How Should Small Dudes Respond to Bullies?

[luvsJack]

We were just chit chatting. We talk. We're almost like a family that way. You should hear my younger son go on and on about his school day. I can't believe other parents don't talk to their kids or that people would find it "strange" to do so. No wonder so many kids are cutting themselves and in rehab.

I don't think anyone was saying its "strange" to talk to your child at all. I have always talked to my kids every day. And they have always talked to me about everything. But, this wouldn't have been something they would have brought up because it wouldn't have been noteworthy.

 

[Alesia]

We were just chit chatting. We talk. We're almost like a family that way. You should hear my younger son go on and on about his school day. I can't believe other parents don't talk to their kids or that people would find it "strange" to do so. No wonder so many kids are cutting themselves and in rehab.

I think what people find strange is that there seems to be an overreaction on your part and people are assuming that your son overreacted. Your original post sort of implied that he was fairly upset over it. All of us talk to our kids, but very few of us would have been upset enough to post on a message board asking for advice on how to deal with it. You did, and that doesn't make you a better (or worse) parent than the rest of us.

The idea that the rest of us have children with major emotional problems is offensive. I would think that someone who is so sensitive to what others say would put a little more thought into her own words.

 

[crashbb]

i think it is a form of bullying. This doesn't sound like it would be an isolated incident. It will probably happen again. So when I was a kid, my mom always told me to ignore them, they will stop eventually.

No, Mom, they won't.

Tell him to think of some witty responses to come back with next time. If he calls him a name, say that "Well I may be a ***, but at least my soccer team is actually good. Maybe if you had some ***es like me on your team, you would not suck."

At least that's what I would do

There would have to be a FIRST time, in order for there to be a NEXT time.

There was no comment made to the OP's son - he over heard a comment made to someone else.

As far as I know, the OP's son is also not on the soccer team.

 

[Plannin'Shannon]

No wonder so many kids are cutting themselves and in rehab.

Lovely. What a thing to say.

 

[Metsfan520]

We were just chit chatting. We talk. We're almost like a family that way. You should hear my younger son go on and on about his school day. I can't believe other parents don't talk to their kids or that people would find it "strange" to do so. No wonder so many kids are cutting themselves and in rehab.

That's a really big leap you're taking there.

 

[Disneygirl3715]

probably none of my business but do the teachers know about it?

 

[akhenaten]

The idea that the rest of us have children with major emotional problems is offensive.

It is offensive .... and I always feel that someone who makes a comment like that may find themselves in a shocking position one day.. when they find out that just talking to your child does not mean that they are immune from the issues she mentioned... it doesn't hurt but it is not guarantee...

 

[Magpie]

My kids and I have always communicated well. They talk to me about anything and everything, BUT they don't "tattle" on their classmates.

This kind of incident would not be something they would bat an eye at. Either DS would have just accepted it as a part of the day. DD would be more likely to defend the smaller guy but she just tells the bigger guy to "quit acting like a child" and goes on--again not something particularly worth reporting back to me.

My kids talk to me about their classmates and the things they observe during the day. When my daughter comes home and comments that an older guy was storming around the lunchroom knocking over chairs, I don't consider it "tattling". I acknowledge that it scared her and I ask her what she did to stay out of his way, since he was clearly out of control. I advise her to remember his face, because it's one she'll want to avoid in the future.

I don't want my kids to ever be afraid to tell me something about another person, because they think it's "tattling".

The OP's son is probably a little concerned that he might be the next one in line to be called an ugly name, and he's wondering how he should react. Seems like a decent question to ask.

(This post is in NO way intended to defend the OP's "cutting" comment, which was unnecessary.)

 

[luvsJack]

My kids talk to me about their classmates and the things they observe during the day. When my daughter comes home and comments that an older guy was storming around the lunchroom knocking over chairs, I don't consider it "tattling". I acknowledge that it scared her and I ask her what she did to stay out of his way, since he was clearly out of control. I advise her to remember his face, because it's one she'll want to avoid in the future.

I don't want my kids to ever be afraid to tell me something about another person, because they think it's "tattling".

The OP's son is probably a little concerned that he might be the next one in line to be called an ugly name, and he's wondering how he should react. Seems like a decent question to ask.

No one ever told them they shouldn't tell me such things and they are a long, long way from being afraid of telling me or anyone else.

Like I said, it wouldn't have been something they would have noticed as worth telling. Somebody throwing stuff around the cafeteria, sure. Someone muttering a name in the hallway? No.

DD had a similar incident where two bigger guys decided it would be funny to put little pieces of paper in the hair of the little guy in front of them and laugh about it. After a few minutes of this, she reached up brushed the paper out of the guy's hair and told the other two to "stop acting like preschoolers". Now the two bigger guys think she is just the greatest girl in the class and follow her around like two lost puppies . But, she would have never been afraid to tell me something like that (the kid with paper in his hair -his mom actually told me), its just not something she sees as a big part of her day.

 

[jrmasm]

We were just chit chatting. We talk. We're almost like a family that way. You should hear my younger son go on and on about his school day. I can't believe other parents don't talk to their kids or that people would find it "strange" to do so. No wonder so many kids are cutting themselves and in rehab.

Don't assume for one second that parents don't talk to their kids just because something you think is a big deal wouldn't even be a blip on someone else's radar.

 

[wtccheermom]

I think what people find strange is that there seems to be an overreaction on your part and people are assuming that your son overreacted. Your original post sort of implied that he was fairly upset over it. All of us talk to our kids, but very few of us would have been upset enough to post on a message board asking for advice on how to deal with it. You did, and that doesn't make you a better (or worse) parent than the rest of us.

The idea that the rest of us have children with major emotional problems is offensive. I would think that someone who is so sensitive to what others say would put a little more thought into her own words.

You would think! I find this thread to be very hypocritical on the OP's part especially when in her initial post she is mad about name calling but says this

Ironically, their football team will probably stink and their soccer team will do at least ok, and the soccer kids are in great shape, while half the football kids are grossly overweight.

It seems to me that she is just looking for a little bit of drama.

 

[ccgirl]

Well, that is a fantastic way to escalate a situation, but I think the OP would prefer that her son do the opposite.

Exactly what I was thinking. I teach my kids to try to either walk away or diffuse the situation not add fuel to the fire or stoop down to their level. Saying things like that make you no better than the other person.

We were just chit chatting. We talk. We're almost like a family that way. You should hear my younger son go on and on about his school day. I can't believe other parents don't talk to their kids or that people would find it "strange" to do so. No wonder so many kids are cutting themselves and in rehab.

How in the world did you come to that conclusion? Often that kind of thing comes from too much pressure, not because they don't talk to mommy and daddy. It could even be mommy and daddy putting too much pressure on the child to excel.

I have to say I noticed earlier you mentioned your son came from a religious school. I can't speak for others but I can say my DH was shocked when he made a surprise visit to my DD's school (parochial). When they change between classes they fold their hands and don't mutter a word. Sadly, in reality, that is not reality. While I do approve of that, I try to enroll her in town activities as well so she can learn to deal with all different situations. It is likely your DS has not experienced this kind of thing before. I can assure you it will not be his last. Good luck.

 

[KatieCollette]

Well, that is a fantastic way to escalate a situation, but I think the OP would prefer that her son do the opposite.

Well, you can't just sit there and take whatever they say to you. Then the kid would be labeled a weakling, and it could get even worse. At least this way you are not breaking any school rules but getting physical, and showing that he won't stand for being called names/being made fun of.

 

[Magpie]

DD had a similar incident where two bigger guys decided it would be funny to put little pieces of paper in the hair of the little guy in front of them and laugh about it. After a few minutes of this, she reached up brushed the paper out of the guy's hair and told the other two to "stop acting like preschoolers". Now the two bigger guys think she is just the greatest girl in the class and follow her around like two lost puppies . But, she would have never been afraid to tell me something like that (the kid with paper in his hair -his mom actually told me), its just not something she sees as a big part of her day.

You know, of course, they already thought she was awesome. Boys always act like goofs around girls they like.

I guess the difference is that my daughter tells me about more than just the big parts of her day. She talks nonstop, except when she's reading - I think she likes to think out loud.

 

[luvsJack]

You know, of course, they already thought she was awesome. Boys always act like goofs around girls they like.

I guess the difference is that my daughter tells me about more than just the big parts of her day. She talks nonstop, except when she's reading - I think she likes to think out loud.

the bolded is dd exactly! Sometimes I say "hush a minute" just to hear a few moments of silence. And then I get a "well thanks mom!"

but its fun to listen to her. Today she has an ortho appt so I will pick her up at school and it will be non-stop until we get to the office.

 

[ccgirl]

Well, you can't just sit there and take whatever they say to you. Then the kid would be labeled a weakling, and it could get even worse. At least this way you are not breaking any school rules but getting physical, and showing that he won't stand for being called names/being made fun of.

You absolutely can sit there if they call you a name once. Would you rather incite the person calling the names to the point of hitting you or you could also anger them even more to where they call you names even more. By just sitting there or walking away you are also teaching them what they say to you is not bothering you and a lot of times that will get people to stop as well. Sorry, but when you stoop to name calling you (a general you) is no better than the person that initiated the name calling.

 

[mdsoccermom]

We were just chit chatting. We talk. We're almost like a family that way. You should hear my younger son go on and on about his school day. I can't believe other parents don't talk to their kids or that people would find it "strange" to do so. No wonder so many kids are cutting themselves and in rehab.

So, not telling a parent about one kid callling another kid a name is equal to not talking? My kids talk to me just fine. They tell me some very interesting things. Something as mundane as this wouldn't even be a blip on the coversational radar.

Yes, not tattling about name calling is going to lead straight to cutting.

 

[hambirg]

My son just started high school with a new group of kids and saw his first bullying yesterday. A big kid from the football team walked by a kid from the soccer team and called him a name-- ***. The soccer kid is short and really quiet, and both kids are seniors. My son's small too, and I wasn't really sure how I should tell him to handle a situation like that in the future.

Ironically, their football team will probably stink and their soccer team will do at least ok, and the soccer kids are in great shape, while half the football kids are grossly overweight.

Have you ever been to a football practice?

I would tell my son to ask the "victim" :heavysarcasm: what that was all about. . .and then to MHOB.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I think some clarification is needed here.

I don't think many people have any issue at all with a lot of great communication between a teen and their parents!!!!

But, somebody called somebody else a name... ain't it.
That really does sound a bit Kindergarden.

OP, your child will find drama and bullying and 'a fight' if he wants to look for it.

Sometimes the best lesson there is of all is how to just

 

[sparklynails23]

Let me clarify again, my son wasn't tattling and asking what to do, he just said, "School was ok, today. I was late for my first class. My friend changed his schedule. I saw this football player call a soccer player a name in the hall, blah, blah, blah." I was just wondering what people thought he or someone like him should do if it happened to him. It was a nice afterschool conversation. Other people don't talk to their kids? Try it, sometime.

@Disneygirl: I don't know if the teachers know about it. I don't know the teachers, yet.

Oh and the one kid called the other kid a three letter word rhyming with bag, not rhyming with class.