I am so scared

[LuvsDragonflies]

Have yourself chipped with a gps. I bet you can do it. Then dh can always find you.

 

[clutter]

I am the only person I know who is scared of being independent I am scared I will mess up and regret it

Here's the thing. No one learns anything unless and until they mess up. Sure, it's painful at first (emotionally and dignity-wise), but the lessons learned prevent you from making future mistakes.

 

[ShesAPirate]

I don't think you are crazy, but I do think you need counseling. Irrational fears need to be dealt with if they interfere with daily living. No, most people don't feel the way you do. I say this not to be snarky at all - you have a problem, and will be happier if you get some help.

Totally agree. Anxiety and fear totally suck, but what's the point of existing if you're afraid of everything?

On another note -- and with absolutely no ill-intent toward the OP -- while I understand the fears, I don't understand how calling would make a difference. If you're worried and on the receiving end of the call, I get it... but if you're the one placing the call to say you got to work okay.... well, you already know you got to work, so if the other person isn't worried, I don't understand the point.

 

[DeluxePrincess]

I am the only person I know who is scared of being independent I am scared I will mess up and regret it

If not calling when you arrive to work is an important step for you, give it a try. I think you will be surprised by how easily you can do it. Think positive!!

 

[phorsenuf]

Thank you. It was a long time ago. I didn't mean to hijack the thread, just to let the posters questioning the OP know the flipside to things. I do understand the need to know, and have someone know, all is ok.

So sorry for your loss. :hugs
As a flipside to your flipside , my husband had a work accident (pre-cell phone days). Fell 35 feet off a ladder into traffic. The impact actually blew a hole out his foot. 2 smashed feet, amongst many other injuries, a lengthy hospital stay and a possibility he may never walk again. One of my sons was hit by a car while riding his bike. Flew 50 feet through the air, into a stockade fence taking a mailbox out along the way. Thankfully he hit feet first. 2 broken legs, broken pelvis, and many other injuries, as well as a lengthy hospital stay as well. Had another son get hit by a pickup while riding his bike. He made out the best with no broken bones.

However, with all that I still don't make them check in with me. It's not going to change anything. It's not going to prevent something bad happening to them. So I guess I just don't get it. If something, God forbid, should happen to any of my kids (or husband), I'll be contacted. I'm just not going to live in fear any time one of them walks out the door.

 

[dimimi]

Hi. It may be helpful for you to tell us how long your commute is to work....or how complicated it is. For example, are you taking a bus, subway, transfering buses, etc. (Then maybe we could help more.) I see nothing wrong with you texting your husband...letting him know that you got there OK.

Yes, most people go to work and do NOT text someone letting them know they got there. BUT, remember, most places would call someone (probably your husband) if you did not show up.

If you think about it, it would be VERY unlikely for you to be kidnapped. That might happen once a year???? IF it happens, it is usually someone who knows the person.

You should feel good that your mother and husband are confident in you. However, if you need to take baby steps, just send your husband a text...one word...here....

good luck

 

[okeydokey]

I am the only person I know who is scared of being independent I am scared I will mess up and regret it

Everyone is scared of messing up, and everyone messes up at times. The trick is to keep learning, and growing and moving forward. Every day that you accomplish the things you set out to do, like getting to work and back, is a positive step in the right direction.

Over time your confidence in yourself will grow. One step and one day at a time. You CAN do it!

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

Hi. It may be helpful for you to tell us how long your commute is to work....or how complicated it is. For example, are you taking a bus, subway, transfering buses, etc. (Then maybe we could help more.) I see nothing wrong with you texting your husband...letting him know that you got there OK.

Yes, most people go to work and do NOT text someone letting them know they got there. BUT, remember, most places would call someone (probably your husband) if you did not show up.

If you think about it, it would be VERY unlikely for you to be kidnapped. That might happen once a year???? IF it happens, it is usually someone who knows the person.

You should feel good that your mother and husband are confident in you. However, if you need to take baby steps, just send your husband a text...one word...here....

good luck

I take two buses on I catch at the end of my street the other I catch at the terminal were weird people hang out and I have to wait there for 15 minutes for the second bus.

 

[phorsenuf]

I take two buses on I catch at the end of my street the other I catch at the terminal were weird people hang out and I have to wait there for 15 minutes for the second bus.

Is it just weird people or are there other commuters there? And what makes these people weird?

 

[lovemygoofy]

I take two buses on I catch at the end of my street the other I catch at the terminal were weird people hang out and I have to wait there for 15 minutes for the second bus.

I would like you to realize something about yourself. I read how you are afraid of being an independent adult. Well pay attention, you are an independent adult already. You are married, you work, you can get yourself to work and back.

Do you cook? Clean your house? Can you take a shower alone? Do you have a bank account?

You are already working on being an independent adult and doing a fine job of it. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

You may have some fears and it seems that you need some help to work through them but don't ever doubt that you are an adult.

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

I would like you to realize something about yourself. I read how you are afraid of being an independent adult. Well pay attention, you are an independent adult already. You are married, you work, you can get yourself to work and back.

Do you cook? Clean your house? Can you take a shower alone? Do you have a bank account?

You are already working on being an independent adult and doing a fine job of it. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

You may have some fears and it seems that you need some help to work through them but don't ever doubt that you are an adult.

Dh cooks I never learned how

 

[Robinrs]

uga, I am so sorry, God bless you!

 

[Buckalew11]

Dh cooks I never learned how

Well, maybe you could learn by helping him if you would like to learn.

I got married 25 years ago and I didn't know how to cook. It took me years to even want to learn--although I muttled through somehow.

 

[lillygator]

I didn't miss them. The idea that someone should be coddle for their irrational fears is ridiculous. I don't know the OPs history. If she's serious, she should speak with a professional. What good does it do her to justify her irrational fears? If her mother and husband had to tell her not to call them anymore then she's at a point where she's too much for them. The people pointing that out aren't rude, more like realistic.

exactly

We are not "coddling" her. This woman is not your average adult woman, as many of us who have communicated with her have become aware. Making fun of her is not helpful, and is downright rude.

BTW, no where did she state who told her she didn't have to call anymore, and she did not say that her Mother nad Husband had to tell her not to call. I seriously doubt she is "too much for them" You are making an awful lot of assumptions.

read the opening post, how would anyone know that? sounds beyond paranoid and maybe someone that should not be posting to strangers on the internet - isn't that more scary??? if you're being truthful, someone could be stalking to take advantage.............

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

Well, maybe you could learn by helping him if you would like to learn.

I got married 25 years ago and I didn't know how to cook. It took me years to even want to learn--although I muttled through somehow.

That is not a bad idea no time like the present to learn something new

 

[Hannathy]

Dh cooks I never learned how

You can read right? Any one who can read can cook! All it is is following instructions.

Start simple, buy a box of something and read the directions a few times, then get everything out you need and then just do what they tell you to do, and you will be cooking!

Get a simple recipe book -kids ones are a good place to start because they explain everything.

And before you know it you will be cooking.

 

[Soccerpooh]

Hi OP- love your screen name! Is there someone helping you take steps at living more independently? I have been talking to several people who help people live a more independent life, as my son is about turn 18 and he will be involved in such a program. If you are working with someone like this, I can assure you that they would not want you to take this step if they were not sure you were ready to, and more importantantly, that it was safe for you to do this! I am super impressed that you have a job, and you change buses to get there- like lovesmygoofy said, you are quite indepentent already! I am not sure my son would be able to do what you are doing.
Also, I am willing to bet that for at least a while, someone will be checking to see that you got to work ok even after you stop calling, but you just won't know . YOU CAN DO THIS!

 

[Buckalew11]

That is not a bad idea no time like the present to learn something new

Exactly. We all can learn new things all the time. It is scary, sometimes, because we want to "already know how to do it" and we want to do it right/well/perfect.

I was just saying on another thread that the first haircut I did in beauty school was over 3 hours long! I measured every strand of hair and was petrified I'd screw it up! Guess what, 32 years later, I'm a little faster now!

Often I ask my DH as he is working around our house, "How do you know how to do that?" Most of the time he says, "I don't...I'm just trying and if I screw it up, I'll call someone."

He's not afraid to try and sometimes I am afraid to try. We have to give ourselves a pep talk and give ourselves positive self-talk.

 

[Pamlur]

OP, I'm going to go in a slightly different direction. I think it's giving you comfort to confirm with that phone call, that you made it to work once again. So, maybe you could tell your mom or your DH that *you* feel better after you talk to *them* and they would just say go ahead and call. Are you going to work in the middle of the night, that maybe you are waking them up when you call?

I'm a grandma, and I can't imagine not wanting to hear from one of my loved ones if they want to touch base with me because it made them feel a little more comfortable in their life. Just because they said you don't have to call might not mean they don't want you to call.

 

[Tiggeroo]

I would like you to realize something about yourself. I read how you are afraid of being an independent adult. Well pay attention, you are an independent adult already. You are married, you work, you can get yourself to work and back.

Do you cook? Clean your house? Can you take a shower alone? Do you have a bank account?

You are already working on being an independent adult and doing a fine job of it. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

You may have some fears and it seems that you need some help to work through them but don't ever doubt that you are an adult.

Ita