Help Me Figure Out What to Say

[usd2bmd]

One of my good friends scheduled her child's birthday party at 6 pm on a weeknight. She did this because it is the discount night at the venue. She scheduled it at 6 so working parents could come.

My child goes to bed at 6:30 these days. We have to keep her on a fairly strict bedtime schedule because we get her up early for daycare. If we keep her up too much later it really screws her up the next day.

My DH just wants to decline the invite. He says she should understand, considering her family missed 3/4 of our daughter's party because it interfered with nap time. I want to compromise and say I will stop by and drop off a present and say hello. But I don't know what to say to my friend as to why my daughter will not be attending?

Why not the truth? My mother always told me if you tell the truth you on't ever have to remember anything else.

 

[Tinijocaro]

Are we talking about two year olds? Why woul it matter if your dd wasn't there?

 

[smitch425]

It makes me feel sad when I see parents dragging their one year olds out to events at like 9pm.

Why would that make you sad? All kids are different. Some don't require as much sleep or they sleep during different hours. My kids were routinely out past 9pm practically since birth!

 

[Wishing on a star]

OP, a 1 year old baby does not even understand a 'party invitation'.
If it seems to much, then yes, just do not bring your one year old.

I am assuming that your friends three year old knows you and would be happy to see you come, and to bring a gift.

Leave the one year old with daddy...
Go to the party...
You can even stay more than a few minutes.

I agree that an invitation is NOT a summons.
And, I would just let the mother know that "The baby is home in bed."
No extensive explanations or excuses are warranted, and should not have to be given.

Just throwing this in here... I know that parents of young children are often overly excited and 'vested' in this kind of thing for their little kids. But, if this person really would create any drama or stress because your one year old baby didn't make a command performance... (NOT assuming that this would be the case... Just making a general statement here....) You might want to re-think the friendship.

 

[CPT Tripss]

Not renting a playroom, not providing tokens, hoping to just grab some available tables....that's not a birthday party, that's a play date.

Nope! It's a gift grab.

 

[Wishing on a star]

No, I would not jump to the assumption that it is a 'gift grab'.
Not at all....

Where I am, not everyone has big bucks to shell out for a three-year-old birthday party that costs nearly as much as a prom or a wedding.

You would expect more?????


Not to keen on smitch's post above, either.

 

[Laura66]

Okay - I'll bite! Why so sad and judgemental abut little ones being out so late???? If they are on a different schedule than yours and well rested and happy why would you be so insulting?

I mean - wouldn't that be judgemental of me if I said - how sad it is that your baby spends all that time at daycare and has to go straight to bed and not spend time with her parents?

Let's come back in a few years when you have more than one and have to juggle their activities!

 

[MSLRAC]

Why would that make you sad? All kids are different. Some don't require as much sleep or they sleep during different hours. My kids were routinely out past 9pm practically since birth!

DS is a night owl and has been since birth. He will go to bed at midnight and wake up bright eyed and ready to roll at 7 am the next morning for school. It's not that big of a deal and certainly not a reason to feel sad for him.

OP, I would decline the invite saying it interferes with your child's bedtime and maybe see about scheduling a play date the week before or after to give the other child the gift you got them.

 

[SC Minnie]

OP this is what I would say--

'We aren't going to make it to the party, bedtimes and all, you know how it can be. I do have a gift for the birthday boy and would love to get together on the weekend to give it to him.'

 

[smitch425]

No, I would not jump to the assumption that it is a 'gift grab'.
Not at all....

Where I am, not everyone has big bucks to shell out for a three-year-old birthday party that costs nearly as much as a prom or a wedding.

You would expect more?????


Not to keen on smitch's post above, either.

What did I do?

 

[DisneyJamieCA]

Not to keen on smitch's post above, either.

Why? I see nothing wrong with the comment. Kids that age have all sorts of different bedtimes. My own used to sleep 10pm-10am; still getting the same 12 hrs the OPs child is, but just different hours. I agree the judgment from the OP is uncalled for just because other parents do it differently.

 

[Allison]

I feel like I am missing something here. Why is this something that needs any thought? Why do you need to figure out what to say? Just say why you can't make it.

 

[Mickeyluver37]

One of my good friends scheduled her child's birthday party at 6 pm on a weeknight. She did this because it is the discount night at the venue. She scheduled it at 6 so working parents could come.

My child goes to bed at 6:30 these days. We have to keep her on a fairly strict bedtime schedule because we get her up early for daycare. If we keep her up too much later it really screws her up the next day.

My DH just wants to decline the invite. He says she should understand, considering her family missed 3/4 of our daughter's party because it interfered with nap time. I want to compromise and say I will stop by and drop off a present and say hello. But I don't know what to say to my friend as to why my daughter will not be attending?

I read through all the posts and I think your plan is the best one. It at least shows you care enough to stop by and say Happy Birthday. If your child was a little bit older, I'd say keep her out anyway. 6:30 is an extremely early bed time.

You say this is a good friend, so I do feel a lot of these responses are inappropriate. I would never just decline and be evasive to a good friend with no explanation. Some of these responses might be ok if it was just a daycare friend or someone you didn't really know.

 

[Nancy]

Why? I see nothing wrong with the comment. Kids that age have all sorts of different bedtimes. My own used to sleep 10pm-10am; still getting the same 12 hrs the OPs child is, but just different hours. I agree the judgment from the OP is uncalled for just because other parents do it differently.

I also saw nothing wrong with the comment. My 3 kids never went to bed before 9 PM even when little. My husband worked late and went to work early. If I put them to bed before 7 he never would have seen them and that was more of in issue with me than keeping them up later. I didn't work back then so we had a different schedule. Later bedtime, later sleep in time. I remember someone calling me at 8 am and I was still sleeping and she was stunned that was still in bed with having kids under 5 years old. They were usually good to sleeping till at least 9.

 

[msjprincess]

I feel like I am missing something here. Why is this something that needs any thought? Why do you need to figure out what to say? Just say why you can't make it.

Same here. I don't understand the dilemma.

 

[msjprincess]

Why? I see nothing wrong with the comment. Kids that age have all sorts of different bedtimes. My own used to sleep 10pm-10am; still getting the same 12 hrs the OPs child is, but just different hours. I agree the judgment from the OP is uncalled for just because other parents do it differently.

I'm also lost

My older daughter has always been a night owl. At 2 weeks old she slept from 10-10. Once she started daycare I would get her up earlier but she would take a nap as soon as she got there. But on weekends or vacations she went right back to sleeping late. She's now in middle school and sleeps late during the summer. I don't see what difference it makes.

 

[Hrhpd]

I don't think there would be any problem telling the Mom that your baby will be sleeping at that time. Any parent of a toddler should be sympathetic to a one year old's sleep schedule.

However, as a veteran of many parties, especially to toddler parties, I am going to go against the grain and advise you not to show up. Toddler parties are not adult social hours. The Mom probably won't have a minute to spare to say "hello." She is in charge of the party and from past experience of myself and all my friends, you are pretty frazzled after a party. Especially in a pizza place with games. Especially if you have parents that just dropped off or are off yakking with the other parents and not watching their child. The Hostess (Mom) is running around herding a bunch of 3 year olds, which is akin to herding cats. She just might resent having just an adult show up, expecting some of her time. I know all my friends and I would find it very, very weird to have just a parent show up to a 3 year old's party if you are not a relative.

Have your friend over for a cup of coffee another day when both of you can devote some time to your friendship and give the gift then.

 

[mom2rtk]

OP, are you concerned about getting editorial comments regarding your daughter's early bedtime?

 

[mjlewis23]

My DD1 often sleeps from 7p-7a---those babies need sleep! It makes me feel sad when I see parents dragging their one year olds out to events at like 9pm.

Not *all* babies need sleep. It's a proven fact that there is a subset of the population that requires drastically less sleep than the "norm". My daughter happens to be one of them. I can count on one hand the number of times she has slept for 12 hours straight, actually, maybe on one finger. From the moment she was born, she didn't need sleep. She's not cranky, tired, or in any way developmentally delayed by her lack of sleep, in fact, she's way ahead of most of her milestones at 3 years old. She just simply doesn't need the sleep to function. A typical night in our household is bed at 10pm and she's up for the day by 7 at the latest, with a stint between 2-3 of waking up to chat with me. When she was younger, she had an earlier bedtime, around 8pm, but then she would wake up 2, 3, 4+ times during the night, and up for the day by 6. My first daughter, she was a sleeper, but this second one not so much. My point after all of that rambling, is that you shouldn't judge other parents when you don't know their situation.

OP, if your kid is crabby if she doesn't go to bed by 6:30, then by all means decline the invitation. I would stop by their house and drop off the gift at another time. The mom of the 3 year old is going to have so much going on with all of the other guests and commotion, that she won't be offended at all. And whoever said those places were like hell on earth is 100% spot on. You are doing yourself a favor by not going!

 

[LiveYourLife]

I'm sorry, I can't. Don't hate me.