How Involved do you get in your child's college planning?

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

I think I'm gonna email one of my past professors and see if he wants to play a game of golf this weekend.

Thanks to so many of you for the motivation to do so.

 

[Coonhound]

Maybe it's just the phrasing, but the bolded strikes me as very strange. Answering phone calls, texts, or emails during family time should be heralded as generous, not "fair." Professors, no matter how dedicated to their students, have families and lives outside of school. "I think that's fair" makes it sound like you think they owe you more than what they do.

And, when that sentiment is read in light of your posts about "compromising" with your parents after they "learned the hard way" on how much money they should give you, a middle-aged woman, I just don't know what to think. I'm sorry if this comes off as harsh, but I wonder if maybe you are simply phrasing things in way that isn't intended? I would want to know that, if it was me.

I do think that it's great that you are in school to, I assume from your statements, to further your career, so please take this post in the spirit it was intended. That is, to help you see how others are perceiving your posts. I do wish you the best in your courses!

I could have written this post.

Rhie, I'm not ganging up on you and I don't think anyone intends harm or hurt feelings! I think there is just some disconnect between how you are handling certain things and what seems to be the norm for others?

I will say that personally I don't think parents are involved enough, and I don't blame your parents for wanting to help you especially since you made a smart and brave decision to get an education at your age when you could have thought "oh, it's too late for me". So kudos to you for aiming for your goals and achieving them. And if you were my daughter I'd support you all the way, just as I'm doing the same for my son who is attending community college (although he does need extra help due to some past issues with his education).

But I think what is throwing people are some of the words used in your posts and phrases like "they learned the hard way". People may be taking some things the wrong way. You don't owe anyone an explanation, but if you do explain, I think it would clear some things up and people may stop feeling at odds with what you're saying.

 

[tcufrog]

One thing I think a lot of parents don't teach their kids before college is how to handle and organize paperwork. My parents didn't think to teach me that but I recognized the importance of it so I set up a filing system in a file box before I left. I'm glad I did because a lot of my friends didn't and they ended up losing, damaging or throwing out papers they should have kept. This system is a bit of an overkill for a college student in a dorm room but it will grow with them when apply for jobs, get their first apartment, etc. It also does a lot of heavy lifting by creating color coded categories for them and preprinting labels. I made a fourth color (yellow) for school stuff. I bought my first kit when I went went to college in 1995 and I'm still using the system as a married mom with 2 kids and a home.

 

[NHdisneylover]

One thing I think a lot of parents don't teach their kids before college is how to handle and organize paperwork. My parents didn't think to teach me that but I recognized the importance of it so I set up a filing system in a file box before I left. I'm glad I did because a lot of my friends didn't and they ended up losing, damaging or throwing out papers they should have kept. This system is a bit of an overkill for a college student in a dorm room but it will grow with them when apply for jobs, get their first apartment, etc. It also does a lot of heavy lifting by creating color coded categories for them and preprinting labels. I made a fourth color (yellow) for school stuff. I bought my first kit when I went went to college in 1995 and I'm still using the system as a married mom with 2 kids and a home.

paperwork? LOL I have to ask DD when she gets up---I think it is mostly all digital these days (but knowing how to orgnaize that, and back it up is still critical--it is an excellent point, I just got a giggle out of the thought of it still being hard copies)

 

[QueenIsabella]

My DDs are somewhere in between on the paperwork issue--both like planners, which they bring to school and write assignments in, etc. But, both are also VERY tuned in to their electronics. So, my oldest has her paper planner for school stuff, but does all her banking on her phone with an app. Which is fine, but again, I think it's so much a personal preference.

My older DD does have some important papers at school--her immunization records, insurance card, etc. I have no idea how she manages them. I also keep copies here, along with stuff like her tax returns (we have an accountant who does the whole family's), medical records, and her latest--her school visa for her semester abroad is here, although her passport is with her at school. She'll be coming home for a couple weeks before she departs, so it makes sense to hold stuff here. It's kind of a weird, in-between situation, though--her legal address is here, but she's miles away. She's registered to vote in NC, but got called to jury duty in MA. I had to mail her new driver's license and new credit card when they came to this address--that sort of thing.

 

[VulcanGirl]

So, I actually asked on Facebook what my friends thought about the idea of emailing professors before the start of the semester to introduce oneself and ask for assignments. Because, I found that idea so different from what I'm used to, I was curious how much regional differences and whatnot might be playing in.

One of the responses I got from a friend of mine who is a professor actually seemed liked it could be really useful to incoming students/parents of incoming students, so I asked if she would mind me sharing it here. She didn't, and added that her response would apply to any of the universities she's taught at which include University of Michigan in the USA, Roehampton University in the UK, and two universities in Germany where she lives now. Here's what she said:

"I would expressly discourage students from e-mailing professors in advance, unless an individual requires specific learning accommodations and it is the institution's policy for students to discuss those with instructors prior to the first session of the course. Do not get in touch just to introduce yourself; it's far better to leave a positive impression within the framework of the seminar/lecture/office hour system rather than outside it. Do not get in touch in advance to ask what the assignments will be; anything the prof is going to assign during the semester is expected to be done during the semester. (Also, do not get in touch to ask what you missed if you missed a session - ask a classmate. Exchange contact info with a classmate on the first day expressly for that purpose should a need arise.) If the syllabus is available online before the seminar begins, knock yourself out, but be aware most of us reserve the right to change things as we go along and see what our students' needs are this time round. Still, in the interest of equality, we usually want everybody to work toward the same deadlines, with access to the same information at the same time - no head starts. Finally, it's a bit like ordering a meal at a restaurant and then going into the kitchen to ask the chef if you can have a taste of the soup before it is brought out to you and other guests. Even if you think it's going to be delicious and you are dying of anticipation... chefs don't really like that. We profs don't, either. Sit tight, rest up, (read around the topic if you are especially keen), and get ready to rock and roll once class is in session."

I hope that somebody else finds it helpful as well.

 

[VulcanGirl]

One thing I think a lot of parents don't teach their kids before college is how to handle and organize paperwork. My parents didn't think to teach me that but I recognized the importance of it so I set up a filing system in a file box before I left. I'm glad I did because a lot of my friends didn't and they ended up losing, damaging or throwing out papers they should have kept. This system is a bit of an overkill for a college student in a dorm room but it will grow with them when apply for jobs, get their first apartment, etc. It also does a lot of heavy lifting by creating color coded categories for them and preprinting labels. I made a fourth color (yellow) for school stuff. I bought my first kit when I went went to college in 1995 and I'm still using the system as a married mom with 2 kids and a home.

As a current college student I find that the vast majority of my paperwork is digital. I bank online, do taxes online, apply for and accept scholarships and financial aid online, etc. I really don't have much of anything in the way of important physical forms that I am dealing with.

I do have my vaccination records, passport, etc. none of which are too difficult to keep track of.

But, the idea of a file system still amused me, because I do actually have a small file box that I use to keep track of more scrapbooky sort of things such as awards, newspaper articles, name tags from conferences, posters from events I planned, honor cords (my school gives them out as you earn them and expects you to hold onto them until graduation even when that's still three years off, etc. I like that hold onto those sort of things and actually enjoy going through them on occasion in order to remember things. But, I've never used a file box to keep track of standard files like tax or bank forms.

 

[A_Princess'_Daddy]

So, I actually asked on Facebook what my friends thought about the idea of emailing professors before the start of the semester to introduce oneself and ask for assignments. Because, I found that idea so different from what I'm used to, I was curious how much regional differences and whatnot might be playing in.

One of the responses I got from a friend of mine who is a professor actually seemed liked it could be really useful to incoming students/parents of incoming students, so I asked if she would mind me sharing it here. She didn't, and added that her response would apply to any of the universities she's taught at which include University of Michigan in the USA, Roehampton University in the UK, and two universities in Germany where she lives now. Here's what she said:

"I would expressly discourage students from e-mailing professors in advance, unless an individual requires specific learning accommodations and it is the institution's policy for students to discuss those with instructors prior to the first session of the course. Do not get in touch just to introduce yourself; it's far better to leave a positive impression within the framework of the seminar/lecture/office hour system rather than outside it. Do not get in touch in advance to ask what the assignments will be; anything the prof is going to assign during the semester is expected to be done during the semester. (Also, do not get in touch to ask what you missed if you missed a session - ask a classmate. Exchange contact info with a classmate on the first day expressly for that purpose should a need arise.) If the syllabus is available online before the seminar begins, knock yourself out, but be aware most of us reserve the right to change things as we go along and see what our students' needs are this time round. Still, in the interest of equality, we usually want everybody to work toward the same deadlines, with access to the same information at the same time - no head starts. Finally, it's a bit like ordering a meal at a restaurant and then going into the kitchen to ask the chef if you can have a taste of the soup before it is brought out to you and other guests. Even if you think it's going to be delicious and you are dying of anticipation... chefs don't really like that. We profs don't, either. Sit tight, rest up, (read around the topic if you are especially keen), and get ready to rock and roll once class is in session."

I hope that somebody else finds it helpful as well.

I think this is a good point. I made a transition last year from a career in business to the academic world as an assistant professor and while I only have one year of personal experience and four of my five courses were more introductory level, I would have been pretty frustrated trying to engage a bunch of students just looking to establish contact while I was still trying to get my act together, and as I prepare for the new academic year, now my second year of teaching, I am no more prepared for early engagement by students. I did naturally come to like most of the ones who engaged me through the semester, particularly a couple who clearly needed extra assistance and were working really hard, but that was once the semester was underway and we had thing to discuss. It never actually happened, so I don't know for sure, but engaging me just to say "hello" would have likely elicited a friendly reply, because I'm a friendly person, but it would not have augured well for that student in my book unless, as your friend said, the student had special needs or circumstances. I did ask students to email me if they were absent, but that was probably newbie naivety.

 

[QueenIsabella]

I think this is a good point. I made a transition last year from a career in business to the academic world as an assistant professor and while I only have one year of personal experience and four of my five courses were more introductory level, I would have been pretty frustrated trying to engage a bunch of students just looking to establish contact while I was still trying to get my act together, and as I prepare for the new academic year, now my second year of teaching, I am no more prepared for early engagement by students. I did naturally come to like most of the ones who engaged me through the semester, particularly a couple who clearly needed extra assistance and were working really hard, but that was once the semester was underway and we had thing to discuss. It never actually happened, so I don't know for sure, but engaging me just to say "hello" would have likely elicited a friendly reply, because I'm a friendly person, but it would not have augured well for that student in my book unless, as your friend said, the student had special needs or circumstances. I did ask students to email me if they were absent, but that was probably newbie naivety.

My son actually did this with his summer course. He had some medical testing that meant he would be late for his first class--we had waited months to get him the testing slot. So, he emailed the teacher to say he'd be late on the first day. He wasn't expecting anything special, he just didn't want her to think he was dropping the class, or couldn't be bothered to show up on time. She did respond, but not until that first morning, and he didn't actually read her email until after class, because he was getting tested. I also know that some teachers get miffed when students walk into class late--at least my son's prof. had warning.

 

[tcufrog]

Paperwork now is mostly digital but there's still plenty of paper being generated. For example, when I go to the doctor I still receive paper receipts and paper copies of lab results. I used to work at a university until quite recently. For example, if you had a problem with financial aid that necessitated an in person visit to the financial aid office then paper was sometimes generated. Eventually everything will be electronic but we are far from being there yet.

 

[Kitty 34]

I think I'm gonna email one of my past professors and see if he wants to play a game of golf this weekend.

Thanks to so many of you for the motivation to do so.

My professors (the ones still living) would probably say "Kitty who???"!

 

[leebee]

My husband is a chemistry professor at 2 universities (full-time faculty at a private university and an adjunct at our state university) and he pretty much agrees that a student who contacts the professor prior to the beginning of the semester is going to earn a reputation as an annoyance and not a go-getter. Most of our friends are faculty and they pretty much agree with this.