How Should Small Dudes Respond to Bullies?

[sparklynails23]

My son just started high school with a new group of kids and saw his first bullying yesterday. A big kid from the football team walked by a kid from the soccer team and called him a name-- ***. The soccer kid is short and really quiet, and both kids are seniors. My son's small too, and I wasn't really sure how I should tell him to handle a situation like that in the future.

Ironically, their football team will probably stink and their soccer team will do at least ok, and the soccer kids are in great shape, while half the football kids are grossly overweight.

 

[Magpie]

Too many variables here! Your son is going to have to judge the situation for himself, at the precise moment it happens.

Sometimes the correct response is to ignore the bully. He might go away. But sometimes ignoring the bully can make you look weak and just encourages the bully to try harder to get a reaction out of you.

Sometimes the correct response it to make a cutting comment back at the bully. He might realize you're going to stand up for yourself, and move on to a weaker target. But sometimes this just engages the bully and sends him into a blind rage, and you end up getting hurt.

Sometimes the correct response is to tell a teacher. The voice of authority might be all it takes to get the bully to back off. But sometimes this results in you being labeled a "tattletale" and now the bully and all his friends are out to punish you. And sometimes teachers themselves become bullies, blaming you for making a big deal out of nothing.

Bursting into tears, or in any way dramatically over-reacting, never works, but I'm sure your son already knows this.

Your son has to figure out the right response himself, by watching other interactions and seeing what works and what doesn't, and what the correct response is to this particular bully. It's not the same answer all the time. It'll vary, even based on who the bully has with him, or where and when he's doing the bullying.

It's not about physical size. Small kids can be bullies. Big kids can be victims. Your son's best defense against becoming a victim is to have a network of reliable friends and stick close to them. Confidence is his best shield. He needs to keep his head up, his shoulders back, and make eye contact. Believe in yourself, and other kids will believe in you.

Good luck to your son! (And please remind him not to avoid the bullied kid - if he can learn to stand up for victims, that will make him even less likely to be a victim himself.)

 

[jrmasm]

What you described is not bullying. Not even close.

I would advise my son to ignore.

 

[golfgal]

Maybe the kids don't get along for some reason, that doesn't mean it is bullying. Maybe the short kid called the big kid a name yesterday?? Maybe the big kid and the little kid are best buddies and they joke around like that??

 

[Hannathy]

What you described is not bullying. Not even close.

I would advise my son to ignore.

Agree and get used to High School.

 

[luvsJack]

I am confused as to why your son would need to do or handle anything? Is he friends with the soccer player? Were they walking together?

If the answer to those questions is no, then until he sees something that is real bullying or a real conflict, he needs to MYOB.

This may just be the way the two boys interact (boys interact in very odd ways).

IF it turns out that the football player is a real and actual bully to smaller kids, then and only then would there need to be a reaction.

As for the overweight comment, a lot of football players are encouraged to put on weight. Depending on their position. QB, not so much. The guy protecting the QB? Needs to be big.

 

[okeydokey]

If some guy walks by him and calls a name and keeps walking, in my eyes there is no real conflict. Your son (or the other kid) should know that guy is a jerk and not think twice about it.

 

[ccgirl]

My son just started high school with a new group of kids and saw his first bullying yesterday. A big kid from the football team walked by a kid from the soccer team and called him a name-- ***. The soccer kid is short and really quiet, and both kids are seniors. My son's small too, and I wasn't really sure how I should tell him to handle a situation like that in the future.

Ironically, their football team will probably stink and their soccer team will do at least ok, and the soccer kids are in great shape, while half the football kids are grossly overweight.

Sorry, doesn't sound like bullying. Just calling someone a name is not bullying. I would advise you to tell your son to take the high road and walk away. My children know to walk away if called a name, to NEVER throw the first punch but to defend themselves if needed. Kids call each other names. This is nothing new.

 

[mdsoccermom]

I don't see the conflict here. A kid walked by, called another kid a name, and kept walking? That wasn't bullying. Not even close. Yet, another way that word is grossly misused.

Does you son know if this boy was even bothered? Maybe, as others have said, the football player and soccer player were joking around. Maybe the kid didn't even hear. Maybe the kid handled it just the way it should have been handled and ignored it.

Not sure why your son needs to be involved.

 

[Metsfan520]

I agree with many others--this does not sound like bullying to me. Even if the 2 of them hated each other, the one called the other a name & walked away. Not bullying.

 

[SaraJayne]

That isn't bullying.

 

[Wishing on a star]

That's not bullying...

IMHO, the correct response is to just at the big jerk, and

I also find the comments about which sports team may do better, who which sports team my have overweight members to be very questionable.
Like an immature way drawing lines and comparisons and 'lookin' for a fight'.
Sounds like reducing one's self down to the big jerks level...

 

[Alesia]

That isn't bullying. At worst, the kid was acting like a jerk.

If your son was really all that bothered by the incident, then my advice would be that he needs to develop a thicker skin. I know it sounds like I'm being a smart ***, but I'm not. He will have to deal with jerks the rest of his life and the best way to do that is to learn to ignore it.

 

[wtccheermom]

My son just started high school with a new group of kids and saw his first bullying yesterday. A big kid from the football team walked by a kid from the soccer team and called him a name-- ***. The soccer kid is short and really quiet, and both kids are seniors. My son's small too, and I wasn't really sure how I should tell him to handle a situation like that in the future.

Ironically, their football team will probably stink and their soccer team will do at least ok, and the soccer kids are in great shape, while half the football kids are grossly overweight.

Really!!

 

[ols386]

I don't know if that kid was bullying or not, but when you walk by someone and call them a foul name, I would think that indicates that you would like to start trouble with the person you are calling a name, and even that probably depends on the tone in which the comment was made.

I don't even understand why the bigger kid would call the other kid a name to begin with, unless there is some kind of history between them.

Most of the time, the best way to handle someone who is trying to start trouble, is to ignore them, unless they resort to some kind of physical violence, and that's a different matter.

 

[mdsoccermom]

I don't know if that kid was bullying or not, but when you walk by someone and call them a foul name, I would think that indicates that you would like to start trouble with the person you are calling a name.

I don't even understand why the bigger kid would call the other kid a name to begin with, unless there is some kind of history between them.

Most of the time, the best way to handle someone who is trying to start trouble, is to ignore them, unless they resort to some kind of physical violence, and that's a different matter.

Maybe the bigger kid is really a jerk. Or maybe there's a friendly rivalry between them and he was joking around.

I kind of don't understand why a high school student would even think of going home and telling his mother that he heard someone call someone else a name.

 

[ols386]

Maybe the bigger kid is really a jerk. Or maybe there's a friendly rivalry between them and he was joking around.

I kind of don't understand why a high school student would even think of going home and telling his mother that he heard someone call someone else a name.

True. I edited my post while you were quoting me, sorry about that.

It does probably depends on the tone.

I don't think it's odd that the kid told his mom about it. My kids might have told me something like that when they were in h.s. I think things like that depend on the communication level between a kid and their parents. Some communicate a lot more than others.

 

[sparklynails23]

Let me give more information. Other parents have told me it's pretty standard at that school that the kids who play some sports make fun of the kids who play other sports. IMO, the administration doesn't make the situation any better by treating the football players like stars- they're bussed over to the elementary school to sign autographs, etc. My son knows the soccer kid and says he's just really, really quiet, but there could be a history between the two. DS just took it as a football player picking on a soccer kid because of the sport difference.

I guess it depends on the situation, and I hope it doesn't happen. It hasn't happened yet, and he's met so many nice kids at school. We'll see. I did tell him to make sure he's nice to the soccer kid and to try to get him to talk, but they're 3 grades apart, so that might or might not happen.

 

[sparklynails23]

I kind of don't understand why a high school student would even think of going home and telling his mother that he heard someone call someone else a name.

He came from a religious school. Maybe they didn't do that there as often. We talk about everything, though, and so do DS's friends with their parents. It's kind of nice.

 

[ccgirl]

That isn't bullying.

No.
A person is bullied when he or she is exposed, repeatedly and over time, to negative actions on the part of one or more other persons, and he or she has difficulty defending himself or herself.

I don't know if that kid was bullying or not, but when you walk by someone and call them a foul name, I would think that indicates that you would like to start trouble with the person you are calling a name, and even that probably depends on the tone in which the comment was made.

I don't even understand why the bigger kid would call the other kid a name to begin with, unless there is some kind of history between them.

Most of the time, the best way to handle someone who is trying to start trouble, is to ignore them, unless they resort to some kind of physical violence, and that's a different matter.

Really? You never called anyone a name in school? I know sometimes out of frustration, hurt, anger, I did and I wasn't looking to start trouble.