How Much Should We Expect 19yr Old To Contribute? (a little long!!)

[dyna]

Yes DS should pay her share if she choses to go but like others has said maybe she'd rather spend her money else where.

My own family once my DD's turned 18 they was no longer even invited to go on vacations with us and their younger DS. They had their turn. Now if they was to offer to pay their share I might consider taking them along.

The are 28 and 27 now neither has the money for their share. DH is still basically supporting both of them that's his fault tho and a whole other story.

 

[nurseypoo5]

My daughter will be 22 y/o when we get there and I'm paying for it. I did tell her she had to save 500.00 for anything extra she wanted while there or our week at the gulf. I will probably tell her she needs to pay for her own meals while at the gulf, but not sure how to approach that now since i've offered the vacation.

This will probably be the last one I can do. She had a rough time of it..you know she got "lost" when she turned 20 and moved out and found a boyfriend etc...went nutso.

She has recently come home to live and started working full time to save for a car (which i did buy her one recently..im a sucker, but im selling it when she buys her new one, or she has to pay me back). She will start school again in January, which I told her I would pay for Jr college only but thats a different story.

If My DD didnt live at home, I wouldnt pay, but I want her living at home to get her head straight (which it now is) and its my offer to her. However if its a money issue then I think your parents should have told her from the get go to pitch in. I'm not sure its your place, not that I dont agree she should pitch in some, atleast her extra's and maybe her food.

 

[natanya]

Well, I haven't read the replies yet, so maybe I might be swayed...but, if your sister and brother are both living with your parents then your parents should pay for them both.

I don't feel that it is unreasonable for your sister to contribute, it's just that, it should have been addressed before the trip was booked. Asking for it after the fact could feel like a "bait and switch"... I mean if she already has her money earmarked for college.

Like the above poster I wonder if this was addressed at the start. When the trip was first planned did your parents plan the trip for all (Hey kids we're going to Disney) or did they plan it for themselves and ds14 (Hey kids your db, df and I are going to Disney) or did they plan it for those who lived at home (Hey Tinkerbell db, ds, your df & I will be going to Disney).

If the original trip was for parents and db, then whoever else wants to go should pay their own way. Likewise, if the original trip was for db, ds and parents then whoever else wants to go pays their own way. See where I am coming from?

My dd just turned 18 and starts college in the fall. We are going to WDW in July (more for my ds10) but also as one of our last "family" vacations. My dd usually pays for her own souvies, snacks, etc. But I would not want to exclude her from a "family trip", yet at least. But I have told her that in the future there may be trips that she won't be able to go on.

It all boils down to the original plan. Was she included from the start and did she know that she would be expected to pay some of the cost?

 

[Goobergal99]

It's funny because when I was only 21, I paid for my "mom" to go to Disney. Then again I am a mother myself and I was married at 22 but even considering the circumstances I don't think I would have expected my mother to fund any part of a vacation at 19.

19 y/olds are adults now matter how you wish to look at it. By DBIL is 19 and he is stationed in Falujah as we speak. Just my 2 cents

 

[pinchy]

I think she should pay 50% if she wants to go.... but it will be her cash and if she decides she'd rather spend it elsewhere that's up to her

 

[Nancyg56]

Wow, tough call here. I think that if she can contribute, she should. I also think that if she is expected to pay towards this trip, and chooses not to go, she shoud not be "guilted" into it. We are going in January. My DD and SIL will pay their share, as their circumstances allow them to do so. My DS and his wife are not in a position to pay "their share". We will not expect them to, and they will never hear one word about the expense. We want them to join us, and do not want them to feel that they need to scrimp. They are going to pay for the dining and for their park tickets, as well as the $25 per person room fee. If they could not afford this we would pay the difference. Now, my oldest DS is 30, and is well able to pay his way, but he really does not want to spend the money. Although we want him to join us, I am not willing to pay for a trip that he simply does not choose to save for because it is not a priority. I think it all boils down to what the expectation for the family is, what she can really afford vs. what family thinks she should be able to save, and allowing her to choose how to spend her money. I know that at 19, none of my kids would have joined us, even if I paid their way. Now that they are adults, it is different.

Either way, have a wonderful trip. You really deserve it!

 

[Todd&Copper]

You really should talk to your parents, and express your concerns to them, and suggest that they discuss the matter with your sister. Since they are the ones who "benefit" from your sister contributing, they should be the ones who talk to her about it.
I am fortunate enough to have parents who have saved a lot over the years, and now, at age 32, my mom invited my sister and I for avacation to WDW [Dad is not a big fan; he's a "been there, done that, have knee and back injuries and hate the FL heat so I won't do the rest" kind of guy]. Mom and Dad are paying airfare, hotel, and tickets, but sis and I are paying for food. It is the first time I will be returning to WDW sicne 1990, so I am excited. I am going to surprise Mom and sis with a dinner somewhere nice when we are on vacation, my treat, even though it is not expected. I can afford to pay my own way (both my husband and I have good jobs, so that is not an issue), but WDW would not be my first choice for a vacation (blasphemy on this board, I know).

 

[littleladykaty]

It is so hard to realize that you are no longer a child...you are in college, basically poor all the time...you would most likely never have planned a trip to Disney on your own, yet if you want to go on the family vacation you have to pay for yourself...it's like being unceremoniously shoved out of the nest. Have she ever been expected to contribute to family vacations before? This could potentially be very hurtful to her. It feels like since you are college poor you are out of the family fun...*sigh* Good lord I was SO POOR in college. Just thinking about it pains me.

If I am responding from when I was 19 in college...I get that your parents don't have the money to pay for everyone,it is what it is...my mom never had a dime while I was in school, but then she never would have planned a vacation in that I could only join if I paid my own way seeing as how I had books and sorority dues and cheerleading uniforms and everything else that made up my college life to buy. In my opinion it was unfair to plan a trip like this without telling your sister that she would have to pay for her own way, up front first thing before she got all excited about it. Why on earth would you pick something as EXPENSIVE as Disney and then hem and haw over how to get your sister to understand that she has to use her summer money that she LIVES ON for the first bit of school to pay to join the family on vacation? Not fair. You should have laid it all out to her immediately. From your post it seems like she is floating along in a naive bliss of "I'm going to Disney with my family this summer!"

My little sister is 23 and she is just barely getting that "wow, mom can't pay all my parking tickets, or pay my rent when I use my rent money to drink with friends..." At 19? Forget about it...still SUCH a child...no idea. Life as a Senior in college is vastly different from just finishing your freshman year.

I hope your family can work it out...just remember, that your little sister is still a teen and just venturing out of the family bounds. be gentle with her as you explain the realities of adulthood.

 

[wisbucky]

To many of you this may sound very harsh. When I was 18 and headed of to college, my parents were very poor. They had all they could do to make ends meet. Any vacation they took was more like a two-day trip and they stayed in the cheapest hotel they could find. As a kid I only had a total of 3 family vacations. The longest being 3 days. I had two younger brothers at home. If my parents did go anywhere they made it very clear that I was an adult and needed to pay my own way. Dad said it is part of being an adult, and I needed to separate needs over wants. If I could afford the wants then I was welcome to come along. My parents made it very clear that getting an education now would allow me to take those wanted trips in the future.

Looking back I cant imagine or even thinking of expecting my parents to pay for my part of a trip. I believe your sister needs to step back and say I need to be an adult and take the financial responsibility. It sounds like your parents are unable to say no to her and she may be using that as a tool. I really think you need to sit down with her and a have a serious discussion.

Good luck with the outcome.

 

[Hannathy]

I don't think she should have to pay at 19. If I couldn't afford for my children to go(the ones living at home ) I wouldn't go for a couple of years.

My first thought is why is it so expensive? you say her part will be 1,000, that is a lot.(6 people x 1,000) She will be in with your parents so she won't have room expenses so we are talking about her flight,food and ticket. I'm pretty sure I could get to and eat at Disney for less than 1,000 for a week. I would try to cut costs before I excluded one of my children. My parents paid my way at 19, but we drove and camped. They offered to take my sister at 25 same way but she hates driving so she paid for her flight herself and then stayed with us and my parents feed her. That was the last family vacations we took before jobs, husbands, kids changed the dynamics and I am very glad we did.

 

[Webbie]

I have read nearly this entire thread and have come to the conclusion that you are upset about paying your own way and DS and DB not contributing their fair share. You are not really upset over your parents' burden with the trip, but with the fairness among your siblings.
You said and I quote "It's not really fair to expect my sister and I to contribute and not him. I have mentioned this to him before, and, to my surprise, he actually seemed excited about the idea of receiving "Disney Money" that he could save up to use as his own."
I am not saying this to be mean, but just to point out that maybe you should just worry about paying your way and DBF's way - after all you do have a separate room, and stop worrying about what the siblings will contribute. Nothing in life will ever be all "fair" among siblings - different ones have different needs at different times. It is great that you CAN pay for your way and I am sure that your parents appreciate it, but let your parents worry about the other two. It is really not yours to be concerned with. Let it go and just worry about yourself and DBF. And concentrate on having a great trip!

Looks like Antonia and I are the only ones who see this point of view. In my humble opinion the discussion should be between the parents and daughter. Sis should keep out of it. None of her business. Tink, go and have a wonderful vacation. Don't worry about what your parents can and can not afford. Give your parents some credit after all they have experience with budgeting since they have raised a family of 3 children. They know what they can afford, if they can not afford to take the family on a vacation then they will postpone the vacation. They will deal with their daughter in the way they see fit. By having the older sister involved only contributes to some hard feelings on both sides. Does it really bother you that you are paying full price and your sister is not?

 

[DisneyMim]

WOW!! My kids are 22 and 17 and I would NEVER expect them to pay for any part of a family vacation at this time. My 22 year old is graduating from college this month and my 17 is graduating from HS next month. Any money they earn goes to college and their personal expenses, like going out with friends, etc. It's so hard today to pay for college as it is, I can't imagine asking them to pay for a vacation. I know that we are very lucky and are able to pay for our kids, but I wouldn't go to Disney if I couldn't afford to bring both of my children. I would plan something closer to home and less expensive and put some money away for a more expensive trip in the future. My daughter will start Grad school this fall, so I don't expect her to help us out at all, let alone pay for any luxuries like trips, etc. Soon enough they will be on their own, I don't want to rush it. Family vacations are very important to us and I feel that they have brought my family even closer. If we can afford it my husband and I plan to take our kids, their spouses and our grandkids on a trip every year. If Disney is out then we'll do a week-end somewhere close. I hope you can work something out. I think 19 is way too young to be worring about paying for a family trip. College is important and her money should be put there, for her future.

 

[Luv'sTink]

If parents should pay while their children are still living at home that would mean my BIL (41), his GF and his 21 year old son who all still live "at home" and always have would get their "family vacation" paid for by FIL and MIL, WOW!!!! Age doesn't make them not your child.

I think when kids become adults they need to learn responsibility or the above mentioned scenario can and sometime is the result of not having any responsibility. (yes, he has a good job. Longshoremen) Going to college doesn't make her responsible look at some spring break reports for college students.

She can help pay something. IMHO

 

[Goobergal99]

If parents should pay while their children are still living at home that would mean my BIL (41), his GF and his 21 year old son who all still live "at home" and always have would get their "family vacation" paid for by FIL and MIL, WOW!!!! Age doesn't make them not your child.

I think when kids become adults they need to learn responsibility or the above mentioned scenario can and sometime is the result of not having any responsibility. (yes, he has a good job. Longshoremen) Going to college doesn't make her responsible look at some spring break reports for college students.

She can help pay something. IMHO

I totally agree with this, parents coddle their children way to much IMO. But when you are still referring to your over 18 y/olds as the "children" it's time to cut the cord. I certainly wouldn't feel guilty taking a vacation with my DH when my DD is in college, But honestly, I wouldn't expect my college aged kid to want to go on vacation with her parents anyway. Had my life been different, I highly doubt I would have wanted to go to Disney with my "mommy" when I was away at school....really

Perhaps some ppl don't watch the news very often the majority of our troops are under 25, they are risking their lives for this country, that's alot of responsibility. If they are capable adults that can make such a sacrifice then surely a kid in college is responsible enough to pay for a disney vacation.

 

[nurseypoo5]

Really, it all boils down to who's business this is. I understand if my sister was getting her vacation paid for and I wasnt, but that would be a jealousy issue and the difference btw 22 and 19 maturity wise i a lot.

This is your parents business. Its thier money not yours. If you want to have a good time and not harbor pent up frustrations you really need to let this just go and butt out.

Not meaning to sound harsh but like I said I have a 21 yr old (22 by the time we leave) and it would make me really mad to have someone question my intentions. Why stir the pot and possibley ruin this vacation with hard feelings? Its not your money so if I were you I would quit worrying.

 

[AlaskaMOM]

My oldest DD is 17 and is very aware that after she graduates from HS she will be paying her way for any vacations (or possibly we'll gift her some DVC pts) . That doesn't mean that if she wanted to come with us we wouldn't let her in the room, but she would have to get there w/ her own money. As you can see by my siggy we have 2 trips planned before she graduates, and she knows that she is responsible for her souv, and her junk food ("snacks" as some people call them).
I think the key is the expectations..... It's not a big deal for us because DD never had the expectation of Mom and Dad paying for her to do the extra stuff.
To the OP: don't worry about it too much; go, enjoy, and be happy you're at Disney w/ family!

 

[Tinkerbelll]

Really, it all boils down to who's business this is. I understand if my sister was getting her vacation paid for and I wasnt, but that would be a jealousy issue and the difference btw 22 and 19 maturity wise i a lot.

This is your parents business. Its thier money not yours. If you want to have a good time and not harbor pent up frustrations you really need to let this just go and butt out.

Not meaning to sound harsh but like I said I have a 21 yr old (22 by the time we leave) and it would make me really mad to have someone question my intentions. Why stir the pot and possibley ruin this vacation with hard feelings? Its not your money so if I were you I would quit worrying.

Just an idea, but maybe you should read the entire thread before posting. I clearly address the issue that the nature of my post was based on curiosity on how others handle these situations in their households/lives and my intention is not, nor ever was, to "butt in" where I don't belong. Like I've stated before, my whole family is discussing going to Disney World, and funding it will be a group effort. There are not, nor will there be, any hard feelings unless we don't get to go at all!!! At the very least, if you wish, try reading post #'s 1, 29, and 43 for a better explanation.

 

[Antonia]

I still say it's NOYB what your sister pays or doesn't pay. Worry about yourself and let your parents worry about your sister and brother.

You and DBF have your own room. You're on the verge of graduating from college. Give your old sis a break. Do you want to have fun with your family or just worry about who's paying what?

 

[WantToGoNow]

My college aged dd22 will be paying for her airline ticket (we are driving and she doesn't want to), for the upgrade to the preferred room at the POP and for her sourvenirs. We will be paying for the rooms, tickets, and dining plan.

 

[nurseypoo5]

Just an idea, but maybe you should read the entire thread before posting. I clearly address the issue that the nature of my post was based on curiosity on how others handle these situations in their households/lives and my intention is not, nor ever was, to "butt in" where I don't belong. Like I've stated before, my whole family is discussing going to Disney World, and funding it will be a group effort. There are not, nor will there be, any hard feelings unless we don't get to go at all!!! At the very least, if you wish, try reading post #'s 1, 29, and 43 for a better explanation.

I just read this entire thread (and my opinion isnt the only one)...i still stand by the fact that this is none of your business. What would I do? Leave it up to my parents. You will not be paying anything toward her going...

However, if you want to give your parents advice then that is simple to. "DD2, your portion of the trip is 850.00. Your share of that is 600.00. We will pay your airfare. Do you want to go or not? I must have a pat answer now, and you must make such and such payments weekly to the vacation fund. You will also need 100.00 spending money. You dont have to spend it, but if you want an extra icecream, tshirt, coke, its up to you." Give her the choice of even wanting to go, and dont get upset if she doesnt want to. Especially if she has been before, then I agree, her boyfriend is probably wayyy more fun of a vacation to her. Cheaper too.

If they take your advise great! If they dont then its kinda thier problem. You have a chance to look "holier than thou" in front of your sister, and if you do that, you very well could cause the hard feelings im talking about.


On that note, your thread did make me realize that this vacation was going to cost us 7,000 dollars this year, and its taken a year to save that money. I did tell my daughter today that our trip to the coast for a week after disney was paid (condo and rent car) for but she would HAVE to pay all her own meals when eating out and we would be getting seperate checks. I'm sure i'll pay for a couple, but there it is. I've also called this the "last" free Bateman family vacation" She is 21. She is very big into saving money tho right now, and in the last 5 weeks she's saved 1,300...so coming up with dinner fund wont be hard for her. The diffence btw my daughter and your sister tho, is she has never been to disney and can not wait. Your sis has, and this could be the big deal.

Good luck to you all, i know you'll still have a fab vacation!