Huge Christmas rant_Great Update (Post #1)

[Mandychelle79]

Your right...since she has an elderly husband and no mention is made of him being in a Nursing Home...she probably just stays there because it affords so much "me" time. Also, the OP has to keep telling her who these people are...she probably just isn't paying attention to the answers.

If she is, indeed, suffering from dementia, I'm sure she finds it difficult to relate to her actual family. Adding strangers might just make it way more confusing. There is also the possibility that it won't have any affect at all. Either way, the dye is set, keep your fingers crossed and enjoy what time she has left with the family during the holiday.

In the original post it said nothing about her being confused. Yes later that was posted. People can be confused without having dementia My grandfather has moderate dementia, so I understand the whole reexplaining things again and again. But guess what, if one of my cousins brought friends with them to dinner, it wouldnt be a HUGE CHRISTMAS RANT. We would just keep telling him that Zach brought a couple friends to dinner.

 

[Allison]

Do the friends not have people around to be with? Like I said, I just don't think it is a huge deal. Just let it go and enjoy the meal.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

My 20 something brother often brings a friend or two to family events, but they are friends that he has had all his life from the neighborhood. My whole family knows them as well, if they were just random friends no one else knew it would seem strange for him to bring them along.

If grandma does have some dementia it could be confusing for her. I can see why the op would be annoyed but you can only make the best out of the situation.

 

[handinpocket]

Remember hypocrisy?

Hypocrisy is telling someone their rant is petty and just be happy, while you have many, many posts ranting and raving over your "mean" and "horrible" MIL.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

I see this thread getting locked in the near future.

 

[mdsoccermom]

Frankly, the OP makes me sad. I couldn't imagine not welcoming two young people to a holiday gathering. Chances are they have no place to go for the holidays (though in typical DIS fashion, I'm sure the OP will come back with a back story proving that not the case).

Then again, in college I often brought people home for holiday gatherings. In my family, extra people are always welcome. If you're friends, you're family.

 

[MIGrandma]

It wouldn't bother me, especially since brother is paying for his guests.

Maybe the guests your brother invited don't have family close by to celebrate with. If it were me I would rather have them join us, instead of have them be alone on Christmas.

I remember my cousin and his wife had us at their house for Thanksgiving dinner a few years ago, and they had another couple there that I didn't know. At first it made me nervous (I'm naturally quiet, and it takes awhile for me to open up with strangers) but then I knew they probably didn't have anyone else nearby to have Thanksgiving dinner with, and thought it was sweet that my cousin and his wife had them share dinner with us.

I think it's nice when people open up their home and hearts to others for the holidays, so nobody has to be alone.

 

[DeluxePrincess]

I totally get where you are coming from. I get aggravated when "strangers" show up to a family dinner. I will give a pass for a boyfriend/girlfriend of an adult, but not just for someone who wants to hang out. Seeing as how this is a special meal with the grandmother, friends shouldn't need to come.

 

[Sadie22]

Swan4Me, I do get it about having to explain things to an elderly person. It's exhausting trying to see to that person's needs and explain things to her. You don't have time to enjoy yourself. I don't blame you for venting. I'm happy to listen anytime.

No one else gets your mom like you do. No one else cares exactly the same way you do. Take it from me, brothers just aren't made the same way. No amount of explaining will make them understand why you might be bothered by this. Celebrate the differences. Your brother's son is coming to the meal. My brothers couldn't always accomplish that.

My mom liked just having the family show up (some waited until just before she passed). When she was able to hear them, it was very difficult for them to find something to tell her that she could understand. She drove a horse and buggy to school as a child. She knew nothing about computers. So the grandson who spent the most time with her could not even have her understand what he does for a living other than in the most rudimentary way.

Try to enjoy yourself this holiday! It's so hard because I know you're thinking what if this one is the last. You're making good memories with your mom. You're doing great!

 

[EMHDad]

Our family has had friends with no place to go and and no family of their own. We were more than happy to include them. Also, I am very close with a few guys. Their parents see me as a son and my parents are the same. We aren't just some friends, but family.

At best, its a wonderful inclusion of a couple of people in need of family. At worse its a wonderful family dinner with a couple of extra people that will probaably go unnoticed.

Either way, the meal will be whatever you expect it to be. Basically being a self fulfilling prediction.

 

[lisajl]

What aggrivates me the most is Mom will be very confused on who these people are, why they are there.......you just dont know
I'll be spending lots of time explaining it all to her

Oh, ding-a-ling brother will be paying for his Entourage

(we divide up the Bill among us normally)

My mom got confused too when we brought extra people. Totally understand your point on this one!

 

[Jennasis]

Hypocrisy is telling someone their rant is petty and just be happy, while you have many, many posts ranting and raving over your "mean" and "horrible" MIL.

Ahhh...there it is. Here, you sound like you need one too...






I've been taken to task aplenty over things I've put on here over the years, and have learned many things, but most importantly that what I put out there is subject to criticism.

Here's the thing...the OP is neither paying for nor cooking for/serving these extra people. At worst, she MAY have to explain a few times to her elderly mother who these interlopers are. She has no idea why they are being included (though I expect the "extra info" post any moment about how she's discovered that they're just moochers looking for a free meal). This is not worth a "Huge rant"...her words. Rant about what? Having to share her holiday table at a restaurant with family friends? It's two people. There are already TWENTY going. I'd be floored if mom even noticed the extra two at the other end of the long table (or possibly two or more tables depending on the set up of the restaurant).

I get being frustrated. But calling her brother a ding-a-ling (where's the outrage over that one eh?) because he's trying to do something nice for his kid's friends? Acting as though it's a big put-out in some way and calling it a huge rant seems ridiculous.

And yeah, my MIL is mean. If it's petty to be upset that she has told my DH (her son) that his own father never loved him, and that DH should kill himself...than YEP, I'm petty and proud of it.

 

[DisneySarah80]

Ahhh...there it is. Here, you sound like you need one too...






I've been taken to task aplenty over things I've put on here over the years, and have learned many things, but most importantly that what I put out there is subject to criticism.

Here's the thing...the OP is neither paying for nor cooking for/serving these extra people. At worst, she MAY have to explain a few times to her elderly mother who these interlopers are. She has no idea why they are being included (though I expect the "extra info" post any moment about how she's discovered that they're just moochers looking for a free meal). This is not worth a "Huge rant"...her words. Rant about what? Having to share her holiday table at a restaurant with family friends? It's two people. There are already TWENTY going. I'd be floored if mom even noticed the extra two at the other end of the long table (or possibly two or more tables depending on the set up of the restaurant).

I get being frustrated. But calling her brother a ding-a-ling (where's the outrage over that one eh?) because he's trying to do something nice for his kid's friends? Acting as though it's a big put-out in some way and calling it a huge rant seems ridiculous.

And yeah, my MIL is mean. If it's petty to be upset that she has told my DH (her son) that his own father never loved him, and that DH should kill himself...than YEP, I'm petty and proud of it.

Its fine to have your opinion. No one agrees on every issue all the time. But you have already posted your opinion for this thread on page 2 (I think) - Why did you feel the need to say it again? In more detail? Your obviously upset on the fact that someone called you out on the fact that you are telling everyone to get in the "christmas spirit" while then doing (many) vents of your own. Address that, but why go after the OP of this thread? Again?


At least you didn't call the OP petty yet again....

 

[HoneyPooh]

Its fine to have your opinion. No one agrees on every issue all the time. But you have already posted your opinion for this thread on page 2 (I think) - Why did you feel the need to say it again? In more detail? Your obviously upset on the fact that someone called you out on the fact that you are telling everyone to get in the "christmas spirit" while then doing (many) vents of your own. Address that, but why go after the OP of this thread? Again?


At least you didn't call the OP petty yet again....

Probably the same reason you seem to need to keep coming back to tell her she should stop coming back. You are perfectly welcome to do that but call it what it is, trying to get the last word on something. My mom use to smack me for that, lol. It was a bad habit of mine that she finally broke.

 

[DisMN]

I'm wondering if the two friends don't have anywhere to go? I used to drag home friends who had no plans for the holidays and their families didn't care if they were there or not.

I'm glad no one found it annoying enough to complain about my friends being there. Even if it may have been inconvenient or unconventional everyone who came in the house was always welcome and for that I'm grateful to my wonderful family.

 

[disykat]

Back to the OP.

I would certainly welcome people that didn't have another holiday celebration to attend to our events.

I would not welcome extras tagging along to make "lunch with an elderly grandmother" more palatable for a young adult - which is what it sounds like is happening in the OP.

If it was about helping lonely young adults celebrate Christmas they could come over later on Christmas Eve or on Christmas Day or both. A rare opportunity for the family to have lunch with a "confused" grandmother isn't the time.

 

[crashbb]

Probably the same reason you seem to need to keep coming back to tell her she should stop coming back. You are perfectly welcome to do that but call it what it is, trying to get the last word on something. My mom use to smack me for that, lol. It was a bad habit of mine that she finally broke.

Yup - gotta love the hypocrisy!

I've both been a tag-a-longer and invited tag-a-longers. It really is lovely for those who aren't going anywhere for Christmas to be included by those who are.

 

[Jennasis]

Sorry I had to step away...I was busy stealing the last can of Who Hash.


Something else I've learned is to develop thick skin if you're going to wade into the DIS waters. We've all got our own baggage and it comes across in every post each of us makes. It's kind of what makes the DIS so special...the personalities, the opinions, the pixie dust.

Oh, and WORD..

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

frankly, the op makes me sad. I couldn't imagine not welcoming two young people to a holiday gathering. Chances are they have no place to go for the holidays (though in typical dis fashion, i'm sure the op will come back with a back story proving that not the case).

Then again, in college i often brought people home for holiday gatherings. In my family, extra people are always welcome. If you're friends, you're family.

mte

 

[Jennasis]

********************************************
*UPDATE**************************

So my brother and his wife-who insisted we do this early-at 11-show up at 11:45-we greet-we hug, sit, passs the preordered appetisers

Then we ask about the guests of nephew
SIL is very vague-"They are together constanly-never can be apart-you'll have to wait and see" (Nephew is my friend on Facebook)

Then SIL gets up to check on them , worried they wont know where to park(??) and i ask my brother to at least tell us the names (i'm very bad with names), he is very stoic, serious, and tells us we have to wait

SIL comes back, they are on their way
Okay.....Mom is getting hungry-

We look down the hall and it isnt Nephew coming towards us............
Its his Marine brother who just got back last night and his new girlfriend!
And then the Nephew we expected



SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THAT is the best thing I've heard all day!! What an amazing gift for EVERYBODY!