I hate Dirty Santa at family Christmas, and family rant

[NaplesRI]

It seems that as the years go on, more and more people aren't enjoying Christmas because of the gift stress. I am with you all on your thoughts, though I must admit, the gift card swap appeals to me because I love gift cards- they are like "funny money" for me! I could give you a list a mile long of where I would love gift cards to. I think we need to get back to making the gifts be for the kids, and the rest of the holiday simply be about family and love, and being together.

I can also relate to the Alzheimer's family issue. My Dad had Alzheimers and my Mom kept him home in her care for many years- longer than she should have. He did end up in a nursing home, in the Alzheimer's unit. Not happy for us, but it is not a pleasant illness. I commend the family wanting to provide the care, but it is really a 24 hr job, and no one is equipped for that. (wearing yourself down makes you more susceptible to illness yourself, then what happens?)
I hope your family will get together to discuss other alternatives. You cannot give up your entire lives to caring for a parent, even though your heart screams for you to. I hope you can come to an alternate solution that will make sense to you. Best of luck to you

 

[FoodLover]

instead of gifts they have a family Christmas day.... What a wonderful way to spend the day! Just having fun together. Now that is a much better idea than buying stuff no-one will care about!

Sounds like your daughter's boyfriend's family really knows how to enjoy themselves. What a fun day, and a great way to build family memories. No one cares about the dumb gifts so many families end up exchanging, but everyone will remember the great times they had together.

Mary

 

[LittleBugsMama]

In a way, I wish we did some kind of Secret Santa in my family. instead, we spend too much money on buying $30-50 gifts for grown-ups because I guess that's the way my DH's family always did it. I really hate it to be honest. But I can also understand exactly where the OP is coming from. That would aggravate me too! Who's in charge!? Maybe everyone is waiting for someone else to step up and stop the medness!

I did a grab bag at a ladies tea party the other night and I told my DH before I left that I was gauranteed to come home with a mug, even though I picked out a beautiful gift to bring. I saw the woman who got my gift and she looked pleased. She had the option of trading and did not. I, however, opened my gift and it was........a mug. So I had to wait for the person to my right to open hers and then I could trade with her. She tore off the paper like a crazy woman only to reveal yet another stinkin' mug. So I got to choose from 2 lovely mugs. Woo hoo. I don't even drink coffee, tea, hot cocoa, nothing.

My grandma has Alzheimers and when we first realized that she needed round the clock care, my aunt put her into a gorgeous assisted living place and when the administrator asked if she was "prone to wandering" my aunt told her no, for fear they would not let her in to this beautiful hotel like facility very close to home. I am still not understanding why she did this, but we tried. Too many times though, they found my gma in the stairwell, basement, etc. It was just a matter of time before she wandered into the busy traffic on the street. Now she is in a nursing home. When I went to visit her last night, I found medication on the floor and I couldn't get a straight answer from any nurse as to why. The place is a dump and she hates it. It smelled like pee and I asked if gma was now in a diaper and why? I got no answer other than, "I don't know, she probably just needs a good cleaning!" Oh my. The problem is that we need a place that takes medicaid and that has a dementia unit and an open spot. Hard to find.

Thanks for letting me vent...I wish you all the best in your gift exchanges and eldery family members~

 

[ncbyrne]

The problem is that we need a place that takes medicaid and that has a dementia unit and an open spot. Hard to find.

QUOTE]

Trying to find a decent place within a 200 mile radius of NYC that accepts medicaid patients is not hard - it's impossible! My poor mother was on a waiting list for years - died before a bed ever opened. Too many patients in that needy financial situation and not enough caring people to work for the low wages of those institutions. Very sad situation in this part of the country.

 

[momx2]

I haven't read the rest of the replies, but I am in the same situation as you regarding the MIL with Alzhiemers. My DH is the youngest. His brother lives in the same town as we do. His sis lives 5 hours away. She will only come visit her mother 2x a year for only 4 or 5 days each. She is the oldest, has no children and is self-employed. She doesn't help at all with MIL and criticises all my DH does. The brother lives a mile from MIL's nursing facility and has only visited her once since moving there from assisted living. He only visited about 2x a month there. My DH has had to do it all. Thank goodness his father knew it would be this way and made sure DH had power of attorney for this situation. He also made sure they both had longterm health care insurance.

If your MIL is bad enough that she can't be left alone she does need outside care. At first we put MIL in assisted living. In about 4 months she declined so rapidly that she had to go to a nursing home. Asisted living was great while she could be there. She still had some freedom and lots of people to talk to during the day and a nice, small apartment. If she has resources then she should be in a care facility. They know how to work with Alzheimers' patients to get the most out of them and the time they have left. You still have to be proactive and visit almost everyday to make sure the nurses know what you expect in their care and that you will be there to check. We are lucky to have an Alzheimers (only) nursing home in our town and that they have the insurance. It doesn't cover it all, but that with her teachers pension covers that and a few other expenses with none to spare.

If they don't have resources then you have to let your DH do what he feels he needs to. I know it is hard, but it won't be for a lot longer. Good luck!