HELP! What to do if...

[RachelsMommie]

a good friend is trying to horn in on a family trip?

We are planning our first WDW trip with our DD. We've been to WDW and DL before, and we love the magic! My daughter loves all things Disney (except the princesses...go figure) and her favorite thing is Minnie Mouse. She will be 3.5 when we go in September. After much deliberation, we decided to do a 7-night Land & Sea package, staying at the Polynesian for 4 nights, and doing a 3-night verandah stateroom cruise. We are SO excited, are planning our ADRs, and I'm already stocking up on Disney merchandise for "Mickey" to surprise my daughter with in our hotel room and stateroom. I am SO excited, even though it's 7 months away!

The problem? My dear friend (who I really do love dearly) asked when we were going and is trying to figure out how to book the same package so that she can go, too. I love my friend, but I know that the best way to end a friendship and ruin a great trip will be for her to come along. She has a daughter who is 6 months younger than my daughter, but she also has a set of 1yo twins. I just think this will be a disaster. I want this to be a family trip for myself, my DH, and my DD. My friend has already told me that we can "dump" all of the kids in the childcare facility on the cruise so she and I can enjoy spa days with no kids. That is NOT the purpose of my vacation. I want to spend time with my DD, and so does my DH.

Sorry this is so long. What should I do??? If I tell her that I don't want her to go, she will get her feelings hurt and it could hurt the friendship.

Thanks for any advice!

 

[Metsoskil]

I think you need to be honest with her and explain that this is a family trip. There's nothing you can do if she decides to book the same trip, but you should make it clear to her up front that if she does, you will still be spending time with your family, and that hanging out with her will not be high on the priority list. Explain that you worry about the effects to the friendship if there is a misunderstanding, so that is why you are bringing it up.

If she is as good a friend as you claim, she should know you well enough to understand your desire to spend time with your family.

 

[ENSOCK]

I would explain to her that this is a family only trip. Tell her what you wrote here. If not blame your husband that he only wants a family trip!

Good luck and hopefully since she is such a close friend she will understand. Sending you Pixie dust!

 

[Daydreamer64]

Ask her if the 1yo's could stay home with Grandma.

"I feel really bad and have been thinking about this- you know we have been best friends for years. I feel like I need to talk to you about WDW. I'm torn because when I made plans for our family to tour- I waited, and waited, and waited until DD was finally out of diapers and tall enough to ride most of the rides because I didn't want to have to do the baby swap thing.

Also, I waited so we didn't have to change diapers and follow a strict nap time..... less crying and no bottles....

Could we wait until all of the kids are diaper free and walking to go together, or could we make it a just you and 3yo daughter trip join us this time, or we could go at the same time but I have an iten . to follow with my PS meal times. and so on. We would be happy to meet up with you at set times and on set days but we do plan to tour with a 3yo in mind not babies.?

Having the twin 1yo's would make baby swap- time consuming -a need if she wanted to ride "all" of the rides too.

If she only wants to cruise, tell her that you are uncomfortable leaving your child all day with "strangers" even if she has her friend along and you really didn't plan on using childcare but instead planned on having one on one time with your daughter since the everyday routine requires you to be apart most of the day ( daycare/school? ).
HTH BTDT

 

[belle&sebastiansmom]

IMO, going in to so much detail begins to seem insincere and rehearsed.

I was in a very similar situation. I booked for December. A friend of mine wanted to know all the specifics of our reservations, got upset because we're staying at the WL and she's got more kids then we do and she can't afford WL, blah, blah, blah.

Our trip is for our family! I tried to drop her hints, didn't work. I mean, she was planning for the husbands to go off and do their own thing, while the girls did ours. Our husbands don't even know each other. It was crazy.

Finally, I was just forthcoming and said, "Look, this is our first big vaction in a couple of years. If you go at the same time, perhaps we'll have dinner one night together, but we're going to be touring as a family, and staying as a family." She finally accepted that. You can't change it if she books the same time as you, but you don't have to make it a joint vacation. Good luck.

 

[jklmw]

I totally agree with Daydreamer. People don't know if you don't tell them. I worry about hurting other peoples feelings so much, but you have to know when to draw the line. If you were to ask your friend if your family could go with her on a very important trip, I don't think this friend would have any problem saying no to you. Everyone has friends like this. It drives me nuts when people think it is ok to be so intrusive.
Please don't let your friend ruin your trip. Even if it ends up she does go , Disney is so magical and remember what is most important is you and your family and of course Minnie Mouse

 

[HappyGramma]

I am going through a similar situation. My best friend and I have been planning a trip to WDW in Dec 08 for about 3 years. It will be us and our DHs. We have rented points for a 2 bedroom villa at the boardwalk and have booked the deluxe dining plan already. I have been just so excited about this trip because I have finially talked my DH in going to WDW with me. We have been friends with this couple for at least 30 years and get along absolutely great with them. Our tastes and interests are very much in sync. Well, last week my brother-in-law called and asked what the dates of our trip were and did I mind if he and his GF went down with us. Now I really love my brother-in-law and his gf is great, but they weren't part of the planning of this trip. I don't want to have to worry about meeting up at a park or planning our days around 6 people. I really felt put on the spot. I enjoy their company and doing things with them but not on this trip. I have not gotten back to him yet, but dh said that he would talk to him. We are willing to meet up some night for dinner or drinks but that we don't want to have to change any of our plans and have to plan around all of us. I don't want to make them feel bad but I don't want to spoil the vacation my best friend and I been planning.

 

[loco4dis]

I'm a coward, so I love the blame-your-husband solution. My husband and I trade off "being blamed" all the time to protect tender feelings. He'll tell someone, "No, my wife said she had something else planned and she goes crazy when I change plans or add people," or I'll say "Oh, no, my husband insisted that it just be the two of use because we're celebrating a birthday, anniversary, the day we met, etc." Just tell her your husband said absolutely not, that he's been planning for this family-only trip for months and he just won't budge. You can even throw in the old "he never got to have family trips like this as a kid so it's really important to him.…I'm sure you understand."

 

[bobcat77]

I'm pretty new to this board and while I've lurked for quite some time threads like this lure me to the posting side of things!

RachelsMommie and all other in a similar situation I FEEL YOUR PAIN.

We (my wife son and I) have been extremely fortunate to be able to frequent WDW practically every May since my wife and started dating back in the late-80's and we've never stopped. Our son was born in January of '01 and while we missed THAT May, we went in December and it was back on track the following May. IT NEVER FAILS, every year, from my dad, our friends, friend of friends, you name...they come out of the woodwork and pull the old "Maybe we should go down with you guys!" "When do you go, May?" "What week?" blah, blah, blah.

I love my family to death, I have very dear friends, some I'd love to travel with and some I wouldn't and I tell them all the same thing! I'm very set in my way when it comes to my family time. This is the week where we forget about school, work and other things life throws at us! I don't want to spend the week being a tour guide, having to make others feel they should do what we do, etc, etc. Don't get me wrong, we've done trips with others and right up front, no matter what, 2 cars (if required) if you follow me, up early and out if you sleep in, we leave without you.

Please let us know how you make out.

Take care...

 

[RachelsMommie]

Thanks, everyone, for all the advice.

Right now, I'm taking the "don't mention the trip" routine in hopes she'll forget about it. I never told her exact dates for the trip, and I'm hoping she doesn't ask. She is the type to spout off ideas that never come to fruition...let's just hope this is one of those times.

To all of the PPs, I never realized that this was a common problem! I would never think to ask to go on someone's trip with them. This just came out of left field for me!

Thanks again!
Kristi

 

[Lovin' Lorne]

Well if she does bring it up again, my vote is for the truth.

"Gosh, insert friend's name here that sounds fun, but not on this trip. This trip is all about DD. After all, this is her first trip to Disney, and DH and I have been planning it for months. Maybe another time."

If she's as good a friend as you say she is, she'll have to admit that you're right.

 

[teresajoy]

We (my wife son and I) have been extremely fortunate to be able to frequent WDW practically every May since my wife and started dating back in the late-80's and we've never stopped. Our son was born in January of '01 and while we missed THAT May, we went in December and it was back on track the following May.

We go every May too, except the May my 9 year old dd was born! Then, we went in February/March!

We've only had two times when people had mentioned that they wanted to go with us without us asking. One time was when we had to change the dates (because of aforementioned 9 year old DD) and another time, the person just mentioned going with us once, and thankfully never mentioned it again!

 

[gypsydoodlebug]

I'd use the round-about method. I'd say, "I'm sure you guys will have a lot of fun! Maybe we can meet up with you for dinner one night. We're going to be so busy I'm sure we can make time to see you guys once!" and hope they get the hint.

 

[fireman1]

It kind happened to me as well. I planned a trip for just me and my daughter
( in 6 days ). I told a lady friend of mine about it and she was like OoOoOohh, I want to go. She asked me, ''when exactly are you going so I can plan it''? My heart sank.
Luckily, she started dating someone and I was let off the hook with out having to tell her she couldnt go.( whew)

 

[DaisyLynn]

I have a friend like this...and I know in this same situation, it would just crush her, no matter what I said. She's like a sister to me, as this friend probably is to you...which just means that it's like "rejecting" family. However, even though we try to be understanding and accepting and thoughtful with these kind of friends, sometimes you just have to say "no".

I would just tell her that you "don't think it'll work out this time", but that you'd really "love to have a spa day with her at (insert local spa here) because that sounds like it'd be so much fun!" And "much needed break for mommies!" etc. etc.

I probably "fluff" things too much, but it works for me. I just direct her attention toward something else.

Sometimes we've gotta handle these kind of friends with kid gloves, as I'm sure you know. But you know...we are so lucky to have friends who really care so much about spending time together. It's just figuring out how to say no.