husband irritated with itinerary venting

[jessica29]

Okay my husband has never been to Disney, and he won't get it till he gets it. He wants a vacation with no plans, no schedules, and wants to fly by the seat of his pants,AT DISNEY! Okay, he is mad at the dining reservations(which I did not even make that many)and refused dining plan(he was all worked up about having to spend dining credits and no getting his money worth and what if we miss a reservation, and blah blah blah( thought he was gonna have a heart attack). I feel like I can't even make a reservation to anything.

Then I have a park planned for certain days according to EMH illuminations, and spectromagic. So what if I do? He is not planning it but gets stressed over my Itinerary. Now, their is room in my "TENATIVE" itinerary to go to hotel for naps if need be, or change up the schedule. It is a general plan for me not to have to coordinate once I get their and look at park hours,etc..

Then I have an idea about what fast passes to get and what rides to go to first, ya know the busiest ones! This apparently is having an itenerary too!

When we go to Cedar point we go to certain rollercoasters first because we live by it and know which lines fill up first, why wouldn't you try to do the same at disney. He started to see my point on this one.

I guess I just don't understand. I feel like by doing it in a strategic manner I am actually allowing us more time to enjoy the parks with out rushing ride to ride and spending a whole 1-2 ours at each ride. ALso some of the parades are only on certain days you kinda have to plan ahead. And no I do not have each ride planned, I have an idea of what needs to be done at park opening to avoid frustration.

He is a very impatient person and I think he will get real irritated once he can't eat when and where he wants and will get sick of counter service real fast. He hates crowds and waiting in line. I feel like I am doing my family a favor.

I went with his mom stepdad, brothers family without my husband two years ago. It was so stressfull. They thought showing up to the animal kingdom at one was plenty of time to see the park, didn't use fastpasses. Needless to say we didn't ride much and left early because it was "boring". Epcot after riding two rides and walking around the world because "it was boring for the kids. We didn't see anything because all the lines were too long,of course it was boring.
I ditched the family at Hollywood and Magic Kingdom, I couldn't take it. Funny my kids seen everything at those parks including parades etc in contrast to the inlaws and their kids they only seen half of both park. We even took down time at the park just to sit and relax.


Does anyone else have issues with their husband and how do you deal with it? I feel like if something goes wrong on vacation with reservations or anything I will hear the I told you so's. Thanks for letting me vent

 

[lunalibre]

BTDT. My DH thought I was absolutely NUTS with planning. He thought we were going to be run ragged with a "schedule". I tried to explain that, just because we had a plan didn't mean I had allocated every minute of the day. Well, by the end of the trip he said it was the best family vacation we'd ever taken. Okay, yes, we came home tired, but that was our own fault!

You didn't say how long your trip was. One option would be asking him to do things your way the first day. If he feels too hog-tied after that day, then you can do it his way the next day. Definitely keep your dining reservations! At least you'll be able to have somewhere to eat, and you can always call and cancel them if it doesn't look like they're going to work out for you. Can you at least get him to agree on which parks to go to on which days?

Hmmmm, can you get him to look at the attractions/shows/parades for each park and at least pick out which things he most wants to do? Maybe that will show him that the planning you're doing is just to make sure everyone gets to do their "want-to-sees" in each park. After all, why would you *not* prioritize getting to do what your family wants to do?

You may also have to accept that Disney is not your DH's idea of a vacation. My DH enjoyed Disney and wants us to go back again, but it's still not what he would call a "vacation". A vacation to him means something totally relaxing -- no where he has to be, nothing he has to do. That may be your DH's concept too.

Good luck! As I said, my DH told me how much he appreciated all the planning I did after our last trip. I was shocked. May your DH come around too!

 

[deedeetoo]

My suggestion is to plan everything and not tell him. That way when you get to a park, you know which way to go, and can guide the family, but he doesn't realize its "planned". Also, make the ADR. When dinner time comes around he will be happy that you have somewhere to eat.

I actually agree about the dining plan. We did it once but I don't think we would do it again because of the pressure of having to be somewhere specific at dinner time or not getting your moneys worth on something you already paid for.

 

[dizneechic]

My suggestion is to plan everything and not tell him. That way when you get to a park, you know which way to go, and can guide the family, but he doesn't realize its "planned".

This is exactly what I am doing. I've mapped out the parks for each day, have ADR's accordingly, and have the must do list and the can miss list. Once we tell the kids on xmas they may add or subtract a few things based on what they seem interested in, but our trip is completely planned yet no one will realize it since the flow will be completely suggested by me.

As for the ADRs, if you want to do a few, an easy sell is booking character meals because they save you the time of waiting in line for the photo op's in the park - plus you squeeze in a meal at the same time. Multi-tasking at it's best!

 

[tesslor]

My husband gets this way also.
His idea of a vacation is laying around on a beach somewhere. When we do his vacation we do it his way, when we do Disney, we do it my way.

I make all these plans, print out all the hours, make my ADRs according to the spreadsheet I have made up that shows what parks we will be visiting on what days, then I just don't tell him about it.
Yeah, he whines at the park each day when I tell him what we are doing and where we are going, but he deals.
I found it is just easier to not involve him in the planning process at all!

 

[kpgriswold]

The author of my favorite guide book (The Unofficial Guide to WDW) says that you either need a plan or a lobotomy.

Maybe you could allow him ONE day to do things his way, and in exchange he can promise to do things your way w/out complaining? I'm sure after a day of wandering aimlessly, seeing nothing, and no table service, he will concede the obvious superiority of your planning way.

 

[eliza61]

Ok Jessica, remember you asked. You can laugh at me though
My first trip to wdw, I was an uber planner. I had park maps, TGM, adr's you name it. I researched here and every where on the internet until people were sick of me. You know what? IT WAS ABSOLUTELY THE WORSE TRIP THAT WE EVER TOOK. I'm not kidding, my 6 year old son actually asked could he go home or to grandmas' house.
First of all, after reading all the post here, I swore that we would die if we absolutely did not do rope drop. So of course I yank, yell and prod my family to get out of bed to make it. well no one thought it was that great and by noon every one was cranky.
Next, I spent so much time making sure we were at the right ride at exactly the right order, I literally would not let people even stop to look at a souvineer (sp).

After the 3rd day of plans , itineraries and adr's (they were called ps back then) my husband actually took our kids and went on strike. LOL

 

[eliza61]

The author of my favorite guide book (The Unofficial Guide to WDW) says that you either need a plan or a lobotomy.

Maybe you could allow him ONE day to do things his way, and in exchange he can promise to do things your way w/out complaining? I'm sure after a day of wandering aimlessly, seeing nothing, and no table service, he will concede the obvious superiority of your planning way.

why is it one or the other? WE go all the time now without a plan and we managed to "see every thing" and we actually manage to get on rides too.. Go figure. Who says wandering around can't be fun? Where is it carved in stone that in order to have a good time at disney, you must have a specific destination for each and every step you take?

It's called enjoying the surroundings, and stopping to smell the roses. I don't make adr's and you know what I've managed to survive and have a TS. Sure I make them for character meals but I still consider my trip a success if I don't make it to Le Cellier Imagine that.

OP, last year we went to Disney in August. you know how we decide which park to do? Which ever bus came to our resort first, that's the one we got on. The only rule we had was no same park on back to back days. We manage to do ever major ride including TSM at least 3X's, the only thing we did not do was Fantasmic because no one wanted to stop riding rides.

Oh we also managed to walk up and get seats at the wishes dessert party. Comprimise with your husband, you may find those magical moments do happen without checking your spreadsheet.

 

[Sienna]

There is definitely a difference between having a plan and having a schedule. Tell him you're doing research so you know what the park hours are, when the shows are, what attractions have fast passes, that sort of thing. You're just getting information and sketching out a 'general' idea of what your daily plan should/could be. I like the idea of getting suggestions from him, what attractions he wants to see, and incorporating that. Tell him nothing's set in stone, and there's lots of flexibility with what you're doing.

 

[C.Ann]

I've planned - and not planned.. Didn't make any difference with my trips at all.. Never came away feeling like I missed anything; got to eat where I wanted to eat; and didn't find myself waiting in any long lines..

The only thing I "did" plan was the time of year - always went when the crowds were low except for two spontaneous trips.. Those two trips were crowded, yet it still didn't make any difference in what was accomplished..

If you feel you must plan, then just keep those plans to yourself..

Have fun!!

 

[jessica29]

Good ideas ladies! I will keep it to myself. I feel like my husband and I are maybe too different vacation people. I don't have steps marked out on the map and do take in the parks, I think it will be great.I did wing the parks before with 2 kids myself but I picked up on the fastpass system quick and had been before. I hope my husband can appreciate it in the end. I think I will plan less once my kids gets get older and it will be easier to skip the character meals and parades for sure and the been their can miss it stuff like Dinosaur. We are there 10 days (really 8 without travel days) so I do have free days "planned"!

 

[brergnat]

He is a very impatient person and I think he will get real irritated once he can't eat when and where he wants and will get sick of counter service real fast. He hates crowds and waiting in line.

Um...just have to wonder why you chose WDW for your family vacation then? Honestly, some people just DON'T "get" Disney World. Or, they simply don't like it....it's not their idea of VACATION. You might have to accept that your DH is one of these people, and let go of the dream of the "perfect WDW family vacation".

Listen, I have a DH who first went to WDW with me, in college. I actually convinced him to get married there! We were back 2 years later for a trip, and that was in 2003. He hasn't been back since. I, on the other hand, have gone back THREE more times...without him! We will be taking our sons next spring for their first trip, and our first as a family...and it was HIS idea. Took him 7 years to want to go back.

I have to also sort of side with your DH. I haven't made a "plan" for WDW since...well...EVER! I'm with the poster that decides where to go either when I wake up in the morning, or when the bus shows up at the stop! I'm all about not waiting too much at WDW either, and I HATE waiting for buses, so unless that bus says Downtown Disney, I'll go to whatever park it says!

I make about 3 ADR's for dinner in a typical week. Otherwise, CS all the way! I like to make my decisions about what I want to eat AT THE TIME, not 6 months in advance.

I sort of fly by the seat of my pants at WDW. If I'm tired, I leave the park and go back to my room...nap? Pool? Hanging out in the lobby shops? Sure, why not! It's a vacation after all. The rides will be there next time. The shows, in my opinion, are not "must do". If I happen to be there at the right time, fine. If not, no biggie. I mean, Spectromagic has been playing since the early 90's...if you miss it, you'll catch it next time.

Let your DH have his vacation his way, or you will ALL be miserable!

 

[PrincessNala]

Just to let you know, my DH calls me a Park Nazi. It is important I feel to have a general plan. Yet, know and be comfortable with the fact that those general plans can change and will change at a moments notice. Too often I have seen families break down from either over planning or under planning. Know what works for your family and go with it.

For example, my ideal zippa de do da day at WDW would be something like this. Be at parks at opening. Every ride mapped out. See 3:00 parade. More rides and shows. Then watch night time fireworks. ADR in place for one meal in there. Go back and crash to start over again the next day. Yes, I am that person (Told you my DH calls me a park nazi!). My family can not handle this pace. They melt down. The only time this has ever happened was the time I went by myself to the parks. My DH is totally not this way. More fly by the seat guy. But, when we are there he wants to know where we are going and where we are eating. He will poke fun at all my planning before we leave home, but really appreciates it once we are there.

Try to follow your planning schedule like you mentioned when you go to Cedar Point. If this works for you, go with it. Good Luck!

 

[Kiddeokee]

My husband always thinks that I plan it out too much... and stress about where we will eat. It is fun for me. I make up charts with what park, what day, where we eat. I list out park hours and extra magic hours.

I always set up the ADRs that I want, and make them go along with what park we are in. (I learned that it is not fun to go a long way to get to an ADR.)

I also allow for flexibility in our schedule. We always end up canceling at least one ADR, and possibly just getting a pizza in the room. We also did some impromptu tours on our last trip, which changed our park plans.

I try to plan for a day of rest, be it for a ballgame he wants to watch, or for me to do some laundry. We do 10 day trips, so a bit of planning is needed.

He ends up appreciating my efforts, and our trip goes pretty smoothly. You can do all this without e-mailing him your spreadsheets, and just letting him go along for the ride while on the trip.

 

[disney_family_1247]

I understand your point of view very well (I'm the planner in my family). On the other hand, we were always more relaxed Disney guests before we started going during the free dining promotion. We hit maybe one character meal per trip and ate fast food the rest of the time. We scheduled our park visits based on hours and fireworks and stuff, but sometimes not until we checked in. We have enjoyed the free food and getting to experience lots of restaurants immensely, but I sometimes long for the more laid back Disney trips. We didn't get a bounceback offer when we were there a few weeks ago, and I was kind of relieved

 

[wtrmlnlabs]

Didn't see when you are going, but if you are making ADR's must be relatively soon. This time of year is really not that busy. Okay, if you are going Christmas week it sounds like you need to have a strict schedule, but other than that it's pretty slow. I also agree if you don't have hopper passes (we never do) you at least have to have a plan of what parks on what day, esp when the shows aren't every day. And if you want to eat somewhere needing an ADR you have to make one.... I'll admit your DH reactions to them was a bit drastic, to the whole meal plan really.... you will never go hungry on a Disney meal plan!!! Our DS's are 6 and 3, so they don't to the big rides, so I can't help with that, but everything we do has pretty short lines and we did whatever the kids want, whenever they want. Well, I do. I do have trouble with DH... he likes Disney but he's a stinker there... grumpy, bossy, not himself, and he doesn't plan, but pushes to go here and there. SO, I take one DS he takes the other and we separate most of the day. Maybe an idea for you if you have two kids. I feel sorry for DS6 that gets "stuck" with dad . The kids want to see and do what they want to see and do, I look at it as it's their trip, not ours, we're enjoying them enjoying it.
No idea if I've helped you any, but I tried!

 

[jessica29]

Thats funny, I see it as the kids trip too. I just think he does not know what to expect. We've done vegas and cancun, but this is a different kind of trip. Hopefully he like it. Then I'll know if I need to ditch him in the future.. but it's for the kids. Disney is not a lets lay by he pool for a week sort of trip. We are going March 5-14 so this is a peak week but I think we will miss a lot of the easter crowds, but again for ex. the HS show is only 2 nights that week and we missed it last time. But like I said their is like 12 hours in the day to enjoy and there is room for naps etc. I do not have spreadsheets or anything.

I just want a balance between being prepared but being flexable.

 

[PiperPizzaz]

I find for people who get irritated by this it is best if they just don't know about it. If they aren't concerned about it they won't care when 'suggest' where you think you should go next. Check your schedule in the ladies room if you have to.

 

[kpgriswold]

OP, last year we went to Disney in August. you know how we decide which park to do? Which ever bus came to our resort first, that's the one we got on. The only rule we had was no same park on back to back days. We manage to do ever major ride including TSM at least 3X's, the only thing we did not do was Fantasmic because no one wanted to stop riding rides.

Oh we also managed to walk up and get seats at the wishes dessert party. Comprimise with your husband, you may find those magical moments do happen without checking your spreadsheet.

In contrast, OUR one "play it by ear" trip in August 2005 was our only Disney disaster. We rose late to arrive at packed parks and sweltered in loooong lines for hours with whiny kids. We had heated discussions about what to ride next, where to stop for snacks, and when/whether to go back to the hotel for a swim. We ended up choosing whatever rides and eateries had the shortest lines, even if no one was that interested in it. It was not good.

You certainly don't have to be a commando about it, but it really DOES help to have an outline for your trip and for each day. For instance, we now poll the kids on each one's #1 ride at each park, then give those priority. We check the EMH schedule, and avoid those parks knowing they will be crowded, or do EMH then hop to another park in the afternoon. We plan approximate times for meals and snacks so that no one falls apart.

I am all for relaxed, do-whatever vacations. Lolling on the beach and then deciding on boardwalk pizza, or hanging out in a mountain lodge with board games and books before a spur-of-the-moment hike.... All good.

Many us find that Disney is not the best place to do that, and that things go better if there is some structure. No need to be snotty, Type Bs.

 

[PiperPizzaz]

In contrast, OUR one "play it by ear" trip in August 2005 was our only Disney disaster. We rose late to arrive at packed parks and sweltered in loooong lines for hours with whiny kids. We had heated discussions about what to ride next, where to stop for snacks, and when/whether to go back to the hotel for a swim. We ended up choosing whatever rides and eateries had the shortest lines, even if no one was that interested in it. It was not good.

You certainly don't have to be a commando about it, but it really DOES help to have an outline for your trip and for each day. For instance, we now poll the kids on each one's #1 ride at each park, then give those priority. We check the EMH schedule, and avoid those parks knowing they will be crowded, or do EMH then hop to another park in the afternoon. We plan approximate times for meals and snacks so that no one falls apart.

I am all for relaxed, do-whatever vacations. Lolling on the beach and then deciding on boardwalk pizza, or hanging out in a mountain lodge with board games and books before a spur-of-the-moment hike.... All good.

Many us find that Disney is not the best place to do that, and that things go better if there is some structure. No need to be snotty, Type Bs.

Ugh that sounds awful.

OP print that out and show it to DH!