I don't want to go. :(

[homeschoolmomof4]

I never thought I'd utter these words: I don't want to go to Walt Disney World. My neighbor(and friend) died in an accidental drowning on Sunday. His youngest son(one of my youngest son's best friends) was saved by good Samaritans. My neighbor is now a widow at 43 with 4 kids. I am absolutely heartbroken for this family. The funeral is this Friday. I'm scheduled to take my oldest child and my middle son to Disney in 10 days and I just can't get into the idea anymore. I absolutely hate the idea of leaving my hubby and other kids. I just want to be as close as I can to family during this awful time, so I just don't want to go. The two kids I am taking would be devastated if I cancelled the trip, so I need some encouragement, my Dis friends. I need to find the joy in this trip again. Any suggestions?

 

[MapleGirl]

I completely understand and would feel the same way. How tragic. I am so sorry for your neighbor's loss and the loss to your community.

Perhaps rather than thinking about how much you will be missing your wonderful husband you can focus on having this personal time with your 2 children and how your husband will have his personal time with the other children. I bet they are really shaken too and could use some special mom time in a magical place. Some sun will do you good. (I am assuming, of course, that your whole family is not able to go to WDW. That would be the best option.)

 

[DopeysGal82]

I'm so sorry for this loss. I can't imagine what his wife and children are going through. It's truly devastating. That's such a horrific tragedy. I'm so sorry

I can definitely understand your feelings about not wanting to go. I agree with PP, it will be great to spend that personal time with the kids. Also, after finding out about your neighbor, I'm sure they are taking it hard as well, so missing the Disney trip would just be more pain on top of it.

Last week a neighbor of mine died very suddenly as well, and I have to say I couldn't even think of anything for the first few days because of the shock and pain I felt. However, I feel differently now, and I'm more "back to normal". I don't mean to say that you can get over this loss within a week, but that once the initial shock wears off, the only thing you can really do is just go on with life.

Maybe a little break from reality is just what you need?

 

[melmlantz]

I am so sorry for your loss. This is a really difficult thing to balance, and no one can tell you what to do (which I'm sure you already know).. only you know what you can tolerate right now. it is OK to need to grieve, and understandable to want the family together. I understand what you are saying about your children, however.

Should you decide to cancel, I am sure that Disney will be very accommodating if you explain the circumstances. Perhaps you can push it off just a little while, rather than a long while?

Alternatively, however, if you do decide to go, realize that you are probably in a state of shock right now, and that can cause feelings of numbness (which I hear when you say "I just can't get into the idea anymore"). 10 days is not a long time, but you may feel differently as you get closer. If you felt a little better in 10 days, how would you feel about your decision to cancel, if you canceled? Would you be sad that you canceled? If yes, then I would say add that to the "reasons to go" column. On the one hand, we in America are terrible at taking time off from life to grieve (what do most employers give, 3 days?). On the other hand, it becomes just as important to enjoy and celebrate life when we are reminded of its brevity.

I think it would be bittersweet, but if it were me (depending on how close the person was to me), I could probably still go and feel content. If it were sudden and someone very close to me.. I'm not sure I could still go.

I hope that is helpful somehow. Take care of yourself <3

 

[sleeperclan]

I am so sorry for that family and for the loss of your friend and neighbor
With that said, I would still take the trip. You said your two children would be devastated if you canceled...focus on them right now. It just might be what they need during this time! As a parent, we often have to put our desires and feelings (in this case, your pain) aside for our children. Does it diminish the tragedy and your pain? Certainly not! But, you just might find that being there with your two children and surrounded by the Christmasy atmosphere will lift your spirits! As for not wanting to leave the rest of your family, I totally understand wanting to be with them at this time and that's a decision only you can make. What will it accomplish by staying home? Again, would this be for your sake or for your family? Please don't take what I am saying as a harsh judgment!! I truly don't mean it that way!! I think sometimes we have to step back and look at our motives...I know I have had to do that a bazillion times. More often than not, I find my focus on my own self and not the needs of others. Whatever you decide, my prayers are with your neighbors and your family

 

[homeschoolmomof4]

Thanks everyone. I know intellectually that I need to go for the sake of my kids, I've just lost my zeal for the trip for obvious reasons. I'm also irrationally afraid of losing my husband right now as well. It's absolutely crazy to think this way, but I can't seem to help myself from going there.

My middle son just pulled out my Santa Minnie ears hat and plopped it on my head and turned on Mouse House Radio for me. Made me smile. One foot in front of the other.

 

[kerplop]

I can only imagine the pain of your loss and you have my sincerest condolences.

That said - go. Try to enjoy yourself. We only get one life and you should try to fill it with joy and love. As you know all too well, sometimes it's cut short and people are sadly taken from us. But in the end our loved ones want us to be happy and to have fun, they want the best for us. They were your friend and I'm sure they loved you a tremendous amount. I sincerely believe that your friend would want you to go and enjoy yourself and try not to feel guilty about doing so.

 

[Dizneefamily+4]

What a sad, horrible tragedy and I'm so sorry for your loss and for his family. I agree with what the previous posters have said in that you need this trip with the 2 kids that are going with you - for you and for them. Hopefully, the most magical place on earth can work some of that magic and help you feel better. All the best for you, your family, and your neighbor's family.

 

[LILOLO]

I am so very sorry for your loss. I do agree with others that you should go and enjoy the time spent with your kids. Its hard not to feel guilty for having an enjoyable time when something so tragic has happened, but this tragedy reminds us to enjoy the time that we have and to try and live life to its fullest. Go on your trip, and make some magical memories with your children. Try to look foward but without forgetting the past if that makes sense. I hope you find your hapiness.

 

[copper0426]

I am so sorry for the loss of your neighbor, I feel bad for his wife and kids. I just wanted to say I agree with a previous poster, you need to do what is best for your kids. When my son turned 5 we were celebrating his birthday at disney, I got a call that my dad was not doing well (he had cancer but was doing great 4 months earlier when we were visiting him) and then that call came that he had passed. I had to make the decision of leaving my 5 year old with my husband at disney to celebrate or to wait until our trip was done to go up north. I stayed for my child. Some may say how could you not be there when your dad passed, but to me how could I leave my child and have his birthday memory at disney being his grandpa's passing. To explain to all those out there thinking the worst, my father was creamated so my entire family was there for the memorial.

Diane

PS. I homeschool my son.

 

[cbg1027]

I'm sorry for your loss and understand not wanting to go to WDW at this time.

Have you thought about postponing the trip? I don't know the rules on changes to packages or if you have one, but with room only reservations, you can change dates up until the last minute with no penalty.

Maybe that's a good compromise....then the kids won't be missing out, just having to wait a little longer.

 

[Pats Dragon]

I am sooo sorry for the loss of your friend. Why don't you consider postponing the trip and giving some of the money to the other family. You and your kids could buy toys and wrap them for the other children and/or cook a Christmas dinner. Just a thought. If you decide to go though it is perfectly understandable. Life is too short.

 

[DansBride2009]

I didn't read through all of the posts so I'm sorry if it has been mentioned, but what really helped my mom and me when my dad died was prepared meals, helping clean the house a few days, and just the nearness of friends for awhile.

I would take the trip to Disney for your family, and then if she needs company or a friend to go to a movie with or baby sitting or something offer that when you get back. Phone calls and things like that, that don't really cost much helped the most too.

We also appreciated cards and that sort of thing.

I'm so sorry for your tragic loss, losing someone is so hard. It's so hard to realize that they won't ever be there any more. My prayers to her family through this tough time.

And if this is a more recent thread Christmas will be really rough. I would just check in on her to make sure she isin't suicidal or anything like that (we had an incident happen like that at the school Iwork for, so so sad).

I am sure you will do the right thing. Don't give up your trip because your family is important too and you will never get your kids' childhood back. Just follow your heart and you will be fine. You sound like a great friend.

 

[Sammie]

For me personally I could not go.

Your kids will be disappointed but devastated , actually no.

What is important right now if for you to do what you feel in your heart you should do. If your younger son and the other family need you, then postpone the trip.

Disney World is not going anywhere but the time you spend with those that need you can never be replaced. I would reschedule the trip.

 

[HarborBlvd]

Go. Enjoy the special time with your children. Make lots of memories.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I am so sorry!

I don't really know what to say or what advice to offer.

That close to someone experiencing such a loss, I would be inclined to postpone my trip.

While it was a relative, I recall when someone died and we had to go to a funeral on a special day where they had something very special planned. In that case, they certainly understood. They really behaved more maturely about it than I could have ever expected. Kids are resilient and have the capacity to understand more than we think they do.

As long as you could reschedule the trip, I would consider it.

And if you can't, that is okay! It doesn't make you a bad person or anything.

Have you discussed this with your husband?

 

[A Mickeyfan]

For me personally I could not go.

Your kids will be disappointed but devastated , actually no.

What is important right now if for you to do what you feel in your heart you should do. If your younger son and the other family need you, then postpone the trip.

Disney World is not going anywhere but the time you spend with those that need you can never be replaced. I would reschedule the trip.

I am inclined to agree with you... I would reschedule my trip... maybe reschedule it and maybe try to make it to where I could go when all of my family could join me and even my neighbor and her children as well.. that would make it truly a happy memorable event

 

[A Mickeyfan]

OP... my thoughts are with you.. and your neighbor..

what ever you do decide on, I am sure it will be what you feel is best for you at this time

 

[jennibug]

First off, I am so sorry about your loss!

Here are my two stories. Back in 2002 I lost my grandfather on Monday. We buried him on Wednesday and I was in Walt Disney World on Friday. It was, for me, the best therapy. I knew his death was coming so it wasn't a shock or traumatic. My grandfather LOVED to tinker and while I was in EPCOT all I could do was smile at my memories of him and how he would have loved seeing all of that. I had a week to recover and grieve. I had talked to him about my upcoming trip and he was so happy that I was going. He knew how much I love Disney. I "talked" to him the whole time I was down there and I allowed myself to be happy and celebrate his life.

Cut to 2009. DH and I finally made plans to go during Christmas, my personal dream when tragedy struck. My grandmother slipped and fell at home and died 2 days later, again on a Monday. We buried her on Thursday and we left for WDW that day. This time it was different. I had DH drive and drive so I didn't have to think about what happened. I had talked to her also about WDW and EVERYONE in my family told me to go and not cancel. The trip was okay but I couldn't get into the WDW spirit. Still, I feel that being there helped me. I would see things that reminded me of her and I would smile.

So, obviously I did not cancel my trips. I think that you need to sprinkle in some happiness with the sadness. Remind yourselves that there is still happiness in the world and getting away well help you guys heal. Go, relax and heal.

P.S. My grandfather was 7 years older than my grandmother. They died 7 years apart. They both were 77. AND they had 7 grandchildren and 7 great grandchildren

 

[momma2gap]

I'm live in NoVa (Loudoun) and saw that story. So sad.
Prayers & hugs for you in your decision making.
Whatever you choose, do without regrets...however...a trip may be just what you need right now to regroup...