How much is too much?

[jackie101]

I, like you, was amazed at what people bought. To each his own, not trying to judge or start a series of flaming posts. I thought spending $150-200 was generous. Many of the posts included ONE item that cost more than that! Thankfully, my daughter is pretty content with that limit. She has be saving her pet sitting money towards an iPod. She is very proud of herself for what she has saved and I am positive it will mean more to her in the long run.

 

[MrsPete]

When you say that these lists don't belong on the budget board, you're confusing "budget" with "low cost". Some high-wage earners have high budgets, yet they still need to keep their spending within those budgets. That's kind of like people who say they're on a "fixed income". Well, almost everyone is on a "fixed income"; it's just that some of them are fixed at a high number, while others are fixed below poverty level.

Having discussed semantics, I don't think many people regularly spend $1000/child on Christmas gifts. Most people I know aren't ABLE to do that.

I do think most people spend kind of like we do: Occasionally one child may receive a big-ticket item as a Christmas gift, and that might lead others to think that we ALWAYS do that. For example, last year our high school senior received her college laptop as her big Christmas gift. It was a bit of a "cheat" because it was a need, yet it was also her big Christmas gift. This year I don't really have anything "big" for her: She's getting a couple outfits, some restaurant gift cards, some music, a couple books, and some games that I think she'll enjoy in the dorm -- nothing fancy or outrageous -- that's a more normal year for us.

Her sister is getting a new video game console, which she has wanted for a long time, along with two games. She already knows that she isn't getting much in addition to that big gift; also, she knows that her older sister is going to receive more packages than she will. When they were younger, she would've had a problem with that, but they're old enough to understand that the number of packages doesn't make things equal, nor does it mean we love one more than the other

Finally to the point, yes, I do think there's a point at which you've given "too much". Where's that point located? It's at the point where Christmas becomes about "stuff" instead of about Jesus' birth. From an adult point of view, it's very easy to do this, even if you aren't spending much. If you obsess about how much to give to each child, etc., etc., etc. to the point that you don't have time to focus on the real meaning of the season, you've reached that point.

 

[disykat]

I kind of disagree with the budget meaning high budget/low budget in the context of the budget board. I believe the intent of this board is to save money and practice a certain amount of frugality to do so. It's not just come and compare notes on your spending whether you're Donald Trump or Honey Boo Boo. While obviously people have different budgets, I would assume that someone spending $1000 on presents for one person would understand that it might get a bit of a reaction here and would talk about it in a way that didn't act like it was a normal budget board budget.

There are times I go above what I consider to be a budget gift in terms of frugality, like when I bought my high school senior his laptop. If I were going to discuss it on a "budget board," I would probably explain it as "I'm buying some higher ticket items this year so I need to find deals" rather than playing it off as "I have plenty of money so I will spend $1000."

 

[Robbi]

I kind of disagree with the budget meaning high budget/low budget in the context of the budget board. I believe the intent of this board is to save money and practice a certain amount of frugality to do so. It's not just come and compare notes on your spending whether you're Donald Trump or Honey Boo Boo. While obviously people have different budgets, I would assume that someone spending $1000 on presents for one person would understand that it might get a bit of a reaction here and would talk about it in a way that didn't act like it was a normal budget board budget.

There are times I go above what I consider to be a budget gift in terms of frugality, like when I bought my high school senior his laptop. If I were going to discuss it on a "budget board," I would probably explain it as "I'm buying some higher ticket items this year so I need to find deals" rather than playing it off as "I have plenty of money so I will spend $1000."

It's not a good idea to assume. It's also not nice to judge anyone regardless of whether they spend $1 or $1,000,000 on Christmas presents.

Someone can make 1,000.00 a month and budget for a car or 10,000.00 a week and budget for a car. Having a budget is smart no matter how much or how little money one has. The board title does not specify anything about amounts of money.

I don't remember seeing anyone posting "I have plenty of money so I will spend $1000.".

 

[Lizzybean]

It's not a good idea to assume. It's also not nice to judge anyone regardless of whether they spend $1 or $1,000,000 on Christmas presents.

Someone can make 1,000.00 a month and budget for a car or 10,000.00 a week and budget for a car. Having a budget is smart no matter how much or how little money has. The board title does not specify anything about amounts of money.

I don't remember seeing anyone posting "I have plenty of money so I will spend $1000.".

Very well said!

 

[dixonismydog]

Didn't read all posts sorry....but I am in a middle income family...and I am very budget conscience. That being said....I do probably spend $1000 per child at Christmas. This is because they don't get a ton of anything, all year long. I think that has a lot to do with a Christmas budget. We are not big believers, in the back to school shopping idea. Pretty much anything they need during the year comes at Christmas. If they are in need of something during the year, we pick it up....but otherwise they are happy and quite pleased to wait until Christmas. So I think your spending habits on you family during the year as a whole, would contribute to how you budget at Christmas as well....

 

[jenrose66]

So this post is inspired by the "what did you get your teen daughter for Christmas".
I was shocked to see the list's on that thread, partly because it was on the budget board yet full of $1,000.+ lists.
I think we all as parents would LOVE to be able to get our kids the high end gifts that teens love these days, but that being said I cant possible be the only parent in a pinch this year who will be having a LITERAL Charley Brown Christmas.
For me its not for lack of trying or want, it is a multitude of personal issues that made buying food and paying bills priority over high end gifts.

So my real question is how much is too much?

Another question that may be even more important for those of you in my shoes who just cant buy what you WANT to buy for your kids is, how do you make the day SPECIAL??
This is new to my kids, before my husband passed we worked together to make the "extra" it took to spoil (at least i thought they were spoiled till i read the above mentioned lists) them.
I would love some ideas of how to make Christmas without gifts special.

My kids and I spend quality time together, play games, watch special weekly shows together, etc etc. so to watch a movie or play a board game would be just like any other day.

I'm sorry to hear of your husband's passing

I will go on to say, I'm happy my kids are still young! The budget this year for Christmas is $150 per child. That is about half of what we have spent in previous years, but this is what we can afford without giving ourselves credit card debt which we don't currently carry and never want to carry again!

With that money we did buy one Nintendo 3ds (it was onsale at Target a few weeks back for $145). It will be addressed to both boys from Santa and they will be expected to share. They share the computer, so while it may take some refereeing, I think it will work out.

As far as making the Holiday special, I think the sooner everyone learns the focus isn't on gifts the better it is. In our family we put up the tree the day after Thanksgiving. We also watch Christmas specials and read holiday books. DS is learning a lot about ALL December holidays in school so he comes home and gives us lessons on Kwanzaa an Hanukkah.

It's a shame that everything has gotten so expensive. I never really gave it a thought until we became a one income family. My kids will never be gadget kids (well at least not, newest gadget kids) because that will not be the reality of the family budget.

 

[disykat]

It's not a good idea to assume. It's also not nice to judge anyone regardless of whether they spend $1 or $1,000,000 on Christmas presents.

Someone can make 1,000.00 a month and budget for a car or 10,000.00 a week and budget for a car. Having a budget is smart no matter how much or how little money one has. The board title does not specify anything about amounts of money.

I don't remember seeing anyone posting "I have plenty of money so I will spend $1000.".

Seriously? What am I assuming? Who am I judging? No one said that, I used it as an example. I'm simply disagreeing (with you apparently as well as the post I followed) about the intent of the budget board. I may be wrong. You may be wrong. We're having a discussion.

I have no problem with anyone spending $1000 as their budget for Christmas presents. I understand what a budget means. I understand that people's budgets differ. However, I believe (personal opinion here in case you're still foggy on that) that the "budget board" (quotes used for emphasis here, not specifically quoting anyone) is meant to discuss a certain level of frugality rather than simply the concept of sticking to a budget. Thus it can come as a surprise to some of us, thinking we're asking a question that will get answers with a certain amount of frugal intentions in them since we're asking on this board, when some of the answers have no intention of frugality.

For example "Budget rental cars" named their business that to imply "low cost" not for people to think "oh, they have a variety of cars for people at all price points." (using quotation marks to denote dialogue, not quoting anyone from this thread.)

I'm addressing the purpose of the budget board, not the definition of the word budget.

As I said, I'm sure Donald Trump sticks to a budget too, but I would expect his budget to be quite different than most people who would spend their time on a board on a WDW forum site that was designated as a "budget board." Of course, he would be welcome to come on here and discuss his budget needs, but he would need to be somewhat sensitive to the fact that his needs were different than the majority on the board. I think there are people with different budgets here and most people here do a pretty good job of that, but every once in a while there will be something like a"I'm on my 17th trip to the Grand Floridian this year and need to get it for less than a trillian dollars." type post that gets people discussing this. (yes, I was exagerating for effect.)

 

[suzcruz]

I was one of the people who posted on the original thread. OP, i am so sorry for your losses. I was going to suggest, like PPs did, spending time with family or making your kids' favorite foods. It will be a transition year for sure, and i would try to create a new tradition. I'm sure your kids will be much more upset about their dad being gone versus the number of presents they get & i hope your family can find some peace & joy this season.

I dont feel i have to justify what I spend but I definitely try to get a deal on whatever I buy. My family income shifts a lot from year to year but I always try to make christmas full of gifts. When my daughter was little, i had a lot of fun setting a $100 or so budget & seeing how much I could buy with that & usually did very well! Teens obviously cost more lol! The Budget Board has saved me so much money over the years & i would check it for deals even if i won the lottery. I have benefitted from the board from small things like $5 magazine subscriptions to discounts on bigger ticket items like uggs. I thought the thread was interesting as teens from different areas of the country seem to want the same things, most of it made by apple! You can be frugal at all different price points IMO.

 

[Robbi]

I kind of disagree with the budget meaning high budget/low budget in the context of the budget board. I believe the intent of this board is to save money and practice a certain amount of frugality to do so. It's not just come and compare notes on your spending whether you're Donald Trump or Honey Boo Boo. While obviously people have different budgets, I would assume that someone spending $1000 on presents for one person would understand that it might get a bit of a reaction here and would talk about it in a way that didn't act like it was a normal budget board budget.

There are times I go above what I consider to be a budget gift in terms of frugality, like when I bought my high school senior his laptop. If I were going to discuss it on a "budget board," I would probably explain it as "I'm buying some higher ticket items this year so I need to find deals" rather than playing it off as "I have plenty of money so I will spend $1000."

Seriously? What am I assuming? Who am I judging? No one said that, I used it as an example. I'm simply disagreeing (with you apparently as well as the post I followed) about the intent of the budget board. I may be wrong. You may be wrong. We're having a discussion.

I have no problem with anyone spending $1000 as their budget for Christmas presents. I understand what a budget means. I understand that people's budgets differ. However, I believe (personal opinion here in case you're still foggy on that) that the "budget board" (quotes used for emphasis here, not specifically quoting anyone) is meant to discuss a certain level of frugality rather than simply the concept of sticking to a budget. Thus it can come as a surprise to some of us, thinking we're asking a question that will get answers with a certain amount of frugal intentions in them since we're asking on this board, when some of the answers have no intention of frugality.

For example "Budget rental cars" named their business that to imply "low cost" not for people to think "oh, they have a variety of cars for people at all price points." (using quotation marks to denote dialogue, not quoting anyone from this thread.)

I'm addressing the purpose of the budget board, not the definition of the word budget.

As I said, I'm sure Donald Trump sticks to a budget too, but I would expect his budget to be quite different than most people who would spend their time on a board on a WDW forum site that was designated as a "budget board." Of course, he would be welcome to come on here and discuss his budget needs, but he would need to be somewhat sensitive to the fact that his needs were different than the majority on the board. I think there are people with different budgets here and most people here do a pretty good job of that, but every once in a while there will be something like a"I'm on my 17th trip to the Grand Floridian this year and need to get it for less than a trillian dollars." type post that gets people discussing this. (yes, I was exagerating for effect.)

Sorry I thought in the first post you said "I would assume". This is a chat board and people cannot get the inflections of other's voices in order to fully understand a post. I stated it's not good to judge not meaning you but where you said "it might get a reaction" if someone spends $1000 on one person. If it gets a reaction, there's judgment either good or bad:
"Wow, it's great that you spend $1000 on gifts for your teen!"
"Wow, that's ridiculous, what kind of person spends $1000 on one teen's Christmas presents!"
No fog, I see clearly.

 

[StitchandPooh'sMom]

However, I believe (personal opinion here in case you're still foggy on that) that the "budget board" (quotes used for emphasis here, not specifically quoting anyone) is meant to discuss a certain level of frugality rather than simply the concept of sticking to a budget. Thus it can come as a surprise to some of us, thinking we're asking a question that will get answers with a certain amount of frugal intentions in them since we're asking on this board, when some of the answers have no intention of frugality.

I'm addressing the purpose of the budget board, not the definition of the word budget.

I think most of the people who hang out on the Budget Board are frugal people. But that doesn't necessarily mean "how can I feed my family for $3 a day" - I'm exaggerating a bit, but it is not all about doing things cheaply. I have been looking for a deal on Uggs and found one thanks to the Budget Board - I wanted to buy something nice for my DD that I can afford, but I don't want to pay full price. I can be frugal while shopping for a certain item instead of asking for deals on a cheaper knockoff (although DD also has Costco boots from last year that I read about on the BB, and they have held up beautifully). In both cases, I want the best value for the money I am planning to spend. For me, that is the purpose of the budget board.

Many people on the budget board have paid off their mortgages, so they are probably in a pretty good financial place. But it was most likely being frugal that got them there. Many people on the BB don't have any debt except their mortgage - most likely being frugal got them there as well.

For me, the purpose of the budget board is to find deals for Disney and beyond that allow me to get the most value for my money, stay out of debt by spending within my personal limits, and have a financial plan for my future. That may include finding a deal on Uggs or an iPad, finding a code for a Disney resort (deluxe, moderate or value), or getting a Walmart gift card using My Coke Reward points.

 

[Desnik]

OP, I was also one of the people who posted on the original thread you are talking about. First, I want to say that I am so sorry for your loss.

I think it really doesn't matter how much money you spend on your kids for Xmas. If they are loved and cared for that's all that really matters. Spend the day with your kids doing whatever you enjoy doing together as a family.

As for my personal situation, I do set a budget for Xmas gifts. Just because it's a higher budget than what most people have doesn't mean it's not still a budget. It's a budget based on what we can afford.

I love coming to this board to see the latest deals I can find especially this time of year! Most, if not all of the things on my kids Xmas lists were purchased on sale and a lot of that info came from this board!

 

[4HppyCamprs]

I think most of the people who hang out on the Budget Board are frugal people. But that doesn't necessarily mean "how can I feed my family for $3 a day" - I'm exaggerating a bit, but it is not all about doing things cheaply. I have been looking for a deal on Uggs and found one thanks to the Budget Board - I wanted to buy something nice for my DD that I can afford, but I don't want to pay full price. I can be frugal while shopping for a certain item instead of asking for deals on a cheaper knockoff (although DD also has Costco boots from last year that I read about on the BB, and they have held up beautifully). In both cases, I want the best value for the money I am planning to spend. For me, that is the purpose of the budget board.

Many people on the budget board have paid off their mortgages, so they are probably in a pretty good financial place. But it was most likely being frugal that got them there. Many people on the BB don't have any debt except their mortgage - most likely being frugal got them there as well.

For me, the purpose of the budget board is to find deals for Disney and beyond that allow me to get the most value for my money, stay out of debt by spending within my personal limits, and have a financial plan for my future. That may include finding a deal on Uggs or an iPad, finding a code for a Disney resort (deluxe, moderate or value), or getting a Walmart gift card using My Coke Reward points.

You did a super job of summing up the difference between frugal and cheap. There is a distinction.

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

 

[ldo]

usually 1 "big" gift and some smaller ones--or things I would get anyway. This year, DD15 is getting real UGGS (big gift), DD12, DS11 are getting digital cameras ($100 each black friday). They will buy other items (like AG doll) with $ from grandparents.
Last year, DD15 got a $600 camera--for which she had to contribute $280 of "change" money in nickels etc. We could have afforded to buy it outright--but I felt such an expensive thing needed some "sweat equity" from her. She used it all year and has taken great care of it.
For preteens/teens, older kids, I would just be upfront that you would love to buy them more, but that you have to budget to be responsible for providing other things all year. Kids will remember love/plays games/ family times long after gifts are gone. May you have a blessed Christmas. Elaine

 

[mom2t]

We have cut out most gifts. We just buy for children in our extended family still in school. That is only 8 gifts. I buy gifts for my son's teachers and bake pumpkin bread for the guys my DH works with. We buy for our DS and my DH and I buy for each other. We plan one thing each week-end that relates to Christ's birth. Last night we visited a church and walked along a trail with a guide visiting different scenes that told the story of the birth. Free. Next week we will visit a nearby town learn about Moravian Christmas traditions - our son is learning about this at school small fee and gas. We will shop for our angel gift another week-end and the last week-end visit a drive through scene on Christ's birth. We always drive around one night and look at lights. We go to no Christmas parties. We bake cookies and watch Christmas movies on Sat. nights. Our DS does have a nice Christmas with gifts that total $500 from us and Santa but I am a bargain shopper and spend around $300 buying all during the year. He gets 1 big gift from us and 1 from Santa. The rest are clothes, socks, underwear, books, movies, and couple games.

 

[ldo]

mom2t, I love your Christmas plans/traditions. We are trying to do more traditions--baking, tree decorating family gathering, and special church things. And, on the frugal note--I really wanted to take DD11 to the Nutcracker--and was looking at $$$ tickets for the Kennedy Center (we live near DC)--then I thought--"she's 11--let's look at local dance studios." Sure enough, we just got back from a great Nutcracker performance right by our house---and she got to take 2 friends!

 

[mom2t]

We did the Rockettes last yr. in nearby Raleigh, NC last year.

 

[Lizzybean]

mom2t, I love your Christmas plans/traditions. We are trying to do more traditions--baking, tree decorating family gathering, and special church things. And, on the frugal note--I really wanted to take DD11 to the Nutcracker--and was looking at $$$ tickets for the Kennedy Center (we live near DC)--then I thought--"she's 11--let's look at local dance studios." Sure enough, we just got back from a great Nutcracker performance right by our house---and she got to take 2 friends!

In the future if you're able to take DD to the nutcracker at the Kennedy Center, please do it! I grew up in the DC area and was fortunate enough to attend a few shows up until I was about 13. I still fondly remember it and can't wait to bring my DDs out for a visit. I love the Kennedy Center and that ballet was simply magical.

 

[indimom]

So this post is inspired by the "what did you get your teen daughter for Christmas".
Another question that may be even more important for those of you in my shoes who just cant buy what you WANT to buy for your kids is, how do you make the day SPECIAL??
This is new to my kids, before my husband passed we worked together to make the "extra" it took to spoil (at least i thought they were spoiled till i read the above mentioned lists) them.
I would love some ideas of how to make Christmas without gifts special.

First, I just wanted to say I'm very sorry for your loss.

We've had a few tight years in the past so I understand how you are finding that difficult right now. Here are a few things we have done to make lean years special:

We used the "good" dishes, lit candles and played Christmas music at breakfast and dinner, and created a special menu with a favorites for everyone (not necessarily traditional christmas foods). And no need to buy fancy candles, just gather up all you can find, sheer volume can create a unique and fancy centerpiece. lol.

Drive around after dark and enjoy the Christmas lights. (Play Christmas music and maybe even bring hot chocolate or cookies.)

Make the gift giving into a game and to draw out the process when gifts are light (something like an egg hunt or a memory game or Christmas movie trivia, whatever suits the kids' ages and stages). Or just take the time to try on new clothes between gifts, play with a board game between gifts, instead of opening one gift after another...

Change your traditions a bit. One year I had an "open house" on Christmas Day. The grandparents each stopped in, some of the aunts, uncles and cousins came over. No one stayed more than a couple hours, but it filled up what may have otherwise been a very long, quiet day. I did make some chili for the crockpot, added some oyster crackers, and made lemonaid and tea in case people came at a meal time or were hungry, but most didn't eat so we had leftovers all week. The kids really enjoyed showing off their new things and seeing what the cousins had brought with them. It made the day much livlier than it would have been. And there are so many other ways you could create new traditions with no cost involved.

I know you weren't looking for inexpensive gift ideas, but I thought I'd add a few that have worked for us... like homemade gifts.

DD and I built a hat stand for DH's ball caps one year. We found scrap lumber from grandpa's barn and did the work ourselves, and only had to pay $3 for some cup hooks and $2 for spray paint. DD used some paint pens we had in the house to personalize it. Dirt cheap and dad uses it every day.

DD and I made DS a colts bed pillow from scrap felt at Joannes. A small piece of actual "colts" brand felt and plain blue felt for the back. (Maybe $8-10 total) We stuffed it with an exhisting pillow that had spiderman on it. DS loved it.

My daughter created a memory book for me. Took a binder she had leftover from school and some page covers and just filled it with items she knew I would like (the kids school awards, race medals, etc.) It took me some time to go through it page by page so it slowed the Christmas Day pace also. A very sweet idea and cost nothing.

One year we each found something broken around the house and fixed it for the other person as a gift. DD used a jewelry making kit to repair a broken necklace for me. Dad repaired a scooter and glued together a broken trinket (the kids had forgotten about both). I finally sewed up the hole in DS's favorite t-shirt I had been putting off. DS updated an old picture frame with a collage of photos he found in a box. Just simple things. No cost involved.

Homemade bath salts from epson salts and some scented oils are cheap, easy and teen girls like those. You can get christmas scents like peppermint easily right now.

Wow, that was a lot. But, I really hope you find a way to make this year special for both you and your kids. It's not really the gifts that make Christmas special/memorable. Almost every great memory I have from Christmas is something "other" than a gift.