00 but He had "things to do" and didn't make it home until 11:00 p.m last night. When he came home he started telling me he was Sorry, sorry sorry. That immediately raised my red flags. He explained he was just sorry for being late and the way he's been treating me (??). he further explained that he is very depressed on many levels and needed to get help. Could I help him

Based on that I didn't have the heart to have "the talk" with him. Hopefully he'll be in a better place tonight.

By the way, he has not been on-line since yesterday.

THANK YOU AGAIN!

 

[LuvsEpcot]

I hope that the OP is okay and that the con man has been moved out by now. I'm not as concerned by the "cheating" as I am by the fact that he seems to want to "distance" himself from the other business partners and he supposedly runs his own businesses, but they don't do well. He sounds like a con man through and through and before he gets hold of any of her finances and gets too rooted in her place, she should say Adios! firmly & quickly!!!! That's not the kind of love you are looking for, single isn't such a bad thing!

 

[happygirl]

First of all THANK YOU for all your support. I should clarify a few things before the update.

First, I was fine with him having the dating account. I can't explain why, but keeping the account was fine. he explained to me previously he only accesses when he gets notified he had a message. I probably should have requested he delete it, but I trusted him.

Second, when we met he had a sucessful car dealership. Things went bad with the partners so he opened his own lot. Unfortunately the partners were also his roommates. Since he was spending so mch time at my house it he asked if he could move in. He had often jokingly referred to moving in, which I also rebuffed. I do regret allowing him to move in soo soon. If it weren't for the business issues I would not have allowed him to move in.

Third, we do not have any joint bills.

Fourth, he is the non-violent, non-confrontional type. That is the one of the best things about him, when we "fight" there is no yelling, etc. It's the quietest, quickest fights, with him also apologizing first.

OK, THE UPDATE: We didn't get to talk last night. He was due home at 8:00 but He had "things to do" and didn't make it home until 11:00 p.m last night. When he came home he started telling me he was Sorry, sorry sorry. That immediately raised my red flags. He explained he was just sorry for being late and the way he's been treating me (??). he further explained that he is very depressed on many levels and needed to get help. Could I help him

Based on that I didn't have the heart to have "the talk" with him. Hopefully he'll be in a better place tonight.

By the way, he has not been on-line since yesterday.

THANK YOU AGAIN!

I bet he had things to do. I think that right there tells you everything you need to know. I think he feeding you a load of crap when he says he depressed he know how to play you. Sorry that sounds harsh but how it souhds

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I bet he had things to do. I think that right there tells you everything you need to know. I think he feeding you a load of crap when he says he depressed he know how to play you. Sorry that sounds harsh but how it souhds

Yes, the words naive, gullible, stupid, all cropped up in my head when I read that.

OP your live-in is feeding you lines of BS...wake the hell up.

 

[KiKi Mouse]

snipped for length:

If it weren't for the business issues I would not have allowed him to move in.

Third, we do not have any joint bills.


OK, THE UPDATE: We didn't get to talk last night. He was due home at 8:00 but He had "things to do" and didn't make it home until 11:00 p.m last night. When he came home he started telling me he was Sorry, sorry sorry. That immediately raised my red flags. He explained he was just sorry for being late and the way he's been treating me (??). he further explained that he is very depressed on many levels and needed to get help. Could I help him

Based on that I didn't have the heart to have "the talk" with him. Hopefully he'll be in a better place tonight.

You didn't answer about him pay his share, 50% of the bills and the rent, groceries, utilities etc.

If he was due home at 8 and didn't come home until 11 did he call to say he would be late? To me that is common courtesy that people do for each other. If he is MIA for a few hours and has been chatting up other women on line I would be he had a date.

As for his depression and him asking you to help him...why is that your project? What has he done about his own depression?
Sounds like he is playing the sympathy card so you won't kick him out. Don't fall for it.

Allowing somebody to move in because they have financial issues isn't a good reason. Not your problem.

Sounds like this man either wasn't ready for a relationship with his financial and emotional issues and his need to play the field.

 

[JessicaR]

Yes, the words naive, gullible, stupid, all cropped up in my head when I read that.

OP your live-in is feeding you lines of BS...wake the hell up.

I was trying to think of a nice way to say this. It sure does sound like excuses excuses excuses, on both parts.

Its OK to make a bad judgement call.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I was trying to think of a nice way to say this. It sure does sound like excuses excuses excuses, on both parts.

Its OK to make a bad judgement call.

Oh yea, I have made plenty of bad calls in my life.

I guess the issue at hand here is when you know in your gut that something is not right and you continue to make excuses.

If you just look at the facts you have to make a rational decision. So if you continue to make excuses, you can avoid the making a decision.

OP I am sure you know what you need to do.

 

[JessicaR]

Could I help him

Based on that I didn't have the heart to have "the talk" with him. Hopefully he'll be in a better place tonight.

By the way, he has not been on-line since yesterday.

THANK YOU AGAIN!

He knows already how to push your buttons. He also knew you wouldn't have the heart to kick his butt out. A depressed person will NOT be in a better place tonight, its only a day later! Are you giving him brownie points for not checking his online profile in ONE day?

One of the posts from another person mentioned kids. I pray you don't have any. My only reasoning is that you invited a man to live with your family after a very short time of knowing him.

 

[Tuffcookie]

happily single wrote:

First of all THANK YOU for all your support. I should clarify a few things before the update.

First, I was fine with him having the dating account. I can't explain why, but keeping the account was fine. he explained to me previously he only accesses when he gets notified he had a message. I probably should have requested he delete it, but I trusted him.

Second, when we met he had a sucessful car dealership. Things went bad with the partners so he opened his own lot. Unfortunately the partners were also his roommates. Since he was spending so mch time at my house it he asked if he could move in. He had often jokingly referred to moving in, which I also rebuffed. I do regret allowing him to move in soo soon. If it weren't for the business issues I would not have allowed him to move in.

Third, we do not have any joint bills.


Fourth, he is the non-violent, non-confrontional type. That is the one of the best things about him, when we "fight" there is no yelling, etc. It's the quietest, quickest fights, with him also apologizing first.
OK, THE UPDATE: We didn't get to talk last night. He was due home at 8:00 but He had "things to do" and didn't make it home until 11:00 p.m last night. When he came home he started telling me he was Sorry, sorry sorry. That immediately raised my red flags. He explained he was just sorry for being late and the way he's been treating me (??). he further explained that he is very depressed on many levels and needed to get help. Could I help him

Based on that I didn't have the heart to have "the talk" with him. Hopefully he'll be in a better place tonight.

By the way, he has not been on-line since yesterday.

THANK YOU AGAIN!

OP, if one of the nicest things you can say about him is he doesn't get loud/violent during arguments, I have to question why you think he is such a "catch".

He is using you and possibly cheating!

And even if he isn't cheating do you really want to hitch your wagon to a man who is suffering depression?

Girl, God has given you a 2nd chance at happiness..Don't blow it!

Raise your standards!!!

TC

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Correct me if I am wrong but doesn't the OP have kids of her own?
Why bring this random man into their life to live with you and on top of that he claims to have issues as well?

 

[lovemygoofy]

I'm sure this is going to be an unpopular opinion but here goes.

You let a man you met off the internet 5 months ago move into your home with your children there. Five months ago. Yes, I know people can fall in love and marry forever and day in five months but for all intents and purposes you brought a stranger into your children's household.

If you are the same person that I'm thinking of, you have had alot of changes in your life in the past year. I think you need to kick out the guy that is some business that you may or may not know about and he may or may not be paying the bills. Have your own life and become the happily single name you have listed. Take a year or so to just be and enjoy the new life you and your children have.

Chances are whatever he was doing last night was another female or trying to. Think about your health if nothing else. If he is out laying down with whatever, he can bring his fleas home to you. Don't be a carpet for him to walk on and don't let him be a sucker to use and drain you. Be a woman that leads by example for your children. Spoken from someone that saw her mom used and left over and over again. It might not be easy but it is needed. Good luck and I hope you get the answer you are looking for.

 

[lil mermaid]

I'm sure this is going to be an unpopular opinion but here goes.

You let a man you met off the internet 5 months ago move into your home with your children there. Five months ago. Yes, I know people can fall in love and marry forever and day in five months but for all intents and purposes you brought a stranger into your children's household.

If you are the same person that I'm thinking of, you have had alot of changes in your life in the past year. I think you need to kick out the guy that is some business that you may or may not know about and he may or may not be paying the bills. Have your own life and become the happily single name you have listed. Take a year or so to just be and enjoy the new life you and your children have.

Chances are whatever he was doing last night was another female or trying to. Think about your health if nothing else. If he is out laying down with whatever, he can bring his fleas home to you. Don't be a carpet for him to walk on and don't let him be a sucker to use and drain you. Be a woman that leads by example for your children. Spoken from someone that saw her mom used and left over and over again. It might not be easy but it is needed. Good luck and I hope you get the answer you are looking for.

Very well said.

 

[happygirl]

Is there any updates OP?? I hope things are going well for you

 

[LuvOrlando]

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