I feel like Cinderella...Vent!

[AlohaPolynesian]

So I just graduated from college and came home for the holidays. With the job market how it is, I might end up being here for awhile. Anyways, my sister is also home from her freshman year of college winter break. Somehow, though, I was given a list of chores to start doing while she does absolutely nothing. Don't get me wrong - I love my parents and enjoy helping my mom out around the house whenever I can. But somehow my sister doesn't have to help do anything and when I asked why it is "so she can enjoy her break and spend time with her boyfriend".

Also, I do not have a car. I went to school in a city and did not need one, but my parents promised me a car as a present for graduation but will not get it for me until I have landed a full time job. That is MORE than fine, I am grateful to be getting a car at all and don't mind waiting for it. What is not fine is that since my parents have what you might call "nice" cars, I am not allowed to drive them. Okay - I can understand that, and my parents DO offer to drop me off to run errands, etc.

But the part that makes me angry is that my sister has a car that sits in our driveway that we "share" aka I can use it when she isn't. But yesterday she was at a friend's house and I wanted to go to a movie. The car was here, but I still was not allowed to take it "in case she wants it later while I am at the movie".

Also, we had Thanksgiving at our house. I was not home last year for Thanksgiving so I was very excited to eat lots of home-cooked food. Last night I went to make some dinner with the leftovers and they were gone! I see them sitting on a plate covered in plastic wrap that my sister said she was taking to her boyfriend. It's not like he didn't have his own Thanksgiving! And then today I went to go eat the last piece of pumpkin pie and see her taking it instead - fine. Until I saw it on a plate with plastic wrap later and she said she was SAVING IT FOR HER BOYFRIEND!

Now you may think that I'm a little too worked up over some leftovers and pumpkin pie. But that's only because of what happened the night before. My dad had four tickets for the basketball (NBA) game. My sister could care less about sports. I named my dog after one of the players. You get the idea. However, my dad kept telling me I should make plans with my friends that night (he ALWAYS wants me home, so it was random for him to say that) and told me there will be another time he has tickets soon. He wanted to bring my little brother (who is a huge sports fan and awesome basketball player) and take my sister and her boyfriend!!

The worst part is that my parents think this is okay. Is she really going to marry this kid? Why do I have to give up things I like so he can take part? I just graduated college and they're more excited that my sister is a freshman at a really, REALLY, REALLLLLY good school than about me earning a degree. Yes I am going to WDW to celebrate my graduation, but no one ever tells me they are proud of me and my parents don't brag about me to their friends. (Not that I'd want them to, I'm just using it as an example).

People have told me I am jealous of my sister. I am definitely not jealous of her because I am proud of what I have done with my life and what I have. I AM jealous however that my parents give her all this attention and I am just brushed off.

If anyone read this, thanks for listening. If not, that's okay I feel better now that I vented to people who don't know my family!

 

[Disney Doll]

Sounds like it's time to kick up the job search and find one so you can be out on your own.

Mom & Dad may appreciate you more if you're not around as much.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

So I just graduated from college and came home for the holidays. With the job market how it is, I might end up being here for awhile. Anyways, my sister is also home from her freshman year of college winter break. Somehow, though, I was given a list of chores to start doing while she does absolutely nothing. Don't get me wrong - I love my parents and enjoy helping my mom out around the house whenever I can. But somehow my sister doesn't have to help do anything and when I asked why it is "so she can enjoy her break and spend time with her boyfriend".

Also, I do not have a car. I went to school in a city and did not need one, but my parents promised me a car as a present for graduation but will not get it for me until I have landed a full time job. That is MORE than fine, I am grateful to be getting a car at all and don't mind waiting for it. What is not fine is that since my parents have what you might call "nice" cars, I am not allowed to drive them. Okay - I can understand that, and my parents DO offer to drop me off to run errands, etc.

But the part that makes me angry is that my sister has a car that sits in our driveway that we "share" aka I can use it when she isn't. But yesterday she was at a friend's house and I wanted to go to a movie. The car was here, but I still was not allowed to take it "in case she wants it later while I am at the movie".

Also, we had Thanksgiving at our house. I was not home last year for Thanksgiving so I was very excited to eat lots of home-cooked food. Last night I went to make some dinner with the leftovers and they were gone! I see them sitting on a plate covered in plastic wrap that my sister said she was taking to her boyfriend. It's not like he didn't have his own Thanksgiving! And then today I went to go eat the last piece of pumpkin pie and see her taking it instead - fine. Until I saw it on a plate with plastic wrap later and she said she was SAVING IT FOR HER BOYFRIEND!

Now you may think that I'm a little too worked up over some leftovers and pumpkin pie. But that's only because of what happened the night before. My dad had four tickets for the basketball (NBA) game. My sister could care less about sports. I named my dog after one of the players. You get the idea. However, my dad kept telling me I should make plans with my friends that night (he ALWAYS wants me home, so it was random for him to say that) and told me there will be another time he has tickets soon. He wanted to bring my little brother (who is a huge sports fan and awesome basketball player) and take my sister and her boyfriend!!

The worst part is that my parents think this is okay. Is she really going to marry this kid? Why do I have to give up things I like so he can take part? I just graduated college and they're more excited that my sister is a freshman at a really, REALLY, REALLLLLY good school than about me earning a degree. Yes I am going to WDW to celebrate my graduation, but no one ever tells me they are proud of me and my parents don't brag about me to their friends. (Not that I'd want them to, I'm just using it as an example).

People have told me I am jealous of my sister. I am definitely not jealous of her because I am proud of what I have done with my life and what I have. I AM jealous however that my parents give her all this attention and I am just brushed off.

If anyone read this, thanks for listening. If not, that's okay I feel better now that I vented to people who don't know my family!

Get a job, get a car, then move out. Until then try and ignore the annoying stuff. Honestly it is not worth getting yourself worked up over. Don't let it drag you down.

 

[Kimickey]

I was going to offer the same advice as the above poster.

I too went thru the same thing with my mother and younger brother. I wasn't appreciated until I was out on my own (that was 13 years ago). Even then I wasn't really appreciated until about 4 years ago. Now my mother wants to be fair and part of my life like you wouldn't believe.

Its time to kick it up a notch, get a job so that you can purchase your own car and start living a life for yourself. Trust me it feels a lot better when its YOURS and not with a parents name attached to it and it feels good to come home and know that leftovers you been savoring all day are there waiting for you.

Good luck.

 

[AlohaPolynesian]

Thanks guys! Sometimes it just gets worse when its bottled up inside. It feels better just to get it all out. I appreciate your advice

 

[Carly_Roach]

I'll agree with the others. You've graduated and now need to find a job so you'll be needing an automobile to do that. Kick it up a notch, focus on your resume and cover letters and start your new, temporary, career: finding employment.

The best thing you can do is get out, get your own life, and live happily.

Here's a hug. It'll get better.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Thanks guys! Sometimes it just gets worse when its bottled up inside. It feels better just to get it all out. I appreciate your advice

Well my motto of the year is from Tim Gunn....."Make It Work".

Whether you are jealous or she is getting special treatment as "the favorite" you are kind of stuck right now.

Your main focus should be yourself and finding a job 24/7.

When you feel yourself getting enraged, try and keep it in your mind that you will not be stuck there forever....

 

[Sarah_Rose]

Also remember that both your parents and yourself are going through a tough transition time. You've gotten used to living your own life on your own time. Your parents haven't been around for that, and aren't sure how to treat you anymore. It'll help both of you if you can just ignore the annoying stuff and focus on getting out of there.

I had to move back home for 5 weeks last year while waiting for my work visa to be processed (I'm Canadian but am living in the US with my Canadian husband) and it was horrible. I had been out of the house for 5 years, living all over the world, and suddenly it was like I was 14 again, with a list of chores and a curfew. It took me a few weeks to realize that I was back on their turf and whether I was 25 and engaged or not, their rules applied. I was out of the house and on a plane to Seattle within 36 hours of getting my paperwork back. I love my family, but having to move back home as a young adult stinks!

 

[Feralpeg]

If I were you, I'd print out what you posted and share it with your folks. I'll bet they have no idea how much all of this is bothering you.

I was the middle child in my family. I was always the one expected to give up my room when we had company, do the dishes after the big meal, go to relatives homes to babysit. My older sister was never asked to do any of this. My brothers never had to do anything. Even after my mom died, I was the one who was expected to take care of the house, laundry, shopping, cooking even though I was a full time college student. Yes, I felt sorry for myself.

Now, looking back, I realize that you can only be treated like a doormat if you lie down and let others walk on you. Stick up for yourself!

 

[shellybaxter]

I am the oldest - and have a younger sister. My sister is the opposite of yours - she was always in trouble and on the edge of really screwing up her life. My mom and dad tried hard to help her out in lots of ways. One time they bought tickets to a country music concert for themselves, my sister and her stoner boyfriend. I was really upset at being left out. Myu sister wasn't even really fond of country music. I loved country and went to concerts. I decided to confront my parents about the situation. They had no idea that I was hurt and promised to try and be more considerate. However, I learned that they were really scarred that they would lose my sister. I wasn't thinking about how they felt and why they would be doing what they were doing.That perspective helped me a lot.

 

[MushyMushy]

I agree with Peg about letting them know how you feel -- don't be accusatory, just let them know you're feeling left out in your own family.

FTR, your story sounds so much like mine when I went off to college and had to come home with no job! Down to the sister's boyfriend eating food I had "dibs" on. 20+ years later I can laugh about it, and DSis is actually married to the guy, but I can remember how infuriating and frustrating it was at the time. It was like they'd gained a new son and I was the annoying pest in their lives... at a time when I was feeling lost and adrift myself!

Hang in there, you'll be on your own soon. It'll be so much better then!

 

[Caradana]

Hey, let's talk job hunt. What did you major in? What would you like to do?

My guess is that your parents are trying to incent you, in their own way, to turbocharge the job hunt, which I rather respect. The economy is recovering somewhat. This might be a matter of identifying the right area and GOING FOR IT.

Is your sister in school in Ohio? When she goes back to school in January, will she bring that car with her? Are you anywhere near Columbus? (I work for a really spectacular company that I adore, and they have a big Columbus presence).

 

[AlohaPolynesian]

You guys all make really great points. Thanks for being so helpful! Who needs to pay a therapist to help you with your problems when you can get good advice from nice people on the DIS for free?! I already feel a lot better. Thank you

 

[AlohaPolynesian]

Hey, let's talk job hunt. What did you major in? What would you like to do?

My guess is that your parents are trying to incent you, in their own way, to turbocharge the job hunt, which I rather respect. The economy is recovering somewhat. This might be a matter of identifying the right area and GOING FOR IT.

Is your sister in school in Ohio? When she goes back to school in January, will she bring that car with her? Are you anywhere near Columbus? (I work for a really spectacular company that I adore, and they have a big Columbus presence).

I have a Bachelor of Arts degree in Public Relations and Advertising and my minor is in Sociology. My internships and part-time jobs have been with professional sports teams, and that is what I want to do. I've applied for 20 jobs/internships and have only had one interview. It is a very competitive field when you realize they are only around 30 teams for each major sport, and each one of those only has a couple departments that I'd qualify for. A lot of kids I interned with are also applying for these same jobs. Realizing this, I've started to apply for some jobs in the non-profit world, which also interests me.

I am about 2 1/2 hours from Columbus. What does your company do? Feel free to PM me if you don't want to write it on this thread.

 

[mrsklamc]

Talk to your parents- it may be that they are willing to wait for you to find a great job; in our family though it would be time to look past non profits and sports teams.

Good luck!

 

[redlight]

No advice, just good wishes.

 

[dismom2]

No advice, just good wishes.

Same here. It doesn't feel good when family members are treated differently, or one person get's special treatment. Hang in there.

 

[greenpea89]

Looking at it from a slightly different perspective - I don't necessarily think what your parents are doing is wrong. Your sister has a "job" (going to school) where she is away from home and only back for a short period of time. Your parents are taking advantage of that time with her by trying to spend time with her and make things relaxing for her when she is home, and since she is "working" they are rewarding that effort. This might be your father's best opportunity to see a game with your sister and he may feel that the best way to get her to spend time with him is to invite her boyfriend along too. While he has the opportunity to see a game at a different time with you.
As a previous poster mentioned, it sounds as if your parents are trying to motivate you to find a job. What I get from reading your post is that they are concerned that you need to look a little bit harder for a job. College is over and this is a new, fun, and scary time in your life but it is time to grow up. It sounds as if you really need to expand your job search. PR can be a tough market to crack into so almost any job where you gain experience will help you find something better in the future. While something could come up, and it's important to keep sending your resume out to "dream job" possibilities, don't limit yourself to sports teams and a handful of non-profits unless you don't mind being carless and living at home for what could possibly be a long time. Best of luck with your job search!!

 

[Rora]

OP- just wanted to give you a *hug*!

Good luck with the job search!

 

[Presentation]

OP – if you choose the confrontation route as suggested by some of the replies be prepared for it to go the other direction then the people suggesting that route have assumed.

If you are seeking advice, mine would be to get a job, any job, even if it’s not in your field and become financially independent. Get your own place no matter how humble.

I sincerely wish you the best.