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How do I move forward?

Discussion in 'Coping and Compassion' started by Tink2000, Jul 1, 2013.

  1. Tink2000

    Tink2000 Mouseketeer

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2005
    Messages:
    149
    I have been married 17 years and have just been told some shocking news and am at a loss as to how to handle it. My husband has had some real anger issues the past month or so and last week told me it was him not me. After a little pushing he finally told me, him and an old girlfriend had been talking the past month because they had unfinished business. What in the world could it be? Well I am told 19 years ago he got her pregnant and she had and abortion and that they both felt was the only thing to do at the time. Now my husband and I started dating when I was 15 so this was durning the time we were not together. I did know about this girlfriend but not the situation. They never had closure and they both fell they needed it. So for a month they went behind my back talking/texting/flurting and then he drops this on me. I am so lost and confused and don't feel this is something I can talk to with anyone. By the way they are still talking "as friends". What do I do?
     
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  3. itsdisneytime

    itsdisneytime oh my, am i day dreaming about Disney again?

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    Mar 7, 2010
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    242
    Take it from me ... the road way to hell was paved with good intentions. I do not think it is healthy for him to be having continual conversations with his x. sounds like they were very young and this is a MAJOR excuse for him to want to be talking to her.

    The best advise I can give you is .... if you want to keep him, then spice things up. Get off the internet - have the house clean - have yourself done up, cook a nice dinner and keep doing this. Be positive not negative -- do not harp - be mysterious about what YOUR up to and have him wonder what is going on in your world but, be pleasant and kill him with kindness. He will eventually come around if he wants to. Men like sex kittens so it would help if you started doing some flirting yourself.

    If you do not care, and if he is a known womanizer (which it sounds like he is) and if he has known anger issues (which recently you say he has) then I would get a plan set for yourself. Whether its .. find a job, or stash some money ... or wait till the kids go to college or whatever ..go back to college yourself and get a way to take care of yourself... im not sure what the fix has to be but .. sometimes a man can take more grooming than he is worth. You may want to start grooming yourself for a happier life. Only you know.
     
  4. Schmeck

    Schmeck <font color=blue>Funny thing is now my 17 year old

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 1999
    Messages:
    8,521
    Oh My Goodness, this reads like a '50's "How to be a good wife" manual! :rotfl:

    And then it turns into a '60's woman's lib article - I'm so confused :faint:
     
  5. SLP958

    SLP958 DIS Veteran

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2012
    Messages:
    1,250
    I remember you posting this on the Community board a week or two ago.

    What was the result of you speaking to your husband and letting him know this was not appropriate?

    His response will tell you how to move forward.
     
  6. PizzieDuster

    PizzieDuster DIS Veteran

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2003
    Messages:
    3,874
    I remember it too. Any update sweetie?
     

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