Homeschooling - Am I really doing it 'wrong'?

[JamesMom]

Hi, hope this is the right forum and sorry for the cryptic thread title, but I need to talk to those who might be where I am going.

background
My DS7 is about 2 years behind in reading despite having an average IQ and being in special Ed since age 3 for speech delay and sensory issues. Along the way he has also picked up an ADHD and ASD diagnosis, He has made tremendous strides up until 1st grade and is grade level except for reading and writing. The school is doing all they can with IEP, therapies and modified teaching, but he is not progressing and they are passing him is B+/A- grades. Unacceptable. Therefore we are planning to homeschool starting this summer by essentially repeating 2nd grade. The goal is to attempt to get him to approaching/on level within the next 2 years and return to public school for 5th grade.

The question
I have done tons of reading online and he general consensus is that I will be doing it wrong. How?
1. No plans to deschool. No break in structured learning. Plan to jump in on with reading intensive 1 week after school lets out. He is already behind and needs to catch up before the social and academic stigmas are entrenched. He already has low self esteem because he can't read like his classmates. Plan to school year round with remedial reading and maintenance math In the summer coupled with the rest of academic subjects during the traditional school year
2. Use school text books and methods. Websites suggest other student lead approaches. Our goal is to send him back and thus using their materials ensures he will be covering what they will. I have already obtained 2nd and 3rd grade materials used in our school as well as well as the intervention components.
3. General disdain for the culture and philosophy of public schooling. I have no issue with public school other than my son not getting the individual attention he needs to catch up which I don't fault them for. I believe learning to follow lesson plans and sitting still and busy work does not thwart 'learning' and installs necessary skills for college, work and beyond. A professor is going to require strict adherence to the syllabus as well as attendance and participation as he/she sees fit. An employer may require reports and other tasks that are totally mundane but still need to be completed with efficiency and minimal grumbling.
Because of my divergent philosophy to homeschooling (which is totally hypothetical at this moment and may very well change once I am I the thick of things next year). I am having a hard time finding support within the homeschool community.
I hope to find a kindred spirit who can assure me that I won't fail my child in this regard. Surely, I cannot be the only homeschooler with these ideas. I just can't find them.
Thanks for letting me ramble.

 

[tlkscott]

I say that you have to do what is right for you and your family. My husband and I both teach. However, we may be forced to find a way to homeschool in a couple of years for a couple of different reasons. Our son has sensory issues and a speech delay. We also have gross and fine motor delays. I have no words of wisdom other than you must do what is right for your family. Have you thought about finding someone with a reading specialization to work with your child over the summer and after school? I taught special ed. for several years and I know that it is very to meet the needs of the children one on one. That is part of the reason I no longer teach special ed. I wish that I could find a way to meet the individual needs of all 23 kids in my class. I try very hard to meet the needs but there is only so much that you can do within the school day. Just know that you are not alone.

 

[lisateaches]

People need to be more supportive and tolerant. I think your approach looks fine. He may need different strategies, but you'll see that if he's not progressing.

 

[ThreeBeans]

Your approach is fine. You aren't describing a kid who is stressed out or miserable at school. Deschooling and taking a different educational approach would probably be a good idea if he were.

If I were going to do what you are doing, I would probably try a very similar approach, although truthfully I'd give him a 4 weeks summer 'break' first so you can all attack with fresh minds.

 

[My2CrazyGirls]

Your approach is fine. You aren't describing a kid who is stressed out or miserable at school. Deschooling and taking a different educational approach would probably be a good idea if he were.

If I were going to do what you are doing, I would probably try a very similar approach, although truthfully I'd give him a 4 weeks summer 'break' first so you can all attack with fresh minds.

I agree with this.

And I don't think all homeschooling parents have a major problem with public schools (though some do). Sometimes children need more 1 on 1 attention, especially to catch up if they are behind.

Do you have a local homeschool group in your area? You might find someone like minded.

Good luck

 

[MSSANDRA]

I think you have the most important things right: You love your son, you recognize that what he is getting right now is not working, and you are willing to do what is necessary to change that.

There are as many different ways to home school as there are families and no way is wrong or right for everyone. The are also MANY different ways a child learns and every child can not learn in a traditional way.

It sounds as though your little one may have a language arts learning disability. That does not mean he is not smart, as you know by his IQ, but rather his brain just does not process certain information in a typical fashion. Reality is, it might be more important to look at the style in which you teach him, rather than the structure of your learning environment. You may want to consider some private testing and maybe even some professional tutoring from someone trained in LA LD.

Now this seems totally opposite but it's really not: He is SEVEN. I know, our society really pushes reading and writing earlier and earlier every year but some children just are not ready until about 7 year old to use concrete thinking skills need to read and write. I also worry that too strict of environment may kill his zest and love for learning and that would be worse that being behind. No real answers, but just a few thoughts.

 

[chris31997]

I'm sorry you have run into some hs die hards. We can be alittle difficult and lack of understanding at times. Like the PP said, we need to offer support for where you are and what you need. Because in my mind hs is about flexability and educationg your child where they are.

There really is no wrong way to hs, except maybe to say you are and not do it You do what is right for your child. Your plan seems to work for you and your family and what you need.

I would recommend that you think outside the box. Maybe read outside or under the table or have him walk around and read just to change it up a bit. Also realize that during your time at hsing, your child will be able to accomplish most of his work in a shorten day than if he was at school. Not including reading

Good luck in your journey. I really hope the best for both of you.

 

[ImpossibleOfMe]

Have you considered looking into a Montessori school for him so he wouldn't miss out on the social aspect? Kids with any special needs, whether it be learning disorders such as ADHD up through to gifted children, will often thrive better in that sort of environment.

If you haven't heard of it, I highly recommend you look into it. It's pretty easy to incorporate aspects of it into your home life - like by having him help you cook or grocery shop you could teach him both math and reading in a practical way.

 

[angelmom27]

Go in with an open mind. Not saying your way won't work. Just giving you an idea of what happened this yr. We started HSing in the fall and I had the mind set of using the cirruculum and keeping it like school. Well my DD had other plans. So I have come to learn that I needed to change my approach and do things different. So we have changed things around to make things better for us both so its not a battle. She is in 2nd gr this yr. Don't let others get you down or make you think you can't do it the way you feel you need to. You know your child best and will do what you know is best for him.

 

[noahdove]

Well, I guess I would first sit down with the Special Ed. teachers and director of special ed. Since he has an IEP, he must have special services geared to him for all of his needs. If you think he needs more, find a parent advocate to help you get these services and now. Does he have other summer programs to attend? Be it for reading, socialization or just keeping him on task and target for the next school year. Yes, ultimately you are in charge of your child's education, and you will do what you feel you need to do..but, I would ask you to sit down with his teachers, regular and special ed and listen to them as to what they see as his strengths and his weaknesses. Please don't be afraid to ask for clarifications if you aren't understanding what they are saying. Sometimes, they talk in circles and beat around the bush!!!! Before I end, I must say that I am not a teacher, parent with a child with learning disabilities, or someone who works in special ed. But, I have worked in special ed and I have a grandson with speech problems and my daughter and son in law had to go to bat for Cole to get the best service for him...Good luck and may God guide you in your journey...

 

[princesspwrhr]

Does your library have a "Paws to Read" (or similar name) program? It's a REALLY great program for kids with reading difficulties (or those who love to read and everyone in between). The library connects with a local dog therapy group and once a month, the group brings dogs into the library. Kids then come in and read to the dogs. The owners/handlers are right there, but these are highly trained therapy dogs so the likelihood of an incident is very very low. The dogs don't care if the child is making up the story, reading the words, skipping words, messing up words, they don't care if a 13year old is reading Biscut books and a 6 year old is reading Harry Potter - the dogs are the perfect audience. There is no pressure to be perfect or to answer comprehension questions about the story.

I homeschooled my oldest from Kindy - high school. She was an early reader (3 - no joke) and an avid learner. My younger two were homeschooled until 2nd grade. My middle is an average reader - everything on the "experts" schedule. She's smart, funny and loves to learn, but when school is done, that's it, her brain shifts into "academic off." My youngest is a reluctant reader. She could read, she didn't want too, made it hard, pretended she couldn't, flat out told us she didn't have to because as the youngest someone would always read to her. She's intelligent, asks a TON of questions and always wants to know more, but she has no patience and the attention span of a gnat.

Our family situation changed this past summer and all three transitioned to public school without a problem (high school and 3rd grade x2) - and I never paid one ounce of attention to what the local schools were doing. So while I completely understand where you're coming from on that point, don't lock yourself in. Allow yourself to keep an open mind _in case_ you need to use something else, or you find a better resource than the texts from the school.

Each of my girls are different. I had to use different methods for each of them,and if there's anything that I learned in my 13 year journey (let's face it, learning starts with walking, talking & manners) it's that flexibility is key and you need to keep the end goal in mind.

 

[Betty Rohrer]

not trying to rain on your idea but because child already has an IEP and before starting your plan i would make sure that a learning disability is not also there. your childs reading problems sound like my daughter. because of her learning disability she has never caught up with reading. it took her getting so fustrated with reading being pushed on her and pushing her to do better that even now as an adult she hates and i mean hates anything to do with reading. this started as she went in to third grade, when we tried to make so she could stay in with her class with extra help at school and home. it was a big mistake. from what we learned i would try but watch how things go.

 

[Lilliputian]

I don't think your way sounds "wrong." It sounds a lot different than the way I homeschool, but I have different goals than you do. If you wanted to homeschool all the way through high school, then your plan probably wouldn't be the best way to start. It still could work, but the reason that a lot of the homeschooling books make it seem like those ways are "wrong" is because a lot of homeschooling parents (including many of the ones who wrote those books!) started that way and then realized it wasn't best for their goals. They had different goals than you do, though.

The deschooling that most people recommend is to get your kids used to the idea that learning doesn't always mean reading from a textbook and then doing the followup activities in the books. Since you are going to use textbooks and model your homeschool like a regular classroom, that's not necessary.

The best way to homeschool your child is the way that helps him to thrive. If you used your method without success, didn't modify it all, and put him back into school in two years even further behind his classmates, then I guess that would have been doing it wrong. I'm sure you won't do that, though, because you're obviously a caring mom who wants the best for her child. No one should cling to a certain method regardless of how it works for their child, no matter what the method is. If you try what you want to do and it works, then you're good. If it doesn't, you can reevaluate and see what you want to change.

There are people who homeschool with the intention of putting their children back into school at some point. There are homeschoolers who use textbooks and make their homeschool classrooms closely resemble public school classrooms. I'm not really sure where you can find them, though. The homeschool support groups are (understandably) started by moms who intend to homeschool all the way through. Some of them may have a few members like you. If you can find a way to talk to the leaders or long-time attenders of some of the groups in your area, you can ask some questions and find out how well you'd fit in.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

Do you think DS may have troubles transitioning back to school after the hs experience? If he goes back to the same school at the age appropriate grade, peers will recognize him and will ask questions. I've been through that, and it is hard on the self-esteem. Oh the rumors kids can think up. :wink

Not that social issues are more important than education. It's just something to consider and you mentioned your son has already taken a hit to his self esteem.

Could you do a summer intensive reading program with him, and then have him go back to school in the fall and continue tutoring him at night?

 

[bumbershoot]

Now this seems totally opposite but it's really not: He is SEVEN. I know, our society really pushes reading and writing earlier and earlier every year but some children just are not ready until about 7 year old to use concrete thinking skills need to read and write. I also worry that too strict of environment may kill his zest and love for learning and that would be worse that being behind. No real answers, but just a few thoughts.

My guy is 8 and hes finally a reader. It has been a long road. And what I have or have not done has been a very small part of it. He mainly got there on his own. If he were in school he would be considered behind and I think that's horrid. And wrong, just dead wrong. I was a very early reader and an early out loud reader, doing it well even with things I hadn't seen before. Almost everyone in the primary school years made me cringe with their reading skills, because it simply was NOT typical for kids in the primary years to be strong readers. I do not know what has happened to education, but it's ridiculous. By the time we hit 4th and 5th we had almost all evened out, so why stress about it ahead of time?

I wouldn't copy school. Why would you? It's not working for him now, so why repeat that? But if it doesn't work I'm sure you'll see it and change things. With my son, the stress of "let's practice reading" was just way too much. Far better to just start reading t-shirts here at Universal today at the stores for instance, rather than look at a reader yet again, and he's showing how nicely his skills are coming along.


School and parents forced DH to read by that age and it absolutely destroyed his love of reading. He's 40 and has only recently started to enjoy reading in the last year. That's sad. You don't want that to happen. So keep an eye on it and think of changing if it's not working.

 

[robinb]

Hi, hope this is the right forum and sorry for the cryptic thread title, but I need to talk to those who might be where I am going.

background
My DS7 is about 2 years behind in reading despite having an average IQ and being in special Ed since age 3 for speech delay and sensory issues. Along the way he has also picked up an ADHD and ASD diagnosis, He has made tremendous strides up until 1st grade and is grade level except for reading and writing. The school is doing all they can with IEP, therapies and modified teaching, but he is not progressing and they are passing him is B+/A- grades. Unacceptable. Therefore we are planning to homeschool starting this summer by essentially repeating 2nd grade. The goal is to attempt to get him to approaching/on level within the next 2 years and return to public school for 5th grade.

I also have a question about why his grades are "unacceptable". Maybe I don't quite understand how the IEP and the modified teaching is supposed to work with grading, but aren't his grades awarded within the framework of his special education? No, he's not reading at grade level but he's still doing "B" work for his own level. Right?

Is it only his reading you are concerned about? I ask, because 7 is still quite young and not every child becomes a rabid reader at an early age. In my DD's 2nd grade there were kids devouring Harry Potter ... and then there was my DD reading Green Apple readers. Yes, she was behind and yes I was concerned. But as someone said upthread, some kids are ready at 5-6-7 to read up a storm and some kids are not. It really does even out at about 5th grade and I saw that myself. My DD who struggled to read in 2nd grade is now on High Honor Roll in 8th grade.

Of course, you should do what you feel is best for your own child. However, I just have the feeling that homeschooling in this situation may no be the right thing to do. I think that before you can call a homeschool "re-do" on 2nd grade you need to know why public school second grade didn't seem to work. Since you say that he has a high IQ, it's probably not from a lack of understanding on his part. So that leaves teaching techniques and basic readiness on your son's part. While it certainly might be how he is being taught, it's also pretty common for kids at that age (esp with the learning issues you son has) to NOT be ready. If he's not ready, he's not ready. He won't be ready for 2nd grade at home either. I think it may be detrimental to take him out of school away from his friends and peer group, hold him back to redo 2nd grade at home and then try to cover 3rd and 4th grade at home along with 2nd in only 2 years. He may end up falling behind in everything instead of just being behind in reading until the "light bulb" goes off.

 

[JamesMom]

Wow! Thanks for all the responses! I feel a little more confident now.
I had written a two page response, but thought that might be overkill for a message board But suffice it to say the status quo is unacceptable and our family believes he needs more intervention than the school can provide. On evaluations he consistently scores 2 years behind grade level- the reading gap is not closing and will become more prominent next year with STAAR state testing and the pressures associated with it. His last TRPI (TX reading test to spot difficulties in k-2nd grade) scores were tragic. He scored a ZERO on fluency both in the fall and winter where the majority of his classmates are expected to read at least 60/75, respectively, words correct per minute. As the reading philosophy in third grade changes from learning to read to reading to learn, this gap will have a stronger inpact on his other subjects not to mention social and self-esteem effects.
For the last posted who expressed concern - thank you, but I came to this decision after careful consideration, research and discussions with his support team at school. He learns best one-on-one and needs phonemic and phonics remediation as well as work within his medication schedule. I can do all that.
The reason to repeat 2nd grade is because his test scores(not his grades) indicate he is not functioning at a 2nd grade reading level which is the goal of 2nd grade. To adjust the scale and promote him to 3rd grade because of his 'disability' is to do a disservice, imho. He needs to master the basics before advancing where he is at rather shield him behind a label which would be evident soon enough when asked to read aloud in class. How many high school graduates can't read? attend college unprepared? Moving onto the next grade implies mastery of the previous grade, which my son has not done therefore should be denied until he has matered the material. A college will not permit a student to take calculus without passing College Algebra or testing out of it first. I believe grades K-12 should be no different even with disabilities.
Oh, and he is grade level in other subjects and I would,obviously, work with him at his level in those subjects, too.
ETA - I read some more posts - thanks! In terms of social, a lot of his classmates live in our neighborhood and there would be no reason to not foster those relationships as we homeschool. I fear the social stigma of teasing children who call my son 'stupid' much more damaging than being homeschooled which is quite common here - half of his cub scout den is homeschooled. Lastly, Elementary school here ends in fourth with several feeder schools going to the middle school at fifth. Re-entry at that time should put him on a level playing field with all of his peers being in new environs as well.

 

[StitchFanZ]

Kudos to you for choosing the best path for your son.

If you are worried about the 'stigma' of repeating a grade, remember that you don't really have to share this detail with him or his friends or thier families. It is not really any of thier business anyway. Suffice it to say something like, 'my son does better with one on one attention in academics so I am going to homeschool a few years to make sure he has a good foundation for future grades.'

Your email brought to mind a conversation I had with a first grade teacher long, long ago.
Teacher - 'we'd like to enroll you child in a summer program to help with reading.' Me - 'so, what does this program do - does it have more focused plans for each kid, different materials, more individual attention? Teacher - 'it is a continuation of the reading program we use during the year.' Me - 'so, if what we've been doing all year hasn't work then why should I think doing the same thing over the summer months going to make any difference?'
At that point, I began a quest to find a better school and other options because to continue what wasn't working was just setting up my child to fail. That child is a senior this year who tests above grade level, is self-confident, and ready to graduate. FYI, we switched to private school, paid big bucks for private testing and tutoring, and eventually homeschooled which has been a grand adventure.

 

[2mom]

I sent you a PM

 

[vleeth]

It sounds like you are going to go the "Classic" route, so if you haven't already read it, I suggest you read "The Well-Trained Mind"

We will homeschool our dd7 at some point, but are not ready to take her out of school yet. For now we are afterschooling and will homeschool full time during the summer. I'm following a few of the suggestions from the above mentioned book and we are having fun with it.

Btw, that pic of your boys is too cute!