High school freshman not turning things in

[Mickey'snewestfan]

My 15 year old son has fallen into the pattern of doing his work, and not turning it in. This pattern has me completely baffled. Not doing it would, at least, make some sense, but I'm just scratching my head on this. Why would you spend hours on a paper and then not give it to anyone.

Now, I'm sure that at this point half of you are shaking your heads and thinking that my kid is lying, and not doing the work. That's what I thought, and even accused him of, but as far as I can tell it's not true. Yesterday was a good example, he had a paper marked as not submitted in English. I asked him about it about 4 times and he said "I turned it in, I'm not sure why it's not graded.", so finally I emailed his teacher who said she had never seen it. When I told him that he opened his computer, pulled it up, and emailed it in. Clearly, it had been done weeks before. Even with missing points for being late, he got a B, so I assume it would have been an A, thus not an issue of him being ashamed of poor work.

This happens all the time. Half of his papers and assignments have points off for being late, and his homework grades are all around 50 - 60%, and yet I see him doing the assignments.

When I emailed with his English teacher, she told me that the other day he came back to her room at lunch for extra time on a test (the school gives everyone unlimited time if they want it), finished the test, picked it up, and walked out of the room. She said she had to chase him down in math class to get it from him, and that later the math teacher told her "yep, he's done that to me too."

Has anyone experienced this? Ideas on how to help him?

 

[bdcp]

Maybe he's worried it's not good enough so he procrastinates and hesitates to turn it in which in turn proves it's not since the grade is lowered. Otherwise, I got nothing. He sounds like can easily do the work, but maybe he thinks it needs to be perfect.

 

[tcufrog]

What does he say when you ask him about it?

 

[Imzadi]

Maybe he's worried it's not good enough so he procrastinates and hesitates to turn it in which in turn proves it's not since the grade is lowered. Otherwise, I got nothing. He sounds like can easily do the work, but maybe he thinks it needs to be perfect.

Yes, it could be perfectionism, that even after all that hard work, it won't be good enough. Or fear of failure, (which is slightly different,) so he self-sabotages. Getting the lowered grade does prove he failed.

 

[PrincessShmoo]

My 15 year old son has fallen into the pattern of doing his work, and not turning it in. This pattern has me completely baffled. Not doing it would, at least, make some sense, but I'm just scratching my head on this. Why would you spend hours on a paper and then not give it to anyone.

Now, I'm sure that at this point half of you are shaking your heads and thinking that my kid is lying, and not doing the work. That's what I thought, and even accused him of, but as far as I can tell it's not true. Yesterday was a good example, he had a paper marked as not submitted in English. I asked him about it about 4 times and he said "I turned it in, I'm not sure why it's not graded.", so finally I emailed his teacher who said she had never seen it. When I told him that he opened his computer, pulled it up, and emailed it in. Clearly, it had been done weeks before. Even with missing points for being late, he got a B, so I assume it would have been an A, thus not an issue of him being ashamed of poor work.

This happens all the time. Half of his papers and assignments have points off for being late, and his homework grades are all around 50 - 60%, and yet I see him doing the assignments.

When I emailed with his English teacher, she told me that the other day he came back to her room at lunch for extra time on a test (the school gives everyone unlimited time if they want it), finished the test, picked it up, and walked out of the room. She said she had to chase him down in math class to get it from him, and that later the math teacher told her "yep, he's done that to me too."

Has anyone experienced this? Ideas on how to help him?

I'm thinking it's not so unusual. Our oldest son was exactly the same way. He wound up failing several classes, because the homework never made it into the teacher. Yes, I know the homework was being done, but somehow, he would never take it out of his back pack and turn it in.

And, in our high school, teachers didn't chase the kids down to get the assignments. The theory being, the student needed to learn a little responsibility (bad word in this day and age, I know). Much like when you get a job, you boss isn't going to hound you about what you're supposed to be doing, but just expects you to get it done. Otherwise, you're out of a job.

I don't know, maybe it's a guy thing? Either way, by the time he was a junior most of the assignments were making it to the teacher.

All you can do is try to find out why the "turn in homework" gene isn't working. Keep reminding him that it's on him to insure that he gets his assignments in.

 

[marlynnp]

I'm thinking it's not so unusual. Our oldest son was exactly the same way. He wound up failing several classes, because the homework never made it into the teacher. Yes, I know the homework was being done, but somehow, he would never take it out of his back pack and turn it in.

And, in our high school, teachers didn't chase the kids down to get the assignments. The theory being, the student needed to learn a little responsibility (bad word in this day and age, I know). Much like when you get a job, you boss isn't going to hound you about what you're supposed to be doing, but just expects you to get it done. Otherwise, you're out of a job.

I don't know, maybe it's a guy thing? Either way, by the time he was a junior most of the assignments were making it to the teacher.

All you can do is try to find out why the "turn in homework" gene isn't working. Keep reminding him that it's on him to insure that he gets his assignments in.

Nope, my daughter has done that several times this year. (she is also a high school freshman)

 

[ronandannette]

My 15 year old son has fallen into the pattern of doing his work, and not turning it in. This pattern has me completely baffled. Not doing it would, at least, make some sense, but I'm just scratching my head on this. Why would you spend hours on a paper and then not give it to anyone.

Now, I'm sure that at this point half of you are shaking your heads and thinking that my kid is lying, and not doing the work. That's what I thought, and even accused him of, but as far as I can tell it's not true. Yesterday was a good example, he had a paper marked as not submitted in English. I asked him about it about 4 times and he said "I turned it in, I'm not sure why it's not graded.", so finally I emailed his teacher who said she had never seen it. When I told him that he opened his computer, pulled it up, and emailed it in. Clearly, it had been done weeks before. Even with missing points for being late, he got a B, so I assume it would have been an A, thus not an issue of him being ashamed of poor work.

This happens all the time. Half of his papers and assignments have points off for being late, and his homework grades are all around 50 - 60%, and yet I see him doing the assignments.

When I emailed with his English teacher, she told me that the other day he came back to her room at lunch for extra time on a test (the school gives everyone unlimited time if they want it), finished the test, picked it up, and walked out of the room. She said she had to chase him down in math class to get it from him, and that later the math teacher told her "yep, he's done that to me too."

Has anyone experienced this? Ideas on how to help him?

We're still experiencing it now...3 weeks before graduation. We (parents and teachers) have pushed, pulled and dragged DS towards the finish line and it's STILL not 100% definite that he'll walk if he doesn't get all his overdue stuff in. We've tried EVERYTHING; discipline (quite harsh at times; he's been without his cell phone for more time than he's been with it for example, and he missed out on the senior trip to Europe), rewards (which he earns and then falls right back into old habits again) and every type of academic & organizational support know to man. No method has had lasting results.

The most important advice I can give is be prepared to let him fail and if necessary, do so sooner rather than later. Life is the best teacher. I never had the stomach to let our DS crash and burn earlier on; it was wrong of me. His success meant a whole lot more to me than it did to him.

 

[Hannathy]

I'm thinking it's not so unusual. Our oldest son was exactly the same way. He wound up failing several classes, because the homework never made it into the teacher. Yes, I know the homework was being done, but somehow, he would never take it out of his back pack and turn it in.

And, in our high school, teachers didn't chase the kids down to get the assignments. The theory being, the student needed to learn a little responsibility (bad word in this day and age, I know). Much like when you get a job, you boss isn't going to hound you about what you're supposed to be doing, but just expects you to get it done. Otherwise, you're out of a job.

I don't know, maybe it's a guy thing? Either way, by the time he was a junior most of the assignments were making it to the teacher.

All you can do is try to find out why the "turn in homework" gene isn't working. Keep reminding him that it's on him to insure that he gets his assignments in.

I'm totally agreeing with you! Same thing happening here.

does the work doesn't turn it in. Is more than able to do the work, gets A's on the tests.

I think it is just a freshman guy thing. I know someone said their DD has done it but I hear about far more guys doing this.

 

[Sadie22]

High school requires a lot of organization, and some do better at that than others. Lack of organizational skills or need for more organization skills may show up for the first time when transitioning from elementary to middle school or middle school to high school. Deficiencies may show up for the first time; the child may have been able to compensate previously but now cannot.

Then again, there may be something bothering him, or maybe he's noticed a certain girl for the first time and is thinking of her.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Very, very common.

 

[drinkme]

My ds who is in 7th grade does the same thing. When I ask him why he didn't hand it in he just says, "I dunno."

Drives me crazy. I was hoping I was going to read a post on how to correct this!! lol.

If anyone has a solution, please share.

 

[Imzadi]

Then again, there may be something bothering him, or maybe he's noticed a certain girl for the first time and is thinking of her.

He might not want to be perceived as being too smart. Some kids get labeled as nerdy or bookworms in high school for being too smart. That's not considered very attractive in some cases. He can do the work at "A" grade level. But, then he gets marked down, and he's "not so smart" after all.

 

[shortbun]

I think it's just a symptom of the age and settings. My son was in online school and only had to drop his assignments in a drop box for each class. If he had found it necessary to physically address the teacher, "Here's my paper.", he may never have turned things in. This would be due to shyness, social ineptitude. If he's allowed to email his assignments, he should do that. It's easier, quicker and able to be documented.

 

[scottmel]

I read the most FANTASTIC book called "The Late, the lost the unprepared". Life changing here to help me understand executive function weaknesses. PM if you want more info on the subject, we struggled here with a similar issue.

 

[Disfan1]

My son did the same thing in high school. I think it was just a teenage "brain drain" because he wound up graduating from the Air Force Academy last year. Hang in there!

 

[NotUrsula]

Executive function thing; some people just have issues with organization.

DS did this (ASD kid), and we came up with a foolproof fix: he scanned all homework after he finished it, and emailed it to the teacher in front of us. He still had to turn in the hardcopy, the emailed version was just a backup. However, the teachers DID know that he did the work and did it on time; so when he blew turning in the hardcopy on time, most of them were kind enough to only dock him a percentage for failing to follow directions, rather than give him a flat zero for failing to do the work.

Locker organization is also important in this regard: a sign for the inside of the door that says "Do you have your homework?" can be useful as well.

 

[pixiechick]

not unusual. We have one like this as well.

Unfortunately, there is a fine line between reminding them and micromanaging.

As he's gotten older it has improved greatly though.

 

[JillyBean1899]

This sounds creepily like me in high school. Turns out I was ADHD and just had never been diagnosed because everyone assumed I was just lazy and/or stupid (this was before it became popular to diagnose every kid with some sort of LD, so there weren't really screenings for it or people looking out for it). Has he been screened for any sort of LD? Not to jump on the "all kids have to be on meds" bandwagon, but at least if he knows that he has something like ADHD (or even some tendencies), you guys can find some coping methods that will help him.

 

[Mokat76]

This sounds creepily like me in high school. Turns out I was ADHD and just had never been diagnosed because everyone assumed I was just lazy and/or stupid (this was before it became popular to diagnose every kid with some sort of LD, so there weren't really screenings for it or people looking out for it). Has he been screened for any sort of LD? Not to jump on the "all kids have to be on meds" bandwagon, but at least if he knows that he has something like ADHD (or even some tendencies), you guys can find some coping methods that will help him.

This. Exactly my niece. ADD. Almost didn't graduate HS.

 

[cfriend416]

This sounds creepily like me in high school. Turns out I was ADHD and just had never been diagnosed because everyone assumed I was just lazy and/or stupid (this was before it became popular to diagnose every kid with some sort of LD, so there weren't really screenings for it or people looking out for it). Has he been screened for any sort of LD? Not to jump on the "all kids have to be on meds" bandwagon, but at least if he knows that he has something like ADHD (or even some tendencies), you guys can find some coping methods that will help him.

This. Being diagnosed with ADHD does not mean that he needs to be medicated. What it does mean is that he may qualify for an IEP or 504 plan, which could get him accommodations such as teachers needing to cue him to turn in work, or not penalizing him for late work (within reason). Some teachers (myself included) will do this for any kid they feel needs it, IEP or not. An IEP makes teachers legally obligated to give these accommodations. Additionally, he would get support from a SPED team who are skilled in teaching executive functioning skills. Perhaps mention your concerns to his guidance counselor so he will be on their radar for the fall. There's probably not much they will do for him at this point in the school year. Also talk to his doctor over the summer about the possibility of ADHD.