I am almost done volunteering for things

[Mkrop]

I am speaking from a Little League perspective. It is against little league rules to pay anyone including umpires. It is an all volunteer organization.

I can't speak to Cal Ripkin, and traveling teams.

Our Little League is combo....the older Major kids have paid umpires. The younger kids (not Tball) and the Minors have volunteer umps. Every family knows this when they sign up.

And I agree with your other posts, for every activity there is SOMETHING someone can do to help. And I agree with the other poster, yes some things could be cut out but the stuff that actually makes the games/events happen, the realisitic fundraising etc, needs help.

I dont see myself as a martyr at all... and I give ample opportunities for someone else to take on the job, they just dont, like I said you hear the crickets chirping, but the game cant be played without an ump or someone to work the sticks etc, and who suffers than...the kids.

And I want these activities for my kids, I want them involved in sports and other fun stuff. It is great exercise, it teaches teamwork, hopefully if they continue to do it later in life it might keep them out of trouble. It doesnt have to be sports, it can be stage crew or band etc.

But if I sign them up say for CYO sports, that I know for a fact is a 100% volunteer parent run activity from the Atheletic Director to the Snack Bar to the Logo Wear etc, than I should be expected to give back as mine or my DH's schedule allows. I know this going in and so does every other parent who signs on the dotted line.

 

[Pigeon]

You might just be surprised at the number of people who be just as happy to have those events cancelled for good (or at least limited to a small handful over the course of the year). For some of us these events are just one more thing we have to try to squeeze into an already overloaded schedule, on a night where we might actually just want to relax for a change, or do something adult oriented, or schedule a favorite family activity. To be honest if I didn't see another flyer announcing our next exciting Movie Night, or Pizza Night, or Fun Fair, or Game Night or whatever I'd be just as happy. It may be a lot of fun for you...but it's important to remember that not everyone may feel the same way.

Exactly.

 

[dogluva]

I get tired if the martyrs. You chose to raise your hand. What if you hadn't. Maybe the issue of volunteering would have been addressed.

If you do t want to do something then don't. If there aren't people who want to deal with it maybe it needs to be cancelled. Children can survive without cupcakes and trash from parties. I remember having cupcakes once. I'm sure it happened more but it was a fifteen minute time period in a year of school. Parents need to let go of the "full experience" crap. No wonder kids expect a snack or treat or gift wherever they go!

We are involved in one coop. Everyone is given a job. I don't do sports because I can't stand hanging out with sport parents.

I was going to post this. If you are so sick of doing it all while us "lazy" parents sit back then you, too, can pull your child out of the programs and put them into something that doesn't require volunteers.

Also, I never sign up my kids to do things where volunteering is required. I pay a fee and if I am asked to help and I can, I do. If I can't, I don't and I do not feel guilty.

I also agree with the too many activities. I learned the hard way that with my older kids that there is such a thing as too much. YOu don't have to "expose" your kids to everything. Let your kids play after school and they might actually be happier.

 

[jrmasm]

And maybe those that are are tired of lazy parents should consider that if those parents not volunteering for activity A, maybe it's because all their free time is taken up the volunteering they do for activities B, C, and D.

I think the bottom line is if the volunteering you're doing is making you miserable, it's time to take a break. And clearly some people on this thread (not the OP) need to take a break.

 

[tvguy]

How do you know their parents are lazy? Maybe they have this little thing called a full time job.
.

How do I know? 10 years of Little League and 9 years of soccer. Throw in High school baseball. Like I posted elsewhere there are dozens of things you can do to help out.
Things I have seen done by people that all help make a successful volunteer program:

1) Guy who sells dairy products for a living, arraigned for the donation of ice cream bars to be sold in the snack bar, they had the labels put on crooked and were thus "rejects" for retail sale and were going in the dumpster otherwise.

2) Construction guys who lent the league equipment for field prep.

3) Guy who's employer was throwing out a working commercial microwave, donated to snack bar.

4) Attorney who required his law clerks to work in the snack bar 1 day each year.

5) Same attorney who said he couldn't make field work day because he was in the middle of a big trial........so his firm paid for all the dirt being bought to put on the new infields.

6) Guy who worked graveyard shift, after a rain would come up to the fields and siphon off all the standing water off the fields at 730 am before going to bed, so the sun could dry out the dirt, so the fields were playable by 5 pm.

7) Caterer who volunteered to fix all the food for the spaghetti dinner fundraiser....donated the food, and secured a new location for the dinner.......

 

[Pigeon]

As a parent of three sports kids along with one who also does show choir in high school, we have done our share of helping out over the years.

I have to say, however, that it is NEVER enough and some of the things could truly be eliminated but parents love to make a big deal of them.

Unfortunately, all the leagues and clubs do this so people are basically trading $20 at a time with neighbors and coworkers. Kind of silly really.

I certainly don't mind volunteering and helping out, but just feel like some
parents make things more complicated than it needs to be to keep themselves
busy.

This is so true. I have volunteered for organizations that are exactly like this. For example, one was for a group of pretty affluent families. Yet the Ladies Who Lunch running the volunteer group insisted that we do enough fundraisers to give complete camp scholarships for every single kid in the group. It was sheer idiocy. But running candle sales and bake sales and sandwich sales and pie sales, etc. gave meaning and purpose to their lives.

Had there been a kid or two in the group whose families couldn't afford the camp fees, we still could have eliminated 90% of the fundraising (all coming out of the hides of the same group of families, as you point out) and paid their fees and told everyone else to write a check. If you suggested looking at ways to simplify things, they all clutched their pearls in horror.

 

[Granny square]

This is so true. I have volunteered for organizations that are exactly like this. For example, one was for a group of pretty affluent families. Yet the Ladies Who Lunch running the volunteer group insisted that we do enough fundraisers to give complete camp scholarships for every single kid in the group. It was sheer idiocy. But running candle sales and bake sales and sandwich sales and pie sales, etc. gave meaning and purpose to their lives.

Had there been a kid or two in the group whose families couldn't afford the camp fees, we still could have eliminated 90% of the fundraising (all coming out of the hides of the same group of families, as you point out) and paid their fees and told everyone else to write a check. If you suggested looking at ways to simplify things, they all clutched their pearls in horror.

Crazy. It is far cheaper to write a check than to bake, run etc. busy work makes me crazy.

If someone is burnt out maybe they just need to back off. Their child is not going to die if they take an activity break.

 

[Mkrop]

I was going to post this. If you are so sick of doing it all while us "lazy" parents sit back then you, too, can pull your child out of the programs and put them into something that doesn't require volunteers. Also, I never sign up my kids to do things where volunteering is required. I pay a fee and if I am asked to help and I can, I do. If I can't, I don't and I do not feel guilty.

I also agree with the too many activities. I learned the hard way that with my older kids that there is such a thing as too much. YOu don't have to "expose" your kids to everything. Let your kids play after school and they might actually be happier.

If those type of programs were in my town I would gladly sign my kids up. In out town everything is volunteer from the town leagues to our church leagues.


And I would let my kids play after school if anyone actually did that around here. Kids dont play afterschool anymore, they are all in daycare or are in these sports programs. The day of neighborhood play like we had as kids doesnt really exist here except in the summer and even then most kids go to camps.

 

[clarkshel]

In my son's Cub Scout group you have to write four $75 post dated cheques when you sign your child up. These are for the 4 main fundraiser activities through the year. If you volunteer, you get your cheque back. If you don't volunteer, then you don't get your cheque back. Same with the kids' soccer organization. You pay a membership fee, if you volunteer, you get it back.

IMO, having a full time job is not a good excuse for not volunteering. As other posers have pointed out, there is always something you can do. Maybe parents should consider putting their kids in less activities if they have no time to volunteer. We only allow out kids in a maximum of one or two activities at a time.

 

[DVCJones]

Just because parents are not volunteering for the same activities you are, it doesn't mean they are not volunteering somewhere else.

I felt pressure to volunteer from a PTO mom who admitted to having a lot of spare time. She knew I worked full time too. I was already obligated to another event for which I volunteered for. Soooo, don't be too quick to judge others. Most people do what they can when they can.

 

[Acklander]

In my son's Cub Scout group you have to write four $75 post dated cheques when you sign your child up. These are for the 4 main fundraiser activities through the year. If you volunteer, you get your cheque back. If you don't volunteer, then you don't get your cheque back. Same with the kids' soccer organization. You pay a membership fee, if you volunteer, you get it back.

IMO, having a full time job is not a good excuse for not volunteering. As other posers have pointed out, there is always something you can do. Maybe parents should consider putting their kids in less activities if they have no time to volunteer. We only allow out kids in a maximum of one or two activities at a time.

See? This is where the problem comes up. Everyone has different standards for what's "good enough" you say having a full time job isn't a good excuse and there is always something you can do however a previous poster stated that one parent came to help in the snack bar but had to leave before it was over to make dinner for her family. So, that parent tried to do what she could but it wasn't good enough. And another poster mentioned a lawyer who was too busy, but he volunteered the time of his staff and donated funds. Technically, he gave no time at all - but what he did contribute ($$$) saved him from the label of lazy. It's a no win situation.

 

[Granny square]

See? This is where the problem comes up. Everyone has different standards for what's "good enough" you say having a full time job isn't a good excuse and there is always something you can do however a previous poster stated that one parent came to help in the snack bar but had to leave before it was over to make dinner for her family. So, that parent tried to do what she could but it wasn't good enough. And another poster mentioned a lawyer who was too busy, but he volunteered the time of his staff and donated funds. Technically, he gave no time at all - but what he did contribute ($$$) saved him from the label of lazy. It's a no win situation.

True. Everyone wants to think that what they do is the perfect amt. and everyone else is below that standard.

 

[jrmasm]

See? This is where the problem comes up. Everyone has different standards for what's "good enough" you say having a full time job isn't a good excuse and there is always something you can do however a previous poster stated that one parent came to help in the snack bar but had to leave before it was over to make dinner for her family. So, that parent tried to do what she could but it wasn't good enough. And another poster mentioned a lawyer who was too busy, but he volunteered the time of his staff and donated funds. Technically, he gave no time at all - but what he did contribute ($$$) saved him from the label of lazy. It's a no win situation.

 

[jrmasm]

True. Everyone wants to think that what they do is the perfect amt. and everyone else is below that standard.

 

[DVCJones]

See? This is where the problem comes up. Everyone has different standards for what's "good enough" you say having a full time job isn't a good excuse and there is always something you can do however a previous poster stated that one parent came to help in the snack bar but had to leave before it was over to make dinner for her family. So, that parent tried to do what she could but it wasn't good enough. And another poster mentioned a lawyer who was too busy, but he volunteered the time of his staff and donated funds. Technically, he gave no time at all - but what he did contribute ($$$) saved him from the label of lazy. It's a no win situation.

I agree, I think in a lot of cases, it is a no win situation. So many people are so quick to judge others. I find it quite maddening frankly.

Also, when I do volunteer, I do it because I WANT to!!! I do not expect to be patted on the back for everything I do. I just do it, it makes me happy and I move on.

If my volunteer time is not up to par with someone else's standards... Too bad. At least when I do it, I have a smile on my face, I'm truly enjoying it and most importantly, I'm not judging anyone else.

I guess one could argue I judge people who judge others...

 

[Granny square]

I agree, I think in a lot of cases, it is a no win situation. So many people are so quick to judge others. I find it quite maddening frankly.

Also, when I do volunteer, I do it because I WANT to!!! I do not expect to be patted on the back for everything I do. I just do it, it makes me happy and I move on.

If my volunteer time is not up to par with someone else's standards... Too bad. At least when I do it, I have a smile on my face, I'm truly enjoying it and most importantly, I'm not judging anyone else.

I guess one could argue I judge people who judge others...

I'm judging you for judging others who judge others?

 

[luvsJack]

As a parent of three sports kids along with one who also does show choir in high school, we have done our share of helping out over the years.

I have to say, however, that it is NEVER enough and some of the things could truly be eliminated but parents love to make a big deal of them.

Here are some examples of what I mean.

We have all 3 kids playing basketball on five teams. DH coaches 4 of them...two of which are competitive travel which we paid a hefty fee to participate in. Out of 4 of them, if he didn't volunteer to coach, they wouldn't have had a coach. Season starts and I get an email that I am required to work a couple snack table times during the season. I think...fine..no biggie. Then they tell me it MUST be at the games prior to the time my kids games are. Can't do it since we are juggling driving and getting kids where they need to be. Most days we are coming from another game. They wouldn't let me do it during our games, so I basically decided oh well. League director knew all this beforehand and said no problem. Now its a problem. So I didn't go...they dealt with it and it turned out fine. I truly think they like to make things bigger issues than they need to be.

Another example is high school show choir. Huge financial commitment..$250 a month! They decided they must go to Orlando in March and booked trip before any fundraising. Now they are after all the parents to help fundraise and work at all the home shows and donate food items and bake goods and clean up, etc.. Tickets to performances are $15 a person which means $60 for our family to go. What the heck am I paying $250 a month for? This a public high school. I realize it is abig endeavor. But since it is the music parents association, have the band kids work the show choir shows and the show choir kids work the band shows. Give the parents a break. But there is a group of parents that love "controlling" the situation and won't do that. So I just stay out of it.

I went to Ireland with the band in high school. We fundraised for three years
to pay for that trip and then booked it when we had enough money. It didn't cost anyone more than $100 in spending money. That is what they should do here.

Little league is the same...must pay to play and then required to sell $20 of candy bars. Just charge me $20 more and rotate snack shack duty for the games. Or give people the choice. But no, that is too simple. Once again, group of moms who love the fundraising and volunteering part and don't want
to do that. So it is REQUIRED that you take the candy.

Unfortunately, all the leagues and clubs do this so people are basically trading $20 at a time with neighbors and coworkers. Kind of silly really.

I certainly don't mind volunteering and helping out, but just feel like some
parents make things more complicated than it needs to be to keep themselves
busy.

Now I am going to do some baking for show choir.

Have you asked them what the money you pay is going to?

We aren't taking a trip this year due to having a new teacher and the administration asking him to really work at rebuilding the concert choir program as well as the show choir. And because the former teacher left angry and there seemed to have been an issue with money that was paid right before she left.

BUT, we paid $600 for show choir and $200 for concert choir. And we do fund raising. All of this pays for: 3 costumes, shoes, make-up and jewelry for the girls, a back drop, choreographer, music, transportation to and from the competitions, a violinist and a pianist, the entry fees for the competition and I am sure a dozen other things that I am forgetting.

The $200 for concert paid for their dress/suit.

If we were going on the trip to NYC that the former teacher had planned--we would be paying more.

In Jr. high, we paid close to this same amount and paid more to perform at WDW.

Most of the show choirs around here plan those trips a year in advance. Entry fees for a competition must be paid well in advance so planning for it cannot be done AFTER the fund raising is done.

I am surprised that all of this was not explained to you when your child started show choir. When dd filled out the paperwork to try out, I had to sign something stating I understood the cost and the fund raising that would be done.

 

[writerriann]

Oh, this thread is so timely for me to read today. DS7's school has a big event every year where each classroom becomes a country. The kids have art projects about that country, make presentation posters, and learn all about it for a few weeks. It culminates with a single night event where each classroom presents food (3 appetizer size dishes) and drink from that country. All the kids get passports to stamp at each room and families go around and visit all the different countries and sample food. DS7's room needs a "host family" for this year and they keep sending emails out begging for a family to volunteer. All of the rooms have their family in place. We've been host family once before (and I always help out with sending in supplies and making whatever recipes his room is featuring), but being host family is a gigantic headache. Also, his school is a private Montessori school and I am one of the very few moms who work full-time. I was actually wavering back and forth about volunteering, but DH says if I do he's going to be conveniently out of town that day. He says I should step back and let one of the other moms (who typically run everything) be in charge. They don't have a culture there that's friendly to working moms. For instance, the meetings to plan this out are at 2:00 in the afternoon because that's what's easy for most moms (come in and meet and then pick up your child afterward). Apparently this is non-negotiable. DH says that they obviously don't need help that badly or they'd be willing to work with me so I would volunteer. He thinks I'll just end up getting upset like last time, which is probably true. I totally get that everyone has their obligations and responsibilities regardless of their work situation but assuming that everyone can just come to meetings mid-afternoon seems short-sighted. The Momma Mafia that runs things at his school has pretty closed ranks and is not interested in examining alternates to their desired schedules.

I'm going to step back too, I think. I once read that you should try to volunteer for things that your child sees you doing - things that are important to the child. I make a big effort to help out with their class parties, which DS7 loves since it's still cool to see me at school. Maybe that'll be my niche from now on

 

[luvsJack]

See? This is where the problem comes up. Everyone has different standards for what's "good enough" you say having a full time job isn't a good excuse and there is always something you can do however a previous poster stated that one parent came to help in the snack bar but had to leave before it was over to make dinner for her family. So, that parent tried to do what she could but it wasn't good enough. And another poster mentioned a lawyer who was too busy, but he volunteered the time of his staff and donated funds. Technically, he gave no time at all - but what he did contribute ($$$) saved him from the label of lazy. It's a no win situation.

Having a full time job isn't an excuse. A large percentage of the parents who volunteer also have full time jobs and have other things on their plates too.


Leaving to cook dinner for your family seems to be very self centered. Exactly what do you think the other moms are going to do about feeding their families?

While helping run a pee wee/midget football league one year and having a problem getting parents to run the gate and concession stand; I had a dad jump all over me because his wife was in the concession stand working (I was at the gate) and she may not be able to see her son play (in reality the concession stand is one of the best seats in the stadium when not busy). I had had enough and went off. I let him know really quick that I had not been able to watch my own son play at a single home game, and that she was welcome to join him in the stands. But as I couldn't get anyone else to work, not to be surprised when every parent just started getting a bill after each game for the cost of the referees, next year's uniforms, the food that was fed to their son before each game and any other things that had to be paid for because after this game the concession stand would be closed. He walked away but came back and ran the gate for me through my son's game. The next home game, he was one of the first ones to volunteer to help. He did apologize for jumping on me and said that he just didn't think about it from my pov or that when his wife left the stand that it put me or anyone else in a bind.


I don't think that parents who don't volunteer are lazy, just a large portion of them don't think about the fact that their refusals are just making life very hard on other parents.

 

[QVCshopper]

I am so frustrated! Argh! I need to vent.

DDs are in 7th grade, and I have been volunteering for things ever since they started school - sports things, school things, band things, girl scouts, etc. I think the time has come for me to step back and let someone else do it for a change.

I am tired of being the parent who has to call and email the other parents over and over to get answers out of them. I am tired of forking out oodles of cash never to be reimbursed.

I want to be the parent who rolls up in the van, opens the door, pushes the kid out, and speeds away.

I think I am going to try that next year.

Yes, I understand. I don't get why so many people don't help. If everyone did something, it would be so much less work for all. But all I hear is "I'm so busy", "I have no time", "I have a young child". Meanwhile, I have a baby, job, more kids than these others people... Ugh! Lets spread out the work, please! My school is especially bad, it's about the same 20 parents, probably about 10%. I couldn't even get another parent to come into the holiday party before winter break, so my MIL and I ran the whole thing. What has happened today?

Pretty sure we are moving to a better school district. Maybe things will be different?