I am almost done volunteering for things

[Mkrop]

I don't think it will be different. This thread is a perfect example of the Mommy (and Daddy) Martyr Volunteers. Regardless of what others do, it will never be enough to rival the amount of time they put in.

I dont need anyone to put the time my DH or I put in....we need them to do what they agreed to by putting their child in this organziation. Or realize that if an organization is run solely by volunteers, than yeah you might need to step and do something.

Football program has a snack bar, it makes a ton of money that keeps costs down so that many kids can play. I know I dont want to pay any more than I already am for this program! Each family is to take ONE turn manning the snack bar with others. Three people are assigned a game. if you cant make your game than trade. But dont sit in the stands week after week and then when your week comes up, oops I am too busy. Or think it is cute to send your 8 year old to sell, while you sit in the stands bc you want to watch your kid.


Or if you are already at the game, ask what you can do to help. If the kids are little maybe it is keeping them on the bench. If you know the sport, maybe it is keeping the book or running a clock. Maybe it is offering to rake the field after the game instead of the coaches having to stay after. I get that someone may need to run to another game or to work etc, but you know what so does my DH after a game or practice. He might be trying to get to the other kids game or get home and finish his sales presentation on a work night and if another parent helped raked the field and took the trash to the dumpster he could get out of there earlier. I really dont think that is too much to ask

Or when things do get cancelled bc of lack of volunteers than dont send email to the principal complaining. Or if you dont like how something was done dont complain unless you are willing to step up. My friend ran our yearbook for our school years ago, and a parent complained that her child was not featured enough. She called the prinicipal to complain. The prinicipal asked the parent if she sent in the requested pictures for her child-NO, she asked the parent if they gave any time to the yearbook -NO. Then she said well gee Mrs Jones, than I guess I can let Mrs Smith know that you are stepping up right now to either run or assist her in compling the YB since you were so dissatisfied. The mom shut up than.

I get people are busy, so are we. And just like I am not to assume that I know what you have going on, dont assume that you know what I have going on. But if I agreed to or signed my child up for something, than I am going to help out in either a small way or a big way, depending on what I too personally have going on. And there are times when our help is small, the bare minimum, but it is alway there.

 

[Skywalker]

I volunteer when, where and how I can. And the when, where and how and even the why are no other parent's business either. I don't need to give them reasons or excuses, nor do I need to worship them because they may be able to volunteer more.

 

[luvsJack]

Quit assuming so much. You'll be much happier as will a lot of other people on this thread.

What exactly am I assuming?

I am quite happy in the things I do, thanks for your concern though. I never said that I don't enjoy doing these things. I have made several good friends over the years doing this stuff. And I have been able to know all of the kids that my kids are friends with and spend their time with. Most of the time we become quite the little family of parents and kids working together.

Me liking it or not liking it does not make it any less the responsibility of more than one person. Just because someone else will do something doesn't relinquish the responsibility of others. And it doesn't change the fact that even if you enjoy doing something, sometimes you get tired and over-worked and could use a little help.

 

[mhsjax]

If you don't want to help out with these organizations, don't put your kid in them. If you don't want to help out at the school, figure out a way to do it without using your time.

MOST volunteers have full time jobs. Its not an excuse, its a cop out.

No one says your child MUST be in baseball, football, choir or any other outside activity. If you cannot do so much as work for 30 minutes to help out, bake a cake for a bake sale or do something to relieve the other parents then don't let your kids do it. Its not like these organizations needing volunteers is some big surprise.

And who am I? I am one of the ones doing all the work so that YOUR kids can enjoy the benefits.



They can find other ways. I work 40 hours a week and go to school full time now. When my sons were this age and younger, I worked 12-14 hours a day.

Any one of these parents can simply offer to type up a form that needs to go out or collect forms that have been signed, bring/send drinks to practice/game/whatever, collect money from their kid's team parents or whatever job needs doing. Just takes a little want to. If more parents would offer to do this kind of small stuff, the bigger stuff wouldn't be such a hassle to the ones that do have more time.

And honestly, ime the parents that did the most were the ones with stressful jobs, long hours and/or working more than one job, little kids at home, etc.

Volunteering in THIS capacity is doing something so that your own kids can enjoy whatever activity it is or for your kids education.



Oh, so all those other kids don't need to eat? The self-absorption comes from not bothering to think that if there are 6 moms helping in that concession stand--there are 5 families besides your own that also need dinner. Make other plans or plan around the time you are down to work. Its not fair to decide to shorten your time because YOU need to cook/clean/whatever. You are not the only one that needs to do those things.



No one is trying to be martyr. But it gets very frustrating to be putting in all the work for other people's kids to reap the benefits and yet they can do nothing to help out. I do it because I want my child and her friends to benefit from the work I do, I just find it sad that others do not feel the same way.


When you are sitting at your phone at 7:00, just got home from work, no dinner cooked but needing to call people to get them to help out with whatever event is going on the next day and you get "sorry, I work a full time job and Saturday is my only day off" you want to explode. No one bothers to think that maybe the person that called you is in the very same situation. If just one of those parents that gave me that answer would have just said "I am so sorry I can't help tomorrow but could I help you call the rest of the parents on your list to relieve you a little bit tonight?" I would have hugged them the next time I saw them and yes, that would have been enough if they couldn't help with the event.


As we speak, the teacher is asking for someone to run and pick up food for the choir members to eat before they perform at a competition. (they cannot leave to get food on their own and will be at the venue all day) It won't cost the parent as the kids are paying themselves. Just a few minutes to run down and pick up a pre-ordered bunch of sandwiches. But, yet no one is able to do it so it will fall back to the same parents that are also helping with costumes and set up. Almost 100% of the parents will be at this performance but no one has the time to drive 1/4 of a mile from the venue to Subway?

I agree with everything you have said. I also have to say that it has always been this way Re: volunteers, No one is playing the martyr, I don't know some people here are accusing others of being that way. Frankly, if it weren't for these so called martyr parents, no one would be doing the volunteer work.

I also have to say that there are some really PISSY attitudes from a few posters on the boards today.

And yep as far as the dinner thing, everyone out there had kids to feed. Some people are more "self important" than others and they think their families are the only ones that matter.

 

[Granny square]

You are saying it is more important to sell "concessions" with 5 people there already? Sounds like over staffing.

The person you are saying isn't volunteering may be putting in 20 hours a week with volunteer work elsewhere. It may be a nursing home that you might need some day for a loved one. So her kid shouldn't get to participate in sports because her time is spent elsewhere?

So if everyone only volunteers in the area they benefit from we would be screwed. That is as selfish as any other behavior mentioned in this thread IMO.

 

[wendy46001]

Someone would have to be responsible for these coolers and getting them to the right room at the right time. Do you really think that if someone will not "happily" run down the road to subway that they will "happily" keep up with these coolers?

Me or dh or one of the other 10 or so active parents will be more than happy to run get the food. Its not really a matter of not wanting to do it; its a matter of someone else could really think "you know, I haven't been able to do much to help this year but I could do this".

This one example is why the "time" excuse just doesn't always fly.

Thanks for the explanation. Though i see it differently, i can tell it would just add something extra to your day. From the outside, I just figure my (i'll assume high school) kid can be responsible for their own lunch/cooler. Just like their instruments and costumes.

I spent years of my life coaching a sport that the annual dues where in the thousands. I have to admit a lot of kids would have loved to participate but the fee’s where just too much. While we offered a few scholarships not everyone got to participate. Sure we could have used volunteers/fundraised to death (and we tried that) but in the end the school system decided the team functioned smoother with limiting participation.

 

[jrmasm]

What exactly am I assuming?

I am quite happy in the things I do, thanks for your concern though. I never said that I don't enjoy doing these things. I have made several good friends over the years doing this stuff. And I have been able to know all of the kids that my kids are friends with and spend their time with. Most of the time we become quite the little family of parents and kids working together.

Me liking it or not liking it does not make it any less the responsibility of more than one person. Just because someone else will do something doesn't relinquish the responsibility of others. And it doesn't change the fact that even if you enjoy doing something, sometimes you get tired and over-worked and could use a little help.

You are assuming that people can do more. You are assuming that you know why people do or do not volunteer. You are assuming that you know what others do with all their time. You are assuming that people sign their kids up with a full understand of what they are 'expected' to do besides right a check. You are assuming that everyone thinks the same way and has the same priorities. Etc, etc, etc. It's an endless list really.

Do what works for you and quit worrying about others.

And read this: I volunteer when, where and how I can. And the when, where and how and even the why are no other parent's business either. I don't need to give them reasons or excuses, nor do I need to worship them because they may be able to volunteer more.

Skywalker nailed it.

 

[luvsJack]

You are saying it is more important to sell "concessions" with 5 people there already? Sounds like over staffing.

The person you are saying isn't volunteering may be putting in 20 hours a week with volunteer work elsewhere. It may be a nursing home that you might need some day for a loved one. So her kid shouldn't get to participate in sports because her time is spent elsewhere?

So if everyone only volunteers in the area they benefit from we would be screwed. That is as selfish as any other behavior mentioned in this thread IMO.

How many concession stands have you worked? I have yet to work one where at least 6-7 people weren't needed and more if they were grilling hamburgers/hot dogs. Heck at our high school football games there are 2 people that only do the popcorn. And no one said it was more important than cooking dinner; but don't you think providing dinner to their kids was just as important to the other 5 moms? Why is that one parent's kids more important than the others?

Volunteering at church or with a charitable institution; at the hospital or at a nursing home are all great things. I do it at church and dd and I will soon be helping at the town soup kitchen. That kind of volunteering and doing something to help out the organizations that benefit your child are two different things. One you do because you want to and because you are helping someone else and the community. The other because your child is your responsibility.

And not everyone has to spend a huge amount of time working concessions or whatever. There are a LOT of small jobs that someone could do that takes very little of their time but relieves a little bit off the one that does have the time to work 3 hours in the concession stand (or at the car wash or whatever).

 

[mickeyboat]

You are assuming that people can do more. You are assuming that you know why people do or do not volunteer. You are assuming that you know what others do with all their time. You are assuming that people sign their kids up with a full understand of what they are 'expected' to do besides right a check. You are assuming that everyone thinks the same way and has the same priorities. Etc, etc, etc. It's an endless list really.

Do what works for you and quit worrying about others.

And read this: I volunteer when, where and how I can. And the when, where and how and even the why are no other parent's business either. I don't need to give them reasons or excuses, nor do I need to worship them because they may be able to volunteer more.

Skywalker nailed it.

I am not sure she did. I do not assume I know what people do with all their time, she cannot assume that I am able to volunteer more just because I do. I was talking to a parent in our organization the other day who had absolutely no idea that I work full time. She assumed I did not work and that I had plenty of time to do this job. I sacrifice time and put other responsibilities aside to do it.

And while I certainly do not expect worship, a "thank you" every once in a while is appreciated.

 

[Mkrop]

So all of you people are ok with just sitting there and watching the game and not stepping up to help if a coach says he/she needs it, so the game can continue. And I am not talking about having to do something you dont understand. I have seen dads who have played the game in their youth, not move a muscle when they need someone to help. The other night there were several dads there who knew how to keep the book at basketball. No one stepped up except the one dad who did not know how, well he learned that night.

Or you are ok with signing up your child for an activity, going to the parents meeting, being told this is what happens, each family takes a turn at snack bar or doing this or that, and then being conviently busy each weekend, yet still able to sit there and watch.

I guess it is just me than, because I cant sit by and know that the organization needs help, my kid is benefitting, I am just going to ignore helping out. Esp if it is a volunteer organization. If my time is limited, I will let them know what I am capable of doing. No I cant help with everything but if there is a small way I can help than I do. I have found there are many areas that need help the day of event, stuff from home that can be organized etc. I

What I try to do is realize that the coaches/chairpeople etc have lives outside of this, and if I can help by taking my turn as assigned so the team manager doesnt have to deal with that, or help make calls, or help clean up etc, than they can have time to enjoy with their families as well. Bc usually that coach is giving a lot more of his or her time so my kids can enjoy (insert activity here) than I am.

 

[bettymae1121]

...DS7's school has a big event every year where each classroom becomes a country. The kids have art projects about that country, make presentation posters, and learn all about it for a few weeks. It culminates with a single night event where each classroom presents food (3 appetizer size dishes) and drink from that country. All the kids get passports to stamp at each room and families go around and visit all the different countries and sample food. ....

Soooo....you're recreating Epcot!!!

 

[Granny square]

How many concession stands? Every year at a festival with 100,000 people. If someone has to leave they leave, make more space and we deal.

Although in your world I would only be working for the places that benefit my family and not the women's shelter. Because the Girl Scouts need those cookies sold!

No wonder places that give real benefit can't find volunteers. Everyone is too busy being selfish.

I think I'll make that my new thing to judge people about.

 

[writerriann]

Soooo....you're recreating Epcot!!!

Bwwwahahahahaha! That's exactly what we're doing.

Unfortunately, it's not nearly as fun as it sounds.

 

[bettymae1121]

Bwwwahahahahaha! That's exactly what we're doing.

Unfortunately, it's not nearly as fun as it sounds.

It would be if you included beer and wine like Epcot does!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Okay- I have read this whole thread. Some stuff was interesting and some was rude. So, we all have strong opinions on this topice I would imagine.

I am a person who volunteers for a million things. I cannot say no if there is a possiblity that I can help. I do it because I want to so my children can be a part of many things. That is my choice. Now I firmly believe that volunteering is voluntary. It is not a requirement. It is nice if you can do it but if you can't then so be it. BUT- please just say you can't or don't want to and stop giving me the insulting excuses. "Oh, I work, I'm not crafty etc." Look- if you want to find time for something you will find the time for it.

Another thing that I keep reading on threads similar to this is that there are
"cliques". Perhaps, but to be honest it is probably because the same people are the only ones that step up time after time. It is most likely a friendship that was born out being together for activities all the time. I know I welcome all volunteers to any events I am at. I love to have new people help and to meet them. To someone who doesn't volunteer it looks like a clique. It is not.

Oh- and while I fully support your choice to volunteer or not - if you are not going to volunteer to help then do not complain. Sorry, but if you aren't going to buck up then shut up. Yes, that sounds harsh but we are all doing the best we can. If you want to change something then sign up and we would be thrilled to have you. JMHO. YMMV.

 

[jrmasm]

I am not sure she did. I do not assume I know what people do with all their time, she cannot assume that I am able to volunteer more just because I do. I was talking to a parent in our organization the other day who had absolutely no idea that I work full time. She assumed I did not work and that I had plenty of time to do this job. I sacrifice time and put other responsibilities aside to do it.

And while I certainly do not expect worship, a "thank you" every once in a while is appreciated.

But where did anyone say that?

Okay- I have read this whole thread. Some stuff was interesting and some was rude. So, we all have strong opinions on this topice I would imagine.

I am a person who volunteers for a million things. I cannot say no if there is a possiblity that I can help. I do it because I want to so my children can be a part of many things. That is my choice. Now I firmly believe that volunteering is voluntary. It is not a requirement. It is nice if you can do it but if you can't then so be it. BUT- please just say you can't or don't want to and stop giving me the insulting excuses. "Oh, I work, I'm not crafty etc." Look- if you want to find time for something you will find the time for it.

Another thing that I keep reading on threads similar to this is that there are
"cliques". Perhaps, but to be honest it is probably because the same people are the only ones that step up time after time. It is most likely a friendship that was born out being together for activities all the time. I know I welcome all volunteers to any events I am at. I love to have new people help and to meet them. To someone who doesn't volunteer it looks like a clique. It is not.

Oh- and while I fully support your choice to volunteer or not - if you are not going to volunteer to help then do not complain. Sorry, but if you aren't going to buck up then shut up. Yes, that sounds harsh but we are all doing the best we can. If you want to change something then sign up and we would be thrilled to have you. JMHO. YMMV.

I can agree with that!

 

[DopeyDame]

I dont need anyone to put the time my DH or I put in....we need them to do what they agreed to by putting their child in this organziation. Or realize that if an organization is run solely by volunteers, than yeah you might need to step and do something.
.

Some organziations do have volunteer requirements for participation, and I think that's a great idea. And in those situations, absolutely you should expect everyone to fulfill their agreement and serve as required.

But if there's NOT a pre-agreed upon requirment for service, than it really is up to the individual parents to manage their own time. Some of my kid's activities I will volunteer for, and some I won't, depending on what else is going on at that time. If an organization clearly states their expectations, I'll think about them and either enroll my kid or not enroll my kid. Just assuming that people are going to want to staff concession stands, run errands, and rake fields is a recipe for hurt feelings and inefficient organizations, as seen clearly from this thread. It's absolutely not fair to EXPECT all of the parents to participate and volunteer.

 

[mickeyboat]

But where did anyone say that?

Perhaps I read meaning into the quote that was not intended. Here is the post (bolding mine):

"I volunteer when, where and how I can. And the when, where and how and even the why are no other parent's business either. I don't need to give them reasons or excuses, nor do I need to worship them because they may be able to volunteer more."

 

[DopeyDame]

We discussed doing this. The logistics of it would be a nightmare.

The kids have to be at the high school very early that morning. They will run practice, work on vocals, dress, do hair and make-up. Why is dressing required at school? They have to look as identical as possible so it works best if they do it this way.

They will then ride the bus to the venue. And be there for several hours before they perform.

The bag lunches would be sitting for several hours and the school would require that we provide coolers of ice. So, then you have a cooler that has to be transported along with the 28 choir kids, teacher, chaperons, concert band member and their instruments, all of their costumes (2 each besides the one they are wearing), a back drop and all the other items that go with it. And the cooler would have to be moved each time the choir moves around the venue--the bus does not stay with them. So, they first will be in the auditorium, then assigned a practice room, then assigned a dressing room to use for a short period of time.

Someone would have to be responsible for these coolers and getting them to the right room at the right time. Do you really think that if someone will not "happily" run down the road to subway that they will "happily" keep up with these coolers?
.

Or, the choir director could send an email to everyone saying "Each kid is responsible for bringing and carrying their own food during the competition. Please make sure it is non-perishable as they won't have access to refrigeration." As a parent, I would see that, say "cool, easy enough" and throw in some fruit, a PB&J, and a granola bar in a lunch bag, and throw it in my kid's backpack for the day.

As a few other posters have mentioned, a lot of these "absolutely-critical-oh-so-fun" events that the uber-volunteers are planning are actually seen by other parents as one more unwelcome chore that takes away from valuable family time. I wouldn't be the least bit sad if there's never a pizza-bingo at my kid's school.

 

[SaraJayne]

I dont need anyone to put the time my DH or I put in....we need them to do what they agreed to by putting their child in this organziation. Or realize that if an organization is run solely by volunteers, than yeah you might need to step and do something.

Football program has a snack bar, it makes a ton of money that keeps costs down so that many kids can play. I know I dont want to pay any more than I already am for this program! Each family is to take ONE turn manning the snack bar with others. Three people are assigned a game. if you cant make your game than trade. But dont sit in the stands week after week and then when your week comes up, oops I am too busy. Or think it is cute to send your 8 year old to sell, while you sit in the stands bc you want to watch your kid.


Or if you are already at the game, ask what you can do to help. If the kids are little maybe it is keeping them on the bench. If you know the sport, maybe it is keeping the book or running a clock. Maybe it is offering to rake the field after the game instead of the coaches having to stay after. I get that someone may need to run to another game or to work etc, but you know what so does my DH after a game or practice. He might be trying to get to the other kids game or get home and finish his sales presentation on a work night and if another parent helped raked the field and took the trash to the dumpster he could get out of there earlier. I really dont think that is too much to ask

Or when things do get cancelled bc of lack of volunteers than dont send email to the principal complaining. Or if you dont like how something was done dont complain unless you are willing to step up. My friend ran our yearbook for our school years ago, and a parent complained that her child was not featured enough. She called the prinicipal to complain. The prinicipal asked the parent if she sent in the requested pictures for her child-NO, she asked the parent if they gave any time to the yearbook -NO. Then she said well gee Mrs Jones, than I guess I can let Mrs Smith know that you are stepping up right now to either run or assist her in compling the YB since you were so dissatisfied. The mom shut up than.

I get people are busy, so are we. And just like I am not to assume that I know what you have going on, dont assume that you know what I have going on. But if I agreed to or signed my child up for something, than I am going to help out in either a small way or a big way, depending on what I too personally have going on. And there are times when our help is small, the bare minimum, but it is alway there.

After reading this thread, I am so glad our school/community has a fantastic Booster Club that takes care of everything talked about in this thread (re sports, I have no idea for show choir, etc).

No wars about who is volunteering and who isn't, no one is missing their children's games to sell snacks, etc.