How much $$ would you give as wedding gift?

[mjkacmom]

Yep, $500 is a little more than half my monthly mortgage payment. That's why... just do what you can, wherever you are.

But that’s my point, $500 where you live is not the the same as $500 where I live, where $400,000 buys a starter home with a $10,000+ a year property tax bill. $500 is about half of one month’s rent in a one bedroom apartment. It’s all relative.

 

[Nancyg56]

Well, if you are going to deduct the cost of the shower and engagement gift, you should account for how much the shower and engagement party cost the couple.

I add on to my gift if there is no shower. I do not detract.

In my case we would give $500 for a wedding gift.

 

[soccerdad72]

These threads make me feel like a cheapskate. I would never even think to give $500 as a wedding (or any other) gift. If I was to give cash it would like be $100 but I would be more likely to find a nice something to give as a gift vs giving cash.

$100 for yourself x 5 people in the family = $500

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Well, if you are going to deduct the cost of the shower and engagement gift, you should account for how much the shower and engagement party cost the couple.

Nope

 

[skyblue17]

I'm currently trying to figure this out, as I have two weddings in the next two weeks. The first is a bit of a "destination" wedding for me, as I have to travel and spend two nights in a hotel. I am the only one of my friend group attending, so it's already a pretty pricey weekend for me. I'm mostly trying to figure out how much attending a wedding because you're invited and would like to be there for is supposed to cost the guest. Obviously, I will be giving the couple a gift but I still haven't settled on the amount and I'm kind of annoyed at myself for balancing it with how much I've already spent.

 

[luvsJack]

$100 for yourself x 5 people in the family = $500

I don't think she meant $100 per person.

 

[soccerdad72]

I don't think she meant $100 per person.

I know - I was just pointing out the difference in her situation and the OP's

 

[luvsJack]

I know - I was just pointing out the difference in her situation and the OP's

OOOOHHHH. ok, gotcha!

 

[luvsJack]

But that’s my point, $500 where you live is not the the same as $500 where I live, where $400,000 buys a starter home with a $10,000+ a year property tax bill. $500 is about half of one month’s rent in a one bedroom apartment. It’s all relative.

so appropriate wedding gifts are determined by how much houses cost? I am confused.

Housing here is much less than where you are. But incomes of most are comparable. So someone in your area may not really be able to afford a wedding gift equal to half a month's rent or 1/3 of their mortgage or whatever but they do it anyway because its "what is done". Someone in my area might could very well afford a $1000 wedding gift because their pay goes further here than it would there, but they don't want to be seen as pretentious so they go with the norm and give $100-200. IMO, its a lot more about social norms in the area than it is about what someone can or cannot afford.

 

[Bren's Mom]

I'm in the 'venue doesn't make any difference' camp. Firmly. If niece # 1 chose a casual backyard wedding, and I gave her x, and niece # 2 chose a wildly expensive wedding, I should give the second one more? Nope. Not in my book! A gift is a gift. It's predicated on my budget, and my love for the person I'm gifting. Not on their choices.

 

[mjkacmom]

so appropriate wedding gifts are determined by how much houses cost? I am confused.

Housing here is much less than where you are. But incomes of most are comparable. So someone in your area may not really be able to afford a wedding gift equal to half a month's rent or 1/3 of their mortgage or whatever but they do it anyway because its "what is done". Someone in my area might could very well afford a $1000 wedding gift because their pay goes further here than it would there, but they don't want to be seen as pretentious so they go with the norm and give $100-200. IMO, its a lot more about social norms in the area than it is about what someone can or cannot afford.

Are incomes comparable? My point is that housing is more expensive here, but so are many more things. Dd’s Soccer team is playing a high school that costs $41,000 a year. Services are more expensive, daycare more expensive, restaurants more expensive, colleges more expensive... pretty much everything. Look at COL calculators. A family of 4 earning less than $68,000 is considered low income.

 

[lauracitawita]

I have always given about $100 per person attending. We kind of follow the pay for you plate rule.

A couple of years ago, my husband, daughter and I were invited to a wedding from his home town. I was going to give $300, and my husband freaked. He said we should just buy a toaster as a gift or something. lol He told me to trust him, people don't give gifts like that where he is from. We ended up agreeing on $150.

The venue was in the basement of an old building. Low ceilings...get your own drinks from the coolers in the corner...frozen veg...you get the picture.

We were sitting there and I told my husband I wanted to go get that envelope and take a $50 out! Hahahaha.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

so appropriate wedding gifts are determined by how much houses cost? I am confused.

Housing here is much less than where you are. But incomes of most are comparable. So someone in your area may not really be able to afford a wedding gift equal to half a month's rent or 1/3 of their mortgage or whatever but they do it anyway because its "what is done". Someone in my area might could very well afford a $1000 wedding gift because their pay goes further here than it would there, but they don't want to be seen as pretentious so they go with the norm and give $100-200. IMO, its a lot more about social norms in the area than it is about what someone can or cannot afford.

The poster is well known for comparing COL in their area, particularly housing, in terms of wedding gifts. Without a doubt though their method wouldn't work in my area-way too many differences in home pricing, mortagage rates, etc. Heck my neighborhood alone has a price swing in regards to brand new homes of upper $300K-$800K though there was a home that sold for $1million and a new neighborhood going in just before the entrance to our neighborhood where the lots for the homes start in the $200Ks with the homes all being $1million+..but everyone goes to the same schools, generally same expenditures, etc.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

OP give what you think is appropriate. Relationship with the couple is fairly normal to account for.

Seems $500 is the going rate. If that works for you give that. If not give whatever you feel comfortable with giving.

 

[_19disnA]

We have NEVER been to a wedding where the bride/groom open gifts in front of all the guests (that would be really tacky). How much you give is between you and the couple getting married. You won't know what others gave anymore then they will know what you gave. Give what you can afford and move on.

Just because houses are really expensive in some parts of the country doesn't mean everyone living there is wealthy. I don't see how that has any bearing on a wedding gift. Do you know which of your neighbors have paid off their house or how much they financed or who has taken out a home equity loan?????...........ummm probably not.

 

[NYCgrrl]

I'm currently trying to figure this out, as I have two weddings in the next two weeks. The first is a bit of a "destination" wedding for me, as I have to travel and spend two nights in a hotel. I am the only one of my friend group attending, so it's already a pretty pricey weekend for me. I'm mostly trying to figure out how much attending a wedding because you're invited and would like to be there for is supposed to cost the guest. Obviously, I will be giving the couple a gift but I still haven't settled on the amount and I'm kind of annoyed at myself for balancing it with how much I've already spent.

Remember, you've a year to give a gift per etched in stone wedding etiquette. I mean you can check Emily Post if ya want.
I, too recall the days of multiple friends and family members getting married in the same season. One of the nice things about giving a gift later is there is almost always a something newly weds wanted but forgot to register for.

 

[mjkacmom]

We have NEVER been to a wedding where the bride/groom open gifts in front of all the guests (that would be really tacky). How much you give is between you and the couple getting married. You won't know what others gave anymore then they will know what you gave. Give what you can afford and move on.

Just because houses are really expensive in some parts of the country doesn't mean everyone living there is wealthy. I don't see how that has any bearing on a wedding gift. Do you know which of your neighbors have paid off their house or how much they financed or who has taken out a home equity loan?????...........ummm probably not.

You are missing my point! Because of a high COL, $500 here might not be the same as giving $200 elsewhere, because money doesn’t go as far. A $400,000 house is not a big house, the people who own it are most likely not wealthy at all.

Wedding gifts here tend to be larger for a combination of reasons, I think the #1 reason is because wedding have always been big deals, formal occasions, and folks give generous gifts. This is not a new trend, folks.

 

[skyblue17]

You are missing my point! Because of a high COL, $500 here might not be the same as giving $200 elsewhere, because money doesn’t go as far. A $400,000 house is not a big house, the people who own it are most likely not wealthy at all.

Wedding gifts here tend to be larger for a combination of reasons, I think the #1 reason is because wedding have always been big deals, formal occasions, and folks give generous gifts. This is not a new trend, folks.

I don't think it's a new trend, it's just difference in what people are able to manage, and how much should be expected. Should people who cannot afford large gifts not go to weddings, simply because they can't give what is traditionally expected? What do people do if they have multiple weddings in a short span? Yes, they are formal occasions but one would hope that they invite who they do because they want them to be there, not because they want more money from more people and if the latter is the case, is it on the guest to play along and provide it, even if it breaks their budget?

 

[NotUrsula]

You are missing my point! Because of a high COL, $500 here might not be the same as giving $200 elsewhere, because money doesn’t go as far. A $400,000 house is not a big house, the people who own it are most likely not wealthy at all.

Oh, we get the high COL adjustment. What we don't get is the perceived need to reach some kind of nebulous standard of "enough", even with COL taken into account. That's the up-side of giving objects instead of money; COL really doesn't come into it. If I want to give the bride 3 Calphalon pans because it's good to have two saucepans and a 10" skillet, I'm going to pay what that costs me to buy them and send them wherever I happen to live, and it really doesn't matter if her mortgage is higher than mine. If I find a sale, then I get a bit lucky that day, but she still gets the same 20 years of Tuesday suppers and birthday breakfasts and Christmas side-dishes, and to pass the pans to her daughter when she moves to college, because they are good pans and well-loved, if a bit dinged-up by then. If someone else gives them potholders, those will get used, too. (And the odds are good that the potholders will come from someone young, for whom nice potholders are a splurge,)

Wedding gifts here tend to be larger for a combination of reasons, I think the #1 reason is because wedding have always been big deals, formal occasions, and folks give generous gifts. This is not a new trend, folks.

With all due respect, I think they are larger EXACTLY because the tradition is to give cash, and it's much easier to get lured into a whole "how much is enough?" mentality when there is a number staring you in the face out of an envelope.
My family has worked in various capacities of the wedding industry for about a century, in different parts of the world, and I've never seen any region manage to homogenize wedding celebrations the way the Tri-State area of the US has done.
It's a big place with a LOT of people, and I very much get that, but even with a broad range of ethnic and religious traditions, y'all seem to have allowed the wedding industry to dictate to an extreme degree what you should and should not do, even when "a nice wedding" is defined in a way that is completely at odds with the financial resources that the couple actually have. In the rest of the country people throw some huge and very elaborate weddings if they want to, but they don't seem to feel as much that they HAVE to, and so there isn't the ingrained perception of the guest feeling the pain of how much that wedding must cost, and wanting to ease the burden of that expense.

 

[luvsJack]

Are incomes comparable? My point is that housing is more expensive here, but so are many more things. Dd’s Soccer team is playing a high school that costs $41,000 a year. Services are more expensive, daycare more expensive, restaurants more expensive, colleges more expensive... pretty much everything. Look at COL calculators. A family of 4 earning less than $68,000 is considered low income.

Hate to break it to you but COL doesn't necessarily mesh with income levels. Not sure exactly where you are, but I googled most of the north east and for this area of my state, income levels ae pretty equal. I just don't pay $400,000 for a 3 bedroom house.

COL really should not dictate wedding gifts. You are giving a gift, supposedly of the heart, not trying to take them on to raise.