How do you let family know you like to do Disney alone?

[fla4fun]

Every family is different - what works for one does not work for all. It would be nice if all families got along, or were easy to travel with, but that's not always the case. It doesn't make the OP selfish to want to limit time with their extended family - it may just be realistic.

I think the best compromise I've seen on this thread so far is the one to take a separate trip that overlaps a day or two either at the beginning or end of the group trip. You can have the bulk of your vacation to enjoy as you prefer, and still have a day or two with the family. Personally, I'd probably overlap at the end of their trip, so if there is any stress, you have the days away from them to relax and recover.

 

[Kim1964]

I've compromised for the past three trips and I am done with that. The 2010 trip will be just DH, the kids, and me. I can't see spending thousands of dollars to spend half of the trip unhappy and just wanting the days to hurry up and go by until I can be with just my family. BTDT and after this year, when the family member who drives me nuts was in particularly rare form, I made the decision that I'm not doing that anymore. It may be selfish, but I don't care. I pinch pennies all year, DH has a work schedule that keeps him away from the kids and me most of the time, and I am OK with having 10 days out of the year that is for just the four of us.

OP, I know it's hard to have that conversation but being straightforward is the best way to handle this, IMHO. Good luck.

 

[Dad_Z]

I think a couple of things really matter that have only been touched on lightly in this thread. The first is personailities. If you are the sort to assert your families needs and say 'this is what we're doing/not doing - you are welcome to join in', then I think you will be fine (assuming you can/do follow through with what you say). If, however, your priority is managing and maximizing the enjoyment of the extended family, then count on more aggrivation for your own immediate family. Or, if you are more passive in nature, then traveling in large groups might not work too well.

We are the former. We did a trip 2 years ago with the extended family and we ended up doing a several meals together and spending a few hours together in the park (over 3 days) as our "schedules" only lined up occasionally. It worked perfectly fine with us, though I'm sure there were a couple times when the rest of the family wished we were with them more - but they could not get their act together and/or get out of bed early enough! We did make reasonable efforts to get together for a few meals, but my extended family was clear that we were on our own schedule.

Differing financial abilities come into play as well - which is another reason personaility is important. Some times other family members may want to do meals and such together, but may not be able to afford the same level of meals. If one is clear as to what they will be doing/not doing, it will help avoid uncomfortable conversations as to what people can afford.

The second item is transportation. If you are sharing a car and are off-site I think you will be in for aggrivation. Either have seperate cars or stay on-site.

We have done a few trips in recent years with just the immediate family, and I am looking forward to arranging a trip with the extended family. I do have a reasonably close extended family and would like to "share" Disney with them (ok - most of them). This will take a certain amount of flexibility on our part, but in the end I'm sure that we will enjoy Disney again, whether or not any other family is at our side at any given moment. (Not to mention that we would love to have a baby sitter once in a while during our trip!)

 

[mickeyluv'r]

Why do you have to tell them you are going? Just plan your visit without telling the whole brigade.Simple.

We've done both kinds of trips and will continue to do both kinds of trips. Each trip is certainly shaped by the people going, but that is also the fun of it, as I see it. When I go with my dad, who only eats certain foods and only wants to go on certain rides, during certain hours, I take that into consideration. The trade off is being at WDW with my DAD. There's something magical in having him there, even if it requires a certain patience. As others have said, extra people can mean extra hands and that can be a trade off and equalizing aspect. My mom also only wants to go on certian rides, and can stay late, BUT ...she's perfectly willing to babysit any small fry. She's also quite generous. My sister has her quirks, but she also adds much fun. My other sister doesn't like the kiddie rides, but she's great fun on the big rides. Going with small kids means strollers, baby swaps, more kiddie rides, less Space Mtn - but OH delighting them is absolutely golden! The smile on a child's face is the heart of WDW for me! Another highlight of big family trips is all the precious family photos.

Being able to cater each trip to the participant's needs and wants, and how well I succeed is one of the highlights for me. (or admittedly, pitfalls)

It's sort of a matter of perspective, and how you see each person's quirks.

Still, sometimes we like going in a smaller family unit and being more efficient. Going to WDW is an emotional thing. So sometimes I cope withthe family issues by telling myself that the next trip will be a quiet fmaily one. I cope with the smaller family trips (when I miss my family) by telling myself the next one will be a big family trip.

 

[scjo68]

I do not think the OP is being selfish.
Only you know how your family and your touring style will mesh, and if you think there may be issues, you are probably right.

Here is my opinion on vacationing with extended family: It depends on what your objectives are for the vacation. It can work if you decide that your goal is to enjoy family time, rather than experiencing the most attractions possible at your vacation spot. This may not be the case at WDW, where you are spending a lot of money to enjoy attractions that you can really only experience there.

We have done many trips with extended family, mostly beach trips with my folks, my dsis, her dh, and their three kids. These trips were lots of fun because other than renting the beach house, there was not too much financial investment. Our goal was to have fun together, especially letting the kids have fun with their cousins. Of course we enjoyed the beach and other attractions, but it was very low-stress- no ADRs or rope drop to worry about.
Like wise, my dh's sis and her family live in Hawaii so we had not seem them for several years, so we just went there to visit them there this summer. While we are normally commando-tour type folks, and would typically plan, schedule and tour efficiently through our one and only trip to Hawaii in order to get the most out of it, their family isn't like that. They are much more laid-back. So I set out in the beginning to put myself in the frame of mind that we were there to visit with family. Anything else we did was icing on he cake. We were very go with the flow, and we had a great time, and our kids had a wonderful time getting reaquainted with their cousins. We did sight-see alot and got to experience great things there (swimming with dolphins!)though. So it was fun.


On the other hand, I fear a WDW trip with either side of the family would be frustrating for all. There is so much there to do, and we go so infrequently, I don't feel it's a vacation destination for "visiting" with family. There is just too much stimulation there to focus on familial relationships. I am closer to my sis than anyone, but I don't think a WDW trip with them would work well. They went on their only trip there last year, and they did things differently than we do, but it worked for them so that was great for them.

So, I feel unless you are willing to make family time the primary goal of a trip, a grand gathering might be a bad idea.

 

[shelemm]

Traveling with an extended family can be a nightmare. If you tried it and it doesn't work for you, don't make yourself miserable. But you'll have to explain.

Anyone traveling with a large group and insists on going everywhere together is really asking for it.

 

[johnGorski]

Wife and I are going with her whole family in Dec so we will see. mother in law, father in law, brother in law's both with there spouses. Wife and I are staying there 4 days longer without them so we will see, Your deal sounds like a school field trip!

 

[Nikisha421]

i didnt read through the whole entire thread...but this is my situation...i am going to DL in February...DCL April for Easter...and ABD in August...I plan my trips and tell no one...by the time someone notices...I JUST SAY I PLANNED IT AWHILE....
...THE KEY IS TO TELL NO ONE (ADULTS THAT IS)

 

[Dee77]

OK- this is an interesting thread. My feeling is that it is all about the expectations of those going. Last year, DH, DD and I went and stayed at the same resort as my MIL, FIL, SIL and her children. There were several other family friends there and a lot of dinners included the entire group. I had done quite a bit of research and we (DH, DD and I) did a lot of things on our own. Character meals etc were of no interest to the rest of the group but were important for us since DD was @ 2 and loved the characters. No one seemed to mind and we did spend a good amount of time together as a large group.

This year, it is the same group and also my Mom, my brother, his wife and my niece. No one on my side has gone before and they all agree that I should make the plans and that they will go along. We will be doing certain events on our own (my side) but also have several days scheduled with my in-laws. We do not follow each other around but always try some rides, CS meals and definitely a few dinners together. I guess a lot of this has to do with the fact that the children that go are all different ages and prefer different attractions. This worked last year and I am hoping will be fine again this year.

Next year there is something like 35 people going from the family and some friends of the family so that will be one hot mess to arrange. Glad I will have a couple of trips under my belt by then to know what we can handle and what we will likely want to do/where we prefer to eat.

It's a touchy subject all around and as the saying goes "to each his own"
Good luck everyone!

 

[pilesoflaundry]

I know someone that does this but they have separate rooms and do things their own way. Somtimes they tour together and the rest of the time they do things separate. At night some of the family members watch their kids so they get alone time. It works for them but they don' see the family often.

I think it would only work if you have separete rooms and do you own thing sometimes.

If no onw wants to do that I don't know what I would say but I don't blame you for not wanting to do it. When we have done even day trips with family to the fair or something it changes what you get done and slows you way down and not everyone gets to do what they want.

 

[hpkalika]

I can't say you are or are not being selfish. I think that depends on you and your situation. If you feel guilty for something, you probably don't need a stranger's opinion.

That being said, I want to say how lucky you are to have family who want to go away together and spend time with you. My grandparents and extended family never went on a trip with us and I am sure there are loads of people whose families are so far apart that they won't be getting that chance.

If you chose to go all together, I am certain that doesn't mean getting out the needle and thread and sewing you all together at the hip. If you talk to them and take an afternoon to do whatever it is that you like to do, I can't imagine anyone having a problem with it. It might even be nice (if they are interested) to show them your Disney. It might be something they would not have done on their own and it might be more fun than you think. It can't hurt to do something a little different and if you have boundries set before you step on the plane/train/automobile you might have more fun than you think.

You have every right to tell them that you don't want to go with them.
I am sure if it were me, and I had that chance, I would book all of our tickets tomorrow.

 

[mchelle77]

We have had issues with this on two levels for this upcoming trip. My mother wanted to go (DD is her only grandchild, and my mother's never really been out of New England, other than NY and NJ). She was upset when I told her we were going and that I didn't plan it for her to go along as well. *I* would have been fine with her going, but my DH wanted our DD's first trip to be alone. I understand that. We've traveled with others in the past and it just doesn't work out well. She's pretty much over it now, but was irritated for a few weeks there.

DH's cousin and her DH and DS planned on going the same week as us (long story, it's in my PTR) and we had mixed feelings about it. Our DD and their DS are the same age, and they're very close, but we didn't want to have to do anything WITH them if we didn't want to. DH started saying "Well, if they're there too, we can't do everything separately". I said "OH yes we can!" I told him that I would give them a copy of the itinerary I wrote up, with restaurants, park days, etc and say "This is what I have mapped out for us - if you want to try to coordinate, that would be awesome. But we understand if you want to do your own thing." Glad they ended up canceling.

We're planning a Niagara trip with his brother, SIL and 2 nephews next spring and I'm glad it's closer and a 3 day trip. Something like Disney, which is usually longer and costs a LOT more should be YOUR vacation. You should do whatever you need to make sure that YOU have a great time and not have to worry about anyone else's schedule, likes, dislikes, sleeping schedule, bathroom patterns, etc.

 

[LittleStinkerbelle]

Oh boy is this post coming at the right time for me! We're planning our 2010 trip and my parents have indicated that they want to come with us. We've been to WDW with them several times before but the last time (2008) it didn't go well at all and I sort of have a bitter taste in my mouth about going with them again.

We're planning a longish trip next year (9 nights) and it's going to be our last long trip for a while so I really want it to be great. When we go for a long time like that we really like to go with the flow. If DD (or we!) want to lounge until 10 a.m., no probs. I know we can set the expectation with my parents that we're not going to spend every minute together and they'll say fine, but when the time comes they'll be calling us at 8:30 in the morning annoyed that we're not ready to go where they want to go.

I think it'd be great if they just came for like 4 days or so but I don't know a way to say that to them without sounding rude. Ugh, still need to figure out the best way to handle it.

 

[WDSearcher]

I don't think it's fair to call the OP selfish. It's a lot easier to find alone time with your immediate family when you have one child who is very very young. I notice the OP has a few kids all different ages and it really is a lot harder as kids get older and have different interests to find time alone together. You can get together with extended family for all sorts of fun things closer to home...why is it selfish to not want to spend your Disney vacation with them?

To be fair, the OP said in the original post that they were afraid they were being selfish. (Quote: "I know I sound horribly selfish ...") So, those of us who "call the OP selfish" are using her own words and, basically, agreeing with her assessment.

That said ... why is it selfish? If you look at the OP's signature, they go to WDW every year. This is clearly not a "once in a lifetime" vacation. This one time, out of those dozen or so past WDW vacations, other family members want to join them. Maybe they've never been, but they see that the OP loves it so much and they want to experience that with her. Maybe they just want a good place for a family vacation, and they've seen one too many WDW commercials.

But it doesn't seem like the family is saying, "We want to come to WDW with you every single time you go!" They're just saying that maybe it would be fun to join them this ONE time. It doesn't mean everyone has to be joined at the hip. And I just think that there's a compromise that can be reached there. One day you may wish that you HAD taken that "together time" as a family when you had the chance.

To say, "I want to go to Disney World but you can't go with me" is, IMO, a bit selfish. It's saying, "this is my special place, but you aren't allowed to share it with me." YMMV

 

[peyjax]

The choice is yours but remember there are many on here who love to be in your shoes. To have extended family that like/love you enough to want to share your happy place with you. Wow that is something many do not get. I will also mention that you might want to think about what an eye opening experience (in a good way) this could be. To be honest after looking at your signature it may not be such a bad thing to have a different experience. Now if you don't get along with them than that is a different story. LOL The key would be to set ground rules and make it clear you will be spending some time alone with your family. We had our close friends go with us last year and it is so fun to see Disney through the eyes of someone who has never/rarely been. However we most certainly had our own family time as did they. It was great fun.

 

[Marshypooh]

It's a relief to know that others have experienced this problem, too, because I was starting to feel like we were the only family out there that doesn't like large family gatherings at WDW. We also prefer the less hectic and more personal close family experience with just the 4 of us. However, I would love to take my mother and mother-in-law, but unfortunately, convincing them to take a trip to somewhere other than Gatlinburg is next to impossible.

Like most of you have mentioned, we also have many different, and often conflicting, personalities within our family. Most of our family members like to stay off property, eat off property, are unorganized and plan absolutely nothing. One aunt and uncle even thought that the Africa section of AK was an Orlando attraction. They didn't even realize that they were in AK!! We are planners, very organized, stay and eat on property, basically the whole Disney experience. We are considered "snobby" because of this.

I am very envious of those of you who have wonderful experiences at WDW with your extended families. But this would just never work for us.

 

[Mommy2Jameson]

I also have very little tolerance for bathroom breaks….My husband says I should attach a power bar and an adult diaper to my itinerary and hand it out to each extended family member. He is joking-I think.

Ok, that made me seriously LOL! Love it!

I have to agree though, I do not look forward to a BIG family trip. The last 2 times we have gone, my dad has asked why we didn't invite them. I just laughed it off like I thought he was joking. Now, he wants to seriously plan a big trip, and I am NOT looking forward to it. We get along great at home, but I don't think we would at Disney. He wants to take his wife, and my 2 adult siblings and their SO. Which would mean I would be the only one with a child...a preschooler at that. I like to plan, plan, plan, plan...our last family trip, they liked to wander, wander, wander! LOL

Also, I don't want to come off as snobish, because I am a single mom and I don't have big bucks by ANY means. I work hard to save up money for a yearly trip by doing overtime at work. And we stay in a value resort, so we can still get the magical benefits of being on property...ME, Dining plan, and disney transportation, but at a cheaper price. I figure it's one week a year, and I'm gonna splurge on my kid....

My one side of the family is NOT like that. Our last trip years ago, we stayed drove straight thru (over 18 hours), stayed offsite, we ate a big breakfast at the free hotel buffet, we'd share a few slices of pizza and a LARGE sode no ice for lunch, and then my parents would stop at McDonald's on the way back to the hotel at the end of the day. If we wanted souvenirs, we'd better of brought our own money! Now I'm not saying I hated my vacation with them, but everyone was so concerned with prices of everything, that it took away some of the magic... I know they would flip if they saw the price of Cinderella's breakfast and the Pirate's league. They couldn't believe I bought him a $10 balloon our last trip. So I'm dreading that trip!

And I will say I have taken my 2 teen siblings from the other side of the family before, and that went fine. They followed the schedule with us in the morning, and then they did their own thing at night. We set some ground rules before going, and I'd go back with that side of the family again in a heart beat.

So I think it just depends on your family, and you know your family best.

 

[BayouMickey]

Quit taking baths,shave ya head, and start talking like a pirate.
They won't want to be caught dead with ya!

 

[mickey317]

Oh boy - reading some of these posts are making me nervous! We are planning a trip with DH's siblings & their families...we all decided to go together - no one invited themselves - some of our ADRs are together and we planned a park each day - most times 1 meal together that day....I really hope they are not thinking what some posters are thinking and not telling!! I would rather know up front what they want from their vacation - it would not hurt my feelings - I would feel terrible if they were not happy! The kids are close in age so I figured everyone can do whatever/whenever and meet for meals....

 

[mickey317]

Quit taking baths,shave ya head, and start talking like a pirate.
They won't want to be caught dead with ya!

I will keep that in mind if it starts to go badly....