How strict are you?

[honeydiane1953]

I am a grandmother and my best friend has always been strict with everything. Her kids, her money, etc. Well now her only daughter is in a WORLD of trouble. Her only son was killed in a car accident. Now I know this is not going to change anyone's view of how they think their skills r, however how many times does she wish she has left UP with her two???

 

[lvillotta1]

What a great thread. As most of us would agree that our children's world is so much different today then it was when we were kids. I would rate myself on the strict issue a 6-7. My kids are 5&9, both girls. I feel I have raised them very well. They know Jesus,have beautiful hearts,kind and best friends. They have been doing housework since they were 3. We look at housework as something we all do as part of being a family. They can do almost anything around the house. I am teaching my 9 y/o to mow the grass this summer. By being a team the girls love helping out and I know if I were ever sick or needed to have surgery etc They would be fine. Bedtime is 8pm every night m-sun. They both have been to sleepovers,can play outside in the yard and go across the street to play at the church playground and do not need to be watched. They are dropped off and picked up by me. They are involved in church and overall we are together a lot. I have loved being their mom and love it more everyday. It is sad to hear that so many parents today have given up on their children. Kids being left alone at younger and younger ages,being able to do what they think os best b/c parents are not around. My children's generation is growing up to be the lost generation. There are very few parents who have it all together and are completely engaged in family life. In the end I want to look back and say a job well done.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

It depends on the specifics.

We were pretty strict with the media our children were allowed to expose themselves to as young children, but as they get older, we relaxed that somewhat. The 16 year old has free reign of Netflix, for example.

They are expected to do well in school, because we know they can.

Bed time is probably stricter than it needs to be, especially for the 16 year old.

But there are things we let them do that other parents find out. Like going to midnight movie premieres on a school night.

 

[shortbun]

We are not strict at all. We were firm about boundaries when our son was young. He's waaaay more strict than we are with his 17yo self. I keep telling him to lighten up.

 

[alex9179]

I am VERY VERY relaxed. I am just plain worn out on fighting about such silly things, I think I also have a very different look on "major" stuff since my first daughter almost died so many times before she was 2. My 7 yr old got the new Halo for Christmas and my 4 yr old plays it with him. I dont really tell them what they can and can't watch (except porn of course!) They are allowed to wander the woods (with a friend) Sleep overs are okay as long as I know where they are. We dont really have a set bedtime, no curfew either. just a reasonable time. Most of this is how I grew up as well.

This is an example of how every kid is different. My middle child (the one who played/watched Halo and I wasn't cool with it) is very sensitive. He so wants to be involved in those kinds of things, but has nightmares. He did not enjoy the Great Movie Ride, hated EE (near tears), and begged me to leave Haunted Mansion after we were on the conveyor to board the Doom Buggies. This was in Oct. When they moved in, he would regularly tell me that his dad (he used his gang name instead of "daddy", so charming) would stab me with a knife like Michael Myers. He was 3. His first mom let them watch one of the Halloween movies! The older two had Michael Myers nightmares for over a year.

As a result, we tend to introduce stuff slowly. Even though they had some scary moments on rides, the only one with lasting "never again" affects was EE. Our 5 yr old thinks it was the best vacation ever! Just don't count the indoor rides, after the GMR, or the fact that he didn't want ANYONE to enjoy them. Barnstormer, BTMRR, Splash? All fine.

So yeah, we're strict about potential nightmare territory because cleaning up puke after a Dora cartoon featuring a witch is no fun. Staying up half the night trying to soothe the poor kid? Even less fun.

Of course, the people at school and their friends have little to no idea about their past. I guess I just thought age appropriate material would be available, because I would never assume to go beyond that with someone else's kid.

But I'm not as restrictive as some parents. DD just joined Girl Scouts and the brand new leaders were wide eyed about parents dropping kids off and leaving. I felt so guilty that I stayed. Not for DD, but for the adults! These gals couldn't conceive of anyone leaving their girls at a meeting and even talked about a buddy system for the bathroom at the leader's house. I assured her that the girls could go 5 ft and back without a buddy. Heck, Cub Scouts don't allow drop-offs here. A parent has to stay for the meeting, even though we can be more of a hindrance than a help.

 

[aprilgail2]

DD just joined Girl Scouts and the brand new leaders were wide eyed about parents dropping kids off and leaving. I felt so guilty that I stayed. Not for DD, but for the adults! These gals couldn't conceive of anyone leaving their girls at a meeting and even talked about a buddy system for the bathroom at the leader's house. I assured her that the girls could go 5 ft and back without a buddy. Heck, Cub Scouts don't allow drop-offs here. A parent has to stay for the meeting, even though we can be more of a hindrance than a help.

OMG- at our girl scout meetings parents were encouraged to leave- was much easier having a meeting without mommy hanging about. We had meeting in the evening in a school and the kids used the budy system to use the bathroom there but that is MUCH different than a house ROFLMAO-talk about over the top!

 

[ZephyrHawk]

What the OP describes is not what I consider "strict". Strict to me means lots of rules, lots of chores, lots of expected accomplishments. It doesn't mean restricting kids in their experiences. For instance, I would say my parents were fairly strict with me. I was expected to behave in a certain manner and they did not hesitate to punish me if I got out of line. I was expected to get good grades, be obedient to rules and participate in the activities my parents wanted me to (e.g., piano, etc.).

However, they never would have kept me back form a sleepover or any sort of experience that I might enjoy. They were very good about letting go of the apron strings and letting me experience life on my own. For example, I was given skiing lessons starting at age 3. By age 8 I was skiing black diamonds and going away to skiing school for full days where there was very little adult supervision (kids were expected to ski by themselves or in unsupervised groups for the majority of the day). By age 10 I was skiing bowls out west, and doing better at it than my dad. By age 13 we kids were going off by ourselves all day out west to do the ungroomed expert ski areas that our parents couldn't handle.

 

[Minnesota!]

Very strict (and have been called out on it by friends who I consider "too" lenient) on certain things - behavior, respect, safety, and cleanliness.

Pretty laid back on everything else - we do not censor books, movies, games, etc. No set bed time - whenever they get tired. "Allow" them their own style and opinions - I don;t feel it is fair to sway them one way or the other on their attire, their religious/political beliefs, opinions on likes/dislikes, etc. Everyone needs a mind of their own.

 

[scoutie]

I wouldn't have considered myself strict, but my eight year old has said at restaurants, "Why do I have to sit here, and those kids get to run around?"

I'm strict that there are no violent video games, no violent tv shows, bedtime between 8 and 8:30 on school nights, one sugary treat a day, no soda except on special ocassions, homework is done right after school, snacks are healthy, and manners and good behavior are expected.

I am not strict in letting my kids go over to friend's houses, ride their bikes in the neighborhood, experience outings, events, trips, etc.

 

[MinnieLovesMickey12]

I'm not too strict. I am sure my kids might say I am. But I let them do things. DD goes skating from 7-10pm almost every Friday night with a bunch of kids her age. They have a 10pm bedtime during the week and no bedtime on the weekends. DS will stay up until 2 or 3 in the morning on Friday and Saturday nights.

I have let them both spend the night off a few times but I don't do that too often. I believe you can play together and then when it is bedtime go home. I have let them have other kids stay over here.

They are not allowed to have a member of the opposite sex in their room for any reason, ever.

I let them watch PG13 movies and R rated movies if I have watched them first and don't see any graphic sexual content. I don't believe children should be watching adults have sex when they are young kids.

I let DS play any video game he wants to. His main game is Black Ops 2 which is a shooter type game, but he buys rated M for mature games all the time.

I don't censor what music they listen to. They are pretty spoiled as far as material possessions go and are doing good in school. SO all in all it works out for me.

On a scale of 1 to 10 I would consider myself a 5 also. Kids would probably say a 7.

I do not leave them alone in my house at any time for any reason. I would never forgive myself if someone broke in the house while I was gone or if there was a fire. There is just no reason for me to leave them alone. DH and I go out on date nights when my kids spend the weekend with their dad. So any other time they go where I go.

The only chore I make the kids do is to keep their room clean.

 

[2girls4me]

I try to go with the flow. My girls are both very independent and I let them do whatever they want to do.

Yes, i draw the line at cookies for breakfast or ice cream for lunch. But they dress themselves and so long as its weather appropriate and clean, I don't care.

We do have a bedtime, though. It works for us. My oldest stayed at my sisters once, and went to bed when the boys did. I would never dream of telling her she had to go to bed before that. And my youngest still naps, so she has a nap time. If she misses it,,it's not the end of the world, but she's much happier if she does get a nap.

 

[ceemys]

My mother thinks I am too strict with my kids. I expect good grades, their rooms straightened, cleaned at least once a week, I will meet all of their friends on whom they hang out with, I will meet the parents if they go to their houses, chores, bed times, homework, and helping around the house. I will not hesitate to take away privileges if the rules are not followed. I just turned off my daughters data plan on her phone and took away her ipad for bringing home D's and F's once again. She was warned so she was not surprised....mad yes, but not surprised. I expect my rules to be followed and there are consequences if they are broken. My kids are given warnings then what the fall out will be if that 'something' happens again.

ETA---my kids do lots of things. Go to friends houses, stay up late on Friday, movies, bowling, etc.

 

[Bob NC]

I was probably pretty strict until the kids 'earned' the right for me to not be strict.

After they learned right from wrong and how to act and do things the right way the strictness fell away.

My kids are trustworthy and they can pretty much do as they please because I know they will do the right thing.

If there are kids that can't be expected to do the right thing, then the strictness probably doesn't loosen up as much.

All kids are different.

 

[mjkacmom]

OMG- at our girl scout meetings parents were encouraged to leave- was much easier having a meeting without mommy hanging about. We had meeting in the evening in a school and the kids used the budy system to use the bathroom there but that is MUCH different than a house ROFLMAO-talk about over the top!

My girls did scouting for a bit, so color me surprised when I found out I had to STAY for cub scouts! Needless to say, that didn't last long!

 

[mjkacmom]

My children's generation is growing up to be the lost generation. There are very few parents who have it all together and are completely engaged in family life. In the end I want to look back and say a job well done.

Disagree - today's children are the over-parented generation! They lack the independence and freedom we enjoyed. Heck, parents are sleeping on their children's doom floors! I think it's going to be a real problem. For example, my town is small. Everyone can walk to their elementary school in under 10 minutes, and under 20 to the HS. Yes, the traffic around town is insane because parents are driving their kids!

 

[shoney]

My girls did scouting for a bit, so color me surprised when I found out I had to STAY for cub scouts! Needless to say, that didn't last long!

My older son did cub scouts for 2 years. The first year, Tiger Scouts, the parents are required to stay. Parents did not stay after that, for regular meetings.

The parents did stay for the monthly pack meetings, though.

 

[Bob NC]

Disagree - today's children are the over-parented generation! They lack the independence and freedom we enjoyed. Heck, parents are sleeping on their children's doom floors! I think it's going to be a real problem.

 

[cheer25mom]

My parents were super strict. I got to do very little without their direct supervision. It was the main reason I did not stay home for college. I NEEDED to learn how to cope on my own. Had I not gotten a full scholarship, I wouldn't have been allowed to go.

With DD who is 9, I cut the strings a bit. I drop her off at dance and cheer and go run errands, which my mom refused to do. She takes the dance and cheer classes she chooses and will do so unless it adversely effects her grades. I was never allowed more that 2 classes because it was "too much for me." I was a straight A student who did pull out TAG classes once a week. It was not too much. I let her play in the yard without me(I couldn't go outside without mom until middle school). She could go down the street if she wanted, but there are no kids on our street. She does her own homework and I don't check behind her. Mom checked mine until high school. She has a set bedtime, but just because she is so scheduled otherwise. We don't really limit tv or video game time because it has never been a problem. We allow some pg-13, but more on the action-adventure side. I am ok with killing aliens, but not "adult humor".

 

[cheer25mom]

It is sad to hear that so many parents today have given up on their children. Kids being left alone at younger and younger ages,being able to do what they think os best b/c parents are not around. My children's generation is growing up to be the lost generation. There are very few parents who have it all together and are completely engaged in family life. In the end I want to look back and say a job well done.

I think that a lot of helicpoter parenting comes from guilt over what you are talking about. There seem to be more and more parents trying to control every aspect of thier kids lives, but fewer and fewer actually spending quality family time with them. They are at birthday parties, soccer, dance, school trips, kindergym, art classes, dance class, piano, ect and right on top of their kids that whole time, but never just play with them, read to them, have dinner around a family table.

 

[MouseketeerMMC]

I think your child is easily at the stage to be able to go on trips and other things. I do think you are overly protective on what she can do. I do not think you are a bad parent or even a mean parent but one who is just protective which is great, but you need to ease up, in fact you sound like a very caring, lovely, and great parent who just wants the best for your children. In a couple years she will be at the stage where she will not want to be around you and you are going to have some big issues and fights around these situtations.