I Did It - I Quit My Job

[gris gris]

Congrats on your decision! I lost my job in September and decided to go back to work just part time. I work 3 days per week right now and have 2 kids. They go to daycare 2 days and my mom watches them the 3rd day. I was the bread winner in our family and carried all the benefits. DH's job + mine barely pays our bills and we don't have anything left over. I love the time I have with my kids, I love the fact that I can get stuff done around the house, i.e. not having to do laundry all weekend! I love being able to shop during the week when other people are working. I love sleeping in with my kiddos. I love the fact that when DD starts kindergarten, she'll get on and off the bus at our house.

I will admit though it is VERY hard for me to get through our budget and to stay on it. We're lucky to have savings because we knew this was happening. It's a very different lifestyle, we used to buy whatever we wanted, now we really have to think hard before buying something. I can't give up buying tickets to events though.....we are still going to Red Sox games, a Nascar race and 2 Jimmy Buffett concerts this year. That comes out of our savings where before it would have just been something we paid for from our paychecks.

Well at the end of my story......DH is looking for another job where he'll get paid more, but he's not all that marketable and has little education. Once in a while he'll say to me "you should go back to corporate America, you have the degree".......but I get around that quickly by reminding him how less stressed I am right now Well, that is until we get to money talks. We'll figure it out though, as will you. We figure in a few years from now our cars will be paid off and both kids will be in school so we'll have extra money then. I am deathly afraid of credit card debt so if we get to the point where we need to start using the card, I will go back to work full time.

PS to Holly, our daycare is incredible, I don't feel my kids' teachers are just people who take care of them, they are an important part of their lives and have been there for my kids since they were little. They are mothers too, and they are teachers, and they care very much for my children.

 

[njcarita]

Enjoy every minute you are home!!!!!!!! It flies by.

I quit my job 11 years ago to stay home with my oldest than 1. I t seems like yesterday

Now that my youngest is goint into 1st in Sept-- I keep toying with hopping back into my field ( Research Scientist).

But I really love being home more than I miss Science and extra Money.
So I'm not sure what I'll do

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

Here's that other thread:

Also lots of other advice.

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1463859

 

[byoung]

Congrats! Have a great time home.

 

[ginna74]

SAHM = the best job out there!

 

[DawnM]

Wonderful for you.

Hope you enjoy it more than I have.

I am going back to work after being home for 2 years. Everyone said I would love being home and that after a year of adjustment I would never want to go back. For me, this was not the case. I have missed work terribly and it hasn't gotten easier. I am ready to go back.

Dawn

 

[TiggerStac]

I am going thru this decision right now!!!

It all happened 2 nights ago, I realized how much I take home after daycare isn't much at all..if you really think about it. My salary brings us to a higher tax bracket, so I need to figure that out...what the tax difference would be, cuz I'm probably not taking home much!!

Hubby figure out how he could get extra $$ at work. He told me I could go and give my notice right then. I said, no lets play w/the numbers for a month and see what hapens. So, we are going to live on his check for bills, groceries, etc. My check will go to daycare (as that will go away..almost $400.00/week) and then the extra I will pay down some bills (which I've been doing anyways). I want to see how we manage.

I was able to stay home w/my first DS for almost 2 years and loved it. When I went back to work, we were both ready. Now w/my little one, I'm really wondering if it is worth it. I am very frustrated at my job right now (and am looking for a new one anyways) and that's when we started thinking about me staying home again.

 

[EthansMom]

I did a major analysis, taking into consideration changes in Income Tax and Social Security, not having to wear suits and dry cleaning, not having to pay child care, but losing the CC credit and a lot of other factors. The final figure was the family would only lose a little more than $1,000 of spendable income.

I've run some rough numbers to see if it makes sense for me to even try going back into the workforce as the kids get older. Over 40% of every dollar I make would go straight toward taxes. With a college degree, I'd make decent money, but I'm not convinced that it would worth going back to work for 60 cents on the dollar, which doesn't even take into account the extra expenses we'd have (child care, take-out, etc..).

 

[goalie5hole]

Congrats on your decision! I lost my job in September and decided to go back to work just part time. I work 3 days per week right now and have 2 kids. They go to daycare 2 days and my mom watches them the 3rd day. I was the bread winner in our family and carried all the benefits. DH's job + mine barely pays our bills and we don't have anything left over. I love the time I have with my kids, I love the fact that I can get stuff done around the house, i.e. not having to do laundry all weekend! I love being able to shop during the week when other people are working. I love sleeping in with my kiddos. I love the fact that when DD starts kindergarten, she'll get on and off the bus at our house.

I will admit though it is VERY hard for me to get through our budget and to stay on it. We're lucky to have savings because we knew this was happening. It's a very different lifestyle, we used to buy whatever we wanted, now we really have to think hard before buying something. I can't give up buying tickets to events though.....we are still going to Red Sox games, a Nascar race and 2 Jimmy Buffett concerts this year. That comes out of our savings where before it would have just been something we paid for from our paychecks.

Well at the end of my story......DH is looking for another job where he'll get paid more, but he's not all that marketable and has little education. Once in a while he'll say to me "you should go back to corporate America, you have the degree".......but I get around that quickly by reminding him how less stressed I am right now Well, that is until we get to money talks. We'll figure it out though, as will you. We figure in a few years from now our cars will be paid off and both kids will be in school so we'll have extra money then. I am deathly afraid of credit card debt so if we get to the point where we need to start using the card, I will go back to work full time.

PS to Holly, our daycare is incredible, I don't feel my kids' teachers are just people who take care of them, they are an important part of their lives and have been there for my kids since they were little. They are mothers too, and they are teachers, and they care very much for my children.

Still going to Red Sox games? That'll put you in the poor house right there.

 

[perd]

You will be fine. The second income is taxed at a higher rate. Plus as you say, you are paying for daycare. If you are like most two-income families, you pay a lot for fast foods/convenience foods because you don't have a lot of time to cook. You pay for lunches at work. You have to buy clothes for work. You buy gas to drive to work. When you look at all that, suddenly that second income isn't really that great, is it? And out of every $1 you earn, you really only get 70 cents of it after federal and state taxes. That's not even taking into account sales tax on everything you buy.

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

Wonderful for you.

Hope you enjoy it more than I have.

I am going back to work after being home for 2 years. Everyone said I would love being home and that after a year of adjustment I would never want to go back. For me, this was not the case. I have missed work terribly and it hasn't gotten easier. I am ready to go back.

Dawn

Sheesh, Dawn, way to be supportive.

Perhaps if you can identify what it was about your job that you're missing so much, you may be able to adapt that to your job as a mom right now.

We don't just magically become good moms, it takes a lot of work and mistakes. And being a mom never gets easier, that's not what it's about.

Waiting for it to get "easier" is just going to make you miserable. It's a tough job (that's why mommies are female)! It never gets "easy".

In fact, I'm pretty sure parenthood isn't supposed to BE easy. Ever.

That's why it's worthwhile-because no person in their right mind would do motherhood for a paycheck.

Only for love.

 

[piglet50]

i did this ten years ago, and it was the best thing i ever did. it was scary at first. i had the larger income at the time. we cut back on some things, and it took me about 2 years to really feel comfortable. (i'm a worrier) things have worked out fine. best of luck to you. enjoy your kids, home and wonderful new life.

 

[t-beri]

I was laid off in Nov. and work has been slow in getting back to full time. I work for my family so my parents feel like they can call me back to work as it comes rather than committing to a real schedule. I'm already behind from the unforseen lay off (dh and I BOTH work there) and so know I can't come up w/ the money for daycare until I've had full time work for a few weeks, which isn't coming as fast as we'd hoped. I know that jobs in my field are scarce right now and taking a lesser paying daytime job would not cover daycare so I am stuck making the decision to stay home or look for a night job so DH and I would split shift the kids (ds goes to school, but they're already out for summer)
I just don't know what to do and noone in my life feels inclined to help w/ advice-how is it that when you don't want it they give it to you anyway and when you ask they have none???
I know staying home would mean REALLY tightening our belts and probably only 1 dis trip a year, though we live in FL.
We've already (since the layoff) cancelled our phone, security system and cable. So the only monthly bills are 2 low balance credit cards, netflix (remember I have no cable, which means NO tv in my area) electric and car insurance. We had to put off buying a new car, which we desperately need in order to pay the mortgage while we were both out of work.
AHHH, so my point is...be thankful you made the decision. I am going out of my mind w/ worry!!
Congratulations, I hope it is wonderful for you.
...t.

 

[DVCLiz]

Sheesh, Dawn, way to be supportive.

Perhaps if you can identify what it was about your job that you're missing so much, you may be able to adapt that to your job as a mom right now.

We don't just magically become good moms, it takes a lot of work and mistakes. And being a mom never gets easier, that's not what it's about.

Waiting for it to get "easier" is just going to make you miserable. It's a tough job (that's why mommies are female)! It never gets "easy".

In fact, I'm pretty sure parenthood isn't supposed to BE easy. Ever.

That's why it's worthwhile-because no person in their right mind would do motherhood for a paycheck.

Only for love.

Move over, holly, looks like you've got a friend.

It's perfectly appropriate for Dawn to say what she said. Not everyone who tries the SAHM life after working finds it to be what she wanted, and there's no reason to ignore that aspect of the decision.

And I totally disagree with everything you said about parenting, too. I think being a mother and being a good parent was easy. It never felt difficult to me, ever. I felt like I was a good and natural mother from the get-go. Did I have to learn some new skills? Sure. But your description of parenting makes it sound like boot camp. I never felt that way. And I felt like I was a great mom whether I was also earning a paycheck at the same time or not.

Are you the poster who told me on one of these threads last year that if being a mom wasn't difficult I must not be doing it right??

Way to go, OP, for being able to do what you want. I really hope it is what you want. But if, in a few years, you find it's not, don't feel that you have failed at it - just that, for you, like Dawn, there was a balance that you needed to address.

 

[DawnM]

Just saying that I have been there and it wasn't for me, so if the OP loves it, great, if not, it is ok to go back to work.

I am a GREAT mom just for the record, although I don't have to justify that to anyone. I didn't say being a mom was not easy for me. I LOVE being a mom. And I don't need to "adapt" to being a mom, I have been one for almost 10 years and am doing just fine. I did not adapt to being a SAHM which is an entirely different thing.

You missed the whole point and made up your own.

Dawn

PS: Sorry to the OP if I wasn't supportive. I am glad you are doing exactly what you want to do. That is what we all need to do as moms to be good moms.

Sheesh, Dawn, way to be supportive.

Perhaps if you can identify what it was about your job that you're missing so much, you may be able to adapt that to your job as a mom right now.

We don't just magically become good moms, it takes a lot of work and mistakes. And being a mom never gets easier, that's not what it's about.

Waiting for it to get "easier" is just going to make you miserable. It's a tough job (that's why mommies are female)! It never gets "easy".

In fact, I'm pretty sure parenthood isn't supposed to BE easy. Ever.

That's why it's worthwhile-because no person in their right mind would do motherhood for a paycheck.

Only for love.

 

[DawnM]

We cut out the dis altogether for the last 18 months and probably won't go back for another year or so. We are doing Dave Ramsey and not allowing ourselves to even use ccs.

I am sorry you are struggling and not by choice! That is a tough one.

Dawn

I was laid off in Nov. and work has been slow in getting back to full time. I work for my family so my parents feel like they can call me back to work as it comes rather than committing to a real schedule. I'm already behind from the unforseen lay off (dh and I BOTH work there) and so know I can't come up w/ the money for daycare until I've had full time work for a few weeks, which isn't coming as fast as we'd hoped. I know that jobs in my field are scarce right now and taking a lesser paying daytime job would not cover daycare so I am stuck making the decision to stay home or look for a night job so DH and I would split shift the kids (ds goes to school, but they're already out for summer)
I just don't know what to do and noone in my life feels inclined to help w/ advice-how is it that when you don't want it they give it to you anyway and when you ask they have none???
I know staying home would mean REALLY tightening our belts and probably only 1 dis trip a year, though we live in FL.
We've already (since the layoff) cancelled our phone, security system and cable. So the only monthly bills are 2 low balance credit cards, netflix (remember I have no cable, which means NO tv in my area) electric and car insurance. We had to put off buying a new car, which we desperately need in order to pay the mortgage while we were both out of work.
AHHH, so my point is...be thankful you made the decision. I am going out of my mind w/ worry!!
Congratulations, I hope it is wonderful for you.
...t.

 

[disykat]

I loved being a SAHM, and still only work part time by choice. However, it IS an adjustment when you stay home after being in the workforce for a lot of years. Expect it to take some time to adjust, and just take it one day at a time.

It's not for everyone - I think it depends a lot on whether you find other likeminded moms to network with and things to be involved in to use your talents. It can be rather isolating if you don't.

The hardest times for me were when I first stopped working and again a few years later when we moved to a new neighborhood. Our new neighborhood was deserted in the daytime, whereas our old one had other SAHM's and some retired people. It was also an adjustment when they started school and I had to look for new ways to make my days fulfilling.

I found other SAHMS at church and started a play group, others find them in MOPS, MOMS club, etc. Do it - it makes a huge difference!

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

Move over, holly, looks like you've got a friend.

It's perfectly appropriate for Dawn to say what she said.


And I totally disagree with everything you said about parenting, too. I think being a mother and being a good parent was easy. It never felt difficult to me, ever. I felt like I was a good and natural mother from the get-go.

And I felt like I was a great mom whether I was also earning a paycheck at the same time or not.

Are you the poster who told me on one of these threads last year that if being a mom wasn't difficult I must not be doing it right??

Way to go, OP, for being able to do what you want. I really hope it is what you want. But if, in a few years, you find it's not, don't feel that you have failed at it - just that, for you, like Dawn, there was a balance that you needed to address.

At no point did I say Dawn was inappropriate, just not supportive. The OP was looking for support from people, not people saying "I hated it".

And you're welcome to "disagree with everything I said about motherhood" . It's just how I learned to be good at being a mom. It wasn't easy for me, and I had to work hard at it.

I'm guessing you're probably just smarter than me and a "Natural", like you said. That's ok, we all do our best. I wish motherhood came as easy for me as you, DVCLiz.

And that was my point, really, that sometimes doing your best isn't easy, and sometimes it takes a big adjustment of perspective to be comfortable not getting a paycheck anymore. With me it was acknowledging it wasn't about what "I" wanted anymore but what the family needed.

I don't think I've spoken to you before; I try to stay away from "drama" threads and stick with the good budget tips and the dvc board; I just didn't realize when I talked about my perspective as a stay at home mom it would cause so much anger. Lesson learned.

Dawn, never made any judgement about your abilities as a mother, just offered some advice from someone who's been there and had difficulties adjusting to the homeplace from the workplace, and noted that the tone of your post probably wasn't what the OP was looking for when she posted.

I don't regret posting my support for the OP here, but I do regret that people have become so negative about a really nice thing like the OP making a lifestyle change I think is beneficial for her family .

Let me add one more thing: I work part time now that all my kids are in school-remember that they're only little for about 8 years (my oldest is now up to my collarbone-how the heck did that happen!) and I can now fit work in without feeling like I'm missing out on their lives. As your kids get older you'll find there are lots of options out there!

 

[DVCLiz]

At no point did I say Dawn was inapropriate, just not supportive. The OP was looking for support from people, not people saying "I hated it".

And you're welcome to "disagree with everything I said about motherhood" . It's just how I learned to be good at being a mom. It wasn't easy for me, and I had to work hard at it.

I'm guessing you're probably just smarter than me and a "Natural", like you said. That's ok, we all do our best. I wish everything came as easy for me as it does for you, DVCLiz.

And that was my point, really, that sometimes doing your best isn't easy, and sometimes it takes a big adjustment of perspective to be comfortable not getting a paycheck anymore. With me it was acknowledging it wasn't about what "I" wanted anymore but what the family needed.

I don't think I've spoken to you before; I try to stay away from "drama" threads and stick with the good budget tips and the dvc board; I just didn't realize when I talked about my perspective as a stay at home mom it would cause so much anger. Lesson learned.

Dawn, never made any judgement about your abilities as a mother, just offered some advice from someone who's been there and had difficulties adjusting to the homeplace from the workplace, and noted that the tone of your post probably wasn't what the OP was looking for when she posted.

I don't regret posting my support for the OP here, but I do regret that people have become so negative about a really nice thing like the OP making a lifestyle change I think is beneficial for her family .

Let me add one more thing: I work part time now that all my kids are in school-remember that they're only little for about 8 years (my oldest is now up to my collarbone-how the heck did that happen!) and I can now fit work in without feeling like I'm missing out on their lives. As your kids get older you'll find there are lots of options out there!

No where in your original post did you say anything about your personal situation. You never said, "For me, it was hard to acknowledge" or "In my case, I had to learn" or any reference to you personally at all. You did give a nice speech about generic motherhood and parenting, though. That's what I took exception to. If you'd been at all personal in your comments, I wouldn't have replied the way I did. But I did feel it was important to say that not every mom on the planet had the same experience you described.

I don't feel I was negative about the OP making an new choice for her family. I'm delighted she can be a SAHM - I'm one, too, now, and I really like it. I liked working full-time, too, and did it for 20 years. I like that fact that I got to have both experiences in my lifetime, even though I did it "backwards" and worked when my children were small and stayed home when they were older. It's always nice when someone has the options to make more than one choice.

 

[DawnM]

Hey Liz, where are you? We are near Charlotte.

I worked for 16.5 years before becoming a SAHM too.....sent the kids to preschool and then stayed home when they got school age! A little backwards too. I really wish I could find a part time job and I am hoping that eventually I can. For me, that is the best of both worlds. I get out a bit but I still have energy for my kids. So, after this next school year I am hoping I can create a part time position.

Dawn

No where in your original post did you say anything about your personal situation. You never said, "For me, it was hard to acknowledge" or "In my case, I had to learn" or any reference to you personally at all. You did give a nice speech about generic motherhood and parenting, though. That's what I took exception to. If you'd been at all personal in your comments, I wouldn't have replied the way I did. But I did feel it was important to say that not every mom on the planet had the same experience you described.

I don't feel I was negative about the OP making an new choice for her family. I'm delighted she can be a SAHM - I'm one, too, now, and I really like it. I liked working full-time, too, and did it for 20 years. I like that fact that I got to have both experiences in my lifetime, even though I did it "backwards" and worked when my children were small and stayed home when they were older. It's always nice when someone has the options to make more than one choice.