How Should Small Dudes Respond to Bullies?

[ols386]

No.
A person is bullied when he or she is exposed, repeatedly and over time, to negative actions on the part of one or more other persons, and he or she has difficulty defending himself or herself.



Really? You never called anyone a name in school? I know sometimes out of frustration, hurt, anger, I did and I wasn't looking to start trouble.

No I didn't. But I was quiet and shy.

Like I said, I think it can also depend on the tone.

 

[wtccheermom]

Let me give more information. Other parents have told me it's pretty standard at that school that the kids who play some sports make fun of the kids who play other sports. IMO, the administration doesn't make the situation any better by treating the football players like stars- they're bussed over to the elementary school to sign autographs, etc. My son knows the soccer kid and says he's just really, really quiet, but there could be a history between the two. DS just took it as a football player picking on a soccer kid because of the sport difference.

I guess it depends on the situation, and I hope it doesn't happen. It hasn't happened yet, and he's met so many nice kids at school. We'll see. I did tell him to make sure he's nice to the soccer kid and to try to get him to talk, but they're 3 grades apart, so that might or might not happen.

It sounds like the issue is not just a kid calling another kid a name but maybe some people being jealous or having issues with a high school football. I mean you the adult in your first post did a good bit of “name calling” when you referred to their lack of ability and their physical appearance so how is that any different than what the football player did to the soccer kid.

 

[sparklynails23]

It sounds like the issue is not just a kid calling another kid a name but maybe some people being jealous or having issues with a high school football. I mean you the adult in your first post did a good bit of “name calling” when you referred to their lack of ability and their physical appearance so how is that any different than what the football player did to the soccer kid.

I didn't say it to anybody walking down the hall at school who was half my size. It kind of makes me mad that the bullying between teams is allowed to continue by the school. It's probably the insecure kids who need to think their sport is more important or cooler than someone else's

I like football. Just because their record isn't always good and they're big, that doesn't mean they aren't good kids. The soccer players are usually the kickers, anyway, so I don't get why there's a rivalry at all. All high school sports should be treated equally.

ETA: Yeah, I guess my comment about the football players' weight was harsh. I don't know how some of those kids can even get up on the line, but it's nice they're on a team. My neighbor is the football coach. His wife cringes at their record.

 

[KatieCollette]

i think it is a form of bullying. This doesn't sound like it would be an isolated incident. It will probably happen again. So when I was a kid, my mom always told me to ignore them, they will stop eventually.

No, Mom, they won't.

Tell him to think of some witty responses to come back with next time. If he calls him a name, say that "Well I may be a ***, but at least my soccer team is actually good. Maybe if you had some ***es like me on your team, you would not suck."

At least that's what I would do

 

[jrmasm]

I didn't say it to anybody walking down the hall at school who was half my size. It kind of makes me mad that the bullying between teams is allowed to continue by the school. It's probably the insecure kids who need to think their sport is more important or cooler than someone else's

I like football. Just because their record isn't good and they're bigger than most soccer players, that doesn't mean they aren't good kids. The soccer players are usually the kickers, anyway, so I don't get why there's a rivalry at all. All high school sports should be treated equally.

That what it is a rivalry, not bullying.

 

[wtccheermom]

I didn't say it to anybody walking down the hall at school who was half my size. It kind of makes me mad that the bullying between teams is allowed to continue by the school. It's probably the insecure kids who need to think their sport is more important or cooler than someone else's

I like football. Just because their record isn't good and they're bigger than most soccer players, that doesn't mean they aren't good kids. The soccer players are usually the kickers, anyway, so I don't get why there's a rivalry at all. All high school sports should be treated equally.

SO if you say something behind someone’s back then it is OK!! I don't know about you but I would rather them tell me to my face. Also maybe the rivalry exist because parents like you make those exact comments in front of their children.
and you are right all high school sports should be treated equally including cheerleading!

 

[mdsoccermom]

That what it is a rivalry, not bullying.

And really, aren't all sports teams in high school in some rivalry?

 

[luvsJack]

I didn't say it to anybody walking down the hall at school who was half my size. It kind of makes me mad that the bullying between teams is allowed to continue by the school. It's probably the insecure kids who need to think their sport is more important or cooler than someone else's

I like football. Just because their record isn't always good and they're big, that doesn't mean they aren't good kids. The soccer players are usually the kickers, anyway, so I don't get why there's a rivalry at all. All high school sports should be treated equally.

ETA: Yeah, I guess my comment about the football players' weight was harsh. I don't know how some of those kids can even get up on the line, but it's nice they're on a team. My neighbor is the football coach. His wife cringes at their record.

I don't know where you are from, but around here its just widely accepted that the sports teams will never, ever, ever be treated the same. Football and baseball are the be all and end all of the athletes of any high school around here. doesn't make it ok for football players to mistreat other athletes by any means, but it is fact.

 

[cabanafrau]

Maybe the bigger kid is really a jerk. Or maybe there's a friendly rivalry between them and he was joking around.

I kind of don't understand why a high school student would even think of going home and telling his mother that he heard someone call someone else a name.

I agree, I can't see a high schooler going home & telling his mom about this, especially in the sense of needing help to deal w/ the situation in the future?

OP, your comments about the football players are very telling to me. To be honest, it sounds like you are bitter & have an attitude. Not my business & no need to tell me how wrong I am. Just saying, if it's at all true, you need to keep that way under wraps w/ your son. That's your baggage, not his, don't burden him w/ it.

 

[wtccheermom]

I agree, I can't see a high schooler going home & telling his mom about this, especially in the sense of needing help to deal w/ the situation in the future?

OP, your comments about the football players are very telling to me. To be honest, it sounds like you are bitter & have an attitude. Not my business & no need to tell me how wrong I am. Just saying, if it's at all true, you need to keep that way under wraps w/ your son. That's your baggage, not his, don't burden him w/ it.

 

[NotUrsula]

First off, the answer to the "what should you do" question is ALWAYS, "nothing that will cause you to run afoul of school rules". In today's zero-tolerance world it doesn't matter how justified you are; if you get caught engaging you get burned by the authorities, so it is usually best if possible not to engage at all if the incident is on-campus.

I would personally put that sort of sports-related name calling in the "trash talk" category. If an athlete cannot learn to ignore trash talk he's doomed.

As to why members of one team at the same school would bully a member of another team, it's a matter of prestige. I've been told times past counting by men that I trust that school pecking order among adolescent males usually revolves around athletic ability, and the most respected skills are normally those that involve the "money sports" -- the ones that draw the most paying spectators. In most communities in the US, those are going to be football or basketball at the HS level. If you've got a situation where the football team is low-ranked and ineffectual, it seems obvious to me that football players are likely to be very touchy about their reputation as tough guys, and feel the need to demonstrate it by trying to intimidate athletes in other sports.

 

[Magpie]

I agree, I can't see a high schooler going home & telling his mom about this, especially in the sense of needing help to deal w/ the situation in the future?

Different families work in different ways. Shocking as it may sound, some teens actually like to have conversations with their parents. Some like to tell their parents about their day. And some even respect their parent's opinions and experience. Sometimes this kind of friendly, open relationship even lasts right into adulthood.

"Going home and telling mom" isn't a sign of weakness in every family. The only problem with it, is when mom regularly feels she needs to do more than just provide a wise word and a friendly ear. Since the OP doesn't seem to be planning to march over to the school and confront the (possible) bully herself, there's nothing wrong with her son communicating openly with her.

(Now should she be putting down the footballers? Probably not.)

 

[mlenz]

I don't know if this is bullying really, but I would probably tell my son, to just be nice to the soccer player especially if it is known that this kid gets picked on lots or doesn't have many friends honestly not much you can do about one bad remark and if that is all he ever heard or saw what else can he do?!

 

[jrmasm]

And really, aren't all sports teams in high school in some rivalry?

Yeah, since the beginning of time.

 

[sparklynails23]

As to why members of one team at the same school would bully a member of another team, it's a matter of prestige. I've been told times past counting by men that I trust that school pecking order among adolescent males usually revolves around athletic ability, and the most respected skills are normally those that involve the "money sports" -- the ones that draw the most paying spectators. In most communities in the US, those are going to be football or basketball at the HS level. If you've got a situation where the football team is low-ranked and ineffectual, it seems obvious to me that football players are likely to be very touchy about their reputation as tough guys, and feel the need to demonstrate it by trying to intimidate athletes in other sports.

Maybe. The football team is still big, but some of the soccer players are very athletic. I can see where the growing of one team would detract from the other. Hopefully, most of the kids get along.

 

[Alesia]

Tell him to think of some witty responses to come back with next time. If he calls him a name, say that "Well I may be a ***, but at least my soccer team is actually good. Maybe if you had some ***es like me on your team, you would not suck."

At least that's what I would do

Well, that is a fantastic way to escalate a situation, but I think the OP would prefer that her son do the opposite.

 

[luvsJack]

Different families work in different ways. Shocking as it may sound, some teens actually like to have conversations with their parents. Some like to tell their parents about their day. And some even respect their parent's opinions and experience. Sometimes this kind of friendly, open relationship even lasts right into adulthood.

"Going home and telling mom" isn't a sign of weakness in every family. The only problem with it, is when mom regularly feels she needs to do more than just provide a wise word and a friendly ear. Since the OP doesn't seem to be planning to march over to the school and confront the (possible) bully herself, there's nothing wrong with her son communicating openly with her.

(Now should she be putting down the footballers? Probably not.)

My kids and I have always communicated well. They talk to me about anything and everything, BUT they don't "tattle" on their classmates.

This kind of incident would not be something they would bat an eye at. Either DS would have just accepted it as a part of the day. DD would be more likely to defend the smaller guy but she just tells the bigger guy to "quit acting like a child" and goes on--again not something particularly worth reporting back to me.

 

[sparklynails23]

I agree, I can't see a high schooler going home & telling his mom about this, especially in the sense of needing help to deal w/ the situation in the future?

We were just chit chatting. We talk. We're almost like a family that way. You should hear my younger son go on and on about his school day. I can't believe other parents don't talk to their kids or that people would find it "strange" to do so. No wonder so many kids are cutting themselves and in rehab.

 

[Alesia]

I would personally put that sort of sports-related name calling in the "trash talk" category. If an athlete cannot learn to ignore trash talk he's doomed.

As to why members of one team at the same school would bully a member of another team, it's a matter of prestige. I've been told times past counting by men that I trust that school pecking order among adolescent males usually revolves around athletic ability, and the most respected skills are normally those that involve the "money sports" -- the ones that draw the most paying spectators. In most communities in the US, those are going to be football or basketball at the HS level. If you've got a situation where the football team is low-ranked and ineffectual, it seems obvious to me that football players are likely to be very touchy about their reputation as tough guys, and feel the need to demonstrate it by trying to intimidate athletes in other sports.

I agree, but it isn't limited just to sports.

I think it's difficult for women to understand that men and boys are different than women and girls. They just deal with each other differently. And the hardest thing for us to accept is that their way isn't necessarily wrong.

 

[Magic Mom]

Maybe the soccer player called the football player fatso or someother name about his weight earlier in the day. Doesn't really sound like bullying to me.