How to tell grandson his favorite dog is no longer with us? UPDATE post 17

[clh2]

Hello, sad as it is, our dog is no longer with us. his health declined suddenly, and emergency vet recommended we put him down. This was several weeks ago, we are still hurting.

Our almost-3 year old grandson will be crushed when he learns that Buddy isn‘t here, and isn’t coming back.

im sure some of you have gone through this, any advice?

 

[PollyannaMom]

Stop by the children's room of your local library, and ask if the librarian can recommend some picture books.

Creating something together to remember the pet can also be nice - a collage frame of photos, maybe?

The big thing to remember with kids is that they often process grief on a different timeline than adults.


Sorry for your loss.

 

[easyas123]

Our 5 year old niece was close to our dog and we had to let him go...so her parents prepared her in a matter of fact kinda way and said he went to dog heaven. She came in and asked if that was where he was, we said it was and she went on about her day. Now she has asked on occasion if he's come BACK from heaven yet, to which I say no, he's staying there. She doesn't linger over it though. Honestly I'd probably wait for the kid to bring it up, if he does have a prepared explanation- a simple, quick answer that is appropriate to your beliefs and then move on.
Sorry about your pup, it's such a difficult thing.

 

[mjkacmom]

I’ve found that children handle death much better than adults. Much better. Dog was old, tired, and now no longer in pain.

 

[redboat45]

Just tell him. Tell him that Buddy got sick and died. I'd honestly just have his parents tell him. They'll know what to do.

 

[Dan Murphy]

Maybe share the comforting story of the Rainbow Bridge? Many adults, me included, find it comforting and reasonable. I'm sure for young kids also.

Very sorry to hear of your dog's passing. Words of comfort for you all also. 's

Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.

There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.

There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers.

Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.


Then you cross Rainbow Bridge, together....
Author unknown...​

www.petloss.com

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I’m sorry about your dog. Death of a pet is often a child’s first experience with death.

One of our dogs died when my kids were in kindergarten. The nice teacher lent us this to read. I think it helped me more than them but it was a nice book to read, called Dog Heaven. Maybe your library has a copy, or if you have time you can order one.

https://www.amazon.com/Dog-Heaven-Cynthia-Rylant/dp/0590417010

You could also consider having a little ceremony or memorial for the dog.

 

[poochie]

Maybe share the comforting story of the Rainbow Bridge? Many adults, me included, find it comforting and reasonable. I'm sure for young kids also.

Very sorry to hear of your dog's passing. Words of comfort for you all also. 's

Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.

There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.

There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers.

Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.


Then you cross Rainbow Bridge, together....
Author unknown...​

www.petloss.com

There are some amazing books you can get to help explain their loss. one is by Mr. Rogers - When a pet dies another more light hearted is The Rainbow Bridege - A visit to Pet Paradise. Look under Rainbow Bridge books for kids, so many to choose from. My heart goes out to your grandson. I have experienced the loss of dogs and cats thru the years with my children and grandchildren.

 

[Princesca]

I think I would say something like "Buddy had gotten sick and old and he really wasn't feeling good, and he was hurting and couldn't play anymore, and now he's passed on and can be somewhere he doesn't hurt anymore, and he can play again."

I'm not sure I believe in an afterlife, but when it comes to little kids and not filling them with existential dread, I am all for perpetuating the idea of an afterlife until they're old enough to think that through on their own.

 

[Princesca]

PS I'm really sorry for your loss. I lost my bestest boy in January of 2021 and I still think of him all the time. It was his time, and he was ready, but he was like a kid to me. He definitely left a pawprint on my heart. I know how hard it is. Dogs are angels.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Some of my own patients have died, lived to tell about it, and told me personally they saw relatives and pets who have passed when they were gone. I believe them.

 

[KayMichigan]

I work at a library and we have an entire section of children's picture books that deal with the subject of death. People here have made excellent suggestions and I'm sure your library has more. Sorry to hear about your loss {{{{hugs}}}}

 

[prairie_girl]

No suggestions, but I’ve heard it said however you choose to tell him is to be straightforward and say dead/death. Euphemisms such as going to sleep or passed away only confuse the child.

Sorry about your dog..

 

[Mango7100]

I am very sorry for your loss. I am a vet and have been with lots of families who bring their kids to euthanasia appointments. Sometimes they have done zero explaining to them and I get to do it unfortunately. First thing is be straightforward. Do not tell them he ran away or just fell asleep… I have seen many kids become completely freaked out that they will go to sleep and never wake up or think the pet is coming back because their parents told him he was just sleeping. Use the actual words dead/ death. The Rainbow Bridge is a great story to bring comfort. When we had to euthanize our 18 year old on my daughters 4th birthday (terrible timing but it had to be done), we told her that Gracie was very sick and we brought her to the hospital but her body was too sick and her heart wasn’t working and she died. She will not be coming back home. She is now in heaven (yes I believe in animals going to heaven), and she does not feel anymore pain and she is watching over us now. It is ok to feel sad and upset. my daughter cried for a while and then asked if we could have pancakes. She asked about her for a few days after but did remarkably well given it was her first experience with that kind of loss.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

My son had the misfortune of being born into a house full of geriatric pets and by the time he was 4, we had euthanized five cats and a dog. He’d watched their health decline and helped me care for their end-of-life medical needs. I did my best to explain quality of life and prepare him that when they got to the point where they were so sick they had no chance of getting better and we could no longer keep them comfortable, that we would euthanize them so they didn’t have to feel any pain or fear or suffering. I made sure not to associate death with sleeping in any way and kept reiterating that it was happening because the pets were very old and very sick. I was straightforward that death was not something they would ever come back from and that no one knows for sure what, if anything, happens after. That there are lots of different beliefs and my best guess is that you just cease to exist, like returning to the state you were before your life began — no consciousness, awareness, etc. He was present for every euthanasia and handled them fine.

 

[clh2]

Thank you all for your kind words and suggestions!

ironically, as a daughter of a retired librarian, I live in a town that has no library, and is service by a bookmobile for 30 minutes every other week. i will not be able to get to the real library this week.

I‘ve ordered the Dog Heaven book, perhaps more for me than our grandson. I would love to make a small scrapbook of my grandson with pictures of him and Buddy, it would be something fun to do on a rainy day.

I feel bad that our 7 month old grandson will never know or remember Buddy.

Again, thank you all for your advice!

 

[poochie]

Thank you all for your kind words and suggestions!

ironically, as a daughter of a retired librarian, I live in a town that has no library, and is service by a bookmobile for 30 minutes every other week. i will not be able to get to the real library this week.

I‘ve ordered the Dog Heaven book, perhaps more for me than our grandson. I would love to make a small scrapbook of my grandson with pictures of him and Buddy, it would be something fun to do on a rainy day.

I feel bad that our 7 month old grandson will never know or remember Buddy.

Again, thank you all for your advice!

 

[LuvOrlando]

So sorry you lost your pet, I agree that kids do usually take things more in stride so try not to let concern for your grandchildren make your heart more heavy.

Dogs are little loves and it's tough to lose that

 

[TheIncredibles!]

You are the only people that know what to say - you are just terrified to do it wrong. We get it. My only suggestion is to not lie and say the dog went to live on a farm or some silly thing like that. Find a way that fits with his personality to gently break the news. We can give all kinds of suggestions but only you know what will work with him.

I am SO very sorry for the loss of your dear family member.

 

[clh2]

Update: Our DD told our grandson about Buddy yesterday, then asked him if he had any questions. His comment was: “Cat. Grandma and grandpa need a Cat.”

They were over tonight for dinner, and he only asked 1 time were Buddy was. Our DD said: “remember? Buddy has died and he isn’t here anymore.”

Today, he did mention we need elephants too. As in plural, like 5 of them.