How to deal with rude comments

[DarraK]

Both my Oldest DS and my DD have different issues. DD's are more severe. To look at either of them though you would find nothing wrong. DD's best friend is Asperbergers, her twin brother has high functioning autism. He has a wonderful t-shirt his grandpa got him. It states: " I know why I am being rude, I am autistic. What's your excuse?" . It has stopped many people mid comment.

Love it! I'm sending your quote to my neighbor who always has issues with people commenting about her autistic son.

 

[ratlenhum]

I'm bad and very intolerant. It's come from years of stares and comments. If someone is staring at my child with "that look" you must know the one I mean, I stare back until I make eye contact with the offender and when I do I open my eyes real wide and make a face. If they say anything I say "what are you staring at?" One guy was so bad, and we ran into him 3 or 4 times I finally suggested he see a doctor for that problem. He said "what problem?" I said "your eyeballs are stuck."

If I overhear "isn't he a little old to be in a stroller?" I counter with "aren't you a little too rude and ignorant to be out in public?"

It all comes with the tone of it too, and the way they stare. My son is really cute (aren't they all) and some times people do look and stare because a cute kid is doing something cute. No problem there. it's the stare that come with the look like my kid has 3 heads that irks me.

 

[clanmcculloch]

I do want to share something for people to consider. Not all people who stare are trying to be rude or are thinking negative thoughts. My DD13 has Asperger Syndrome. She seems very "normal" most times. She speaks like a little adult; she's very well spoken. She does tend to stare at anything she sees that is unfamiliar. She's not trying to be rude and is in no way critical; she's interested. She may even walk up to you to talk to you because she's enthralled by people who are different. Whether the differences are physical or emotional, she sees differences as making you a kindred spirit of sorts.

Here's an example. We were at DHS one day and we were escaping a mob near the hat. We were walking slowly in the direction of Star Tours, just passing Sounds Dangerous. She saw a CM who was in a powerchair, clearly needed because the CM had no legs. The CM was right near us, going the same direction. DD13 was staring at the CM, very obviously. The CM smiled at her rather than getting upset. DD13 took that as an invitation to talk to her. Her first question? How do you apply to work at WDW? No, she didn't ask about her disability. She had been staring but I think in her mind the disability just made her more approachable. She was staring I guess because she found her interesting and different which to her is a good thing, a comforting thing. They had a nice long conversation, some of which did discuss the powerchair and working as a CM for WDW with a disability (DD13 at the time was very interested in the college program and possibly working for WDW some day). The conversation basically only ended because they had to clear the area in preparation for the parade. I really didn't want to keep the CM from her job but she seemed just as pleased with DD13 as DD13 was with her. She was a wonderful young woman and I'm glad we had the opportunity to get to know her a bit and spend a bit of time with her.

Had the CM not smiled to DD13, DD13 likely wouldn't have talked to her and may have just appeared to be some rude kid staring.

 

[ratlenhum]

About what I posted above:

Kids are going to stare, to a certain age, they don't know any better. If the parent sees the child staring, said parent should tell their child it's not nice to stare, not join them in the stare with the "***?" look on their face.

Older kids should know better, but there are exceptions. We had a kid at a water park staring at my son, making faces at him, tapping his buddy on the shoulder and point my son out, then they both stared. The mother was just ahead of these 2 boys on the line we were on. They were about 12. Finally I said "Didn't your mother ever teach you that it's not nice to stare?" The kid said "no" and the mother at this point was looking at me. I looked at her and said "well she should." The mother moved the two boys ahead of her online and told them to stop staring and if they turned around again they were getting off the line. Lesson learned for all three I think

 

[buzz for boys]

I completly understand the questio as for very differet reasons to yourself this worried me A Lot before our last trip to Disney however I feel compelled to tell you we had no issues at all. O a daily basis at home we have to dodge questions or remarks bt whilst at wdw we didt have to answer one.
It felt like everyone was in their own little Disney bubble and didt notice or want to intrude into our little bubble.
In fact its another thig on our list of why we sped thousads of pounds to go to the same place on holiday every year!!!

Hope that helps a little xxx

 

[jemiaule]

DS9 often gets stares when we use a GAC. He looks like any other 9 year old but there are some attractions where we need to wait separately away from the crowds. The noise, the accidental bumping and the general closeness of some lines he just cannot handle. A thin winding queue he does great - a big open queue is where it gets tough. Some times we have to give up on Haunted Mansion because the throng exiting the elevator is just too much for him to bear.

Anyway, back to people staring. Our method has become kill 'em with kindness. I used to get upset, angry and (I admit) sometimes confrontational with the rude people. Now my method is to look them back in the eye, smile and say in the nicest tone "hi, may I help you with something? I noticed you looking over". Most of the time people say "oh, no thanks" and I reply "oh I am sorry, I must have been mistaken".

Embarrassed people tend not to continue staring.

 

[ratlenhum]

Anyway, back to people staring. Our method has become kill 'em with kindness. I used to get upset, angry and (I admit) sometimes confrontational with the rude people. Now my method is to look them back in the eye, smile and say in the nicest tone "hi, may I help you with something? I noticed you looking over". Most of the time people say "oh, no thanks" and I reply "oh I am sorry, I must have been mistaken".

Embarrassed people tend not to continue staring.

Thanks for sharing this. I'm going to try this next trip. Maybe then I'll be less aggravated during the trip

 

[videogal1]

I used to wear a T shirt that stated in bold letters " I may not be perfect but parts of me are excellent" That was 30 years ago, though. It may have become a cliche' by now...

 

[Disfan20]

I just got back from an 8 day trip with my family that includes my DD10 with severe Autism. If any family was going to get rude comments it was ours. My daughter was "out of sorts" to say the least. She would be fine one minute then crying, screaming or being grabby the next. We tried to work through it the first couple days, but ended up cutting some meals short or skipping them all together if she was acting out too bad. We also had to remove her from some rides due to the amount of noise she was making. I can tell you that not one person made a rude comment, not one, but boy did we get the stares. Some were curious, some were sympethetic and some were downright angry that my DD was interupting their good time.

At some point early on my DD decided she did not want to walk, nothing we did could have made her walk a ster farther, so after much debate we decided to get her a Disney stroller for the remainder of the trip. The amount of stares we got was almost unbearable. It was as if every person we passed was staring. The attitude I took was that I am here to have a good time and this is what I need to do to have a good time so stare away. I am never going to see you people again and I don't care if you disapprove of a 10 year old in a stroller. Walk a mile in my shoes before you judge me and my situation. I know it is easier said than done, but in my opinion I would just let it roll off your back.

 

[Tonka's Skipper]

Folks, some folks are going to be rude..you cannot stop them and it only hurts your vacation to let them bother you.


As Ron White says......*YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID* and those rude people are stupid

Wishing you all a next great Disney vacation!

AKK

 

[Sunnywho]

When I've had a GAC (because of MS), people assume it's for my son. Nope! So we've had the curious/rude looks but they're looking at the wrong member of the party.

 

[ElizabethG]

I frequent the Creative DISigns board and wanted to re-post this thread. It is a great T-shirt disign featuring Mrs. Incredible and it says "I am raising a child with Autism. What's your superpower?". I think this is a positive way display a disability and maybe make some people smile. It would work for many other things besides Autism. (My DS has Autism).

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2640982

 

[tinkslite]

"I really wasn't angry but now this has me thinking about our upcoming trip and wondering how many comments we may get. From the outside my DS looks perfectly "normal", it's not until he gets up to walk or speaks that you can tell he has a disability, so I am afraid people will say something. If anyone has ever been in a smilar situation what do you say? I know some parents with austitic children have gotten cards made and will hand those out but I know DH would never go for that, he will probably want to tell off the rude offender. TIA for any advice!"

My 16 year old daughter has PTSD, low IQ w/learning disabilities, and asperger's syndrome. None of which are readily apparent upon meeting/seeing her..........But she doesn't relate to her own peers, has tantrums, doesn't like to be touched, must have a rigid schedule, etc. etc.
We have been known to put her in a wheelchair (not PHYSICALLY necessary) to avoid alot of brushing up and crowded area touch from strangers in the parks. People are more careful to give Wheelchairs a bit of space. It cuts down on overstimulation meltdowns and improves our vacations.
I have definitely lived thru my fair share of rude comments. When your 12 year old starts screaming in a crowded place people think she is totally spoiled or crazy......and that means that the parents are bad (apparently). I don't explain anymore. The most explanation people like that get from me is this, "You don't know me or this kid, so you don't know what you are talking about." That's all they deserve.

 

[brat]

I saw a T-shirt on a Mom at Wallyworld today that I loved(If the owner is here on Dis it is cool thank you for the smile). The shirt said "Mom of autistic kids, go ahead give me a time-out, Just watch my kids"

 

[brat]

If your DS is willing to go for a mobilty device such as a rollator or wheelchair as a place for him to rest as well as cutting down the comments, or would he like to think of a cool comment of his own to put on a t-shirt to explain his disability.My family uses both so which works for you is what is most comfortable for your family.

I remind my kids that what feels rude to us might just be someone else wanting to know more or their just being cranky(hot, tired, hungry or overstimulated), we have never had a really rude one at Disney.A few cranky ones by kids but those we all understand tired kids.

 

[Leeds-Josh]

I have a heart condition and im 16(but I look 12/13).

After my last major op in 2006 i have alot of fluid retention that makes my stomach large and i am unable to put on weight so my belly looks huge comparde to my skinny arms.

I hate it when people comment on it. Im ok if they ask what wrong with me as thats a valid question. But some kids who I dont know come up to me and ask if Im pregnant. This really annoys me because I'm a boy so obviously i'm not pregnant. I'm one of those people who doesnt like discussing my condition so i keep everything bottled up. But a few weeks ago a kid about 15 maybe even 16 asked me if I was pregnant(kinda in a way that he was showing off to his mates). Normally I just say no but this time I turned around and said - "No, I have a heart condition and will eventually need a transplant so please stop trying to show off to your friend and use some common sense"

The look and the boys face when I said that was priceless and made me feel really good about myself It was a huge confidence boost and maybe I wont keep my condition to myself in future.